LeungKen

FASHION DO NOT'S FOR SENIORS

Pass this to any senior you know.

For you, file away for future reference.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations

DO NOT go together: -

A nose ring and bifocals

Spiked hair and bald spots

A pierced tongue and dentures

Miniskirts and support hose

Ankle bracelets and corn pads

Speedos and cellulite

A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

Bikinis and liver spots, Short shorts and varicose veins

In-line skates and a Zimmer frame

But, otherwise, YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD!

Hey Mr B.J.

Scousemouse reckons that Peter crouch is on his way out of the 'Pool this January,

perhaps Rochdale should have a bit of a whip 'round.....

Cheers & Beers

Ken

Sorry to hear that, don't be surprised if it is not quite as sombre as you expected.

Obviously wear black, if its work related I will wear a suit (although not many Thais do, but some do and thats what counts).

Presumably you will have someone at the funeral to guide you through this as well, just copy and do as they do.

At some point you will be expected to pay your respects.

First off, you will have to kneel in front of the Buddha image and wai 3 times. In this gesture your forehead should touch the cushion in front, and the palms of the hand should open flat to the ground either side of your head. Once this is complete back away, keeping respectfully low, and move on to the departed's (usually highly decorated) casket.

Here find an incense stick and light it, and hold it between your hands in a wai. Once your prayers for the departed have been complete, place the stick in the holder and perform a single wai.

This time is different because you are paying respect to a person not the Buddha, so in addition to only doing one wai, your forehead should touch the cushion in front, but do not perform the open palm against the floor move, keep your hands in the wai position throughout the gesture.

After that follow everyone else, basically hold a Wai position whilst the monks chant. Enjoy the food and drink that is served up at the end.

Very nicely written quiksilva, I wished somebody like you had been around to explain it so sensibly as you have done here, when I went to my first funeral ceremony. I didn't however make a fool of myself, as the best advice is to observe what everyybody else is doing, then try and do a respectful and low-key version of it yourself.

"Apple Pie a la Mode" .........Destiny's Child

Our Glorious LeaderA Public Servant, on his way home from work

through Canberra traffic came to a dead halt

and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars,

So he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The Prime Minister is depressed,

so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening

to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire.

He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq,

or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda,

or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends.

So we're taking up a collection for him."

The Public Servant asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies,

"About 20 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

"My Prayer" ,... The Platters

Tommy Tomato is about to cross the road when a mobile library truck comes out of no-where and knocks him over.

Tommmy is screaming in agony asking for help ...............

the driver gets out and says " shhhhhhhhhhhh ! ".

Which 7 year old from Scotty Rd told you this one scousemouse

I'm sure you will be able to find someting good in the department stores. I've always managed to find good quality footwear at Paragon, Central et al. (I'm a size 10.5 UK, btw, and have few problems). 6000 baht should get you something good, especially if you time it right with the sales.

and where do the hide the gold and the diamonds? in the heel or the soles?

Hey Dr.Naam, we should get together and write a few songs,

lets try this one first

"People say shes crazy

She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes"

has a certain familiar ring to it also.............

This Love.............Marron 5

"What's Love Got To Do With it, Got to Do With It"

Tina Turna

Masturbation.

I was going to say ejaculation.

usually hand in hand with the following face:

Who stole my avatar ???

I suppose It would be better for Robinson to have a solid game & for Owen to have a run out against Estonia rather than go in v Russia & on a dodgy plastic surface

Yeah i agree. Although i'm very worried about Robinson's current form. The thing is, who else would we put in?

Kris Kirkland or Scott Carson That reminds me, I must stick Carson on the Ugly footballers thread

Some days it's all GO GO GO eh Chavy ?

With all the ginger grown in Thailand here is a chance

for an enterprising person to start a business.

Or would the Thai Government Tax Ginger Beer ?

If there is any in Phuket put me down for a case also.

Homeless Heart.............Brian Rice

Lonesome stranger

With a crowd around you

I see who you are

You joke, they laugh

Til the show is over

Then you fall so hard

If you're needing

A soul-to-soul connection

I'll run to your side

"The Joke was On Me" ...............The Bee Gees

I started a joke. Which started the whole world crying.

But I didn't see that the joke was on me.

Oh, no, I started to cry. Which started the whole world laughing.

Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.

More than Words............Frankie J

You think that I don't even mean

A single word I say

It's only words and words are all I have

To take your heart away

"WORDS"

The Bee Gees

I'm pleased to see the sub-section "Hair Styles" getting a showing..

And perhaps we can include a translation section for zaza and others..

Hooter.. Nose, snout, schnozz, schnozzle, conk, bill or beak etc.

Babe;Am missing you now (and it's driving me crazy)................Michael Bolton

"I'm Coming Home"

Johnny Mathis

Hi Zaza, I'm feeling decidedly daft today.

"Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavour On The Bedpost Over Night"

Lonnie Donegan

Reckon it's time for my medication soon.......

"Who Put The Bomp" ..... Barry Mann

[

Who put the bomp

In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?

Who put the ram

In the rama lama ding dong?

Who put the bop

In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?

Who put the dip

In the dip da dip da dip?

Who was that man?

I'd like to shake his hand

He made my baby

Fall in love with me.

Why don't they write tender & sensitive songs

like this any more. [/b]

Hey I just caught a piece on the BBC site

and thought I should share it...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7037443.stm

There could well be a new Tourist Marketing Slogan for Queensland

"Fine One Hazy The Next "

I think I read something in September that he was off to the U.S.A for rehab.

Check The Sun or BBC

"Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey"

The Beatles - White Album

The smell of roast lamb as it comes out of the oven.......

and next month I'll get me some in Oz,

Yum....Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

What p*sses me off here is the same in Oz

or anywhere else in the world and that's :-

littering and wastage.

crime & dishonesty

lack of caring

disrespect

brutality

jeez the more I think about it I realise I could go on and on.,

so I'll stop right there before I get depressed and go find

a happier thread.

An excellent round-up Red, thanks.. I must say, I'm quietly confident...

Thanks mate, my 4000th post too....

Me too fella, its starting to come together just wish it had for the derby but, there's plenty of time....!

redrus

Congrats for your 4000 and may you rack up another 4000 Roarin' On The Red Devils

Cheers

Ken

OZWORDS COMPETITION

The following were results for an Ozwords competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word,

alter it by only one letter, and supply a new and witty definition.

Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole.

Bludgie: a partner who doesn't work but is kept as a pet.

Dodgeridoo: a fake indigenous artefact.

Fair drinkum: good quality Aussie wine.

Flatypus: a cat which has been run over by a vehicle.

Mateshit: all your flatmate's belongings lying strewn around the floor.

Shagman: an unemployed male roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity.

Yabble: the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans.

Bushwonker: a pretentious drongo who reckons he's above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub.

Crackie daks: 'hipster' tracksuit pants.

Shornbag: a particularly attractive naked sheep.

Technicolour lawn: the front yard after a good rage.