featography

The OP's situation is a dilemma. I am sure there are many, many men here in Thailand who would welcome the opportunity to know her and would be attracted to her, but where is the mechanism for them to meet?

Thank you very much, Bonobo. You have eloquently articulated the question for me, and it does seem like there are no answers forthcoming.

"Creating such a fuss" has certainly given my daily routine some twists and turns. Yes, I did get a number of good advice from the forum, and more specific ones from private messages sent by very decent men which makes me want to let the foreign women reading this thread know that all is not lost for the Western and Western-educated women in BKK. Looking for a needle in the haystack is what it is going to be like, but the decent men are out there. It is just a matter of finding the opportunity to meet them. And ironically, these decent men find themselves in the same predicament.

And interestingly enough, I have received close to a dozen (the last time I counted) invitations for a chat over coffee from Caucasian men in their late fifties to early sixties, and all of them are in relationships with Thai women much younger than them. They all assure me that all they want is to talk.

I have accepted two invitations, and with permission, I have written about one of them. And now, I have permission to write about the second one.

The gentleman is a European in his early sixties with a thriving business in BKK. He is married to a Thai woman half his age, and they have two young boys who attend an international school. He claims to have married a middle class woman whose father is younger than him, and in the hour we spent, I learned that he gave her parents 50,000 baht a month, and she received a monthly allowance of 150,000 baht. I do believe the gentleman has the means for I am the corporate type, and I can tell expensive suits, shoes and watches. Oh, ties and belts as well. I was also told several times that he wished he had married a financially sensible and independent woman like me.

The gentlemen was looking for an honest conversation, and I pretty much obliged informing him that women like me, or at least me, will never marry a man like him for he has nothing to offer but money, and I am very much capable of making my own money. He may have been a dashing man in the past, but he has let himself go in a manner that expensive suits cannot hide. Men and women in their forties, fifties and sixties can never compete with those in their twenties and thirties, but they can remain attractive. It just takes a lot of hard work and discipline.

I am convinced I have not let myself go. I will never compete with a 25-year old woman of any race. She will always win, but I would like to believe I have the confidence and the style that only comes with age, and hard work, discipline and determination.

The European gentleman's wife cannot have enough designer shoes and bag, but youth for money is a fair exchange in my mind. Having said that though, should a handsome eligible bachelor in his twenties (of any race and nationality) profess eternal love for me, you can bet that I would start running as fast as I can towards the opposite direction.

I do believe I have learned enough from the men who have settled for less, and I use the phrase for lack of a better phrase. I have a passion for what I am now, and refuse to be doused by talks of better days long gone, or regrets.

Am I alone? Yes. Am I lonely? Yes, but not all the time. Not even most of the time. And certainly not enough to be any man's ATM.

And if I had to name one lesson learned from the two meetings, it is that one can be extremely lonely in a relationship.

And BTW, I do pour drinks for men. I also open my own doors. And I always pay for my share of the bill.

First thing that came to mind and has replayed over and over again is, Where were you when I was looking all over the Pacific Northwest, USA, for you, before coming to Thailand??

Now in Thailand, I am married to an educated Thai lady. You have received ample advice from western men in this forum. Allow me to offer my Thai wife's suggestion. She is 40, never married before me, we have been together for 3 yrs. She suggests to you, aim higher in education with Thai men; doctors, dentists, for examples, white collar professional thai men because they are a little more westernized, speak some degree of university english. Thats if youre going to date Thai men. For Farang, She suggests when seeking for any serious friendships, relationships, etc aim equal or higher than yourself in education, close to your age, stay out of the meat markets (American phrase), be yourself but be a little ascertive and a lot of polite. She knows how you feel, and says patience will reward.

I think it is more dangerous in Thailand to use a crossing to cross the Road, the traffic does not stop unless you walk and keep going, so they literally have do break hard. I recently returned from a Trip to Singapore, the Crossroads crossings were excellent and everyone used them because they were very safe, a lot safer than Thailand's.

As for the Cigarette butts, where really are we supposed to put them? are we supposed to put them in our pocket until we see a bin or ash tray? I am scared of even putting one in the gutter now. I always give mine to my Thai partner as i doubt they are out to fine him.

Are Cigarette butts allowed to be thrown into the gutter? does anyone know?

One solution I invented, living here for 3 years now, is I flick the burning end, off of cigs. when done, step on it to put it out, and then put my cig.butts between the cig pack and the celophane the pack comes in. When I come to a trash can, I remove them and discard in can.

VERY GOOD, A responsible smoker. Thankyou for using initiative. ....its not that hard, is it?

No its really not that hard at all. Back home its called use common sense + consider the nonsmokers as I wish them to consider us smokers. Its also called problem solving. As far as j walking is concerned, walking to the closest crosswalk, or sky walk simply means a little more excercise. Too many of us farang, are getting on in years and/or are overweight and should welcome that.

I think it is more dangerous in Thailand to use a crossing to cross the Road, the traffic does not stop unless you walk and keep going, so they literally have do break hard. I recently returned from a Trip to Singapore, the Crossroads crossings were excellent and everyone used them because they were very safe, a lot safer than Thailand's.

As for the Cigarette butts, where really are we supposed to put them? are we supposed to put them in our pocket until we see a bin or ash tray? I am scared of even putting one in the gutter now. I always give mine to my Thai partner as i doubt they are out to fine him.

Are Cigarette butts allowed to be thrown into the gutter? does anyone know?

One solution I invented, living here for 3 years now, is I flick the burning end, off of cigs. when done, step on it to put it out, and then put my cig.butts between the cig pack and the celophane the pack comes in. When I come to a trash can, I remove them and discard in can.

Did anyone notice the comment lower in the Post article that the employee would get fired after he had stolen gear from bags 3 times!!??

thats not what i read

Wait, a thief gets two free passes before they are fired on the third botched attempt to rip us off?!? What kinda crazy rule is that out. This is not baseball, it's crime. We always wonder why when we go to tland we always come home with more things missing then travels elsewhere, remarkably so. Now we know. Cheers.

It didn't say that. Read it again.

clokwise...I checked the bulknutrition website out and see that some of their prices are higher, few lower than swansons but their site is much more user friendly. Can you give specifics on s per Lb for shipping to LOS????

bulknutrition has only one shipping option for Thailand -- Deutsche Post, which seems to be some sort of hybrid of DHL and regular post.

In my case my shipping was $88, bare in mind I ordered over four kilos of bulk powders and pills.

I could have shipped domestically and had a family member reship, that would have been somewhat cheaper.

BTW, seach google for coupon codes for bulknutrition. I think I managed to save $35.

As a matter of factual trivia, DHL is the parcel shipping side of the German postal service, much like US Parcel Post is part of USPS. There had been a lot of lobbying on Capital Hill to keep German postal service from entering the market in the US, by FedEx and UPS, but they finally won out; Hellow DHL red and yellow.

Another trivia; all my letter size mail coming from the US is routed through and postmarked by the postal services of either France or Germany. Small wonder it takes 10-15 days to receive it.

Ok, in USA we call the Mason Jars or Ball Jars. THey are glass jars with a 2 part metal lid that screws on. Anyone know where I can buy these? I have found lots of plastic ones, and high teck korean versions, and kind with top on hinges and metal clasp, but can not find Mason/Ball Jar type. The metal top has a rubber ring so when screwed on they are airtight. PLease, Please, can someone help?

Thanks in advance!

JB

True Value had Ball jars the last time I was there, about a month ago,

Thanks, anyone else with any advice and where i can buy these little bit more central? If not I will drive out to Nonthaburi True Value this weekend.

Did you find Ball or Mason jars at Nonthaburi True Value? I also have been looking for them. I live in Samut Sakohn and there are none here, although I haven't searched out a True Value locally.

By: BangkokPost.com

Published: 5/06/2009 at 11:16 AM

"One end of a shoelace was tied around his penis and the other end fastened around his neck, while his hands were bound with a cord which was also tied around his neck."

how did he tie his own hands?

Pretty long shoe lace too??

"The family say that Carradine certainly had no reason to kill himself. He had a happy marriage (to Annie Bierman, wife number five), had recently bought a new car, and had a full working schedule. He was in Bangkok to make a film called Stretch, shooting for which began only two days before his death, and he had several other movies lined up afterwards. No one who saw him in his final hours thought him anything less than buoyant. The night before his body was discovered, he had been drinking, but not heavily, and playing the piano in the lobby of his five-star hotel, the Swissotel Nai Lert Park. A member of the hotel staff said he was "very happy" and " smiling" the last time he was seen alive." - David Randall of The Independent.

I just wonder whether this was made as a requirement by the Police or whether information could be given on voluntary basis. I believe this is a serious invasion of privacy. Would like to hear what lawyers have to say about this.

The Thai constitution says this:

Section 34. A person's family rights, dignity, reputation or the right of privacy shall be protected.

The assertion or circulation of a statement or picture in any manner whatsoever to the public, which violates or affects a person's family rights, dignity, reputation or the right of privacy, shall not be made except for the case which is beneficial to the public.

There is also a provision under international human rights treaty, signed by Thailand.

Is that in the current constitution? Where can we get a copy of the international human rights treaty with Thailand's signature?

.............Now, after the revolution, things will be much better, much more cut and dried. Very Burmese. Until then....

Thailand = Myanmar (Burma) with electricity

That is HILARIOUS. 5 points for Ham.

what this says to me is, that the wife has little or no rights when it comes to what is considered property. Legally in developed countries, the 50/50 ownership comes into play only when there is a separation and division of assets. I would think otherwise everything is "in union" and considered one. The Thai culture must deem the woman not worthy of any ownership, and what the husband makes is his to spend on whatever or whoever he wishes. Money loaned is done with friends, colleagues, for business etc, but certainly not for a spouse, for that would demean the integrity of the relationship. Are they saying that all those women that marry foreigners that have the money to buy Thai products, and give the Thai people work building a new home cannot, because they didn't earn the right to a nicer home? This whole issue doesn't make sense,

it's like the Jerry Springer Thai government show, shock and awe, topped with <deleted>!

Jerry Springer Thai Govt. Show.... Thats too funny!!!

In our case it was 2006, but the process was as previously described. Except the interview was closer to 30 seconds rather than 30 minutes and the result was a 10-year multi entry. I was allowed in the building, I can't see how the previous poster, being a US citizen, was not allowed in. US Citizen Services is in the same area and though on the outside visa apps and US Citizen Services have separate doors, they all reconnect again on the inside.

I know someone who works in US consulates and had once been stationed in Laos. I asked why the interview was so short. He said, that based on the information provided in the application she was already approved and the interviewer needed only to see that the person standing at the window resembled the person described on paper.

We're now going through the immigrant visa process. So far so good... A couple of potholes but no major bumps in the road... yet.

The reason being, they changed their little rule to not allow spouses to accompany them for the interview. Several US citizens have posted that they were not even allowed in the building, the last several months. I personally have contacted two senators in my home state and filed formal complaints. I am waiting for that process to unfold. I shared with the Senators that, I a US citizen should not be banned from entering the consulate for any reason, and I am waiting to hear if they agree.

smile, don't look grumpy, be over polite, but be aware, don't jump at the first thing, look around, just be 'aware' if you dont want something smile and say no thanks, don't be rude, don't go with a bg, don't give a sin sot, don't give gold

i only by pressies for the wife when its her birthday or a special holiday, she explains all the bills, shows me all the home bills (i live in HER house), give her amount of dosh for the food bills, she doesn't work and yes she is from a hair salon, so not a hi-so girl and yes we live in isaan, laid back and 1/4 price of BKK

do not live life in a bar, beleive it or thai ladies like european ladies do like a bit of love and affection!!!! if you show the girl you are not a mug then she won't treat you like one and learn the lingo, i am trying, but god its hard work, specially when you are tone deaf

Finally, someone with the same issue I have; Tinninitis and wear 2 hearing aids. It is very difficult to hear consonants and tones. I have been here 2.5 yrs and still don't know enough Thai to get by. We need a support group. I live south of Bkk and there are no schools to teach pa sa Thai. Youre right about the rest too. Use the same common sense here that one would use if living in home country.

Absolutely, you have to use "the same common sense here that one would use if living in home country." Bear in mind a response on a similar thread - "You have to decide whether she is a scammer or ... genuinely concerned about being left high and dry when her looks have gone." (And, believe it or not, he was trying to be supportive!)

Something most relationships in the home country worry about all the time.

I'm sorry to hear you're wearing 2 hearing aids, but it tends to imply that you're probably quite old, and if you've only been here 2 years, it worsens the impression. If that impression is wrong, I think you need to correct it.

I guess youre not familiar with tinninitis. Its permanent damage done from noise polution. In quiet locations I can hear quite well. Surrounding noises meld together making it difficult to focus on one sound, such as someone speaking. Not sure what impression youre implying, but Im quite happy here. My only frustration is my speed in learning Thai even with hearing aids.

smile, don't look grumpy, be over polite, but be aware, don't jump at the first thing, look around, just be 'aware' if you dont want something smile and say no thanks, don't be rude, don't go with a bg, don't give a sin sot, don't give gold

i only by pressies for the wife when its her birthday or a special holiday, she explains all the bills, shows me all the home bills (i live in HER house), give her amount of dosh for the food bills, she doesn't work and yes she is from a hair salon, so not a hi-so girl and yes we live in isaan, laid back and 1/4 price of BKK

do not live life in a bar, beleive it or thai ladies like european ladies do like a bit of love and affection!!!! if you show the girl you are not a mug then she won't treat you like one and learn the lingo, i am trying, but god its hard work, specially when you are tone deaf

Finally, someone with the same issue I have; Tinninitis and wear 2 hearing aids. It is very difficult to hear consonants and tones. I have been here 2.5 yrs and still don't know enough Thai to get by. We need a support group. I live south of Bkk and there are no schools to teach pa sa Thai. Youre right about the rest too. Use the same common sense here that one would use if living in home country.

Yes it is, just before the Songkran Hoilday, I saw three ladies(late 20's mid 30), getting off the truck in town for a bit of hold sell shopping/buying at Marko, one was wearing a T-shirt with the F word me hard, the normal smile from all, my guess neither of them had a clue as to what on the T-shirt. In this case for me with not enough Thai to even try to explain the meaning, I figure best to MMOB(MYOB) Strange, there were at least 15 or so other people(mostly women) on that truck, you would think at least one them could have clued her.

I'll testify to that. 2 yrs ago I decided to be polite and bold. I see this everyday, so I started asking the wearers if they knew what their shirts said. 2 Yrs, and I have not found ONE person that can tell me what they're shirts say. My favorite siting was a young man with his testoserone buddies on their bikes, passing the Leo bottle around, down on the corner. His shirt was pink, and the white printing said "BRIDESMAID" with the wedding date and location. When the wife and I see any teens or younger, working along side their parents in the market places, wearing the F word on their shirts, we ask them the same question. When we get the embarrassed NO response, my wife tells them what it says and how the F word is about the most offensive word in the English language. The looks on the girls and parents faces are priceless. Now, someone tell me, cuz I come from the States and wanke_rs isnt a word you hear there. What is a wanke_r? 3 out of 5 shirts with the F word say, F@#$ off wanke_rs.

If you dont bang them on your first date they automatically think you are a homo.

It would seem that this is where you are going wrong

Wrong

we do not expect "banging" on the first date not even kissing or holding hand unless those you date with are bgs

It's not gonna make you a homo.

Well, if you are young and handsome you can in many cases get jumped, even by very good girls...even on the first date.

But you might also meet one of them with hyper-conservative parents and a scared daughter that wouldn't dare to touch you before being married.

Doesn't mean that you are gay, only means you didn't do the research before asking them out.

TAWP makes certain points. And ThiThi too.

Young handsome and cash in pocket makes you a serious good catch for most girls.

That said it's the same world wide. Some will bend their rules to reel in a good catch.

Others will be VERY strict in their approach, no PDA's no excessive demonstrativeness,

until you pass muster with mom or big sister etc.

Older, but handsome and comfortably set works fine for many ladies,

because they are drawn to success in a man, and less in many case about purely looks.

No doubt the tag along friend is purposely being a pain, so they BOTH can read YOU;

how you handle it, and can you afford it, without asking directly.

But here in LOS the 'negociation' of a couple's little signals and building of an mutual affinity

is not NEAR as convoluted or difficult a terrain as with American or even European women.

I have a friend who never needs to get a room in most cities, he has the ability to go and find

a non-bar girl and make her want to take him home. Rarely seen it fail to my shock.

And he treats them very nicely, never leads them on, and speaks decent Thai

and that is always the clincher. Sweet, sexy, sober and honest seems to go a long way.

As in any marriage, support or the ability to support the woman is of great importance,

and so they want to find out before they go too deep are you capable or just air.

This becomes a stronger incentive in a poor economy.

This gets down right mercenary with many bar girls, but not all.

Some would gladdly trade the whole thing for one guy

who can get the job done for her and family.

Since Asians think of ALL family as an extended enterprise to some extent,

it is not illogical that a woman gauges a prospective mate vis a vis his potential

integration with the family business or lack of one.

One new field filled with cows and a few pigs and a roof on grandma's house

and daughters duty is done.

But mating with a Thai lady is also mating the clan, so look beyond her

and see the whole shooting match. I have lots of in-laws and it's fine,

when I can help I do, and when I can't I don't, but because I do help

and want to, I am loved by them all. So easily get forgiven those times I can't.

All of this comes into play on a first date to varying degrees.

Some planned and some on instincts.

As they say in the states, Animatic, YOU ROCK. I read the previous comments wondering when the door on this thread would get slammed shut. Pak Mah mak, pak dee nitnoi, then you cover it all. I have found this to be right on, in my own life in Thailand and in my marriage. My inlaws adore me for being me, not so much for my money. Sure, you marry family, and in my case,when they have real emergencies, I and the wife are there for emotional and monetary support. Those are few and far between, and they always pay us back. We make every effort to go "back home" to see them all at least once a month. What they adore me so much for, is the fact that I adore,and put a high value on my wife in their presence and 60 kl away from them at home in our village. Believe me, when they do come to visit us, our village gives full reports on my behavior, and they are proud and happy with what they hear. They put a higher value on my being monogomous and supportive, giving her smiles, laughter and no misery, than my personal Baht worth. Please dont read into this my own horn tooting. I write this to honor my wife, her family, and the majority of Thai folks. Hope it helps, and am sure I will get pak mah mak from some. Mai pen rai, Im not married to them LOL.

I dont understand why governments announce a media war. Obviously the government are going to put their side and their spin, but surely you dont have to state so. That just sounds like we are going to use propoganda, which of course all governments do, and isnt very sophisticated. Why not just do it without announcement?

Blatant arrogance??

Sound like there should be more to this story, "she think you are cheating on her"(??) I wonder what's really up with her>

Maybe she just wants a husband home with her every night. Current situation was ok for a while, but people develop a need for "normal". Anybody consider that?

go silent for two weeks for the slightest provocation.

I wish mine did that.

Now theres census to take. How many get the silent treatment when the wife is mad, and how many get 2 ear fulls for the rest of the day. Mine does the silent treatment, so there's a running count of 2 to 1 so far on this thread. Anyone else want to count off??

Dont marry Thai women. Eat...have sex ...and pay the bill.

Anything more than that requires the ability to have a conversation. I have problems talking to Thai women about all major news events. When I mentioned that 300 people died and over 3000 people were injured because of drunken Songkran shenanigans...I was told..."you dont understand the Thai way". 300 CAN DIE...ITS OK. They were just celebrating the new year. That was their reply.

P.S. anyone have PVR freezing on playback problems?

Please tell me how to resolve this proble, Truevisions doesnt care...ITS THE THAI WAY!

I mentioned that to my wife, she responded with, "Som nam na. You drink, you pay. You ride motobi with no helmet, you pay." I was wondering, they total the accidents and deaths resulting during the actual days of Songkran, but not those resulting from the travel home from Songkran over the weekend?

To the OP, the perspective of what goes on depends on where the Thai's are from. When the PAD were doing the disrupting. My wife's take on it was. "The red shirts are trying to kill the yellow shirts." I have learned to keep the topics simple.

Food, drink, Len Phai. The only time I discuss politics is to tell her to think for herself, and not vote for Joe Blogs as a Puy Yai just because her sister tells her to. Even that though brings out the standard, "You not Thai, you no understand."

Re the comment from someones other half about Southerners. The Southerners are just as insulting about Bangkok and the North East. Bangkok, "Speak soft speak lie." Issan according to my missus "Stupid, only vote/fight for money."

"You not Thai, you no understand."

Yea really, my favorite end to most differences of opinions. Yesterday was a classic example; my wife gives our recyclables to a wrinkled old man on a bicycle with a basket on his handlebars. He seperates and takes the newspapers, bottles, and cardboard boxes, then throws the plastic drink cups, plastic wrappers, small cardboard pieces in the dumpster. I prefer to give it all to a rather obese old woman that pushes a large cart. She accepts all of it and is so sincerely grateful every time. I like to refer to her as the "heavy industry" in our village. The wife got all worked up about my splitting the weeks worth of cardboard and bottles with the old man and the old woman, giving her all the other stuff he otherwise throws away. Using rediculous logic to explain my actions, she responded with "You are not Thai. You not understand Thai way" and walked away in a huff. Go figure!

I don't think they are allowed in without a foreigner with them. That's why you hardly see any Thai Men in Gogo bars.

I know this because a few years back, a guy who used to serve us every day in a restaurant we used to eat at, asked if I would accompany him to a Gogo bar, because he really wanted to go but they would not allow him to enter if he was not with a foreigner.

After reading these comments, I'll take an uneducated stab in the dark as to why Thai men may have trouble getting in the door. Putting myself in a doorman's shoes, I might be concerned that a lone Thai man could be entering with a chip on his shoulder, and crosshairs in his eyes for a working girlfriend inside, maybe to finish a dispute they started earlier.

I am "punished" with a very bad cook at home. I am doing all food .

What's your situation at home?

Gerd

hahah, I'm married to the "Take-away Queen". She's the fastest on the planet in dialing her cell to any number of tasty delights. But she serves it with such grace that I overlook it.

Honestly, in three years, I've tasted her instant coffee. Maybe I'm better off for it.

In your case, take her to the Blue Elephant, and you BOTH sign up for some cooking classes. It will be fun and you'll both find ideas to get you going. Remember, she's only learned from her Mother, and if that experience was roasting cockroaches on hot stones at an open campfire in the hills of Issan, well then what do you expect?

Joint cooking classes.

blueelephant.com/school/index.html

You can attend a single 1/2 day-session, or all 10 courses for a full week. They’re hosted by the Head Chef of this renowned chain and it's entertaining, as well as informative. Trust me, this will be f-u-n, and accomplish a goal. Instead of nagging her (to her inevitable frustration), you will make a game of it with the two of you doing it together, and it will show you care about her, so much so, that she will expect you to buy her a pair of shoes, as well.

Congrats on your renewed marriage!

You do know that it is bad luck to buy the wife's/gf's shoes?!?!? They have a very strong belief in this issue.

no someone who fight against corruption and for democracy (even with wrong methods ideas if you think so) is not the same bad as someone who want a criminal corrupt leader installed.

You recall the last Thaksin election when he tried everything to fake the election with bribing small parties, so without PAD we would live in a Thaksin dictatorship

The PAD have admitted in public that they want to end direct democracy in Thailand and every party buys votes. How are the reds any worse?

Amen. One perspective Ive not read here yet; The Reds supposedly responsible for the violence in Bangkok. The Yellows are indisputably responsible for the taking over 3 airports?, at least 1 being an international one, leaving 100,000? 300,000? foreigners stranded. Where I come from, this is elevates the group to the same playing field as an international terrorist organization. Doesnt make a hill of beans that it was done on "home turf"

I too have seen the interview with Yellow leaders that outright stated that democracy doesnt work in Thailand. Didn't others say that in Vietnam, Loas, China........

"In a related development, the international ratings agency Standard and Poor's has lowered Thailand's local currency rating from "A" to "A-", saying the outlook was negative and could be downgraded further, Associated Press reported yesterday. The country's foreign-currency rating was left unchanged at "BBB+" with a negative outlook."

Could someone translate that for me, into layman English. I am not familiar with the grading system. I'm serious and not being a smart butt.