AltumAngel

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal

door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another, six in a row. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said, "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Moral: Never put a woman to the test.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was

severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft

any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered

to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body

that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her

buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where

the Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor

their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the

surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and

relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion

at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for

everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I

see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

A peasant was overseeing his herd of animals in the last familyfarm in Singapore

when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,

leans out the window and asks the peasant,

"If I tell you exactly how many sows and piglets you have in your herd,

Will you give me a piglet?"

The peasant looks at the man, obviously a yuppie,

then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,

"Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car,

whips out his Dell notebook computer,

connects it to his RAZR V3 cell phone,

and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet,

where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location

which he then feeds to another NASA satellite

that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and

exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot

that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet

with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color,

150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally

turns to the peasant and says,

"You have exactly 986 pigs and piglets."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my piglets," says the peasant.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and

looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the peasant says to the young man,

"Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my piglet?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,

"Okay, why not?"

"You're a MP for the PAP", says the peasant.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answered the peasant.

"You showed up here even though nobody called you;

you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.

You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are;

and you don't know a thing about pigs...

this is a herd of goats. . . .

Now give me back my dog .

DANDRUFF

Two elderly ladies were in the supermarket at a long checkout line. They were discussing hair care. Apparently the husband of one of them had a particularly bad case of dandruff.

The other one said, "My husband used to have that problem until I gave him Head and Shoulders. And that cured it."

The other one thought for a minute, and with a puzzled look replied, "How do you give shoulders?"

THE ARMPIT

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed -- "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Foy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Date Rape Drug

Be on the lookout! Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the market, called "beer", is used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by emale sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer", men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened the night before...usually with a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "golf courses" in the yellow pages.

===========================================================================

A Talk on Sex

A professor was asked to give a talk on "Sex".

When his turn came, he stood, walked to the podium, adjusted the microphone just so. He said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure . . ."

And he sat back down.

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Bra Sizes

A - Almost Boobs

B - Barely there

C - Can Do

D - ###### good

E - Enormous

F - Fake

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Saying I Love You

HOW TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU" IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English . . . . . . . . . .I Love You

Spanish . . . . . . .. . Te Amo

French . . . . . . . . . . Je T'aime

German . . . . . . . . . .lch Liebe Dich

Japanese . . . . . . .. .Ai ****e Imasu

Italian . . . . . . . . . .. Ti Amo

Chinese . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni

Swedish . . . . . . . . . .Jag Alskar

Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia, Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky: ... Nice Tits!

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Not as easy as before

One day an elderly man decided that since he had never fathered any children that he would make a deposit to the local sperm bank. At the sperm bank a young doctor gave the man a jar and told him to go into the bathroom and put his deposit in it.

After what seemed like a long time the young doctor began to worry about the elderly man so he went to the bathroom door and knocked and ask if he was all right. No answer came from beyond the door so the doctor opened the door finding the elderly man breathing hard and sweating.

The Dr. asks, "Are you OK!"

The elderly man replied, "Son, it is not as easy as it use to be. I have slapped it, spit on it and beat it on the wall. I even ran hot water on it, I ran cold water on it and I can't get the lid off this jar to save my life!"

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Congratulations

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."

"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.

"What are you celebrating?" he asked.

"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.

"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile." "How did it happen?"

"I switched cocks."

"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

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Sisters

Nina lived in Manhattan. Nina's younger sister, Rosey, came in from college to spend a weekend with her sophisticated sister. Nina had even arranged a date for Rosey with one of her friends, George.

After a lovely dinner and a show, George and Rosey went to George's apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music for a while and then George suggested they retire to the bedroom.

"Oh, no," Rosey protested. "I don't think my sister would like it."

"Nonsense," said George as he gently took her arm. "She loves it."

===========================================================================

Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse

Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex. Well, the first thing Minnie asks is, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald says "No."

Minnie tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex and suggests to Donald that he go buy a condom. She says that maybe they sell them at the front desk.

Donald proceeds to go downstairs and gets to the front desk. He asks the hotel clerk if they sell condoms.

The clerk says "yes we do" and pulls one out from under the desk and gives it to Donald.

The clerk asks "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"

Donald says "NO! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME KIND OF PERVERT?

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Chemistry Set

A father came home and asked where his son was. His wife replied that he was downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father was curious, so he wandered downstairs to see what his son was doing. As he walked down the steps, he heard a banging sound. When he got to the bottom he saw his son pounding a nail into the wall. He aid to his son, "What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"

His son replied, "This isn't a nail, Dad, it's a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became as hard as a rock."

His dad thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what, Son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagen."

His son quite naturally said, "Sure why not."

The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where his Volkswagen was. His dad replied, "It's right there behind the Mercedes. By the way, the Mercedes is from your mother."

Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says,

"See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a football!".

The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on his bike.

She holds up the football... "Nah Na Nah Nah".

The little boy angrily points to his bike and says,

"Oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you can't have one!"

She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys bike.

The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to his most private of parts says,

"Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!!!".

The next day he walks by and says to her,

"Well, I guess I showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims

"My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!" HAHAHAHAHA

The conversation is like this:

The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client.

The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; “Don’t reject the guy outright.”

So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara.” The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says “No problem!! I buy. I buy.”

Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, “I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. And as a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France.”

The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some brokers in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build, I build.”

Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she’d better make this a good one.

She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition.

She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, “Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch long stud.”

The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he’s uttering something in Chinese.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, and looking really sad, says to the woman, “Okay, okay. I cut. I cut.”

(1) Glad to be drunk

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino drunk said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

(2) 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Fun things to do at Carrefour

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,

" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,

say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

''May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.

"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"

Just a reminder........

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

At the Old Folks Home

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, "I can guess your age."

The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.

"Pull down your pants," she says.

He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, "You're 84 years old."

"That's amazing," the man says. "How did you know?"

"You told me yesterday."

Free From Cholesterol

Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago.

"Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper.

"But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter." The shopkeeper answered politely.

"Don't fool me," replied Banta, "It is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol free'".

Today if anyone praises u for....

1) your smartness

2) your nature

3) your style

4) your attitude

Slap them !!!!!

how dare they fool you on "April 1st " !!!!!!!!!!!!

13 Things You Wouldn´t Know Without Movies

It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it´s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Ask Her to Stop Paging MeOne guy who works in the customer service call center of a national pager

company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager

operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged

less often, more often, or by more interesting people.

The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being

paged by "Lucille." He was instructed that he would have to call her and

tell her to stop paging him.

"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said.

After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille

if she didn't leave a number.

"She leaves her name," was the reply.

After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light

bulb came on.

"How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.

"L-O-W C-E-L-L."

Ah beng has been sent to a state hospital (mental home) because he thought he was a mouse. After some weeks he was asked by one doctor of the hospital a couple of questions to see if he got normal again.

He asked him: "Are you a man or a mouse now?" Ah beng said: "I am a man now," The doctor asked again: "Are you sure?" "I am 100% very sure" said Ah beng.

They released him but after 5 minutes he came back running and said to the doctor: "Please lock me again in my room! - A cat is hunting me!"

The doctor said: "Why are you afraid of one cat - I thought that you are a man now and not a mouse"

Ah beng said: "I know that I am a man now and not a mouse, but does the cat know about this too?"

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray.

He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

I got to thinking about my "FIRST" time, Well, my first time with a condom anyway! I was 16 or 17. and had visited the 7-Eleven store to buy a package of condoms.

There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it, probably cuz my face was red.

She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one, and I honestly answered, "No."

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.

Apparently I still looked confused cuz she looked all around the store. It was empty. She said, "Just a minute." walked to the door, and locked it. -

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside, and asked, "Do these excite you?"

I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head affirmatively. She told me, it was time to slip the condum on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk. "Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."

So I climbed on her, and It was so wonderful and exciting, that unfortunately,I could no longer hold back and bang, I was done in a few minutes.

She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"

I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?" Are you nuts?" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you. I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you going to bite them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much."

An Indian fellow goes to a brothel one night , and finds himself a

prostitute , He then asks the prostitute , how much do you charge for

the hour???

She replies, "$100"

So he says, "Okay do you do Indian style?"

She says "No!!"

He then says to her , "I'll pay you $200 to do Indian style???"

She again says no , not knowing what Indian style is! So he then

offers her $300 , again she declines his offer.

So finally he says "I'll give you $500 to go Indian style with me"

Anyway she finally agrees thinking well she has been in the prostitution

industry for over 10 years now , she has been there and done that , how bad

could Indian style be...........

So she goes ahead has sex with the Indian fellow , doing it in every

kind of possible way and in every position. Finally at the end after he has

finished , she turns around and says to HUmmmmm........ "What

was the Indian style???? I mean did I miss something here?? What was so

Indian style about what we done???"

He replies to her.....................................

"I'll pay you tomorrow!!!!!"

Sorry Sorry i dont get the cinderella joke can explain ?

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for her to come out. The little boy soon gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt.

"Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten. For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their

legs. When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says,

"You know, you can go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

“hel_l no!" he cries, "You've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth down there."

“Yes there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.

"No! I'm sorry," he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised