mca

Dance

I am disappointed in the driver , 2 bottles of Leo spirit can certainly dint your reputation, what are ya a two pot screamer

If the geezer did 2 bottles of that Lao kao gut rot on his lonesome I'm impressed he even remembered he was a bus driver.

Punk

From the photo looks like Gerry's taking a pop at the world gurning championships as well

Raising standards

First they need to teach the drivers how to drive.

What use is gps?

To show the DLT where to find the bus when the driver has legged it.

" From the data we received the driver clearly drove down the wrong side of the road to beat the traffic light queue,stopped halfway down blocking all oncoming traffic to take a piss at the side if the road, cut in front of the car at the front at the junction and took the side out of some poor sod's car who was coming through the green light. Without this new technology there's no way we could ascertain with certainty exactly what happened so money well spent."

A photo released to the public might help.

Anything to oblige

What would Mrs Slocombe say?

Plenty I reckon as it's been a bit wet in Bangkok recently.

" Good evening. This is the News at Ten with me, Trevor McDonald and these are the headlines"

BONG!

" Accusations woman harbours ghost escalate into forced exorcism and libel complaint..."

BONG!

Anticipating any improvement in the number of road accidents is an exercise in futility.

Her Dad was eating a bowl of noodles, so they decided to call her Noodle !

Quite fortituos really that her dad wasn't a fan of western food.

"Well my eldest Nong Beans on Toast just graduated from college, Nong Hot Dog Smokey Bite and a bag of Sour Cream and Onion Lays has just started M.5 and Nong Full English Brekkie with extra Black Pudding and no Tomatoes wants to be a train driver."

Why are you looking only for bald & fat farangs?

Cos they can't run away and you save money on shampoo.

I know I know it's a slippery slope

A bit racist there mate?

I think he meant slippery soap mate. Bloody auto correcting spellcheckers!

Oops I dropped the lemon tart is a dessert that has been deliberately dropped on a plate before being served.

Or alternatively the Maitre d' will pass wind in your face before the amuse-bouche.

Years ago I took a songtaew in Khon Kaen and as we headed out into the semi-boonies the passengers kept getting off until I was the only one left. Going past a small copse the driver suddenly stopped, got out and wandered into the trees. From my lofty vantage point I then spotted my chauffeur dropping his kecks behind a tree and taking a dump before resuming our journey. Having had a few " near misses" after a plate of dodgy laab or whatever over the years it didn't take long to live by the cast in stone rule that "When you gotta go you gotta go" myself. Though usually I can hang on until the next petrol station bog rather than reenacting a " Man vs.Wild" type scenario.

"The man has been put on probation by the company..."

What does somebody need to do in order to get fired in this country?

Hold the world hostage with a stockpile of nuclear warheads secreted in a volcanic island fortress I would imagine.Though possibly he'd be moved to an inactive volcano island for a month.

What a monkey that douche in the video is.

Come on neverdie mate I think the good doctor has a valid point when he says identity isn't necessarily reality. I mean he obviously identifies himself as a man but the reality is he talks like a ****

So what's going on in the other buildings on the strip? Is Poseidon a dive school? :

I was rather disgusted when I went to the Amsterdam opposite the Grand Mercure and discovered not a clog, tulip or windmill in sight. When I asked about Anne Frank they thought it was some sort of inappropriate euphanism for an Agatha or Sherman. When oh when are the TAT going to deliver on their promise of quality service for quality tourists?

"Reporters tracked down the officer in question who was not named. He said: "The woman I ticketed said she had to rush to work and said please could I help her as she had no cash on her. She asked to transfer the money to me. I said it could cause problems later but she begged me to help her out so I decided to let her pay me to my private account."

Worst excuse ever.

"Why haven't you issued any parking tickets today but have a wad of cash in your pocket?"

"A soi dog ate my receipt pad but on seeing my predicament a passing Good Samaritan insisted on buying me a new one but only had 10,000 baht on him in 100 baht bills sarge."

The service charge goes to the owner who normally uses it towards staff wages.

If the tip is left with the bill folder or on table then it normally goes into collective box to be divided between staff and usually the management takes a cut of up to 20%.

I prefer to tip the staff directly but sometimes they put this in the the collective box.

I once asked staff about what happened to the service charge and tips & was told that some customers before ordering state that they would not be paying the service charge and the manager waives it.

Service charges in a larger establishments like a 5 star hotel for example will often be divided between all of the staff who work there. It's paid in addition to their salary on a monthly basis. We're talking about large chain type hotels here. Everything has the ++ type of system where there's a 10% service charge + VAT.

From what I've heard everyone gets their share from the managers right down to the cleaners.

Yes the service charge is calculated and divided equally between all staff including the non operation departments such as finance, HR etc. Every hotel I ever worked for in LOS posted the monthly service charge on the staff notice board and had a guaranteed minimum service charge every month. One of the major considerations when staff applied for a job in a hotel was how much was the service charge.

When I first arrived in Thailand more years ago than I care to remember the girls where I worked invited me to karaoke. Now I sing about as well as Stephen Hawkins breakdances so went along just to be polite hoping I could survive the evening sitting in the corner nursing a drink or two. After a few bevvies and upon hearing the caterwauling coming from the girls mouths I thought " mca mate you've got no worries here" and treated them to a legendary in my own mind rendition of CCRs " Fortunate Son". After subsequent visits over the years to various karaokes with Thai friends and colleagues I fully realise their rapturous applause is more through politeness rather than my skills as a potential " The Voice" contestant.

The Home Pro on Rachadapisek always seeMs to have a brand name mattress promotion just as you exit the tills. I bought a king size Slumberland for 12k a few months back and with my Home Pro member card got it knocked down to 8k.

To make my life complete I'd love to see a news bulletin of a speeded up video of him being chased around by a posse of cops Benny Hill style to the tune of " Yakkety Sax"

The case has become known as the "Two hundred Ya Ba pill man goes in search of chicken."

Catchy...

Just rolls off the tongue

I feel " One hundred and ninety-nine plus two minus one methamphetamine mammal of the homo sapien male gender's careful and thorough quest for domesticated fowl" has a certain Je ne sais quoi about it.

Biscuit