The Drunk In The Bar

[Neddy]

A man whose fondness for the grape was well known became a regular at a bar where available single women were said to frequent. But the man, no matter how much he drank to overcome his normal shyness, never seemed to score. The standard opening lines such as, “What’s your sign or Do you come here often?’ never seemed to work for him.

Our inebriated would-be Romeo observed another guy who would walk into the bar, order a beer and get the lay of the land. He would invariably focus on the most attractive lady in the bar, and would casually approach her. He would lean close to the lady, and speak softly to her. In a mater of a few minutes the guy and the lady would leave the bar hand-in-hand.

Finally our somewhat inebriated friend approached the successful lothario one evening and said, “I notice that you have great success with the ladies”. The man just gave him a modest grin. “Can you tell me what you say to them that entice them to go home with you?” he asked. “I’ll be happy to share my secret with you. There’re more than enough hungry ladies to go around,” he replied. In a very soft voice, I say to them, “Tickle your ass with a feather”. If they give me a nice smile, then I know that I am set for the evening. But if they react negatively and demand that I tell them again what I said to them, I just say “Terribly nasty weather”. That defuses the situation and I can move on to the next lady.

The drunk was impressed and vowed to use the same approach. He returned to his stool and kept repeating the question and response to himself. Finally a single lady entered the bar and took a stool only two down from the drunk. Seizing the opportunity, the drunk staggered next to her and in a rather loud and confused voice exclaimed, “Stick this feather up your a@#. In an angry voice, the lady asked, “What did you say”? He replied, “Raining like hel_l out ain’t it”?

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