Thursday Joke

[Jamesyboi]

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,

here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern

Methodist University:

In-class Assignment for Wednesday:

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The

process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting

to his other immediate right. One of you will then write the first

paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph

and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will

then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to

re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story

coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been

reached. The following was actually turned in by two of my English

students, Rebecca [last name deleted] and Gary [last name deleted.] "

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,

now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,

that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,

keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if

she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So

chamomile was out of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron

now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about

than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with

whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to

Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar

orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he

could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and

blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct

hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt

one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who

had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its

pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"

Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously

excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her

youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree with no

newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of

innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one

lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.

Thousands of miles above the city, the Au'udrian mothership launched

the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy

peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty

through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile

alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within

two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on

course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire

planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their

diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere

unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine

headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the

inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million

other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference

table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's

blow'em out of the sky!"

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at

writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.

######.

Bitch.