My Girlfriends Daughter

[park]

I know similar stories have been covered in previous posts but there's still some info and guidance I'm unsure about.

My girlfriends ex is making it very hard for her / us to see her daughter.

They were not officially married (Buddhist ceremony not proper marriage), and split years before I was on the scene. Their daughter lives with him and my girlfriend is ok with this as at the time he could provide things for her that she couldn't. However he refused to let her see their daughter, she actually had to go to her school and see her during her lunch break. Recently some of her family have spoken with him and he agreed she could have some access. However he has renegaded on this to the extent that we were unable to take her to the cinema or take her anywhere except to see other family members who live nearby. He is trying to make it as difficult as possible to see her, taking her out just before we are due to arrive etc.. and seems to be reverting to his previous stance of no contact.

This is obviously distressing for both my girlfriend and her daughter, and not in the best interests of either of them.

What steps can I/she/we take?

What options are open?

Obviously we could go down the lawyer route, but is family court possible? an option? What legal rights does my girlfriend have for access? I have read conflicting reports about the mothers status regarding custody, although this is not an issue at the moment.

We would like this to be settled reasonably an amicably for all concerned but he just seems to be a jerk, to say the least.

At one point he threatened to take the girl away, whether this was an idle threat or not is still something we are wary of.

Any ideas, advice or opinion would be gratefully received. Especially personal recommendations of lawyers, courts, procedures etc...

Mucho gracis.

[poshthai]

I ma assuming this is up country.My suggestion will be for you to back away and for your gf only to fight this.The guy will not be happy that you are involved and maybe safer for you to be in the background.

[anthonyu]

I ma assuming this is up country.My suggestion will be for you to back away and for your gf only to fight this.The guy will not be happy that you are involved and maybe safer for you to be in the background.

Agreed. Don't make the situation worse than it already is. Let your GF deal with her ex and don't go behind his back to visit the kid at school. This will only make him trust her less.

[jimmym40]

I absolutely agree with above two posters. Stay out of the picture as much as you can. Being visible will only make matters worse - you are threatening to the father. He may think you and the gf are planning something sneaky to get the girl away.

Something that might work for you. Don't know how old the daughter is, but try to have mom talk to the daughter and tell the daughter to ask "dad" if she can see her mom more often. Do the backtrack, try to get dad to take sympathy with the girl ("she" wants to see the mom, instead of mom wanting to see the daugher) - get what I mean?

[poshthai]

Good points lads and wise information to the poster.

[park]

cheers for the replies. everyone lives in BKK, not upcountry. i keep out if the way as much as possible, but the father really wants my gf and their daughter to have zero contact. he's not the sympathetic type. he's reasonable or open to any sort of dialogue or discussion, hence why im looking into more formal ways to sort things out. im not really involved other than seeking what options my gf has open to her. the guy just wont even consider talking about the subject with her, so shes pretty much got no other choice but to look at legal alternatives.

[park]

sorry, obviously i meant to say:

he's NOT reasonable or open to any sort of dialogue or discussion.

[anthonyu]

Sounds like you're in a pickle mate. Nothing you can really do then except give moral support to your GF and hope for the best. Maybe the ex will come around and maybe he won't. He's probably being influenced by his own family as well so you're not just dealing with 1 person being unreasonable here. If you don't mind then maybe you could let your GF and the ex meet together more often without the daughter there so he can build more trust in her first. It's a long process but as anyone knows once you've lost trust in someone, it takes a long time to get it back. In this case, it might just be worth the effort though.

[Mrjlh]

In MHO:

You might consider this fact, majority of Thai men in Thailand don't want anything to do with the kids once they part ways. Unless he's treating her as a "slave", it a blessing in disguise he cares about her and is willing to support her. When she's older, her daughter will decide for herself that she wants contact with her Mother and there isn't much the ex can do about it. Just be patient, give your GF support, but stay out of it. It could come back to haunt you later.

[Mario2008]

Since the parents were not married the legal staus of the childs father is unclear. I believe that if he is named on the birth certificate and registered the child himself he is considered to be the legal father.

That being the case, both parents will have costudy over the child. Legaly the father will not have more right over the child than the mother. Both parents can change this situation and ask for sole costudy. A good lawyer can tell you more. Look on a few embassy websites. I know the German and US embassies have lists of lawyers they recommend. Other embassies will have also. Chose one with experience in family law.

But before your girlfriends wants to start the legal process, she should consider this. Given the fact that the father has always taken care of the child, he has the best chances. A court proceding will also be lenghty and very stressfull for all, fahter, mother and child. If it comes to a court proceding they child often is the loser, regardles of who wins.

[garro]

Very tricky situation with lots of potential for things to go wrong. Maybe just give it time. The fact that he has already allowed some contact is a start. As others have suggested all you can do is offer support. I would strongly advise against getting any more involved than this. The guy had brought up this child without her mum and for this he deserves a lot of respect. As far as he will be concerned you are an outsider. I wish you luck.

[think_too_mut]

It is 1 side of the story.

Why would the biological father deny access to their child?

I have seen that. The mother, working Pattaya bars (Dave Pattaya, one time sponsor of this site, knew her, said she had been thrown out of the premisses (Blues Factory or something) regularly) was not allowed to come close to the house. Only to hand out the money, if she had.

Neither father nor kids wanted to see her.

[Mario2008]

This tread might be of interest to the OP. Especialy the post of IsaanLawyers.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Custody-Daug...44#entry2132144

[philo]

To the OP: Why don't you try to offer (through your GF) to give the father 5k Baht a month in child support to have the child in the weekends. If he is 'typical' Thai, surely he will agree ... Whether he spends it on lao kao or the child is not important - if the child needs anything, you and her mother can buy it and send it with her as a gift.

[Shotime]

It's true that we only have one side of the story. Why doesn't the Father want her to see her daughter? I'll assume the child is around 10 years old, and the Father is using the child as a way to get back at the Mother. If that's the case, the poor kid is getting the worst of it.

I would suggest that for now, cut off all contact with the Father. The child is old enough to understand what's going on. The Mother might want to explain to the child that, of course, she loves her, but she doesn't want to make life more difficult for everybody. Further that she will see her when she can, and to call her when ever she wants. You'd be surprised at what children know intuitively. She can continue to see the child when she can or is allowed. However, I wouldn't give the Father the satisfaction of seeing her being distraught over his actions. That is apparently what he wants. Pursue legal action, but say nothing to the Father. No arguing, no contact at all except when she can see the child. No emotions towards the Father. Let him think about what's going on. Stop letting him dictate the situation. If he stops letting her see the child on his terms, you might have to bite the bullet for awhile. Stop pandering to the jerk-off.