The Funny Things The Girls Say!

[Canadian-Jesse]

hallo hallo .. from barlady

hello hello from barlady

aroi .. me no mamasan

I'm yummy ,  i dont have any mamasan

me  go 7-11

I will go to seven-eleven

bank 20 no condom

give me 20 Bht , without condom

me  like  mama

I like instant noodle (mama)

after eat it .. mama's bag is  useful

after eat , the bag can use instead condom

no need  comdom

aroi prick..phed phed

yummy chilli spicy !!

seab eeh leeh der

bloody yummy indeed

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What?

By the way Duality that's funny stuff

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Hahaha

[gburns57au]

my girl wants a house with an electric chicken

[jayenram]

Not what they say, but what they do.

Five of them were going to a wedding. They left the pub and drove the 500 metres to the hotel only to find the car park was full. They drove back to the pub (yes all five of them) and parked up the car. They then walked 400 metres (in the opposite direction) to get a tuk-tuk to take them to the hotel.

[ding]

Girl saw the Kibbles-n-Bits dogffod commercial and said. "Nipples and clits, nipples and clits, I'm go and get me some nipples and clits!"

[jumbo]

You want to go to the second floor with the alligator

[all4one]

My G/F and I were in Bali on holiday, the missus said she wanted to eat steak (yup they sometimes don't want to eat thai food !). Given a choice of 5 steaks I ordered an oriental steak for her - when it came it was choped beef with spices etc shaped like a steak.....she hit the roof as it wasn't a real steak....then the killer line...."This isn't a steak this is a MISTAKE", I pissed myself laughing and had the silent treatment for an hour !

Went to see my friend teaching a class of 30 thai girls, he was pointing at objects in the room - when he pointed towards the clock...30 Girls all shouted out COCK - we both rolled up...

[Ice Maiden]

i  know  guy like  stupid girl .. no need to pretend then  lol lol

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Men like stupid girls?

I'm sure you English is great Bambers!

[Mr.StickyRice]

While I find most of these amusing I still feel that we as native speakers of english ignore the mistakes Thais make in english and let them slide too often. Or even openly reinforce these mistakes with Thai-glish/baby English.

The cliche "same same" and "where you are come from?" come to mind.

If you let this things go without correction, or use them in everyday speech (I cant stand farangs that I meet that actually use these phrases with Thais, shit, some of them use them with their english speaking friends even!)

You are not helping Thai people at all.

I know alot of you think "oh, simple english helps Thai people understand" or something along these lines, but please, lets all start conjugating verbs and talking to Thais like we would talk to other Asians.

Do you see tourists in Japan or Korea saying "where have same same taxi red?" or other crap along those lines? Why is that? Because for some reason alot of us think the Thai brain cant handle a grammatically correct sentence of english.

Do we think they are stupid? From reading this forum often, I would say we do.

Just use plain, natural english, from the start. Young kids are the best people to use such complicated and esoteric things like "past tense" and "gerunds". They end up never getting into the lazy english habits of their semi-ruined thai-glish speaking elders.

Nothing wrong with natural mistakes here and there, they can be funny. But when the underlining structure and reasons for these mistakes are because of lazy and ignorant farangs it makes me kinda annoyed.

Edited November 26, 2005 by Mr.StickyRice

[Jumbo chilli]

My ex, trying to ask if we cremate dead people back home, asked "When you have people die, you have BBQ mai?"

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My wife-in early days -said many times:

You die, put in the bok, bun!

[phuketsiam]

My wife asked me to teach her nephew English once.

I started with "Where are you going" at which point she corrected me to say

Where you go?

I asked her why she said that, and she replied, "thats how Thai people like to speak to English"

when I suggested she teach her nephew English instead, she got the point and let me carry on

When I get my Thai wrong, she always corrects me, and I do the same with her English, its a pain, but because she now knows she can't tell a story without being interupted unless she gets it right, she makes more effort and her English is improving. Her pronounciation will never be perfect, but her grammar is so much better now

[MikeRay]

Sometimes it´s really not funny to misunderstand the wife.

It´s not only that old "men don´t understand women" and vice versa, I sometimes really don´t understand what my wife is talking about.She is so frustrated about this and she wants to go to school but has to wait untill our daughter will go to Kindergarten.

My wife loves cooking and tries farang-style:

" you want lum for BBQ "

Yes,I´d like Lamb for BBQ.

Now guess who marinade the steaks with Rum and who flambe ´d the steaks

[too true]

My husband was irritated at someone for something. He turned to me and said "blue cheese". I said "what?" he said "blue cheese. That guy don't know what he's talking about." I sat and thought and finally I realized he was trying to say Bullsh*t.

Another one is the word 'rapids'. WHen talking about white water rafting, the guys I know always say either rabbits or rubbish. As in "that river's dangerous right now. WE can't go there. Too many rubbish." or "..... too many rabbits." Very confusing if you're not used to the accents, trying to figure out how all the rabbits got in the river

[Smokin Joe]

We were waiting for a car to pick up some weekend guests. My GF was out front when it came and when she came into the lobby she said "You have a good car for the trip, it's a Won Wo."

My friend and I just stared at each other, then went outside to see the Volvo that had arrived.

Since I know the Thai alphabet I was able to understand why she said it that way but it was still hilarious at the time.

[mrbojangles]

A phone call from Mrs BoJ about 20 minutes ago, went something like this:-

Mrs Boj: Hello darklink, what happen?

Me: I don't know, what happened?

Mrs BoJ: It rain but not rain, it colour white

I'm gutted, i really wanted to be with her when she saw Snow for the first time. It's like missing your kids talking for the first time

[sego]

In the Irish pub last night.

The singer (american guy) was asking if anyone had a request. So I stood up and told him my request.

He looked at me in a strange way and said aloud in the micro : "What? you want a BITCHES song?"

People started to laugh. I said again my request.

The singer couldn't understand it. People were laughing louder and I was feeling hot and sweaty.

Finally, my american friend came out to help me and said : "no, she is only requesting for a BEE GEES song. Excuse her accent, she is French...."

[phuketsiam]

A phone call from Mrs BoJ about 20 minutes ago, went something like this:-

Mrs Boj: Hello darklink, what happen?

Me: I don't know, what happened?

Mrs BoJ: It rain but not rain, it colour white

I'm gutted, i really wanted to be with her when she saw Snow for the first time. It's like missing your kids talking for the first time 

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Exellent, my missus was in Leeds with me first time she saw snow, we woke up to a white blanket everywhere outside, after a very quick snowball fight, I scrapped the ice of the car and went to work, she photographed me scraping the ice of and sent the pic to her folks, after that the novelty wore off though. With a bit of luck my 4 year old will see snow the first time this winter

[SamuiRes]

And the rice always become lice

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutely! My Thai wife and I were driving home one night and I had a Robbie Williams CD on with him singing the Nat King Cole standard "Straighten up and Fly Right!" In all seriousness she asked me "Why he sing about fried rice?" I had to stop the car until I coudl stop laughing and explain to her why. She took it in good part and we still joke about it - even sing that version when it comes on.

[snoophound]

And the rice always become lice

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absolutely! My Thai wife and I were driving home one night and I had a Robbie Williams CD on with him singing the Nat King Cole standard "Straighten up and Fly Right!" In all seriousness she asked me "Why he sing about fried rice?" I had to stop the car until I coudl stop laughing and explain to her why. She took it in good part and we still joke about it - even sing that version when it comes on.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good song for Robbie Dilliams

Straighten up and Fly nice

[mrbojangles]

And the rice always become lice

Absolutely! My Thai wife and I were driving home one night and I had a Robbie Williams CD on with him singing the Nat King Cole standard "Straighten up and Fly Right!" In all seriousness she asked me "Why he sing about fried rice?" I had to stop the car until I coudl stop laughing and explain to her why. She took it in good part and we still joke about it - even sing that version when it comes on.

Good song for Robbie Dilliams

Straighten up and Fly nice

Good one.

Here's another.

tried to teach the Mrs a Christmas song this weekend.

We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year

Inside i was busting but externally i was trying to look serious and say how well she was doing. Try it with your Mrs and let me know how you went on

[jayenram]

No excuses for resurrecting this thread.

Why is it that if I drop something and it breaks, it is my fault because "I dropped it" - however, if FG drops something and it breaks "It fell down"?

[mrbojangles]

No excuses for resurrecting this thread.

Why is it that if I drop something and it breaks, it is my fault because "I dropped it" - however, if FG drops something and it breaks "It fell down"?

That's just women's logic, the world over Jayenram

[farangsay]

During the voting time a few years ago, my girlfriend(now wife) was trying to explain to me that she would have to go home for the weekend to do something.

My Thai was and is not bad, but the word for "vote" obviously doesn't come up in conversation very often. So she starts shuffling through her dictionary whilst trying to talk to me down the phone to explain what she will be doing.

"I am going home to make an erection (election)".

We still laugh our asses off about it today.

Now I understand why the bars have to close on voting day.

Too much beer , brewers droop , can't have an erection !

[jingjoe]

On another famous occassion we were in bed together and I passed wind. She turned over and said:- " How many dog die stomach you?"

Now THAT, is a FKN classic

[Mr Jones]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world:

Dearest creature in creation,

Study English pronunciation.

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear.

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it's written.)

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as plaque and ague.

But be careful how you speak:

Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,

Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,

Exiles, similes, and reviles;

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

Gertrude, German, wind and mind,

Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation's OK

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend, and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

And enamour rhyme with hammer.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Souls but foul, haunt and aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,

Shes, goes, does. Now first say finger,

And then singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.

Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

Though the differences seem little,

We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.

Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Mint, pint, senate and sedate;

Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, consciene, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the differences, moreover,

Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice;

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,

Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succour, four.

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, Korea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.

Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust and scour, sourging.

Ear, but earn and wear and tear

Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,

Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)

Is a paling stout and spikey?

Won't it make you lose your wits,

Writing groats and saying grits?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel:

Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough,

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up!!!

[mrbojangles]

I can see Bambina lurking. How did you do pronouncing the above, Bambi

[Khun Yak]

Correspondence with a thai girl can be quite a challenge sometimes as well.

I have some emails containing sentences like:

I can’t joy with you… (I can not join you / come with you)

I’m sick on last Sunday but it better now. (Thank god )

If I’m going there hope to not lost the way. (already lost?)

...why u eject my call? (did I? )

I so much enjoyed reading through the previous pages.

Cheers guys

KY

Edited August 18, 2006 by Khun Yak

[Donz]

Some brilliant posts, made me laugh.

My gf unfortunately speaks very good english so i dont have many funny stories, but once my friend was over with his 6 year old daughter.

The girl asked if we had an ice block she could have, my gf gets up and says yes. i was thinking do we have iceblocks.

the gf came out with a block of ice in the freezer and we started laughing out ass off hard.

[ajandick]

I'm an old farang university teacher.

A student visiting at my home, asked me to look at and touch the acne scars all over her

face and body. She said, "Doctor tell me for treatment but not advice me how man will think."

After examining and commenting as professionaly as I could, she (with her clothes back on)

looked at me very seriously and said, "If you think sexual like I can be your girlfriend, I will

hate you until I will die.

When asked if I had done something wrong, she said, "No it just what I think."

We have been friends a long time and the incident has never again been mentioned.

[glenbat]

Love it! I tried my hardest to introduce a bit of English comedy whilst in Pattaya, using Katherine Tates 'Yeah but do i look bovvered though?' line...

9 out of 10 thai ladies replied with 'shoba-doba-doba-doba-dough'

[BIG SPUDS]

I thjought i would search this thread out again makes me laugh every time i read it!