Adolescent kids on the wrong path

[Apiwan2]

Really confused about my oldest kid he's 14 going on 15 .

 

In a good school and up to M1 had good grades and wasn't perfect but ok.

 

Half way into M2 got involved with the wrong crowd leading to be kicked out of this school but because they want to protect their name didn't write on his record.

 

I have now found another school for him but it seems he doesn't want to learn and only wants to be with and still communicate with the old friends in another district not BKK where we live.

 

How do parents deal with this ?,

 

I have tried talking but every answer is I don't know.

 

My hope is that in the new school which is smaller and not as big as the old one that he will get better and forget the old ways.

 

Am I missing myself ?

 

 

 

 

 

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[Apiwan2]

Really confused about my oldest kid he's 14 going on 15 .
 
In a good school and up to M1 had good grades and wasn't perfect but ok.
 
Half way into M2 got involved with the wrong crowd leading to be kicked out of this school but because they want to protect their name didn't write on his record.
 
I have now found another school for him but it seems he doesn't want to learn and only wants to be with and still communicate with the old friends in another district not BKK where we live.
 
How do parents deal with this ?,
 
I have tried talking but every answer is I don't know.
 
My hope is that in the new school which is smaller and not as big as the old one that he will get better and forget the old ways.
 
Am I missing myself ?
 
 
 
 
 
Sent from my SM-G935F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 
 

Edit in....

Am I kidding myself ?

Sent from my SM-G935F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Rc2702]

The info is light on info and I'd recommend detailing the problems in more depth. You never know a similar experience may have been encountered and it may help you figure this out. Could be a mass of different reasons why the kid has changed. Drugs, girls, bullying, loss none of these things can be ruled out. What about his phone, a treasure trove of evidence these days and if he is not pulling his weight you have every right to look more closely at his life as he is just a child at present and maybe you are catching this early which is a big plus.

[quandow]

The hardest thing I have ever done in my life was applying tough love to my son. We're now the best of friends (he's 34 years old and a good man), but at that time he was an absolute jerk. I had to kick him out of the house and divorce myself from him financially. I had cosigned a car loan which had given him a favorable interest rate, but his behavior had become dangerous - lots of drinking and driving - and had he gotten into an accident, they would have come after ME. That seriously screwed him on the car loan, but today he understands and learned valuable lessons.

 

Long story short, set very clear guidelines of what you consider unacceptable behavior and the consequences he will receive for noncompliance. As well, the former poster was quite correct about the school system. Your son will almost certainly rebel, but you MUST stick to your guns. You are #1 a parent, trying to be a friend will only backfire.

Edited April 30, 2018 by quandow

[thailand49]

This is first hand experience with my own son when he was at the same age. 

What you have been teaching him goes against everything his friends are taught in general.  Coming home studying, curfew etc he is finding out none of his friends are restricted in that manner because majority have no father and whatever adult is around doesn't do any of the things you are doing. 

When he walks out of the house he see everything opposite and now older is thinking this is Thailand it is normal?  His friends are saying why is you father so strict, why you can smoke drink have sex and oh man it is coming. Like kids your son has no idea how good he has it nothing you are teaching him his Thai friend will ever get and if the shoe was on the other foot would beg you if they can live in the house. 

Better get some money together because it is coming if you aren't lucky the first girl he <deleted> the parents will be coming for money.  So you better have the sex talk with him now but based on your post he isn't going to listen at this point.

Is there a answer not really no one has the answer sorry. When my son didn't come home for 2 days when he did I got a bag out and told him if you are going to live here there are rules if you want to come and go and not go to school like your friends then you can't stay. He was smart enough to stay thank god but it didn't stop there it continue and I persisted took him to school everyday and pick him up. Spoke to the teachers and told them if he doesn't come let me know even sat outside to watch if he left. It was tiring... but kids will be kids his friends couldn't understand but they wish they could have a father that would love them the way I love my son. 

There was a period when I took him to the Nongprue Police station after locating him at a friend house drinking, drunk I ask paid them to put him in a cell to teach him a lesson overnight luckily they understood and put him in a cell by himself. I think it was tougher on me and the wife than him.

It still didn't end there but today he goes to trade school loves it and make new friends who have similar interest. All you can do is wait until one day something clicks in them as for his friends still doing the same stuff drinking running around on their bikes like I told him your friends aren't going anywhere. Setting goals for kids in a Thai school isn't much?

 

Edited April 30, 2018 by thailand49

[goldenbrwn1]

Nothing to do with it being a Thai School in my opinion. This is common with young males the world over.  Tough love is the answer...worked for my father with me (eventually) and I am mid-tough loving my youngest son in the U.K. right now.   Good luck.

[zaZa9]

Im with the posters above .

Im an ex-teacher and saw some great kids fumble , and one or two each year become almost unrecovarable.

Later I was  a father of 2 boys and wasnt going to let any transgressions of family rules go without comment,  be it reasoning (1st) , talking more loudly , or having to put my foot down ,  from day one.

I can go on ... through all the 'psychology of child development' and all the good parts and all the crap ... but the op is about a 14 year old , and this age to 18  is acknowledged as the toughest years by all and sundry when it pertains to keeping any kid , 'on task'.

The only thing I would offer up , and it cannot appear sudden , or fake , is to approach this thing with a 'carrot' as well as a 'stick'.

From my training , which I feel softened the harder times with my boys pubescence  , I  made myself learn to 'like' what they liked.  

The younger was much tougher , but he loved football , so I made myself stop working on Saturdays  , and I even lied ,  so as he believed me , and said I scored free tickets thru work  to go and watch his team. He really liked that.

The older was a design freak at 16 , not that he was in any way a problem ... but to be fair to him , and also recognizing  he was 'detaching'  we 3 went to numerous art shows and furniture design exhibits that even my football boy seemed to enjoy.

The older one is gay now and doesnt want to speak to me anymore btw..( up to him -doesnt matter )...win some , lose some ... but it was never about Me. It was about seeing them through that troublesome age.

 

BUT my  point is that maybe you as a father could replace ( at the same time as seeing that the rules are firmly enforced ) your boys need to be noticed , or having something 'special' happen in his life each week.

You cant take away 'priviledges' if he doesnt think he doesnt have anything Special with you..

 

I would advocate  you make something , anything , "special " with him with no conditions , something of His interest , leave it a few months , let yourselves grow closer , and only after a few months use that as any kind of leverage . Hopefully never have to do so.

But invest more positive time with him.

 

Make time for him ( as subtley as possible ) and he will most likely value your words, and your rules ,  all the more highly..