Our Cat Is Going To Kill Me...

[Somtham]

When I get up in the middle of the night to go to the loo the cat is at my feet step by step weaving in and out. I trip over the bugger constanly and one of these nights he's going to trip me and I'll be flat on my face at 3:00am. Any advise?

rgds

PS - this guy is 10+kg

[toptuan]

You only recently discovered this insidious cat-plan? Apparently your biggest problem is just a bad choice of pets. There's still time to save yourself! Two diaries--important evidence-- have recently been discovered. Read them and weep...

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am- Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am- A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am- A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM- Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM- Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM- Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM- Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM- Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM- Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe for now....

Edited February 3, 2007 by toptuan

[bina]

cute!!!

[chuchok]

Give the cat a wee kick in the arse (Not hard) every time it does it..keep doing it untill it stops.I had a cat like that that was cured when I accidently stood on her.They learn quick.

[redrus]

:D

redrus

[londonthai]

maybe he is a little bit blind?

shout at him the next time it does it - swith on the lights and walk carefuly

[Phil Conners]

Let it out during the night.

[Smilodon]

Toptuan:

That was hilarious!

[IvanLaw]

Will second that

Brilliant,

Made my evening

Regards

[redrus]

Cats will forever be thought of not exactly as man's best friend.

There was a description I heard years ago.

As a man is putting up shelves, his two animals, a cat and a dog are watching. The dog, in doggies own way, looks at his master and, in typical, soft and dopey way thinks, "I have no idea what you're doing but, I love you."

Whilst with typical arrogance, the cat thinks, "for Gods sake, not like that, do you know nothing. Stoopid human....!"

redrus

[Somtham]

You only recently discovered this insidious cat-plan? Apparently your biggest problem is just a bad choice of pets. There's still time to save yourself! Two diaries--important evidence-- have recently been discovered. Read them and weep...

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am- Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am- A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am- A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM- Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM- Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM- Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM- Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM- Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM- Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe for now....

Oh no, he's read the diary. Thank God we live in a single story!!

[chuchok]

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us.

Pigs treat us as equals.

--Winston Churchill

[h90]

kick it, and it will learn....

[gennisis]

When I get up in the middle of the night to go to the loo the cat is at my feet step by step weaving in and out. I trip over the bugger constanly and one of these nights he's going to trip me and I'll be flat on my face at 3:00am. Any advise?

rgds

PS - this guy is 10+kg

DONT WORRY ABOUT THE CAT....KEEP TAKING THE PROSTATE PILLS

[Sheryl]

Install a small night light along the path to the BR.

Cats rely on their sense of hearing, smell and vibration as much or more than on sight so your cat certainly knows you are coming...what he/she can't understand is why you seem unable to know where he is. It is hard for them to fathom how limited our senses are and how clueless we are in the absence of visual clues.

A pox on all those suggesting kicks etc! The cat is being playful and affectionate. Not the cat's fault we have such limited sensory input.

A simple night light should solve matters peacefully.

Maybe also a few less beers at bedtime???

[tutsiwarrior]

a cat, as yer pet, should be in bed wid ya at night...if ye exclude them den in typical feline fashion he/she will tangle wid ya to ensure that you pay more attention next time...

my cat always slept wid me an de girlfriend an' useta growl an' yowl when ever there was a fight or a moment ob passion...if we forgot an' left the door closed she'd let us know about it soon enuf...she was a mighty fine specimen...

[Somtham]

Maybe also a few less beers at bedtime???

this sounds like it may be the best solution.

[Jet Gorgon]

kya kya kya. Lovely interpretations of dog/cat ideologies, y'all. Toptuan, fab diaries. What about "10:45pm, pee on my neighbour's balcony pedestal and snook a flipflop to take home and give slobbery hickies." Another dastardly favourite thing.

Yes, my kitties loved to tango with my ankles, too. A soft boot to the body always worked for about 30 seconds. Thereafter, I would pick him up, toss him off the balcony and continue my task. Well, the balcony was only three feet off the ground. Kept him away for about two minutes. Just throw raw squid in the opposite direction of your walk path. That gives you about three minutes of clear passage.

[lampard10]

I've only just read this thread, but the same thing happened to my Mum, God rest her soul. She was living alone at the time, 81 years old, came down stairs for a glass of water, cat asleep on the top stair. They found her next day, after she crawled to the front door. She was in University Hospital in Peckham (I think) for six months. The offending animal was our Tim, who ended up in Thailand with us and died last year.

[Etrigan]

Toptuan - that was well funny!

[footfall]

Lampard - you had a tenacious mother .

To the Original Poster - you mentioned your cat weighs 10 kg. What kind of cat is this ?

[PhilHarries]

Lampard - you had a tenacious mother .

To the Original Poster - you mentioned your cat weighs 10 kg. What kind of cat is this ?

Fat?

You gotta appreciate; Dogs have owners, Cats have servants. As soon as you become acclimatised to this fact of life you'll get on fine with your moggy.

[Patsycat]

I've just perfected a strange sort of walk that coincides with his slinking around my ankles... My cat weighs 6 kilos..

[Somtham]

Lampard - you had a tenacious mother .

To the Original Poster - you mentioned your cat weighs 10 kg. What kind of cat is this ?

Fat?

Phil is right. He is a fat cat. Si sawat from Korat.

[footfall]

Somtham,

You ask if your cat is going to kill you.

Unless this cat is a Maine Coon or Swedish Ragdoll or some other very large breed, it's a case of you killing your cat.

Someone is killing this cat by over/inappropriate feeding.

Take the cat to a good vet, if possible. If not, do some online research about cat health and diet.

Sorry to be blunt.

[Jet Gorgon]

Lampard - you had a tenacious mother .

To the Original Poster - you mentioned your cat weighs 10 kg. What kind of cat is this ?

Fat?

You gotta appreciate; Dogs have owners, Cats have servants. As soon as you become acclimatised to this fact of life you'll get on fine with your moggy.

I beg to differ: dogs have can openers, cats have slaves.

[Sheryl]

Cats are dieities; they have worshipers/disciples.

[Patsycat]

Agree!!

A friend once told me that I was the "Big Cat" in my house and that my cats look up to me. What an idiot, I have yet to see any respect from them. I cut short evenings out to be home in time to feed them, I never sleep away from home unless a trusted friend is there for them in case they get lonely, I jump up and down dozens of times in the day to feed, open doors, etc.

I am happy when they deign to look in my general direction, give me affection...

I couldn't live without them!!!!

[Sheryl]

Neither could I.

It was a great moment in human history when the cats decided to tame us and live with us.....

[pumpuiman]

Perhaps a few squirts from a squirt gun would solve the problem?