Thursday Jokes

[Jamesyboi]

Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday

afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them

thinking. "Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first

person to tell me who said that quote,can have Monday off" said the

teacher. "Who is credited with writing the phrase "To be or not to be That

is the question," asked the teacher. Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front

of the class called out, "Shakespeare". "Well done!" said the teacher,

"You can have Monday off "No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and

it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on

Monday studying hard," said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.

"Well okay," said the teacher. The next quote is, "I had a dream!" Little Fri Sum Kat also at

the front yelled out "I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!" "Well done!"

said the teacher. "You can have Monday off" "No thanka you miss. I am of

Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is

evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too," said little

Fri Sum Kat. "Okay," said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the

back of the classroom, "F#^*ing > Asians!" "Who said that?" yelled the

teacher in an angry tone. "Pauline Hanson!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya Tuesday!!!!

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

Three mice are sitting in a bar. The first one exclaims, "I am one bad-ass mouse! In my hood, we have huge mousetraps. I take the ###### cheese out of the traps and move the bar up and down while I eat."

The second one chimes in with, "Oh yeah. Well, I'm a bad-ass mouse too. In fact, I'm such a bad-ass mouse, that in my hood, I mix rat poison with my milk and chug it down every night before I go to bed."

The third gets up and starts to leave. The other two mice both yell out, "Hey chicken, where do you think you're going?"

The third one replies, "Going home to ###### the cat."

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, "Wow, that's a really fancy watch."

Thanks, says the guy, "It's the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it'll answer me, telepathically."

"Rubbish," says the girl.

"No, it's true," says that guy. "Look, tell you what, I'll prove it. I'll ask it if you've got any panties on."

The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, "Nope, it says you haven't got any panties on."

"Well, it's wrong," says the girl, "I do have panties on."

"######," says the guy, slapping his watch, "it's an hour fast!"

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.

The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?"

The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer says, "Roy, did you have to die?"

Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"

[brahmburgers]

Hiya james, funny stuff.