warfie

Customer: "The install fails half way through. I tried several times, and it always fails at the same point."

Tech Support: "Did you see any kind of error message?"

Customer: "Yes."

Tech Support: "What did the error message say?"

Customer: "It said, 'Please insert Disk 2.'"

Tech Support: "Have you got another disk there?"

Customer: "Yes."

Tech Support: "Is it labelled 'Disk 2'?"

Customer: "Yes, it is."

Tech Support: "Insert that disk into the drive, and click 'OK'."

Customer: "Wow, thanks! That's fixed it. It's installing now. What was it, a faulty disk or something?"

For all you Computer Technicians, this is what you have to look forward too.

Ah, so you have seen my website...

Three clicks of the mouse later...

if you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

can you cry under water?

how important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? where's that extra penny going to?

once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

why does a round pizza come in a square box ?

what disease did cured ham actually have?

how is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

why is it that people say they "slept like a baby " when babies wake up like every two hours?

if a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

why are you in a movie, but you're on tv?

why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

why do doctors leave the room while you change? they're going to see you naked anyway.

why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?

if jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

if the professor on gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

why does goofy stand erect while pluto remains on all fours? they're both dogs!

if wile e. coyote had enough money to buy all that acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

if corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

if electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

why do the alphabet song and twinkle, twinkle little star have the same tune?

why did you just try singing the two songs above ?

why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

A woman brought her Macintosh LC520 into my shop to have more memory added. This was all fine, but she said she the computer kept running out of memory at startup. I found this to be rather interesting and decided to fire it up at the counter while she watched.

After plugging in the computer to the wall and a keyboard and mouse I hit the power button. The computer sounded to life and the screen lit with the "Welcome to Macintosh" box on screen. This was immediately replaced by the Mac/OS picture and a status bar that was progressing as the extensions loaded. As the bar approached the end she said, "See the memory is all full." I looked at her rather confused and asked where she would have gotten that idea. Apparently one of the know-nothings at the local computer superstore had said that that was what the progress bar meant.

Needless to say she was rather angry at them for the erroneous information. She ending up not buying the RAM but was thankful for our good service.

I worked for a fairly large company in UNIX systems support. Over the the course of month or so, we'd been upgrading the memory in the older IBM workstations running AIX.

This is a simple process: Shut down the system, pop the cover off, stick in four SIMMs, button it up, and flip the power back on. The whole thing usually took less than five minutes per machine.

Many of our users seemed surprised that I had to open their CPU box to do the upgrade.

More than one said something along the lines of, "Oh, you mean you have to turn the box off to do that?" or, my personal favourite, "You mean upgrading the memory is a hardware thing?"

The scary part is that many of the users that were asking these questions were engineers.

Kevin.... (SLAP)!!!

and piles and piles and piles..................... of piles.

Thank god I don't have that problem, I hear they can be a real pain in the arse...

I had it upside-down...

Was that the drive or the case?

Take your pick...

Remember back when I started this thread, I said:

I would also LOVE to hear from some average users about stupid mistakes made by so-called-expert-technicians!

I am sure there must be plenty of those stories too!

Well I guess it's confession time... last week I spent 20 minutes trying to work-out why the screw holes in the DVD drive didn't align with the case I was trying to mount it in.

I had it upside-down...

A client called to report PC not working, I couldn't resolve the issue on the phone so I told her to

"Unplug it and bring it to me"

she asked "unplug the power cord?"

"yes"

"and bring it to you?"

"yes"

Later that day a smartly dressed young woman appeared in my office, holding a power cord...

I have to admit, it took a few moments to make the connection (if you'll excuse the pun).

Customer: "My palmtop won't turn on."

Tech Support: "Did the battery run out, maybe?"

Customer: "No, it doesn't use batteries. It says it's powered by Windows."

I like it!

Guess that proves what a total geek I am...

HEY! I resemble that comment!

I have no idea why some files are being deleted, like the images in the post above...

Last week I had a call from a woman who began her call by giving me a long listing of her credentials, beginning with her four years at MIT, covering her ten plus years of service in the tech support departments of various technology corporations, and ending with her forming a successful computer consulting and repair service. Then she asked her question:

"Do I have to plug in this new power supply to make it work?"

<deleted>?!?!

Re: Australian V8 Supercar Championship, I always said they were shooting themselves in the foot, and I for one, lost interest when the variety of cars on the track became zero.

Good luck to anyone trying to get a refund from Air {expletive} Asia! You'll need it!

Same thing happened when the yellows grabbed Swampy - Air Asia flat cancelled and would not refund. <deleted>. I have never flown with this poorly seated flying bus since and believe me, they have lost a LOT of money from my pocket to their competitors.

That is exactly what happened to me, I kicked-up such a stink that they issued me a letter which said I should get a refund, but when I tried to redeem it, it was flatly refused... <deleted>?!

Good luck to anyone trying to get a refund from Air {expletive} Asia! You'll need it!

Is Windows a Virus

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast,

compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

I agree, not a virus, Windows more closely fits the definition of a trojan, by allowing other nasties into the system.

Wikipedia Trojan

Be careful where your cursor is when you type...

We've all done it, but perhaps not quite as disastrously embarrassing!

AN OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is SOCCER.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BASKETBALL.

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is RUGBY .

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is CRICKET.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

So I guess people in the Government play marbles?

I heard this many years ago and was doubtful, I have never been able to ascertain the validity of the statement but as the years pass and technology continues to progress at an exponential rate, it becomes more likely...

"The average video card today has greater processing power than *ALL* the computers in the world made before 1990 combined."