Dowry

[Spellbound]

Carvelle.  

Be careful this sort of woman has a sixth sense, DONT BECOME ANOTHER FALANG SUICIDE STATISTC.  The money you mention on your previous is beyond the reach of poor people in the provinces.  LIFE IS CHEAP IN ASIA (very cheap if you make them lose face) 10,000 and you can also become a statistic.  

If your so said lady knows your flight details and you can not change them, hard luck just make sure you exit the airport through another exit. If she know your hotel, for Christ sake change it, (Don’t Believe me ask other members on this board about a Thai woman scorned)  If she get wind if your situation you will have more problems on your hands than you could ever imagine.

If you know anything about life in Thailand and Thailand life you will take this on board and have a serious talk to yourself.

Check out link (why are all the falangs commiting sucide, on this board)

Good Luck

[chuang]

Hi Caravelle,

I fully agreed with most readers to ditch the girl, by all means confront her with your evidence, see what she has to say.

I suggest you leave the parents alone, give them a bit of face

and whatever decision you make, please follow head and not your heart.

I know, speaking from experience....it's better now than later when you realise you are too deep in it.

So enjoy yourself, hope you find a good girl..I am sure there are many around....  

[chonabot]

(Don’t Believe me ask other members on this board about a Thai woman scorned)  

Its a sight you won't ever want to see twice my friend.

[Bob Chittie]

Last year an aquaintence of mine (40 year old decent looking farang) met a Thai girl and fell in love. She was 23 working in a hotel as a receptionist, earning 6,000 Baht a month. I'm not sure what her parents did, but do know that they had little money. Not poor, but not upper middle class by any means. She also had a very rich Thai boyfriend who she was engadged to.

Anyway, they see eachother for a couple months. He buys her family a new Camry and gives them One Million Baht. They got married and now they have a baby.

So, was he ripped off? From his point of view, he found a beautiful girl, fell in love and now has a child. But if it was me, I'd always have to wonder what happens if the money runs out and what would have happened had he only been able to offer her 50,000 baht. But to him, now, it is irrelevant and for now anyway, they seem to be living happily together.

[enchanted]

Caravelle,

Please listen to all the experienced people's advice and quit the game before you lose more than just money...

Personally I have been burnt by a massage Thai gal and it will take me 5 years to recover from my debts....I'm still hurting from that experience.

You will never want to see a Thai woman scorned...trust me!

Just walk away....I'm sure she will find another "you" in no time if you leave her....

Good Luck and Take care, my friend....

[Charlie]

Dear Caravelle,

The sum of 600K is most ridiculous. Pardon me for saying this... You must have given them the impression that you come from a very rich family. I have two friends from Malaysia who had married Thai wives. One gave only 50K and was gladly accepted. The other one was even better. The father-in-law told him this... " Promise me that you will treat our daughter well, and take good care of her. Keep the dowry for your own use. This is what we want, and nothing more ".

So you see my friend, the sky has no limit. For your case, I can only say this... " The Fourtune Hunters have found you ". There is a Chinese saying, " You are in deep sleep. You are yet to get up from your sleep" . You had better run, before they strip you bare. I am advising you in good faith. Wishing you all the best.

Regards,

charlie

[caravelle]

In response to Dave Yo:

Maybe I give the wrong impression that it is she that likes to view the naked man. Sorry If that is the case.

Not so, it is he that is the exhibitionist and she who responds is a polite manner.

When in Bkk I stop in a 1200 baht per night hotel and eat about 450 baht per meal for the 2 of us.  From the outset she refuses all offers of presents etc. My job is not exactly a wealth creator compared to professionals etc.

My origional thought was the 600,000 baht was a mistake and should have meant 60,000 baht, but it seems not so.

So far I can honestly say I am not asleep to this situation, will see how it progresses and act accordingly. Thanks for the advise on security and will take appropriate steps.

All I do will be fair and treat her in a good manner, and tell her either before I go or after my return

Caravelle

ps I have seen one very recent news  which confirms there is more to this than money.

When this story comes to its conclusion I will reveal all    :cool:

[LPCustom69]

Caravelle -- She's still sitting in front of the moneitor and replying politely! Listen to what everyone is saying. No one wants to rain on your parade, they are just giving honest and helpful advice. There are plenty of fish in the sea, go fishing.

:cool:

[DaveYo]

Gang, just read the post from Caravelle.  I guess he wants to learn the hard way.  Pity.  But what can we do, it is his life, and I do believe once he does get a good burn, it will be a ditto for him and hopefully not a disaster as some have experienced.  All we can do is keep our fingers crossed for our member and hope for the best and that he wakes up in the nick of time.  We can be saying this and that till we are blue in the face, but the final decision is up to Caravelle himself.  I am sure all will agree on that conclusion.   :blues: ???

[enchanted]

I agree with Dave...all I can say now to Caravelle is...

Khun Caravelle..choke dee maak!

[pnustedt]

Although I do not want to, but I do have the power to walk away.

Then do it!

[rakthai]

My origional thought was the 600,000 baht was a mistake and should have meant 60,000 baht, but it seems not so.

100,000 OK but 600,000! come on man pull yourself together. Listen to all. Try this, explain you have only 100,000 see what she says. If she is still happy she must love you. If she complains then you know the score....

[chuang]

Hi caravelle,

It seems that you like or love this girl very much, we can only give you our advices, as I said before the final choice is yours.

If LOVE is in the air and you can afford it, than 600k isn't the problem. Some had given dowries more than this.

I am now nursing my wound, 'if' yes 'if' only I had listen to my friends long ago I would not be in this shit.

You can read of my experience titled 'getting out of love' under 'other topics'....Anyway we all wish you a happy ending.

??? a good girl is one who, after work goes home to sleep..

a nice girl is one who, after work goes to sleep and goes home.....................

[D80]

I can only tell you this, then you have to decide for yourself:

-600,000 bath is the sort of dowry usually asked by upper-middle class family (at least).

-Not all good family & (so-called)good Thai women ask for dowry.  And usually, if the dowry is asked, it is given back to the couple (it is more like a prove of wealth than anything else).

-Normally, if a Thai woman start talking about marriage with you, she will not see someone else at the same time.  NB: this is what ordinary Thai women do, not women of the night.

-Dowry is usually not discussed until you both are serious in your relationship and marriage is a high possibility.

-It is usually the parents of the bride who will determine the amount of the dowry, not the bride herself.  Although they may ask the woman to let you know instead of telling you themselves.  Traditionally, the man has to ask his parents, or older relatives or someone he respect ('Tao Kae' or 'Pu Yai') to ask for the lady's hand and discuss dowry on his behalf.  BUt if that really cannot be done, the man may go himself (rarely exercised when it is a Thai-Thai couple).

So:

-if she's still playing around, going out with other men as potential bf/gf (ie on a date) and still discussing the dowry issues with you, then in my humble opinion, she is more likely to turn out as 'BAD NEWS' than otherwise.

Good luck anyway.

[NathanV23]

Although it seems that the overwhelming opinion is that you should walk away, here's another take on it. If you love her and have the money (in that should the realtionship go bad, you won't find yourself serving fries and burgers) then pay the dowry. You may live happily ever after or you may lose 600,000 baht and get divorced in which case you are heart broken, but not completely screwed. The one thing you will have to wonder yourself though is, 'if I didn't pay the dowry, would she still have married me?'. So I would throw some smaller numbers out, lie about your financial situation, whatever you have to do and see what kind of reaction you get.

[DaveYo]

To Enchanted, and Spellbound and Chuang.  More than one question so to speak.  Tell me about the deal of a Thai woman when they are scorned.  You mention lots of problems etc.   I have never dealt with a Thai woman scorned, so please do prepare me should I encounter such situation.  Just what is it that they do????      ??? :blues:

[Charlie]

Hi Dave Yo, this is just for your reading/info. This incident was reported in the Thai press (also in Malaysian press) not very long ago. Briefly..... The wife found out that her husband was having an affair with a young and pretty girl and intended to keep her as " mia-noi ". When the husband was in deep sleep, she murdered him, and then cut off his " PENIS " and put it into a cooker and boiled it. After that she hanged herself. Don't worry, it will not happen again, ( I hope so ).

Keep smiling and have a nice day.

Regards,

charlie

[DaveYo]

oh, that is an ouch. Yes I read that too.  And by the way Philippino women are of the same.  Ouch!!!!!    A man has to have that by all means.   Whew.  Now how would women feel if a man cut the 2 pillows on their chest while they slept for playing with a guy.  We would be outcasts in the female world.  So I guess us ganders have to put on our football gear if we do and sleep with the boss, or we are next.!!!  ::   :blues:

[Charlie]

Yes, one more case for the record. This happened in Malaysia

some time ago. The wife found out that her husband, (a successful business man)  who also kept a " mia-noi ". When the poor guy was sleeping, she poured kerosene on him and threw a lighted match on him. He was literally burnt to death.

She entered a plea of " insanity ". Subsequently, after a lengthy trial..... she was committed to a mental institution.

Therefore guys, if you do keep a " mia-noi ", do take care or " tomorrow may never come. " Keep smiling and have a nice day.

Regards,

charlie

[enchanted]

Dear Dave...

I don't know to what degree your Thai puyin will react when she is scorned but based on what you have read, it can be from a "de-capitation" to a "fiery" degree...so I am sure you will never want to experience it...

For me, it was quite a "rude awakening"....her family wanted to renovate their house in ChiangRai and I was asked to "help out" to finance their project. Asking around 25000bht to 30000bht. At that time, I was rather tight and could not provide for the project...so I rejected to help. This triggered a fierce quarrel between us and was given the cold shoulders the next couple of days. When I rejected to help again at her second request, she kept quiet and told me "mai pen rai". I was quite surprised thinking that she have somehow this was over. That night, we had good love and everything seems to be back to normal...when I woke up the next morning, she was by my side, eating an apple using a BIG KITCHEN KNIFE....of course I jumped out of bed instantly!! When I asked what she was doing, she calmly told me that she is just eating an apple on the bed...what was weird is that a small fruit knife was at the kitchen sink and she didn't use it. Thereafter, I decided to sponsor her family project and she revealed to me a couple of days later that she wanted to slash my throat that day when I was sleeping but decided to practise her cutting skills first on the apple. Of course she said it with a gentle laughter and it appears that she was joking...BUT DEFINITELY MY GUT INSTINT TOLD ME OTHERWISE...from then onwards, I gave whatever she and her family wanted...sounds unbelievable? Well...believe it...but don't need to experience it. You may never wake up to smell the coffee the next day...

[buasaard]

enchanted.

Couldn't simply go away and not to see her again?

Where you already married?

[TizMe]

enchanted,

Are you still with this "Jackie the Ripper"?

[elfe]

this topic moved from 'farang girls in Thailand' to 'Farang Pub'.

elfe

[up2us]

I have travelled a bit in the NE and visited a girls parents and been introduced as the boyfriend. The countryside is dotted with felang built houses which cost 600k to 1Million. This has raised the expectations of the Thai farming families. I say we should not feel pressure to follow blindly these so called customs which largely uneducated poor farmers tell us is expected of us. Normal office working girls wear discreet non-expensive jewellery yet the felang is expected to deck his ex-bargirl out in chunky gold so she can show face and get a high status in her village. Its the same with this dowry rubbish ... I suggest that its time they start playing by our rules , otherwise they have us all by the nose.:cool:

[chuang]

up2us...

You come to LOS, like a girl and ask for her hand, so that you two can live happily ever after, for better or for worse, till death do we part..so they said a very familar scenario.

The girls do not go to your country and ask for marriage. If you feel the Thai cultures/customs or whatever are not you cup of tea, by all means stop visit LOS.

In India you don't give dowry to your wife-to-be..SHE has to give you dowry instead..fancy going there...

[luckystar555]

Thai girls for relationship. Think it over and sleep it over.

Read all about traps and scams in Thai/foreigner relationships/marriage:

http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/

check the section reader's submissios

[luckystar555]

I found a good description of love and marriage in Thailand in 'Thai for Lovers' by Nit and Jack Ajee.

The dowry is supposed to be a gift to thank the parents of the bride for raising their daughter - which is generally cash - and practically to cover the wedding expenses. The bride's family generally takes responsibility for the wedding ceremony and traditional Thai weddings are expensive.

The following analysis by a farang teaching at a university was published in the Bangkok Post, October 13th, 2000:

Although there are no absolutes, the amount of the dowry is pretty well fixed vis-a-vis the girl's social standing and is rarely negotiated. If the girl comes from a good family (i.e. honest, not necessarily rich), a good portion is usually returned to the bride and groom.

A symbolic show of commitment on the part of the prospective groom, indicating his ability to support his bride, it is given back to help the new couple start their life together.

In general, the amounts according to social standing are as follows:

Lower-class up-country girl, 30,000 to 50,000

middle-class girl, 50,000 to 100,000

upper middle-class girl, 100,000 to 200,000  

upper-class girl, 200,000 plus.

For a girl from a well-established Thai family, expect to pay 1,000,000  and up.

As for bar girls: What they should get (about 20,000 to 30,000 Baht ) and what they demand (whatever the traffic will bear) is outside this tradition as they have no social standing in the minds of the Thais, and aren't known to follow the rules (i.e. they keep all the money).

The chances of any farang getting into the 200,000 strata is pretty remote, if not nearly impossible. At that level, the Thais are a particularly clannish and exclusive lot, viewing most farang as barbarians, even if they are rich.

I, the barbarian, asked my exclusive lady to explain the topic. She smiled her certain smile: Hiu khao, ka, I am hungry.

[george]

Several off-topic and offensive posts removed.

/Admin

[markt]

none

[wolf5370]

Not quite sure about ...

The chances of any farang getting into the 200,000 strata is pretty remote, if not nearly impossible. At that level, the Thais are a particularly clannish and exclusive lot, viewing most farang as barbarians, even if they are rich.

.

There are many wealthy girls from powerful families married to farangs. One of the Princesses for example.

Not sure I agree with the scales either, but that's always going to be arguable.

Girls that have been married, a dowry accepted for previously, have children (or pregnant) that are not yours or are working (have worked) in the sex industry are all exempt. Basically, you are giving money to reward the parents for a job well done in keeping your virginal bride - however it is to be spent. This is the tradition, as it was in the West too in days gone by.