ravip

Will it be sold "respectfully?"

VID-20210828-WA0039.mp4

Pharmacist: May I help you, sir? Customer: Yes... I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm going out on a date tonight and, you know, I need some... Pharmacist: Protection? Customer: Right. Pharmacist: Small, medium or large? Customer: Uhhhh... Medium, I guess. Pharmacist: Okay, that'll be $2.35 including tax. Customer: Tacks?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup? 239. Because one more would make it too farty

Bad news. I got fired from my job at the bank today. I mean, it was an easy mistake... An elderly woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Son of a… A birch tree and a beech tree stood next to each other in the woods. They were tall old trees, and usually got on quite well. One day they noticed a little sapling between them, far below. The birch noticed first and said “Hey beech! Check out that little son of a birch down there!” The beech tree retorts, “That isn’t a son of a birch. That is clearly a son of a beech!” They argue for some time until a small woodpecker lands nearby. The trees see this as a chance to settle their argument. “Hey woodpecker,” asks the beech, “You must be somewhat of an authority on trees. Do you see that sapling down there? This birch, here thinks that it’s a son of a birch, while I maintain that it is a son of a beech. Would you please go check it out and let us know?” So the woodpecker agrees and flies down, checks out the sapling, and returns. “SO?!” Cry the trees in unison, each eager to prove the other wrong. “Well,” replies the woodpecker, “that sapling is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, but I’ll tell you what. That is the best damn piece of ash I’ve ever stuck my pecker in.”

When you make a suicide pact with someone, NEVER offer to go first. Trust me. I’ve done like five of them.

A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane. Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face. "What was that for?" asks the Chinese man.. "For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man. "That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says. "Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference? Few minutes later, the Chinese man slaps the Jewish man. "What was that for?" asks the Jew. "It's for the Titanic." "The Titanic? That was an iceberg..." "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" says the Chinese man.

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory. "Okay, Chief..." says the tourist, "Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?" The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs." The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves. Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit. He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief." The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."