2007

[mumbojumbo]

>Subject: FW: YEAR'S BEST (ACTUAL) HEADLINES OF 2007

>

>

>Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

>[imagine that!

>

>Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

>[No, really?]

>

>Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

>

>Now that's taking things a bit far!

>

>Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

>[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

>

>

>Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

>[What a guy!]

>

>

>Miners Refuse to Work after Death

>[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

>

>

>Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

>[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

>

>

>War Dims Hope for Peace

>

>

>

>If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

>[You think?]

>

>

>Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

>[Who would have thought!]

>

>Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

>[They may be on to something!]

>

>

>Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

>[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

>

>

>Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

>[he probably IS the battery charge!]

>

>

>New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

>[Weren't they fat enough?!]

>

>

>Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas

>in Spacecraft

>[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

>

>

>Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

>[Taste like chicken?]

>

>

>Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

>[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

>

>

>Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

>[boy, are they tall!]

>

>

>And the winner is....

>

>Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead