Gazza

Why is the sea salty?

The blue whale possesses an 11 foot long penis and produces 400 gallons of semen. When the whale mates only 10% enters the female whale. That means 360 gallons of semen is spread around on the water.

Wow! Hate to think of how much whale sperm is produced by the Sperm Whale.

The Mango flavour is actually secreted by cats and is scraped from the gland in a cats rectum.... this is the same gland they scent mark with!!

Glad I'm not Mark.

I've known a couple of girls who've been victims of pickpockets. Both occassions they were trying/fighting to get onto a bus to get a seat.

Also I've witnessed pickpockets in action twice at Victory monument. Again, the victims were fighting along with a crowd of others to get onto a bus.

The PP's just dipped their hands into a shoulder bag while everyone is pushing and jostling and then they were off to the otherside of the bus and jumped onto another one that was pulling away.

I knew all of that.

Also 70% of statistics are wrong

Yeah, cosI thought it was 75%.....

redrus

You're both wrong. 107.3% of all statistic are made up.

Did anyone read that without trying to lick their elbow?

Sorry, I was too busy licking me bum.

It's all lips and sphinkters

mmmmmmm.......reminds me of Issan food. Throw in some scrambled gecko legs, tadpole tits, buffalo tongue, jingjok gizzards and a sprinkling of ants eggs...mmmmm.....Yummy!

I've seen them in hobby shops in and around BKK. I thought they were made of plastic???.

I bought one the other day in camouflage mode and now I can't find it.

Please give me a VALID reason.

Doctors, what do they know? First some things are good for you then it isn't, then it is then it isn't.

I still remember the bombardment of the 'Go to work on an egg' tv ads by the Brit government in the 70's.

As my ol lady used to say "Eat whatever you want, but in moderation".

Doctors....they make me sick.

I buy the Pan brand of concentrated orange juice. Tried a few others but didn't like them.

Pan brand is available from Carrefour and Tops. Around 30 baht a bottle.

While trying to sleep last night I heard that unmistakable high pitched whine close to my ear and knew I was in for a restless night.

Woke up with loads of bite marks on various parts of my body and had been heavily sucked on four times during the night.

Didn't have any problems with mozzies though.

Censorship like that must reduce the Australian vocabulary by about 10%! I think it might have been Shakespeare who once said, 'If thou cannot advertise your country without swearing it doth have little to commend it'. I may be wrong about that. Could have been Wordsworth. He didn't swear but the Bard did.

I was watching a British quiz show on cable the other night. To win a car the contestants had to set off a buzzer by piddling in a toilet bowl behind two very small modesty doors. Then they had human wheelbarrow races with old, fat very naked nudists.

But the word bloody is a problem.

What programme and what channel was that? A new one on me. Probably a Murdoch Channel.

Censorship like that must reduce the Australian vocabulary by about 10%! I think it might have been Shakespeare who once said, 'If thou cannot advertise your country without swearing it doth have little to commend it'. I may be wrong about that. Could have been Wordsworth. He didn't swear but the Bard did.

I was watching a British quiz show on cable the other night. To win a car the contestants had to set off a buzzer by piddling in a toilet bowl behind two very small modesty doors. Then they had human wheelbarrow races with old, fat very naked nudists.

But the word bloody is a problem.

Were a strange sort over here mate

There are more rules regarding ads than TV progs in the UK!

There was one program where they filmed people having sex with heat-sensitive cameras!

I can't see the fun in having sex with a heat-sensitive camera.

If you can't see the fun then try leaving the light on.

I think those pants should be illegal actually.

Because it wouldnt be fair for us men stairing at them and having car accidents and walking onto the roads without looking for cars.

Very true.

My wife also fears that they might make her bum look too big.

And don't forget ลาก่อน if you're the one leaving.

Now... I thought La Gon was for the one staying

totster

I'ts been so long since I've used it or heard it I may well be wrong. I used to be certain.

I've only heard it on tv. In my wife's village, visitors just get up and leave without any good-byes. I suppose it's pointless saying farewells knowing that you're likely to bump into the same person 5 mins later somewhere else.

Sometimes the end of a conversation continues as the visitor is walking away till it gets to a point where they're shouting to one another from opposite ends of the soi.

Chinese Proverb.

Man who foam at mouth, very angry. Or...is very happy eating Chinese.

Sawadee Bye-Bye.

Au Reservoir.

Toodle-Pip.

TTFN.

Ta-Ra.

Just be careful of termites when buying anything containing wood. Termites are hermaphrodites (sp) so they breed with themselves. So it only takes one too find it's way into your household.

Definitely not "Candy"!  Please!

What about these....any one of these will go very well with Kitty....

...Keri...Kari......Kali...Cali

no please ... all these names can be slang in thai =garee =ho

im serious

I know you're serious. My real name mispronounced causes many sniggers from Thais.

I have to make sure I give it a rising tone. gaREEE....otherwise I'm telling everyone I'm a streetwalker.

I like the name of Katya from the novel 'The Summer of Katya' by Trevanian. I didn't name my daughter this though cos it didn't have much fluency off the tongue combined with her surname.

Plus some stupid people would probably initially read the name as kat-ya. Not that I did of course, cos I didn't, and even if I did (which I didn't) then it would've been a simple mistake to make had I done so, which I didn't and.........

Tom Jones - the greatest singer/artist ever!!

Now that IS unusual.

Me and a few friends have thought of starting a thai girl group to take on the western music scene...thinking about 4-5 beautiful girls to do a pussycat style group....reckon they would be a big hit over europe,aus,usa.

Any thoughts?

If you need someone to help change in and out of stage costumes I'll do it for 5k a month.

If that's too little then I could pay as high as 10k.

One thing I've yet to hear is a Thai song sung in English or English song sung in Thai.

It would make a nice change listening to 'Yin Dii Tawn Rap Rong Raem California'.

Willy McIntosh? Why does this name make me titter?

There is clearly Good Money to be made in this line of "work"

Can anybody spare 50 baht so I can buy a pen and some cardboard to make a sign

You can rent out one of my signs for only 19baht per day.

A popular one at the moment that is available reads:

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Please spare some money

For a starving Poet.

It comes pre sun-bleached to give it an authentic well-used look to it, and also has a light coating of beeswax for weather protection during rainy seasons. The reverse side has a wipe-clean spreadsheet to help keep track of one's daily accounts. Folds up to approx. 9x5 inches and comes in a waterproof imitation leather wallet.

Another popular sign is one that reads "9000 baht short of an airplane ticket" but this is booked out for the next 8 months.

Scubaduc, try the link below. The topic was about green books but I posted info of a guy who brought his own bike in from Japan and posted a good account of the import and registration process.

One thing to bear in mind though is that I'm sure the guy was a student. If overseas students should have certain taxes waived when importing then try importing your bike using the same approach.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...6&hl=green+book

A few other non-essential parts to consider not bringing.

Reflectors - You can buy multi-purpose ones here that not only reflect light but you can also remove them from the bike and listen to music on them after a good cleaning. Thais call them 'See These' (Thai slang 'See Dese').

Mud flaps - Here they're so prevalent that you would think that they grew on trees. Not your usual black coloured ones mind you but come in various shades of leafy green.

Tank badges, decals, motifs etc. - Don't bother bringing these as you can get the exact same things for any bike and you'd be hard pushed to notice that they're imitations. One thing that is a give away is that Thais spell Ducati, Honda, Yamaha etc. as H-A-R-L-E-Y-D-A-V-I-D-S-O-N.

Side Stands - Park your bike in any mc parking lot here and you'll realise just how troublesome they are for parking in Thailand. Coming back to your bike you'll often find that a kindly Thai has parked his mc so close to the right of your bike that you won't be able to straighten it up enough to put the stand up. So when parking, just lean your bike over to the left against someone elses bike.

Personally, I don't like rating systems.

I give it two thumbs down.

Same avatar as well

You noticed that too eh?

btw, whatever happened to Uma? She's seems to have gone quiet all of a sudden.

I had to watch the game on Ch 7 too because my son wanted to watch 'Seed of Chucky' on HBO.

Thai tv is a last resort. What with the ads that seem to run for hours when the game begins again.

Don't know why they can't flash up a few logos quickly instead.

And what is with those Thai studio commentators with the headseats and mouthpieces? Looks like they've taken a huge leap forward into the twentieth century.

And if you think I'm a moaner......just imagine what I'd be like if we had got beat.