Bozo

Try this, it is silly but funny...

Poopsie Girdlebuns!

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie

b = lumpy

c = buttercup

d = gidget

e = crusty

f = greasy

g = fluffy

h = cheeseball

i = chim-chim

j = stinky

k = flunky

l = boobie

m = pinky

n = zippy

o = goober

p = doofus

q = slimy

r = loopy

s = snotty

t = tootie

u = dorkey

v = squeezit

w = oprah

x = skipper

y = dinky

z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple

b = toilet

c = giggle

d = burger

e = girdle

f = barf

g = lizard

h = waffle

i = cootie

j = monkey

k = potty

l = liver

m = banana

n = rhino

o = bubble

p = hamster

q = toad

r = gizzard

s = pizza

t = gerbil

u = chicken

v = pickle

w = chuckle

x = tofu

y = gorilla

z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = head

b = mouth

c = face

d = nose

e = tush

f = breath

g = pants

h = shorts

i = lips

j = honker

k = butt

l = brain

m = tushie

n = chunks

o = hiney

p = biscuits

q = toes

r = buns

s = fanny

t = sniffer

u = sprinkles

v = kisser

w = squirt

x = humperdinck

y = brains

z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.

Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as the subject.

This is an example proving that men are simple and women are complicated.

At a college, a male and a female student were told to individually write a sentence

using the words SEX and LOVE.

The female student wrote:

When two mature people are passionately and deeply in LOVE with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, then it is spiritually and morally acceptable to society that they both engage themselves in the act of physical SEX with one another.

The male student wrote:

I LOVE SEX.

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting with his superiors, the Priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays." The man thinks, "What does a Priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.

"Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!"

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years' tradition and knowledge.The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

( SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a Headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.' Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated Husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed." In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece...

Dear Bruno,

As a French National, you most probably know that France is:

Situation:

1. The country with the highest people taxation rate in the World, and probably with the most ferocious Tax department rules & officials as well (a single person is globally taxed over 70% of his/her income in France).

2. One of the most "socialising" country in the World, this being measurable by the level of State allocations & assistance given to any French National, as well as by the culture of "assistanat" well developped and maintained, which is used to justify the high taxation level.

As such, France has a very fat civil servant system (50% of the working population), even if usually SLOW and PROCEDURAL (as most civil services Worldwide), which obviously has to fight for its survival and to justify its salary/budget (POWER), which is generated by the taxes of the non civil servants.

And French people, civil servants or not, are also as clever as any other people of the World & with the same qualities & weaknesses, that you can easily measure by the overzealousness of the French tax department power & people in the specific case (POWER & PROCEDURE) of taking part of their income/budget from the non-civil-servant sheeps, which only use in existence is to be yearly fleeced.

Also, the French civil servant system, through its structures or its officials, and despite being subject to respect the French laws as any French National, has always had a habbit to take liberties with it, often abusing of its prerogatives in order to increase its POWER. In short, a French civil servant thinks a French National is at his/her service, while it is the opposite, as civil servants are supposed to be at the service of French Nationals.

Explanation:

...I've been waiting for a new passeport for three and a half month...

At this point in time, is being introduced in France the so-called "secured passport", with the aim of controlling people more thorously (taxes again, within many other things), in coordination with many other World countries such as Thailand and else, following the lead of the USA, and mostly under the pretext of "terrorism".

These new "secured passports" are currently being made in French territory only, and the average waiting time is of about 6 months (SLOW), anywhere in Asia, to have your passport made as such. The PROCEDURE might have not yet been properly setup...

By the way, it seems that the Hong Kong French Consulate should be able to make "secured passports" on-site in a few days starting next month (see http://www.france.com.hk/).

If you are in an emergency, then the concerned French Consulate has the obligation (PROCEDURE) to issue for you a 6 months temporary traditionnal French passport (at no cost, if the validity of your current one is still ok). You just have to make them understand that you are in a case of emergency (POWER).

...2 years ago...this embassy refused to deliver me a new passeport and had confiscated the old one...

The actual National sport of French civil servants being to chase the non civil servants for making them pay as much taxes as possible, one of the ways to constraint people, at the extreme limit of French legality (...), is to issue a passport to them only, when they provide a proof that they are resident of the country, where the issuing office (Consulate, Embassy, or else) is located.

Of course, this is illegal according to the French law. It nevertheless seems to be a PROCEDURE applied in most of French Embassies & Consulate Worldwide, even if possibly not written.

The right way to have your passport made, even if you are not resident of the country, where the issuing office is located, is in the order:

1. Always be nice with civil servants, try to make a friend (they are human beings as anybody, you know...), give them face (= give them the impression they have POWER), and don't argue with them (rather play stupid, when necessary), so you can come back to them later, even if in desagreement.

2. Try to have a pull to help you in the concerned Embassy/Consulate through connections (similar to any country in the World, such as China, India, Thailand,...), and it will be done smoothly & in no time. This works beautifully as it uses the "French ways".

3. If "1" and "2" didn't work, then make a sitting in the concerned office and start making a scandal, shouting, preventing them to work, annoying with your issue any French National coming to the office. As there is nothing a civil servant dislikes more than having his/her daily routine disturbed, it sometimes can help put oil in the system... also, they perfectly know this PROCEDURE is illegal, according to the French law...

In case of solution "3", if you are lucky your noise will disturb the Embassador or Consul, who has other things to do, and will instruct his "subjects" to promptly grant you your passport...

Of course, in the case of solution "3", you will then be put for life in the civil servants "black list" (yes, it does exist), and will be systematically annoyed during any future interaction with the French civil service.

Enjoy and be smart !...