Woodridge Games

[Jamesyboi]

Woodridge is to make a bid for the 2008 Olympic games.

In order to increase the likelihood that the successful hometown athletes willwin at least some medals, the competitions have been modified somewhat.However, fierce competition is expected from rival areas such as Kingston , Inala,Beenleigh and Caboolture.

OPENING CEREMONY

A petrol bomb will ignite the Olympic flame, thrown by a resident of the areawearing the traditional flannelette shirt, jeans and no shoes, with hisde-facto wearing the traditional bike pants and short top with oversizedstomach.

THE EVENTS

100 Metre Sprint.

Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and a microwave (one in

eacharm) and on the sound of the starting pistol a police dog will be released froma cage 10 metres behind the athletes.

100 Metres Hurdle.

As above but with added obstacles - car bonnets, hedges, gardens, fences,walls, train, etc.

Hammer Throw.

Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use claw,sledge, etc). The winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodilyharm to members of the public within the time allowed.

Shooting.

A strong challenge is expected from the men in this event. The first targetwill be a moving police vehicle. In the second round, competitors will aim at apost office clerk, bank teller, petrol station attendant or video storeattendant.

Boxing.

Entry to boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams and will takeplace on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 cans of VB orbourbon/cola at the local pub followed by a quick visit to The Site, The KittyKat Club, or The Dollhouse, whilst the wife will be told not to make him anydinner when he gets home. She will be wearing bike pants, short top andthongs.

Cycling Time Trials.

The competitor will attend the local skateboard area where they will obtain abicycle stolen from a mummies boy (preferably from John Paul College ,Brisbane Boys College , Brisbane Grammar School , St Peters or Redeemer Lutheran Colleges ).

They will then be racing against the clock. Bonus points will be awarded shoulda helmet be obtained at the time of taking the bike.

Modern Pentathlon.

Amended to include robbery with violence, burglary, and unlawful use of a motorvehicle, arson, and wilful exposure.

Men's 50km Walk.

Unfortunately, this event will have to be cancelled, as organizers cannotguarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Woodridge anymore.

Gymnastics.

The kerb outside the local tavern will replace the beam. The events willcommence at closing time - we expect some extremely difficult dismounts to beperformed on this apparatus. The floor routine will be conducted in the paddedcell of the Logan Central Police Lockup.

CLOSINGCEREMONY

The local AC/DC cover band will provide entertainment. The Olympic flame willbe extinguished by local representatives urinating from a specially builtplatform above the Olympic flame in a cascading effect. The stadium will thenbe boarded up before local athletes break in, smash all glass, and remove allcopper piping and anything else of value.

[Chang_paarp]

I suspect many who read this attempt will not know the joys of the Logan area, but can probably insert the name of an area they do know.

Having lived in the Logan area in the past I can attest the accuracy of the stereotype. Because the suburb of Woodridge had such a bad name, when the local council built their new shining palace they changed the name of the immediate area to Logan Central. In a move that would put it in line with areas in LOS they chose to put the full width of the passing road, complete with guttering and footpath for the 100m around the palace. The rest of the road was 2 lanes with a dirt verge.

At least the busses would go there, not like an area not too far away called Inala. The drivers declared it too dangerous.

I have not learned much I now live in a similar area in Perth.

In the mean time Jamesyboi get a new joke book. This one is too localised.