ballpoint

On our way home my wife said let’s stop and visit our son Nicholas, so we took the see Nick route.

At band practice last night, a guy came up and asked if I could give him a roll on the drums? I said wouldn't you prefer a plate?

When my girlfriend left me I turned to the bottle. And now it's stuck in there.

Yes, no vowels passed yet, only copious liquids. He's still in consonant.

Apropos to my previous post, regarding Trump's continued veiled, and not so veiled threats against law enforcers, while praising January 6th rioters; while I strongly believe that the decent, law abiding majority of Americans will be repulsed by much of what he has (and his appointees have) done and said, I also believe that, if he manages to escape conviction for every one of the many issues he's being investigated for (which, luckily, isn't looking likely at the moment), and then, through fair means or foul, gets re-elected in 2024, that America deserves what will come of that. And it won't be pretty. The whole sorry saga plays out like an old time western. The evil Trump gang rode into town and tried to take it over. Will the townfolk stand up to his bullying, or will they lay down and let him walk all over them? I'd like to see the current sheriff call his bluff and sort out the problem once and for all. Sure, members of the gang will whoop and holler, and try to cause trouble, but the sheriff owns the cavalry and has the means to settle this now. Some things are better nipped in the bud - even a bud that was pruned back in 2020 but allowed to resprout - than left to ferment and foment.

Trump has come out on a right wing radio show and said that if he runs and wins, he will "look very favourably at full pardons", plus a government apology for all those convicted for their involvement on Jan 6th, as the show host applauds each statement with "amen". Seems like Putin isn't the only one talking about freeing convicts to do his dirty work.

You have to wonder when these super rich guys who dislike Putin are going to start fighting fire with fire.

I see him like someone who steals a major art work and keeps it in his home so he can look at it, and gloat over it, whenever he wants. Though, in Trump's case, I suspect he wouldn't even need to look at it, just the thought of it being there would be enough.

A fat old man went to the gym and asked "which machine should I use to attract girls?" The trainer replied "The one outside, with ATM written on it".

"Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower." "That's terrible. Why didn't you bring him in sooner?" "Because the neighbour just returned him this morning."

My dog ate all the tiles from my Scrabble game, so I took him to the vet. No word yet though.

I went out mackerel fishing yesterday but before I could get the boat back on the trailer I was spotted by the RNLI Am now typing from a top notch hotel in Milton Keynes waiting for my pizza.

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street. The next evening the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." The bartender thinks to himself, "The man can't be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, tonight he must have enough money", and gives beer to everyone. After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street. One evening later the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, and beer for everyone who is now in the bar." In disgust, the bartender asks "What, no beer for me this time?" "No," answers the man, "you get violent when you drink."

When I was little, we were so poor, that on my 6th birthday, my mum put 3 candles on a cake and put it in front of a mirror.

Last weekend I was on the couch. My wife poked me to see if I was still alive. I opened my eyes and she sighed.

Barristers in the UK are set to go on strike. Screw them, I'll just make my own coffee at home and take a flask.

The family is gathered around the dinner table. First child says "mummy, how did I get my name?" Mummy says "well, when we were leaving the hospital after you were born, a flower petal floated down and landed on your head, so we named you "petal"". Next child asks "how did I get my name?" Mummy says "when we were leaving hospital after you were born, a cherry blossom floated down and landed on your head, so we named you "Blossom""". Third child says "ughughughugh" Mummy says "yes, Brick?"

My dad is a man of very few words. He once said to me, “Son;”

My dog can do magic tricks. It's a Labracadabrador.

Trump can't help spouting off and shooting himself in the foot. Now openly admitting that he had the top secret SCI documents in his house, where they were stored in cartons, while trying to make a point against the FBI: And one of his attorneys isn't doing much better. While claiming that the pictures released by the FBI don't show how his office normally looks, her denial included the words "anyone who has visited President Trump's office - he has guests frequently there" Trump admits that he had the documents, his attorney admits that the area was open to frequent visitors. The clown show continues. Maybe he's going to plead insanity?