Life For Single Girls In Thailand

[Naam]

Well said, sunshine4you. I don't feel enormous in Thailand, but then I am not super tall either. I do feel that I look like a woman and know that my husband prefers my look. Good enough for me.

Beauty is as beauty does, the best looking girl around can make herself unattractive by her behavior and attitude.

Quick note: I am reminded of a conversation between my father and a good friend of his. Dad's friend was commenting about a woman they both had known years ago and made a remark about what a beautiful woman she was. My dad asked him, "But wasn't she obese?" and dad's friend said "Well, yes, but she had the most beautiful eyes and she was such a wonderful woman that all I saw was what was beautiful about her".

It reminded me what a great guy he is. I just hope there are more like him out there

there are. i know at least one and... that's me!

[GreenShone]

I will never hang-out with people who makes me feel unpretty. But I do not put my ego in my looks really. I guess, I act more mature these days. I more or less know myself and I'm very much happy to be who I am.

[November Rain]

I think Green Shone's just put it well. It needs to be about you, not how you perceive your attractiveness (you can never know whether you appear attractive to another person, only if you feel attractive in yourself). I'm far bigger than most Thai ladies, both in height & build. I did go through the phase of feeling like a carthorse, but I don't even notice now. Let's face it, I'm never in a million years going to be petite - even when I lose a lot of weight, I still have a big frame (so I look like a thin carthorse!! ). There's no point even thinking about it.

For me, I think the main barrier to a relationship isn't my looks or even my age, it's my availability. Although single, I'm not available (not that I wouldn't like to be!). My time is taken up with other responsibilities & I feel that even if I met someone, I wouldn't be able to put the required time or effort into the relationship, so I don't even bother looking. If I do go out, I enjoy myself with friends (male & female), but I don't bother to put out the vibes that I'm interested. As Green Shone says, I'm "happy with who I am"

[canadiangirl]

Thanks to everyone who is replying! This thread keeps getting some great comments! I am very happy.

I really struggled with feeling attractive in Thailand. My hair went frizzy for a while, I could never find clothes to fit me, all the Thais were like "soo fat" because I didn't have the body of a 12 year old girl -- really, I did feel like a carthorse, an ugly carthorse. I've always been a bit of a tomboy, not stereotypically very "girly", and suddenly I was surrounded by Thai women, who are as girly as you can get.

I felt like I was being judged on my looks more than I'd ever been in my life. At home, I fit into a certain life, a certain circle, I had my place in the world, and my job was super-intellectual, so I wasn't used to people sizing me up in that way, seeing nothing else about me.

I've felt a bit better since coming home, as I get a lot more looks from men here, have no problem fitting into clothes, and there's so much more variety in bodies, fashion, looks. I'm glad to hear that many expat women feel confident about their looks! I hope I can have that same confidence when I come back to BKK.

[November Rain]

Thanks to everyone who is replying! This thread keeps getting some great comments! I am very happy.

I really struggled with feeling attractive in Thailand. My hair went frizzy for a while, I could never find clothes to fit me, all the Thais were like "soo fat" because I didn't have the body of a 12 year old girl -- really, I did feel like a carthorse, an ugly carthorse. I've always been a bit of a tomboy, not stereotypically very "girly", and suddenly I was surrounded by Thai women, who are as girly as you can get.

I felt like I was being judged on my looks more than I'd ever been in my life. At home, I fit into a certain life, a certain circle, I had my place in the world, and my job was super-intellectual, so I wasn't used to people sizing me up in that way, seeing nothing else about me.

I've felt a bit better since coming home, as I get a lot more looks from men here, have no problem fitting into clothes, and there's so much more variety in bodies, fashion, looks. I'm glad to hear that many expat women feel confident about their looks! I hope I can have that same confidence when I come back to BKK.

I think that virtually all Western women (unless they look like Posh Spice or the Olsen twins) feel dumpy & unattractive compared to the Thai women when they first come here. It takes time to get used to it & realise there is no comparison. You can't compare plums with melons (and that's another thing - a farang male friend told me to always remember that most of the Thai women I was envying would have killed for my boobs. Whether true or not, I don't know, but it made me feel better! ) Some people will always prefer the plums, which is great, but there are always people that will opt for a big, juicy, mouthwatering piece of melon!!

I also think that once people get to know you, you stop being judged so much on your looks & more on your personality & deeds. That helps, too. Not sure about the intelligence. I'm not in the sort of work or circles that that would make much difference to others, but I think if you move in that sort of world, that becomes a priority again, too. I agree that, initially, Thailand can seem a superficial place where looks are the most important thing. In some 'industries', that obviously remains true, but in everyday life, that slowly changes as people get to know the 'real' you.

Of course, finding clothes & shoes to fit is still a whole other problem...

[Lancelot]

Thais are not politically correct and often say what they think. If you gain a few pounds, you are suddenly fat but if you lose a few, you will be "gung heng" too skinny

Funny, but the longer I stay here I notice that I am becomming attracted to "curvy" girls, ones that have some shape. For me attitude is most important; at the end of the day, ya still gotta talk...

(No, I'm not hitting on you CG; you've already set me straight about a certain dining establishment, LOL!)

[cmsally]

I know there are a lot of skinny Thai girls out there but then there are an awful lot who are overweight, fat, same as farang size , whatever you want to call it.

This size issue comes up again and again with especially the guys saying the farang women are fat, but I really don't see it. OK so some are large/fat whatever, but there are many Thais who are also. They don't all have figures of 20yr old uni students squished into uniforms.

Personally I'm quite skinny (it's the genes) and see a lot of Thai women especially my age are larger than I am.

Also another thing that many people might not realise is that there are a lot of Thais here who have problems with their weight. You go into any pharmacist and ask for diet pills and they have a whole range. The daughter of a friend took diet pills for many years off and on and weight was up and down like a yo yo. It seemed to really mess up her metabolism as now she is really large and her health not so good. Unless Thais control what they eat and eat healthily they will fat, suffer from diabetes like anyone else. In one hospital I saw a room saying Obesity Clinic - it wasn't for the farangs.

It is unfortunate that some people here still think obese children are healthy children - I see some children clinically obese and still their parents are pumping them full of junk food and not enabling them to get exercise.

It really is a problem in some families, the weight issue is a worldwide thing as diets change.

[Bellatrix]

One thing I'm not a fan of is women's appearances being so open to comment (whether positively or negatively) here in Thailand, in situations where the woman's appearance is irrelevant.

Edited August 17, 2007 by Bellatrix

[sbk]

I don't mind Bellatrix, they do it to the men as well.

Lets face it, that old saw "don't judge a book by its cover" is nice but not necessarily true. It is human nature to size someone up by their appearances first. Thais are just more open and honest about it. I am not saying that is good, nor bad, just making an observation that that is the way it is.

Appearances count in Thailand and something that everyone should remember. You can accept it or fight it but it will still be there.

[britmaveric]

Appearances count in Thailand and something that everyone should remember. You can accept it or fight it but it will still be there.

Hmmm guess thats why I am always complimented on my handsuuuuuuuuum-ness!!!

[villagefarang]

Sounds like you're being a tad harsh on the Thai girls. Just because my wife looks like a teenager at 33 doesn't mean she lacks substance or character or is somehow less worthy. It is just her genes and that she is very active and works out.

I'm not superficial just because I'm lucky enough to be loved by such an amazing woman that happens to look good too. I understand that comparison is hard but that is the point. We shouldn't be comparing and turning it into a competition of who is better. There is room for every type out there. Some people will like us and some won't and that is OK.

[sbk]

Actually, villagefarang, I think the problem lies in some posters who seem to feel the need to make sweeping generalizations about women's appearances ie the tendency to assume all western women are fat and all Thai women are skinny when the fact is that, as you said, there are all types. Seems people see what they want to see in order to feed their own assumptions.

And it is this behavior that has produced a reaction, not Thai women being skinny or not.

[villagefarang]

Actually, villagefarang, I think the problem lies in some posters who seem to feel the need to make sweeping generalizations about women's appearances ie the tendency to assume all western women are fat and all Thai women are skinny when the fact is that, as you said, there are all types. Seems people see what they want to see in order to feed their own assumptions.

And it is this behavior that has produced a reaction, not Thai women being skinny or not.

It would be nice if everyone understood that.

[qwertz]

This is not just about good looks in a woman.

It's a sad fact of life that good looking people are preferred, not just for romance but also in life in general.

You've all experienced it, either directly or indirectly.

I'm lucky, I was born plain, so I worked on developing my character and intelligence.

So as the good lookers grow old, many don't have these advantages to fall back and I have the edge.

As a beautiful actress once said when asked what it was like to be born so beautiful: " It's like being born rich and getting a little poorer every day".

[TDOT]

I hope you don't mind if I ask --- what do young people who are not teachers do in BKK? Looking around at what people do, I mostly found mostly young people who are teaching for a few years, older expats with a lot of professional experience there on expat packages, and retired people.

Heaps of different things. In my circle with ages from 23 - 35 we have:

Girls: Marketing x 3, PR, Food Scientist, UN consultant, and others (all with major multi-nationals)

Guys: NGO consultant, Embassy worker, Investment Banker, Marketing, Teacher, Engineer, and others.

You will be surprised how many young professionals are here, male and female. Don't narrow yourself to teachers and avoid dodgy types and losers.

If you can teach, get in touch with the international education fairs which take place this summer around the world and try to get hired from abroad at an international school here. Good pay, perks and conditions.

I just wanted to say that I have been following this thread and am just amazed at so helpful everyone has been. The honest advice and lack of disparaging comments is really very helpful and refreshing. I will definitely be coming to this forum more often.

I wanted to respond to this post in particular. I am also a Canadian woman planning on moving to Thailand within the next 6 months. I am not a recent grad and have been professionally employed for about 10 years now. My question is in regards to your friends in the non-teaching occupations above. I am trying to find professional employment, but find that the visa issue is... an issue and it's hard to find professional employment as I would be replacing a Thai. Your friends in the marketing, PR, food science etc. did they move to Thailand with these jobs in place, or did they manage to find professional work in Bangkok once they arrived here?

Any insights or advice is greatly appreciated!!

[khall64au]

This is not just about good looks in a woman.

It's a sad fact of life that good looking people are preferred, not just for romance but also in life in general.

You've all experienced it, either directly or indirectly.

I'm lucky, I was born plain, so I worked on developing my character and intelligence.

So as the good lookers grow old, many don't have these advantages to fall back and I have the edge.

As a beautiful actress once said when asked what it was like to be born so beautiful: " It's like being born rich and getting a little poorer every day".

What a fabulous post Qwertz.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was born with both beauty and brains. What to do with that? I never took advantage of the beauty bit and always focused on the brains. It didn't work! So I tried brains, humour, beauty - it didn't work!!!

Moving on to all possible combinations I ultimately decided to just be ME - that is what works best. I don't care what men think of me here in Thailand. That works!!!

[jEFFREYk44]

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was born with both beauty and brains. What to do with that? I never took advantage of the beauty bit and always focused on the brains. It didn't work! So I tried brains, humour, beauty - it didn't work!!!

Moving on to all possible combinations I ultimately decided to just be ME - that is what works best. I don't care what men think of me here in Thailand. That works!!!

Um, just about the perfect answer ever

[qwertz]

^

Well, J, the good news is - if you exercise your brain it won't deteriorate like the rest of you surely will.

Even at my venerable age, the compliment I hear most from women is - I'm "interesting".

Believe me, I'd rather hear this than have them say I resemble George Clooney (which I do not)

Better to interest a woman than try to dazzle her with your six pack and flashing teeth.

I speak from experience and I hope to remain interesting to women for as long as I'm ambulant - 'cos I like 'em.

[meemiathai]

canadian girl, not sure if you're in thailand yet. But you should behave like this(u-tube) when you are there.

[canadiangirl]

^

Better to interest a woman than try to dazzle her with your six pack and flashing teeth.

I speak from experience and I hope to remain interesting to women for as long as I'm ambulant - 'cos I like 'em.

I think you're interesting qwertz!

You almost made me cry with your story about taking care of your daughter by yourself!

So I'm pretty sure women like you back.

[canadiangirl]

canadian girl, not sure if you're in thailand yet. But you should behave like this(u-tube) when you are there.

Whoa, you read my mind!

That's exactly what I was planning on doing!

[Doza]

I just wanted to say that I have been following this thread and am just amazed at so helpful everyone has been. The honest advice and lack of disparaging comments is really very helpful and refreshing. I will definitely be coming to this forum more often.

I wanted to respond to this post in particular. I am also a Canadian woman planning on moving to Thailand within the next 6 months. I am not a recent grad and have been professionally employed for about 10 years now. My question is in regards to your friends in the non-teaching occupations above. I am trying to find professional employment, but find that the visa issue is... an issue and it's hard to find professional employment as I would be replacing a Thai. Your friends in the marketing, PR, food science etc. did they move to Thailand with these jobs in place, or did they manage to find professional work in Bangkok once they arrived here?

All moved here with their company (at the time), some have changed companies and even fields since they have been here though.

It is possible to secure a job after you are here, but it is NOT easy, and its all about connections. Depends on your profession. The replacing a Thai thing is kind of vague. Its easy for a company to justify a foreigner over a Thai if they need one (even though theoretically a Thai can do marketing / PR etc etc) Dont worry about it. The biggest issue is to find companies willing to hire locally. Most of the biggies will bring expats in. You need to network well. Simply depends on profession, and level of skill/experience.

[donna]

its not TOO hard to find work here but there is a certain amount of networking that needs to be done first. i do not have a degree but i have lived here for 8 years now, which does go along way when it comes to getting a job - employers like to see that you have an understanding of thai culture before they will give you a job (in MY experience anyway).

depends on the kind of work you are after i guess.

[qwertz]

^

Better to interest a woman than try to dazzle her with your six pack and flashing teeth.

I speak from experience and I hope to remain interesting to women for as long as I'm ambulant - 'cos I like 'em.

I think you're interesting qwertz!

You almost made me cry with your story about taking care of your daughter by yourself!

So I'm pretty sure women like you back.

CG, such things are only a crying matter while they're happening.

In retrospect, I'm glad I went through that phase because it made a better man and taught me responsibility.

And I'm not bitter towards women because my wife flew the coop either, although I might have been had she stayed.

Again, in retrospect, she did me a favour by changing my life.

[sbk]

CG, such things are only a crying matter while they're happening.

In retrospect, I'm glad I went through that phase because it made a better man and taught me responsibility.

And I'm not bitter towards women because my wife flew the coop either, although I might have been had she stayed.

Again, in retrospect, she did me a favour by changing my life.

Truer words could not be said qwertz. My mom always said, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". I would hope that I learn from my misfortunes so I am not doomed to repeat them. And hope that I learn enough to make me a better person.

[Tinkelbell]

^

Better to interest a woman than try to dazzle her with your six pack and flashing teeth.

I speak from experience and I hope to remain interesting to women for as long as I'm ambulant - 'cos I like 'em.

I think you're interesting qwertz!

You almost made me cry with your story about taking care of your daughter by yourself!

So I'm pretty sure women like you back.

canadiangirl, I hate myself for missing ' qwertz' posted about taking care of his daughter. Could you tell me where to find that post?

I always find his threads very interesting and to my agreement.

Thanks!

[TDOT]

I just wanted to say that I have been following this thread and am just amazed at so helpful everyone has been. The honest advice and lack of disparaging comments is really very helpful and refreshing. I will definitely be coming to this forum more often.

I wanted to respond to this post in particular. I am also a Canadian woman planning on moving to Thailand within the next 6 months. I am not a recent grad and have been professionally employed for about 10 years now. My question is in regards to your friends in the non-teaching occupations above. I am trying to find professional employment, but find that the visa issue is... an issue and it's hard to find professional employment as I would be replacing a Thai. Your friends in the marketing, PR, food science etc. did they move to Thailand with these jobs in place, or did they manage to find professional work in Bangkok once they arrived here?

All moved here with their company (at the time), some have changed companies and even fields since they have been here though.

It is possible to secure a job after you are here, but it is NOT easy, and its all about connections. Depends on your profession. The replacing a Thai thing is kind of vague. Its easy for a company to justify a foreigner over a Thai if they need one (even though theoretically a Thai can do marketing / PR etc etc) Dont worry about it. The biggest issue is to find companies willing to hire locally. Most of the biggies will bring expats in. You need to network well. Simply depends on profession, and level of skill/experience.

Thanks so much for your insights! I don't think that moving with my current company is an option (even though they have branch in Bangkok) as I am too new to the role and frankly... I don't like it! I also think that looking for a job with a multi-national here in Canada on the premise that I want to be transferred overseas asap and only to Bangkok is also not likely. Therefore, I guess I will go the more difficult route of looking for something locally and networking away. I am a bit of a jack of all trades, but my professional experience has been primarily in export sales/trading in the agri-foods industry. CP Thailand would be the ultimate fit.

Again, thanks for your insights and I will keep an eye out to networking as much as possible once I arrive in Bangkok!!

[Doza]

Oh and you should get in touch with recruitment companies as well - not sure the best for you but someone like The Wright Company would be a good start.