Quality Of Life For Impending Expat Wife In Bangkok

[henrytuttle]

I'm an American living overseas considering retiring in Thailand. My wife and I love Thailand but we have serious concerns about our social life once we move. I'm okay. I've met plenty of interesting guys in Thailand and I'm not all that social anyway. We're concerned about the quality of social life that my wife is likely to have.

How difficult will it be for my wife to find western women to socialize with? Are there many living in Bangkok? What percentage of men living in Thailand do you think have western wives or girlfriends? How common are western women either living alone or with Thai men in Bangkok?

As far as socializing with Thai wives/girlfriends, that has its own set of problems. It's not just the language - that's hard enough. The problem is that, as far as I know, most(?) of the expat men who live in Thailand are married to or have girlfriends who are Thai. And, how to put this delicately, that most of these girls have worked in the "entertainment" industry? I'm sure these girls are fine, decent human beings. But, how to become friends with them? It's not just their previous lifestyles. I'm sure my wife would even find it difficult to relate to a party animal with a wild past who came from the same background and country as she did. But a girl from a village who had an 8th grade education and grew up in a completely different culture and who speaks English as a second language, that sounds almost impossible. I mean, honestly, how many expat men have more than a one or two GOOD Thai friends?

So, let's just say that it's a difficult, but not impossible situation. But, for the sake of an easier life, I think it would easier to socialize with people with the same background. So, back to the original question, how easy would it be for my wife to find foreign women to socialize with?

[GaiYaang]

Have you decided where you want to live. Your first 2 posts in Bangkok and Phuket with similar question.

You just change the word Bangkok/Phuket.

Bangkok forum

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Quality-Life...fe-t197953.html

Phuket forum

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Quality-Life...13#entry2065813

Nice Try.

[midasthailand]

Have you decided where you want to live. Your first 2 posts in Bangkok and Phuket with similar question.

You just change the word Bangkok/Phuket.

Bangkok forum

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Quality-Life...fe-t197953.html

Phuket forum

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Quality-Life...13#entry2065813

Nice Try.

Very helpful of you!

to the OP, either place has a strong expat community/presence and if your wife tries, she will find plenty of friends to play with. There are numerous expat wives clubs societies in both locales, just use the Internet to find them.

[jaiyenyen]

From the tone of your post, I don't think you or she will have a problem.

I can't think that many will want to associate with you anyway.

[Checker]

As far as socializing with Thai wives/girlfriends, that has its own set of problems. It's not just the language - that's hard enough. The problem is that, as far as I know, most(?) of the expat men who live in Thailand are married to or have girlfriends who are Thai. And, how to put this delicately, that most of these girls have worked in the "entertainment" industry?

Where did you get this information from ? You are so far off the mark... Your lack of understanding of day to day life in Thailand maybe you should consider staying where you are.

[britmaveric]

Cliche driven however I'll bite. Not hard to meet people and make friends - somehow not sure what relevance someone past has on a friendship level. You meet and chatter - if you have a good time then perhaps you do it again. Then a friendship is born.

So you don't worry - english is far more prevalent than you know and I wonder if you or your wife can match fluency in Thai. After all you are in thailand.

[wasabi]

I'm not an expert on Chiang Mai but my tourist forays there revealed a larger contingent of middle class white women then I have seen anywhere else in Thailand. If you are concerned about peers for your wife I'd investigate that area.

Edited July 3, 2008 by wasabi

[Crossy]

It may be an idea for your wife to post her concerns in the ladies forum (best if she has a different username). There are many very knowledgeable ladies (creep, creep) who will be more than willing to assist.

I'm not sure I'd retire with a Western wife to central BKK unless you really want to be in the midst of a very busy city. Phuket, Huahin / Cha-am, Chiang Mai may be more to your liking.

[Big Guy]

With the attitude to many thais and expat with thai wives, I don't think you would fit in anyway

[mrtoad]

Stay away please.

[Prakanong]

As far as socializing with Thai wives/girlfriends, that has its own set of problems. It's not just the language - that's hard enough. The problem is that, as far as I know, most(?) of the expat men who live in Thailand are married to or have girlfriends who are Thai. And, how to put this delicately, that most of these girls have worked in the "entertainment" industry?

Where did you get this information from ? You are so far off the mark... Your lack of understanding of day to day life in Thailand maybe you should consider staying where you are.

Yes - change most to many.

It also depends where he has met these guy's - if its Pattaya then a good guess is most - if its the Asian Arts Society then maybe not.

As for expat men with male thai friends instead of his wife with female Thai friends - not many guy's have close male Thai friends - even long termers

[henrytuttle]

Thanks for the replies.

As far as my being "off the mark" goes, to be honest, maybe so. I don't have much experience with expats in Thailand. Hence the post. The few (maybe a 20-30 or so in the past 10 years) mostly had Thai wives/girlfriends. If many expats don't have Thai wives and girlfriends, then I'm wrong.

However, I'm sensing that's not the source of irritation for some of the more hostile replies.

I didn't want to fully explain myself as that would take an entry resembling a chapter in a book. However, these are a few points of how I see things in Thailand. Again, apologies if I'm "off the mark." Please tell me if you think I'm wrong.

1) I love the Thai people. It's one of the main reasons I'd choose to settle down in Thailand versus Malaysia. Malaysia is arguably just as nice in many ways, but perhaps a little easier. However, primarily because of the Thai people, Thailand is a far better choice for me than Malaysia.

2) It's not about being friendly with someone, it's about making "friends." People you'd want to hang out with on a regular basis. Most expats who have Thai wives have very few Thai male friends. Is it because Thai males are so different from Thai females, or because without the sex/romantic element, the cultural differences are too big to overcome.

3) The, admittedly few, expats with Thai wives/gf I've met have very different relationships with them than westerners have with girls from back home. Perhaps this is part of the attraction. But most don't watch TV together, read the same books, discuss politics, etc. That's not to say they have bad relationships. It's just different from the kind of relationship they'd have with someone from back home.

Anyway, the point being that I love Thailand. My wife loves Thailand. But, I'm just trying to figure out whether she would fit in.

Also, I've posted to both Phuket and Bangkok forums because we're considering both locations. I actually own apartments in both places, but will be looking for a villa. I love Phuket and we holiday there all the time. However, my wife thinks that actually living there might not be as comfortable as holidaying there. I'm looking at Patong because I think it would be good for my visiting friends and family. But there are no fitness clubs, cooking classes, etc. Consequently, we're thinking of perhaps moving to Bangkok and spending a week or so out of the month in Phuket.

As to the poster who recommended Chiang Mai, I'm just starting to look into that. I only went there once about 20 years ago. I'm pretty sure it's changed since then. But I dislike it's distance from the ocean. To get to the ocean from Chiang Mai sounds much more difficult than getting there from Bangkok.

Again thanks for the replies. I knew that my post might get some negative responses, but I was hoping that enough people would understand the sentiment. If my ignorance has offended, my apologies.

[henrytuttle]

Also, as to my using the word "most" instead of many. I used most to express more than half - or a majority. "Many" seems to be so vague and could mean anything.

Am I wrong that more than half the expat men in Thailand who have wives/girlfriends have Thai wives/girlfriends?

Also, I'm just realizing that when I say I've met 20-30 expats, I'm counting expats outside of Thailand who have Thai wives. That would, of course, skew the percentage.

So what percentage do you all think it is? Approximately what percentage of expat men in Thailand who have wives/girlfriends have THAI wives or girlfriends? 20%? 50%? 80%?

[onethailand]

I don't think you should care about a percentage, be it 1% or 100%. You don't need to find your friends from 100% of expats living here.

Basically, you've been here before but not bothered to explore the "normal" life here - it occurs to me that you choose to explore only the "nightlife" areas even with the wife.

You have a hard decision ahead of you - but I'd suggest that the best way to find the answer is to come and discover it for yourselves. If you don't like it, you can always turn around and go home.

I'm no social animal either - far from it. But I have more than enough friends and I have absolutely zero desire to return to the US.

[henrytuttle]

I don't think you should care about a percentage, be it 1% or 100%. You don't need to find your friends from 100% of expats living here.

Basically, you've been here before but not bothered to explore the "normal" life here - it occurs to me that you choose to explore only the "nightlife" areas even with the wife.

You have a hard decision ahead of you - but I'd suggest that the best way to find the answer is to come and discover it for yourselves. If you don't like it, you can always turn around and go home.

I'm no social animal either - far from it. But I have more than enough friends and I have absolutely zero desire to return to the US.

Problem is, what is the "normal" life? Didn't see that on any of the tourist brochures. And nobody invited me to dinner when I got off the plane.

But as far as percentages go, it only makes a difference is 2 things. First, I'd just like to see if my use of the word "most" is justified in ANY way. Secondly, if there are 100,000 expats living in Bangkok and only 20% have farang wives, that probably means around 10,000 farang women? Lesser numbers mean more difficulty in meeting and less likelihood that someone's going to plan a yoga class in your neighborhood.

Anyway, I don't need 10,000 friends. Just one would be nice!

Just kidding. As you can see from my inflamatory posts, I don't need or want friends!!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Henry

[onethailand]

Problem is, what is the "normal" life? Didn't see that on any of the tourist brochures. And nobody invited me to dinner when I got off the plane.

When you get off the plane at your home airport, do you expect to be invited to dinner?

Normal means you go out, have a look around, perhaps find some gatherings you want to go to - then go. Not just drop your bags off at the condo and head for the beach.

But as far as percentages go, it only makes a difference is 2 things. First, I'd just like to see if my use of the word "most" is justified in ANY way. Secondly, if there are 100,000 expats living in Bangkok and only 20% have farang wives, that probably means around 10,000 farang women? Lesser numbers mean more difficulty in meeting and less likelihood that someone's going to plan a yoga class in your neighborhood.

Anyway, I don't need 10,000 friends. Just one would be nice!

Most is not justified in ANY way simply because you can't prove it. Maybe most of the "couples" you see on Patong, I might grant you that.

You have condos in Bangkok and Phuket and presumably you and your wife come out quite frequently. Given that scenario, I would suggest you have no need to discover whether or not she can make friends here or not - surely if it were that hard you wouldn't be visiting so often?

Another thing - I sure as heck would not make a decision about where to retire based on a number of posts in a forum from people you don't even know. Don't get me wrong - there are a lot of knowledgeable people here, and quite a few entertainers - but I still don't think a decision as important as that should be left to a bunch of anonymous people.

[henrytuttle]

You have condos in Bangkok and Phuket and presumably you and your wife come out quite frequently. Given that scenario, I would suggest you have no need to discover whether or not she can make friends here or not - surely if it were that hard you wouldn't be visiting so often?

Another thing - I sure as heck would not make a decision about where to retire based on a number of posts in a forum from people you don't even know. Don't get me wrong - there are a lot of knowledgeable people here, and quite a few entertainers - but I still don't think a decision as important as that should be left to a bunch of anonymous people.

Well, I bought off plan in Bangkok (Regent Residence in Sukhumvit) and it's been delayed by 1 1/2 years. I bought a crappy little apartment in Phuket a few years ago but never stay there. (anyone want to buy an apartment?)

In any case, when I come to Thailand, I mostly come for 10 days to 2 weeks. Then I'm in tourist areas. A little difficult to meet the expat crowd that way. And, when I occasionally meet one, they rarely have farang wives. I did meet some in Bumrungrad in BKK. Maybe I'll have to hang out there. With a sign around my neck that says "please be my friend?"

Anyway, I've already received more general information and feedback than I might have expected from a simple online posting. And, it's been quite entertaining.

Now I must away to do battle! Beware forces of evil for I come for you!

[thaihome]

As you say, you have only come to Thailand as a tourist and you say you have only stayed in the tourist areas such as lower Sukhumvit and Patong. That certainly explains why you think so many expats have Thai wives or GF. In order to meet the type of expats you appear to be looking for you need get away from the Farang Ghetto/tourist areas. Some areas in Bangkok you might try looking for places to live would be Thonglor, Nichada Thani, or Wireless-Ruamrudee. These are areas where expats with western wives tend to live. I have no idea about Phuket, but some how I suspect they don’t live in the Patong area.

TH

[bkkjames]

You have condos in Bangkok and Phuket and presumably you and your wife come out quite frequently. Given that scenario, I would suggest you have no need to discover whether or not she can make friends here or not - surely if it were that hard you wouldn't be visiting so often?

Another thing - I sure as heck would not make a decision about where to retire based on a number of posts in a forum from people you don't even know. Don't get me wrong - there are a lot of knowledgeable people here, and quite a few entertainers - but I still don't think a decision as important as that should be left to a bunch of anonymous people.

Well, I bought off plan in Bangkok (Regent Residence in Sukhumvit) and it's been delayed by 1 1/2 years. I bought a crappy little apartment in Phuket a few years ago but never stay there. (anyone want to buy an apartment?)

In any case, when I come to Thailand, I mostly come for 10 days to 2 weeks. Then I'm in tourist areas. A little difficult to meet the expat crowd that way. And, when I occasionally meet one, they rarely have farang wives. I did meet some in Bumrungrad in BKK. Maybe I'll have to hang out there. With a sign around my neck that says "please be my friend?"

Anyway, I've already received more general information and feedback than I might have expected from a simple online posting. And, it's been quite entertaining.

Now I must away to do battle! Beware forces of evil for I come for you!

Is Regent Residence the one on Sukhumvit Soi 13, the one where the construction has stopped? If so, 1.5 years is optimisitic as the (underfinanced local owner) hired KTECH to do the construction. And I see yesterday that KTECH has entered into rehab because they are bankrupt.

Hope you only gave a minimal deposit.

[henrytuttle]

Is Regent Residence the one on Sukhumvit Soi 13, the one where the construction has stopped? If so, 1.5 years is optimisitic as the (underfinanced local owner) hired KTECH to do the construction. And I see yesterday that KTECH has entered into rehab because they are bankrupt.

Hope you only gave a minimal deposit.

Well, I gave 25% which is more than I would care to lose outright.

However, apparently there was a change of owner about 6 months or so ago. And now they'll be restarting construction.

Still, I'm not holding my breath. I bought because I thought it was a solid property with a great location. I don't plan on living there.

I need a decent house. I'll be posting another thread to ask about good housing neighborhoods in Bangkok.

I'm really happy to have found these forums because you guys are all incredibly helpful.

Thanks to everyone who's posted replies other than "we don't want you here" or the like. I'd mention everyone personally, in a list like on the award shows, but that seems rather silly.

If we move there, I'll invite everyone out for a beer. I don't drink myself (probably why I don't socialize that much). But I think the amount of helpful advice and information I've received here bodes well for living in Thailand.

Cheers,

Henry

[girlx]

I have found so far that most of the expats I have run into in Bangkok seem really stuck up, compared to Koh Phangan where I lived before. It will be difficult for her to meet people I think. You might have to do the usual things like join a sports club, volunteer at orphanages, take Thai courses, etc.

[henrytuttle]

I have found so far that most of the expats I have run into in Bangkok seem really stuck up, compared to Koh Phangan where I lived before. It will be difficult for her to meet people I think. You might have to do the usual things like join a sports club, volunteer at orphanages, take Thai courses, etc.

dubai (uae) is the 14th country i've lived in. and, honestly, expats are mostly stuck up everywhere. i think it's from the increase in socio-economic status to the locals. generally, expats are paid higher and live better than the majority of the indigenous population. consequently, there's a rise in status and hence a raising of the nose.

me, i'm stuck up everywhere. i'm an equal opportunity elitist. i'm stuck up cuz it's who i am, not because i'm an expat!

[dcarden57]

As far as socializing with Thai wives/girlfriends, that has its own set of problems. It's not just the language - that's hard enough. The problem is that, as far as I know, most(?) of the expat men who live in Thailand are married to or have girlfriends who are Thai. And, how to put this delicately, that most of these girls have worked in the "entertainment" industry?

Where did you get this information from ? You are so far off the mark... Your lack of understanding of day to day life in Thailand maybe you should consider staying where you are.

Yes - change most to many.

It also depends where he has met these guy's - if its Pattaya then a good guess is most - if its the Asian Arts Society then maybe not.

As for expat men with male thai friends instead of his wife with female Thai friends - not many guy's have close male Thai friends - even long termers

henrytuttle, you and your wife would be fine here i am sure. The American Womens club is a great way to get started, meeting other American wives may be the easy way to start for you and your wife. There are various other organizations that offer much to do. As you stay longer and get to know the place those old sterotypes you have will fade away. It sounds like you hung out in the wrong places for what you were looking for before. I suggest you enroll in Language lessons when you get here, a nice hobby to start with, you will not only gain a much greater understanding of Thailand, but it will also open up your world to more Thai friends as well. And dont discount having friends that may have a Thai spouse, if you like them, does it really matter what she use to do, or do you conduct interviews of all your potential friends to determine their qualifications for gaining your friendship?

Best of luck on your choice of locations to retire.

[MarkBKK]

I have found so far that most of the expats I have run into in Bangkok seem really stuck up, compared to Koh Phangan where I lived before. It will be difficult for her to meet people I think. You might have to do the usual things like join a sports club, volunteer at orphanages, take Thai courses, etc.

I find that if you avoid the ''stuck up'' places you pretty much avoid the ''stuck up'' people ...

... volunteer at orphanages ...

Don't forget the WP

[samran]

plenty of expat couple here. It may take a couple of months to find out who you get along with, but you will...including other retirees. If you are into that kind of thing, Rotary, Lions clubs, Siam Society are a good way of meeting established longer term expats as well as Thai's.

One of the great things about living overseas is that people tend to be alot more open about meeting new people. It will be the same with you. My wife and I have lived here on and off since 2001. No regrets....

[MarkBKK]

As far as socializing with Thai wives/girlfriends, that has its own set of problems. It's not just the language - that's hard enough. The problem is that, as far as I know, most(?) of the expat men who live in Thailand are married to or have girlfriends who are Thai. And, how to put this delicately, that most of these girls have worked in the "entertainment" industry?

I'm sorry mate, but don't worry. If your wife does run into someone she used to ''work'' with (or heaven forbid ''for''), it shouldn't be too embarrassing for her.

[girlx]

I find that if you avoid the ''stuck up'' places you pretty much avoid the ''stuck up'' people ...

yeah you may be right.... not sure where the more laid back places are though, still exploring...

QUOTE

... volunteer at orphanages ...

Don't forget the WP

rrrg, that's right. the orphanages have mostly moved out to nonthaburi anyway which is a big trek.

[poshthai]

OMG SAMRAN.

You are suggesting to the couple Rotary,lions Siam society.

STAY IN USA

[Naam]

Anyway, the point being that I love Thailand. My wife loves Thailand. But, I'm just trying to figure out whether she would fit in.

if that is the case then there is nothing to figure out.