What Should Cheating Spouse Get

[wolfmanjack]

I know this will cause a lot of arguments but i want to know.

In your opinion when a divorce is caused by a cheating spouse how should the assets be split up ??

This specific situation has to do with my mother in law. Her husband moved his mia noi into the same house they were living in. When she moved in my mother in law moved out. In my opinion she should have went to a judge instead of moving out but that was her decision and it was 9 years ago. Now he has gone to a judge to file for divorce so he can marry the mia noi and he wants to keep everything that they obtained together. His reasoning is that my mother in law has obtained new land and a new house on her own in the last 9 years.

Legally this is all confusing because all of the land was acquired while they were still married. The land that he has was obtained while they were still living together and was improved mostly by her but has been taken care of the last 9 years by his mia noi.

In my opinion ALL of the new land that she worked on her own should be retained by my mother in law and at least 50% of the old land should be given to her. I also advised her that she should sue the mia noi for having sex with her husband since compesation is provided for in thai law. Since I am very harsh to spouses that cheat i would say that all of the old land should go to her also since that is what the penalty should be for cheating.

By the way what she is asking for is for the old land and house to be put in the children's name so that the new wife can get her hands on it. She is not asking for any of it for herself.

My opinion on other situations based on thai law that whatever you bring into the marriage is your and what was acquired during the marriage is communal property.

1. Where all assets were acquired together. The cheating spouse should pack their clothes and be on their way.

2. Non cheating spouse provided all of the assets. The cheating spouse should pack their clothes and be on their way.

3. The cheating spouse provided all of the assets. 50% should go to the non cheating spouse.

Interested to hear opinions. My guess is the cheaters will be very against what I have written.

[TAWP]

Under the law everything they got during marriage, including the new land, should be split 50/50, no?

You cannot go back and state that the implementation of the law should be limited to a specific time-range arbitrarily chosen by one party.

That is why one files for divorce right away if moving apart.

Edited September 21, 2007 by TAWP

[JimmyCA]

The logic here is to sound to possibly be true in thailand. My guess is the wife will get squat.

[Scott]

Best of luck. Laws are laws and they are for a reason. M-i-l should have settled this stuff 9 years ago. But since she didn't, now 50/50 seems OK.

[wolfmanjack]

Best of luck. Laws are laws and they are for a reason. M-i-l should have settled this stuff 9 years ago. But since she didn't, now 50/50 seems OK.

That means the cheating spouse will make out like a bandit since my mother in law has acquired a good deal of land in the last 9 years and her husband still only has the land that they acquired together.

Remember that since they have been married for the last 9 years her new land would be considered marriage assets.

Edited September 21, 2007 by wolfmanjack

[wolfmanjack]

Under the law everything they got during marriage, including the new land, should be split 50/50, no?

You cannot go back and state that the implementation of the law should be limited to a specific time-range arbitrarily chosen by one party.

That is why one files for divorce right away if moving apart.

Right she should have done so at the time.

No one here thinks there should be a penalty for a spouse that cheats ?? I my home state it used to be that if you could prove that the other spouse was cheating on you then the judge would award a substantial amount of the assets to the non cheating spouse. Now they have the no fault divorce rules. I am not sure if thailand has anything like this or not. I do know that there is a law that you can sue the person your spouse is having sex with.

[maxman71]

Under the law everything they got during marriage, including the new land, should be split 50/50, no?

You cannot go back and state that the implementation of the law should be limited to a specific time-range arbitrarily chosen by one party.

That is why one files for divorce right away if moving apart.

Right she should have done so at the time.

No one here thinks there should be a penalty for a spouse that cheats ?? I my home state it used to be that if you could prove that the other spouse was cheating on you then the judge would award a substantial amount of the assets to the non cheating spouse. Now they have the no fault divorce rules. I am not sure if thailand has anything like this or not. I do know that there is a law that you can sue the person your spouse is having sex with.

This is a case where some form of "Common Law" may apply. Since the status quo for the last 9 years has been the cheating husband and shameless mia noi have been living as man and wife, and the first wife has moved on and built up assets on her own, my guess a judge may just rule that everything will remain status quo; the husband keeps whatever he has now, and the first wife keeps what she has built up since she left. The Common Law rationale is that the longer a given situation exists, the more it becomes a binding contract that supercedes whatever was formally in place before. The first wife should have taken legal action right after the mia noi moved in. Just my US$0.02.

[GuestHouse]

If the behaviour of either party is brought into the court room then the only people who will win anything is the lawyers. The ensuing arguments will be rich pickings for them and their 'legal sevices charges' while the bitterness that such personal wrangling would inevitably lead to would undoubtedly do lassting damage to the whole family, not just the couple getting divorced.

It is for that reason I say split the assets along the contractual agreement - In Thailand everything held before the marriage is kept by the party that owneed it, everything gained during the marriage is split 50/50.

Not tough luck for the MiL, but a tough outcome for her decision not to divorce when she moved out.

On a personal note to yourself - I'd advise you to stay out of the fray.

Blood is thicker than water, both your MiL and your FiL are parents of your wife. If any bitterness arrises from this you want to make sure you are not siding with anyone.

[wolfmanjack]

If the behaviour of either party is brought into the court room then the only people who will win anything is the lawyers. The ensuing arguments will be rich pickings for them and their 'legal sevices charges' while the bitterness that such personal wrangling would inevitably lead to would undoubtedly do lassting damage to the whole family, not just the couple getting divorced.

It is for that reason I say split the assets along the contractual agreement - In Thailand everything held before the marriage is kept by the party that owneed it, everything gained during the marriage is split 50/50.

Not tough luck for the MiL, but a tough outcome for her decision not to divorce when she moved out.

On a personal note to yourself - I'd advise you to stay out of the fray.

Blood is thicker than water, both your MiL and your FiL are parents of your wife. If any bitterness arrises from this you want to make sure you are not siding with anyone.

Just to clarify the FIL is not the father of my wife. Her father died and her mother remarried.

I do not go the meetings that the family has over this. My comments are made to my wife and only to my wife and are much nicer than what she has to say about the situation.

[solo siam]

Best of luck. Laws are laws and they are for a reason. M-i-l should have settled this stuff 9 years ago. But since she didn't, now 50/50 seems OK.

That means the cheating spouse will make out like a bandit since my mother in law has acquired a good deal of land in the last 9 years and her husband still only has the land that they acquired together.

Remember that since they have been married for the last 9 years her new land would be considered marriage assets.

So get her to transfer all her land to someone else before she files for divorce.

[wolfmanjack]

Best of luck. Laws are laws and they are for a reason. M-i-l should have settled this stuff 9 years ago. But since she didn't, now 50/50 seems OK.

That means the cheating spouse will make out like a bandit since my mother in law has acquired a good deal of land in the last 9 years and her husband still only has the land that they acquired together.

Remember that since they have been married for the last 9 years her new land would be considered marriage assets.

So get her to transfer all her land to someone else before she files for divorce.

Good point and she has transfered some of the land to her children but she kept quite a bit for herself. I guess she should transfer the rest to the children before it goes any further. It may be too late though since the husband already filed something with a judge.

[TAWP]

Unless the cheating is against a contract, read: pre-nup, it's not illegal and shouldn't affect the divorce settlement. In the best of worlds.

[wolfmanjack]

Unless the cheating is against a contract, read: pre-nup, it's not illegal and shouldn't affect the divorce settlement. In the best of worlds.

HMMMM if it isn't illegal then why do the thai codes provide for compensation form someone having sex with their spouse ? To me that would mean it is illegal. I just have not found any other references to it yet.

In the best of worlds the adultery would not take place. Every one would divorce before they engaged in sexual relations with another person.

[chuchok]

Unless the cheating is against a contract, read: pre-nup, it's not illegal and shouldn't affect the divorce settlement. In the best of worlds.

HMMMM if it isn't illegal then why do the thai codes provide for compensation from someone having sex with their spouse ? To me that would mean it is illegal. I just have not found any other references to it yet.

In the best of worlds the adultery would not take place. Every one would divorce before they engaged in sexual relations with another person.

You are on to something here.

[TAWP]

Compensation? Sounds like a civil code, not a criminal case.

[lazeeboy]

I know this will cause a lot of arguments but i want to know.

In your opinion when a divorce is caused by a cheating spouse how should the assets be split up ??

This specific situation has to do with my mother in law. Her husband moved his mia noi into the same house they were living in. When she moved in my mother in law moved out. In my opinion she should have went to a judge instead of moving out but that was her decision and it was 9 years ago. Now he has gone to a judge to file for divorce so he can marry the mia noi and he wants to keep everything that they obtained together. His reasoning is that my mother in law has obtained new land and a new house on her own in the last 9 years.

Legally this is all confusing because all of the land was acquired while they were still married. The land that he has was obtained while they were still living together and was improved mostly by her but has been taken care of the last 9 years by his mia noi.

In my opinion ALL of the new land that she worked on her own should be retained by my mother in law and at least 50% of the old land should be given to her. I also advised her that she should sue the mia noi for having sex with her husband since compesation is provided for in thai law. Since I am very harsh to spouses that cheat i would say that all of the old land should go to her also since that is what the penalty should be for cheating.

By the way what she is asking for is for the old land and house to be put in the children's name so that the new wife can get her hands on it. She is not asking for any of it for herself.

My opinion on other situations based on thai law that whatever you bring into the marriage is your and what was acquired during the marriage is communal property.

1. Where all assets were acquired together. The cheating spouse should pack their clothes and be on their way.

2. Non cheating spouse provided all of the assets. The cheating spouse should pack their clothes and be on their way.

3. The cheating spouse provided all of the assets. 50% should go to the non cheating spouse.

Interested to hear opinions. My guess is the cheaters will be very against what I have written.

no arguement 50/50 ........

[intumult]

In an ideal world the cheating half of a marriage should get nothing but, rules are rules and laws are laws so they get 50% usually.

Always a good idea to start divorce proceedings immediately or at least get an official separation order to prove the time the relationship broke down and then the asset division is usually from that date.

The only people who really benefit, as usual, are the Lawyers

just my twopenworth

[Dakhar]

I thought Tha law stated that if the Husband had a mia noi, and the wife was aware of it, and it was also know publicly that the man had a mia noi, and supported her... it was not considered adultry by the eyes of the law. Not that I care, I am just saying what I had heard... don't know if that is true or not.

My M-in-law divorced her husband, because he really never earned a baht in his life. He is a good man, he just suffers Thai disease. he couldn't earn a baht to save his life.

You would have to see it to believe it. She works hard, never home, travels a lot. She is out on business.... She has lots of land, houses, rental property & an apartment complex next to her home. He lives in her complex for free, and comes over to the house to clean house, tend to the yard etc, every day. She divorced him mainly because he didn't earn anything, and she did not want anything of hers to be passed down to him at the time of her death.

Strangest thing I have ever seen. She never courts anyone, and neither does he....

[FarangNoi21]

the belief that cheating spouses should not get the standard 50% is sophomoric. What about spouses who aren't emotionally stable? What about spouses who snore too loud? What about spouses who don't take care of their body? What about spouses who treat you poorly, etc. Cheating hurts our ego more so, but creating laws that punish certain faults is unrealistic and silly.

Edited September 21, 2007 by FarangNoi21

[fletchsmile]

Have to say, it sounds harsh on your mother-in-law. But...

To really answer your question shouldn't you also ask why did he cheat in the first place? Then ask what was the cause behind that cause... and so on.

[wolfmanjack]

Have to say, it sounds harsh on your mother-in-law. But...

To really answer your question shouldn't you also ask why did he cheat in the first place? Then ask what was the cause behind that cause... and so on.

As far as I am concerned the only semi jusifiable reason to have sex outside the marriage is if the spouse is not allowing any sex to take place at home and in this case it should be discussed with the spouse to allow it. If not then get a divorce first.

I doubt that non sex could be a reason since my MIL has 6 kids 2 of which are by this man.

[wolfmanjack]

the belief that cheating spouses should not get the standard 50% is sophomoric. What about spouses who aren't emotionally stable? What about spouses who snore too loud? What about spouses who don't take care of their body? What about spouses who treat you poorly, etc. Cheating hurts our ego more so, but creating laws that punish certain faults is unrealistic and silly.

In Most religions Adultery is against the tenets. In many countries Adultery is illegal. As far as I can remember in the Bible the only reason for divorce is Adultery. Adultery causes so many problems that affect every one around them especially the children that it can not be compared to snoring and it blows mew away that any one would try to say it is an equal offense. Ever hear of ear plugs ?

I am not sure what you are getting at but are you saying that snoring, emotional instability, and getting fat are reasons for cheating or reasons for divorce?

The way I read it is that you are trying to put snoring etc on the same par as adultery. Do you also think that squeezing toothpaste in the middle and leaving the toilet seat up is the same ?

[wolfmanjack]

Compensation? Sounds like a civil code, not a criminal case.

The civil codes are laws also which would make another person having sex with your spouse illegal. I do not have copies in english of all of the civil or criminal codes so i do not know if they have a criminal code against adultery. It may be there but not enforced like many other laws in thailand.

[FarangNoi21]

the belief that cheating spouses should not get the standard 50% is sophomoric. What about spouses who aren't emotionally stable? What about spouses who snore too loud? What about spouses who don't take care of their body? What about spouses who treat you poorly, etc. Cheating hurts our ego more so, but creating laws that punish certain faults is unrealistic and silly.

In Most religions Adultery is against the tenets. In many countries Adultery is illegal. As far as I can remember in the Bible the only reason for divorce is Adultery. Adultery causes so many problems that affect every one around them especially the children that it can not be compared to snoring and it blows mew away that any one would try to say it is an equal offense. Ever hear of ear plugs ?

I am not sure what you are getting at but are you saying that snoring, emotional instability, and getting fat are reasons for cheating or reasons for divorce?

The way I read it is that you are trying to put snoring etc on the same par as adultery. Do you also think that squeezing toothpaste in the middle and leaving the toilet seat up is the same ?

the point is that it is all subjective. like another poster stated, if you want specific penalites for adultry, get a pren-up. marriage is a legal document, it has nothing to do with religion.

[wolfmanjack]

Here is the update. A lawyer has been obtained. According to him the assets she has acquired since she moved out o the house are not community property since the entire village knows that they are separated. I guess this would go back to another posters suggestion about common law. Here is where the penalty for cheating comes in. The lawyer says that the MIL can sue the husband and the mia noi for adultery. I am told that is the route that my MIL is taking. According to the lawyer she will be able to get her 50% plus payments of some sort from both the husband and mia noi.

[JimmyCA]

According to the lawyer she will be able to get her 50% plus payments of some sort from both the husband and mia noi.

LOL

[intumult]

the belief that cheating spouses should not get the standard 50% is sophomoric. What about spouses who aren't emotionally stable? What about spouses who snore too loud? What about spouses who don't take care of their body? What about spouses who treat you poorly, etc. Cheating hurts our ego more so, but creating laws that punish certain faults is unrealistic and silly.

Then shouldn't they leave the spouse in those circumstances if they feel strongly enough about it? Those are not reasons for going outside the marriage for sexual relations. At least not in my book.

[wolfmanjack]

the belief that cheating spouses should not get the standard 50% is sophomoric. What about spouses who aren't emotionally stable? What about spouses who snore too loud? What about spouses who don't take care of their body? What about spouses who treat you poorly, etc. Cheating hurts our ego more so, but creating laws that punish certain faults is unrealistic and silly.

Then shouldn't they leave the spouse in those circumstances if they feel strongly enough about it? Those are not reasons for going outside the marriage for sexual relations. At least not in my book.

Not in my book either. A person would have to have pretty low moral standards if they thought snoring was a good enough excuse to cheat on your spouse.

[FarangNoi21]

the belief that cheating spouses should not get the standard 50% is sophomoric. What about spouses who aren't emotionally stable? What about spouses who snore too loud? What about spouses who don't take care of their body? What about spouses who treat you poorly, etc. Cheating hurts our ego more so, but creating laws that punish certain faults is unrealistic and silly.

Then shouldn't they leave the spouse in those circumstances if they feel strongly enough about it? Those are not reasons for going outside the marriage for sexual relations. At least not in my book.

Not in my book either. A person would have to have pretty low moral standards if they thought snoring was a good enough excuse to cheat on your spouse.

Many women are just as disturbed by their husbands having strong emotional relationships with other women as they are at them having physical relationships with other women. I am not saying that those other things are an excuse for cheating, i am saying that cheating is one of the many things a person can do wrong in a relationship and without a contract their it would be arbitrary to assign specific values to people's faults. you are essentially saying that a person should be punished in physical terms (financial) for an action that is not illegal in society (adultry). As for religion, it has natta to do with the state.

[geriatrickid]

Before you do all these transfers to the family, I hope your wife has the good sense to make sure that all the kids will understand that it is still the MIL's. Perhaps an underlying agreement? No family is perfect and the more kids there are, the more likely one of them will be a greedy turd.