You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.

The 2003 Toyota Hilux.

Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a bloody neck that can turn.

Let me tell you a story. One day my Hilux started making a strange sound. I didn't give a fart and ignored it. It went away. The End.

You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would start right up.

This car will outlive you, it will outlive your idiot children.

Things this car is old enough to do:
Vote: yes
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car

This car's got history. It's seen some stuff. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a bloody Volkswagen would.

Interesting facts:
This car's exterior color is black, and it's interior color is black.
In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
When this Hilux version was unveiled at the 1998 Tokyo Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 2003 Toyota Hilux."

You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms

This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.

When I ran the service/accident history for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Hilux. It's fine."

Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The bloody 2003 Toyota Hilux.

Edited January 12, 20242 yr by Sandboxer

Brilliant post.

 

But no thanks. I have a 2011 Hilux. In 13 years I had one major repair, one of the indicator bulbs had to be replaced.

Only one careful owner, a Mr. Jeremy Clarkson of Chadlington, Oxon.

 

Engine? Mileage? Tires%? Pictures?

On 1/30/2024 at 1:23 PM, Henkjan2 said:

Engine? Mileage? Tires%? Pictures?

Yes/1 lunar return trip/4/pics above your post are pretty accurate

I don't see any pictures sorry