How Much Do You Pay Your Thai Fiance's Mom?

[jmapodaca]

Uhhhhh.... I think... Young Farang13 was being a bit sarcastic here.. taking a swipe at the relative young age of your lady..compared to yours.... (Mind you, I personally don't have any problem with it... in fact...have been known to like it myself...)

But..in the odd chance I'm wrong... you're seriously talking about your future 20 something wife going out to party with teenagers in L.A.?????

What school did you earn your MBA from... I sure hope it wasn't my old university in Los Angeles!!!! If it was...I'm calling the dean tomorrow!!!

just curious, if she is in the usa and some of the other teenagers invite her to a party is she allowed to go?

Yeah, she can go. I'm not going to tie her down and have her miss being young. That would be mean. I will have to accept the inherent risks associated with marrying a younger lady..... I may have to tag along if that kind of thing happens often Given the age difference, the risk is absolutly there. A good pre-nup, that's the ticket. Without that, I wouldn't even consider doing this.

Actually, I think I'll need to keep a tighter leash. All these comments have given me a lot to think about. I wanted her to go to school because I thought it would be better for her. She doesn't want to go now, so I will not encourage her any further. I'll have my family stick close by.

Edited April 28, 2008 by jmapodaca

[intumult]

Sheesh!!!

Don;t listen to these guys n gals n other sexualities

You do not pay the MIL anything. Are you renting the lass???

Having said that, it does pay for you to take the prospective MIL shopping. Their is a great difference between want and need. So, find out what the MIL and family need. Is the fridge clapped out? Do the babies need decent beds to sleep on? Do they have a washing machine? A food cupboard?

Or you could buy the prospective MIL some clothes or something similar and none of these have to amount to a lot in hard cash.

Once you start on that slippery road of spend, spend, spend, it is hard to get off the slope.

** From one who has escaped that slippery slope but has bought the prospective MIL one or two items.

Seems the best thing I did was to buy her father a few bottles of beer

[tmwke]

Sheesh!!!

Don;t listen to these guys n gals n other sexualities

You do not pay the MIL anything. Are you renting the lass???

Having said that, it does pay for you to take the prospective MIL shopping. Their is a great difference between want and need. So, find out what the MIL and family need. Is the fridge clapped out? Do the babies need decent beds to sleep on? Do they have a washing machine? A food cupboard?

Or you could buy the prospective MIL some clothes or something similar and none of these have to amount to a lot in hard cash.

Once you start on that slippery road of spend, spend, spend, it is hard to get off the slope.

** From one who has escaped that slippery slope but has bought the prospective MIL one or two items.

Seems the best thing I did was to buy her father a few bottles of beer

[tmwke]

Its all bad news ! I dont normally advise on posts,but on this one i had to. I am 59 married to a 30 year old Thai I new her for 4 years before i married her.We have had no problems because (read my initials) but also my 30 yr old is about 15yr more MATURE than A 20yr old. I have had several 18 to 22 yr olds yes there fabulous for the ego but no good for commitment because there just not ready for it. As its been said before the Thai females are very imature up to about 26. As for as 500 us a month its to late , sorry you will never know the truth.I know your heart will not let you listen to these posts so Good Luck.

[jstumbo]

2M baht for a poor girl in a village? Maybe for a hi-so, university educated girl from a very good family in Bangkok. Some farangs have more money than sense. It sounds like some girl in the village got her hooks in either a very rich, or very gullible farang. Of course it is alway a matter of one upmanship, so now other people have to try to get more to gain even more face.

[wangsuda]

Actually, I think I'll need to keep a tighter leash. All these comments have given me a lot to think about.

Tighter leash? If that's your current thinking, then you shouldn't marry her. Answer this question: do you want a wife and lifelong companion, or a pet trophy? Sounds like you're marrying the trophy. Not good. Additionally, leashes are for dogs, not for spouses!

[jstumbo]

just curious, if she is in the usa and some of the other teenagers invite her to a party is she allowed to go?

Depends on the state, in many she would not be of legal drinking age.

[jstumbo]

Make sure the pre-nup is also in Thai and that she has her own lawyer that speaks Thai that is representing her.

[jfchandler]

I know the 2M was the request for sin sod..but I didn't think...especially after hearing from all of us...that the OP was heading toward giving in to pay it...

So... what's the plan OP??? What are you going to do about the request???

[jfchandler]

Actually, I think I'll need to keep a tighter leash. All these comments have given me a lot to think about.

Tighter leash? If that's your current thinking, then you shouldn't marry her. Answer this question: do you want a wife and lifelong companion, or a pet trophy? Sounds like you're marrying the trophy. Not good. Additionally, leashes are for dogs, not for spouses!

Dunno about spouses, but I've known some ladies who rather enjoy being on a good leash now and again...

[Etrigan]

Sometimes I think I must be the luckiest man around. Really.

What I pay my Mer is respect and love. The promise of caring for her when the time comes. She is always welcome in our home, as we are in hers. We share many activities especially gardening. She is very funny and kind hearted. She is also an amazing sharp shooter.

Maybe you should start looking at her as your Mer, instead of the classic Manning "T'mother'in'law".

[PadThaiGuy]

most of my farang friends with thai wives send their wive's mothers around 4-6K baht a month. that is more then enough, imho.

That sounds about right.

What do the brothers and sisters contribute to mom every month?

I would match them and a bit more if you have the means.

[rick75]

"Perhaps! She will be 43 & he 63 or thereabouts. I've heard Thai ladies like to "hang up their spurs" after age 40 or so. I think they (the ladies) should come with an expiry date, so you know how to plan for the future."

Is this for real, or is it just crap, Maybe thats why my one is so keen she thinks she only has to put out for a few more years and that will be it.

I am very thankfull that I have taken the time over the last couple of months to read the posts on here I hope that I am smart enough to learn from others mistakes.

Only time will tell.

[YoungFarang13]

Its funny, most the people I know with Thai wives dont pay the mother inlaw anything, I know of only one guy, but he does everything for his wife and she wears the pants in there relationship. I know Thai's and farangs who dont give anything. I think these girls most people meet are having you on.

Look I can understand you may send a small amount of money a month if her parents are poor, but if they dont have any money problems and well off why would you.

lol, either you have an absolutely minimal number of farang friends who are married to thai ladies, or you only mingle in the upper social circles. Just look at this thread. The majority of Thais, that means > 50% do send their parents money or support them. As for farang with Thai wives, lol, yeah they are definitely kicking back to her parents. Dont be ridiculous.

[geriatrickid]

This thread ranks right up there with the current WeHo enema thread in the health forum and yesterday's very quickly deleted Phuket thread asking if one is likely to catch a sexually transmitted disease if one fornicates with the locals. In the event that this post is serious (which I doubt), then Read post 112 again, courtesy of Deathstardan , as it is one big dose of reality, delivered by the forum equivalent of a suppository.

If one pays a sin sod, (that is not returned) then he loses his right to ever complain about the idiocies and frustrations of living in Thailand because that person has just contributed to the idiocy, as several people have observed. If you really are a CFO with an MBA, then maybe you need to go back and read your finance textbook again. As stated elsewhere in this thread, it is more cost effective to hire maids and escort services. At least then you can easily replace the staff if their "wage" demands become unreasonable. And boy, are your personnel charges exorbitant.

BTW, I wager that in consideration of the overall 50% divorce rate in the USA combined with the higher rates associated with in LA county, the overall age difference between the spouses and the emotional stage of the prospective bride, that you will be single again within 2 years. You might want to consider using the sin sod and monthly charity errr family support payments to fund the expected divorce settlement.

Edited April 29, 2008 by geriatrickid

[YoungFarang13]

i just think his relationship works much easier in Thailand than it does in the Usa. for one thing, having a husband twice your age is acceptable in Thailand. its not unnormal. other girls will envy her. when she goes to the Usa, i have no idea what a 20 year old farm girl who might or might not speak English is going to do all day? if she starts socializing, then she is going to realize that marrying a man much older than you is not acceptable in most Americans eyes. I think its possible that this could have a negative effect on her. 20 year old Americans are going to say stuff to her like "You are so pretty why do you have to stay with that old guy? Thats like totally unfair. You should like have your freedom." If you initiate her into a Thai community, well the warnings have already been given, so..... What is she going to be doing in America all day and what is her future going to be like? and just to clarify, age differences don't bother me at all. i am sure every man wants to come home to a nice young p everyday.

[canuckamuck]

Stupid is as stupid does.

I don't pay a salary to my mother-in-law; in fact nobody in my family is on my payroll. Would you pay your in-laws in the west?

I actually did something quite original, I met a nice Thai lady and we fell in love. And then we married for love. We've been Married three years next week; no problems, no fights. There was no Sin Sod, it never came up, but I did pay for the wedding. I can assure you that my relationship with the family is genuine.

I have helped with a couple of projects lately that will help the family make more money in the future (ie, irrigation system) but they don't expect my cash and they never ask.

Anyhow, the interesting thing about this TROLL post, (yes definitely a troll, look again with your troll glasses on) is how it brought out so many walking ATM's. You guys are your own worst enemies. But at least you only make payments so there should be no trouble getting swapping your lease deals every few years for a new model. It is going to happen anyways so you might as well make the best of it.

[a2396]

This is a 100% genuine post and reflect my experience only.

In my time in LOS I have had 3 "Serious" relationships. One with a daughter of Isaan and two with native Bangkokonians.

The girl from Isaan was a nightmare, constantly asking for money, for herself ,her family and her friends. She would have temper tantrums and I would catch her out lying all of the time. When I finally finished with her she reported me to the ministry of labour for having no work permit and they turned up at my place of work and the matter was resolved within in a minute when I produced said item from my desk.

The two natives of Bangkok were totally opposite, one was a lawyer and one was a school teacher. BOTH of them would never even dream to ask me for money and would insist on contributing to dates etc. BOTH of them bought me gifts on a regular basis and not one time ever, did I ever feel like I was being taken advantage of. BOTH of them had good jobs and apart from a holiday abroad, Non of them wanted to move to another country.

BOTH of them were very proud and independent and it makes me think that because they had been educated they had totally different values.

(and the lawyer, I miss her terribly)

This may explain the nature of my experiences here, which have been exclusively with ladies of the Issan variety, since I live in that area. Without exception, those that I have had any relationship with, pretty much fit the description of your first example - primarily interested in money, cannot be trusted, etc, etc. None of them have been bar girls. I have been slammed for not choosing a better class of woman, but that is what is available here. I am NO beer-bellied boozer Farang, going around is shorts & singlet, but in general, any ladies I have seen here, who do have some higher education & stature, have zero interest in getting involved with a foreign man.

[dekka007]

I'm 42 and she is 20. We met one year ago and are now in the final days before she may get her fiancé Visa to come to the US.

Actually not sure why this thread is continuning after the above quote.. Wreck and Train spring to mind

[geriatrickid]

I actually did something quite original, I met a nice Thai lady and we fell in love. And then we married for love. We've been Married three years next week; no problems, no fights. There was no Sin Sod, it never came up, but I did pay for the wedding. I can assure you that my relationship with the family is genuine.

The kind of story one doesn't see enough of in TV and what is closer to reality for alot of farangs. I wish you more years of happiness, cuz this so totally rocks.

[thailand_tom]

500 a month you are asking for trouble..i married my wife in thailand and my mother in law asked what i was giving her..i told her that she was lucky to be living in my house..and never said anything else..don't think i am not kind after being ripped off 25,000 usd by her son what i said was true..she was lucky i let her stay when i booted my brother in law and his family out of my house and a little tip..move as far away from her family as you can get..or you will have no peace. also your wife can own the land far away ..but you can own the house and force a sale of the house with the land if you have problems..and it sounds like your going to have problem if shes is not happy with 500 a month..now

[garro]

I have been with my wife over four years now and have not paid any money to my wife's family. They never asked for anything despite the fact that we lived in the same village until recently. One reason for this is that my wife is the youngest and the other siblings take care of things. It also helps that they don't seem to use much money and they avoid giving my father-in-law money because he would just spend it on whiskey.

When we originally got married I did offer a sinsod, but my wife talked me out of it. I am now dependent on a teacher's salary so there will be no money from me in the future either. If I had more money though, I would take care of them a bit better.

I don't see no right or wrong in this. If you can afford a sinsod then why not give it. If you can afford to take care of your in-laws then why not. All families are different though - with different expectations.

Edited April 29, 2008 by garro

[thailand_tom]

mate,

get tough,

let her cry like a baby,

explain farangs don't care about "face" and she will have to get used to it.

i still reckon she's playing you like a violin.

you hit it on the head..if i wasn't with my wife for 12 years before i had problems..it would be over.

[kangeroo]

I built a 4 bedroom house on 2 rai a few years ago with my gf . Now there is 6 people living in there and her mum. i pay for most of the ongoing cost and i think thats enough .

cheers

[burman]

This may explain the nature of my experiences here, which have been exclusively with ladies of the Issan variety, since I live in that area. Without exception, those that I have had any relationship with, pretty much fit the description of your first example - primarily interested in money, cannot be trusted, etc, etc. None of them have been bar girls. I have been slammed for not choosing a better class of woman, but that is what is available here.

All the time I hear you go on about Thai women wanting only money.

You are 50 yrs old, you like dating 20 yr old students, what do you expect them to want from you?

[canuckamuck]

This may explain the nature of my experiences here, which have been exclusively with ladies of the Issan variety, since I live in that area. Without exception, those that I have had any relationship with, pretty much fit the description of your first example - primarily interested in money, cannot be trusted, etc, etc. None of them have been bar girls. I have been slammed for not choosing a better class of woman, but that is what is available here.

All the time I hear you go on about Thai women wanting only money.

You are 50 yrs old, you like dating 20 yr old students, what do you expect them to want from you?

Game, set, match!

[lardy]

This is a 100% genuine post and reflect my experience only.

In my time in LOS I have had 3 "Serious" relationships. One with a daughter of Isaan and two with native Bangkokonians.

The girl from Isaan was a nightmare, constantly asking for money, for herself ,her family and her friends. She would have temper tantrums and I would catch her out lying all of the time. When I finally finished with her she reported me to the ministry of labour for having no work permit and they turned up at my place of work and the matter was resolved within in a minute when I produced said item from my desk.

The two natives of Bangkok were totally opposite, one was a lawyer and one was a school teacher. BOTH of them would never even dream to ask me for money and would insist on contributing to dates etc. BOTH of them bought me gifts on a regular basis and not one time ever, did I ever feel like I was being taken advantage of. BOTH of them had good jobs and apart from a holiday abroad, Non of them wanted to move to another country.

BOTH of them were very proud and independent and it makes me think that because they had been educated they had totally different values.

(and the lawyer, I miss her terribly)

This may explain the nature of my experiences here, which have been exclusively with ladies of the Issan variety, since I live in that area. Without exception, those that I have had any relationship with, pretty much fit the description of your first example - primarily interested in money, cannot be trusted, etc, etc. None of them have been bar girls. I have been slammed for not choosing a better class of woman, but that is what is available here. I am NO beer-bellied boozer Farang, going around is shorts & singlet, but in general, any ladies I have seen here, who do have some higher education & stature, have zero interest in getting involved with a foreign man.

Well i married an Issan girl and she never asks or asked for money, she saves like crazy and is very careful, likes to copy the Kings live within your means words, only buys stuff when cheap or on offer isas honest as the days long and so are her sisters.. No sin sot an family who are poor havent asked for money either. Both parents dead.

[2008bangkok]

My 2 penny's worth...

I married my girl and she is from Buriram ahout 1 year ago, she never asked for any dowry sin sot whatever its called and i never paid a penny, i also dont regulary send money but i have been known about 3 times to send 3k back for them, my philosphy which i told my wife from day 1 is i have a dad on the sick back home and if i have any coin that i can just afford to give away then he will be 1st in line followed by my sister, brother etc..her family is at the end of the queue

To put it into perspective Thai v Farang..my wife's brother is getting married and he went up to see his girls family and they wanted 80k plus 1/2 baht of gold..but they are both going to pay it not just him(seems a bit strange the girl paying her own family to get married but there you go)..so their really isnt any need to be thinkin 500k or 1 million figures.

Also when are people going to stop sending their 'girlfriends' $500+ IMHO if you send you girl money you dont and will never know where you stand!!

[a2396]

This may explain the nature of my experiences here, which have been exclusively with ladies of the Issan variety, since I live in that area. Without exception, those that I have had any relationship with, pretty much fit the description of your first example - primarily interested in money, cannot be trusted, etc, etc. None of them have been bar girls. I have been slammed for not choosing a better class of woman, but that is what is available here.

All the time I hear you go on about Thai women wanting only money.

You are 50 yrs old, you like dating 20 yr old students, what do you expect them to want from you?

I have also said many times, that my younger Farang friends here (30 something) get the same go around AND the older women also play the same game. I don't know what country you are living in, but if you don't see this as a prevalent behavior by these women, you must rarely leave the house. Thai women are not all bad by any means, this money game is a hazard.

[seagull]

Dear OP, ................. now, how should I begin ? It is outrageously absurd ! Ridiculous ! Unethical ! and what ever. How anyone in their right mind would come to a contractual verbal agreement on how much you ought to pay ? I would take flight out of there ! Imagine........... "Honey, I love you very much, but when we get married, how much you gonna pay me every month ? Oh yeah, about my mother too, how much tirak ? Farangs digging their own graves with their own bare hands.

"Paying" and "helping" is different (note the spelling). I would gladly contribute to my TGF's family hardship (if any) if need be , but to "pay" outright to girl's family (beside the sin sod), agreed upon monthly payments is out of this world. What ? You're purchasing a merchandise on monthly instalment ? Jeeeze !

I just couldn't believe what I am reading.