Trump and The Art of Winning in Iran

Ladies and gentlemen, I did it. I surrendered to Iran. Completely. Total surrender. People said it couldn’t be done. They said, “Sir, nobody could possibly surrender this hard.” And I said, “Watch me.”

You remember Obama giving Iran $1.5 billion? Terrible deal. Weak. Very weak. Child’s play. Amateur hour. I looked at that and said, “Those are rookie numbers.”

So here’s what we did. First, we spent $300 billion of your taxpayer money blowing up Iran. Tremendous explosion, by the way. The best explosions. Nobody does explosions like us. Then, and this is where the genius comes in, we’re going to give them another $300 billion to rebuild everything we just blew up. Think about it. Nobody has ever thought of this before. Many people are saying it’s the most innovative financial disaster in history.

We’re going to rebuild their cities, rebuild their military, restart their nuclear programs, give them money for weapons, give them money for more weapons, and then probably give them some extra money just because we’re feeling generous. Their proxies are going to be thrilled. They’re calling me already. They love me over there. They really do.

People come up to me with tears in their eyes and say, “Sir, how did you manage to screw this up so magnificently?” And I tell them, “It’s a gift. Not everybody has it.”

The fake news won’t tell you this, but this was all part of a master plan. A beautiful plan. A perfect plan. Some say the greatest plan ever conceived by a human mind. The experts hate it. The generals hate it. The economists hate it. Which is how you know it’s working.

And remember, I have the absolute right to do this. Total authority. Complete authority. Everybody knows it.

The best part? I’ll probably be gone before the bill comes due. That’s the beauty of leadership. You folks get to spend the next thirty years dealing with the consequences while I ride off into the sunset. Frankly, it’s tremendous. Maybe the most tremendous collapse anybody has ever seen.

Thank you. God bless you. God bless America. And good luck. You’re going to need it.