WillyL Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket? Passenger: Sure. Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please! Passenger: What for? Attendant: For telling you where to sit. Passenger: But I already knew where to sit. Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy. Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it. Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not? Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this. Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you? Passenger: That would be swell, thanks. Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please. Passenger: What? Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee. Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it. Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10. Passenger: No way. Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the Air Marshal. And you really don't want me to do that. Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me? Attendant: No, but there's a $50 Air-Marshal hailing fee. Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this. Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you? Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it? Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes. Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air? Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents. Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar? Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go! Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar. Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents. Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this? Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boater Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 sounds like Air Asia lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter991 Posted May 21, 2008 Share Posted May 21, 2008 Attendant's pre-departure announcement: We will be taking off in a couple of minutes. Would any passengers like to buy a seat belt? In the event of a drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the console above your head. If you would like to pre-purchase oxygen, please see you cabin attendant now. For last minute purchases, please have the correct change. I saw this on a recently. Hilarious. Peter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eefoo Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 Very funny - but you can't beat Yorkshire Airlines .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosha Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Actually with all those hidden charges, it's Ryanair. A flight advertised as costing 4 pounds with all charges taken into account came out at 132 pound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilyushin Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 (edited) Airlines of the near future and also some existing airlines as already mentioned. Edited May 23, 2008 by ilyushin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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