Will Family Settle For 10k A Month?

[lardy]

Don't give them any and your wife can keep giving them what she gave before you married her.

My wife recently had a big row with her older sister, the sister wanted to borrow 1000 baht off us (one thousand), now thats what you call a frugal wife, she lent it on the agreement if she did not pay it back in 1 month not to call her ever again. We got the money back.

[GuestHouse]

You might try suggesting that in the interest of fairness, everything you give to your wife's family shall be matched by an equal donation to your own parents.

This need not go to your parents - I would suggest you open an account in your name and pay this 'parental donation' to yourself in secret.

Because at some time in the future you might need to have a nest egg.

If constant payments to your wife's family do not become a problem for you - Rest assured, payments to your family will become a problem for your wife.

[issanpaul]

Am always sceptical when a newbie posts these questions, yes i know all is wecome newbie and long term members, but i always think its a troll

[samuibeachcomber]

once you start giving on a regular basis its hard to stop and then you can start to resent it,better to not begin in the first place.

[OdeTheBear]

It's common for Thais to send money to their family. They don't really have a government organised old people houses now do they? So this girl + family aren't neseccarily "cashing in" with this new "forlang millionaire" (though that happens too).

Why don't you settle for a smaller amout but tell your wife-to-be that in the long run she has to go to work and send the money from her own earnings.

I know plenty of Thai wives who send money to their mother / son etc., it is normal. Question is how much is a right amount. Starting government employees like teachers, police etc. start at about 12000 baht per month I think for example. Asking for 15k is a bit like shaking the tree and see what drops down.

My wife only gives money (away) to family when we're visiting the relatives in LOS, I guess I'm a lucky one.

[Chaimai]

The absence of "inlove" since the opening post supports the troll theory

[tamsin]

actually, the above comment Ive posted is something Id like all farang guys to consider. Ive seen so many threads on TV over the years...how much should I give, should I or should I not.

I think in every case the above sentiment applies. the amount of it will vary depending on how much you earn, how much you want to give

but the principle should be the same I think....

And so a farang woman should give her new Thai husband's family how much?

[TopDogger]

Don't give them any and your wife can keep giving them what she gave before you married her.

My wife recently had a big row with her older sister, the sister wanted to borrow 1000 baht off us (one thousand), now thats what you call a frugal wife, she lent it on the agreement if she did not pay it back in 1 month not to call her ever again. We got the money back.

A shrewd business woman... What happened to the interest?

[garro]

15K a month? Wow. Up until a few months back, myself, my wife, my son, and our dog lived on not much more than this amount a month. If you have plenty of money though, why not spread the love? I have never given money to my in-laws and if they tried to demand it then we would have a problem. I have been very lucky with my wife's family, but they might not feel the same way about me

Edited August 5, 2008 by garro

[TopDogger]

Starting government employees like teachers, police etc. start at about 12000 baht per month I think for example.

I think they'd expect a lot less than that, even in BKK.

[ozzydom]

The absence of "inlove" since the opening post supports the troll theory

Logged out immediately after the OP,but I am sure a close friend is watching proceedings

[roygsd]

Boy fall for simple girl.

Family want 15k a month to help out family.

Mom and pop and 3 kids.

Im ok with 10k a month, am i being reasonable or not?

Is the pope Catholic!

What we want is quite different to what they need ........ I would not consider a regular amount and if it were it would be no more the 6000 Baht a month, if you dont lay down some boundaries now you are heading for trouble.

Make no bones about it 15k may be the sum stated noow but there will be many other "incidental" along the way, ask yourself, what is the average income for a family in that area? Better still what is their income today and what was it before you arrived on the scene?

I am not against helping, ( am now in the middle of replacing the family home!) but it is help, not doing it for them.

Dont be a meal ticket for the extended family, support the parents if you must but the siblings providing they can work should do so.

Out of interest how much is/ was the dowry?

Dont worry too much about this nonsense, let hem know its your money and you will decide what you wish to gift to them,

if you are not careful you are going to be one sorry and poorer guy in the near future.

Tell them you have to support your own parents , thats worth a big "discount".

Good luck

roy gsd

Edited August 5, 2008 by roygsd

[Chaimai]

The absence of "inlove" since the opening post supports the troll theory

Logged out immediately after the OP,but I am sure a close friend is watching proceedings

Khao jai, ozzydom.

It is actually an interesting thread just to see the spread of responses.

[roygsd]

I think that 15K is an outrageous amount, but if you can afford it for the rest of your life go ahead. Remember this doesn’t count for all their emergencies that will arise every few months. Did you pay the mother the down payment and gold yet? That should count for something. Did your future wife ask for it or did her parents? Did you explain that you might be getting a house or property and that it was going in your wife name? Does anyone else bring cash into the family? Why not buy 20 rai of rice land and make them work for it.

Anyway I think I know what you are going though and I know you will do just about anything to get her because you love her but remember it does ware off a bit after awhile.

Just a warning and a few thoughts, good luck I hope you both are happy.

LiveSteam

Great advice

roy gsd

[TopDogger]

I don't give my wife fooooook all, coz I'm not married...

If a GF started the old mama in hospital, papa sick crap they'd soon be shown the door... Fair enough IF the parents are to old or sick to work, this all needs to be verified however, and if the parents have multiple children which most do, is the sibling you have the only one thats being lent on for cash?

I don't know why so many seemingly grown men come on here asking all these questions, do you still need a lollypop lady to cross the road? Its pretty obvious if the girls family are taking the piss out of you or not.

[issanpaul]

My first Thai Wife (deceased) said smart Lady will ask for nothing but get all

[whatsoever]

My first Thai Wife (deceased) said smart Lady will ask for nothing but get all

Very smart lady indeed

[Tod Daniels]

Several things; (all surprisingly unmentioned by the O/P in his indepth post) have to be taken into consideration BEFORE offering a single satang to the prospective in laws.

1) Is your blushing bride to be of the "second hand" or "gently used" variety? Meaning has she been previously married? (Even if it was just a monk tying a mop-string around their wrists, also known as the "dog and pony show", she was still married).

2) Does she have any children by her previous suitors?

3) What is her financial contribution to the family presently?

4) If she is now working and contributing financially for the support of her family, will she continue working after the marriage?

OR

Will she like so many wives married to foreigners become a som-tam swilling, thai soap opera watching couch-potato who does absolutely nothing?

A positive answer to either number 1 or 2 means in this country she's second hand goods and her resale value has depreciated measureably. It is what it is, that's just a fact of thai perception.

These and obviously many more things should be factored into the equation. Things like what are you going to do here in the glorious "Land 'O Thais" to generate a positive cash flow, where are you going to live; up-country or in a major city? What is the financial status of her family now? How many other siblings contribute to the family's upkeep or is it just gonna be you because you're the deep-pocketed foreigner?

Not to sound negative, but from your sketchy profile I'm unable to discern if you're genuine, if you're a troll, or perhaps just a genuine troll.

[roygsd]

Am always sceptical when a newbie posts these questions, yes i know all is wecome newbie and long term members, but i always think its a troll

this is a normal type of question for a newcomer, if they had all the anwers already they would hardly be newcomers to the LOS,

roy gsd

[issanpaul]

Am always sceptical when a newbie posts these questions, yes i know all is wecome newbie and long term members, but i always think its a troll

this is a normal type of question for a newcomer, if they had all the anwers already they would hardly be newcomers to the LOS,

roy gsd

Yes sorry point taken, i suppose we were all like this origionally.

[Beardog]

That is ludicrous

Why not save the money & put it toward your car payments. I can see if you want to help the family with a small donation as a sin sod ( only if she has not been married already)- but I am smelling a fishing expedition & the op is the bait. You got to be smoking some good <deleted> to buy into this scam.It is probably not the first time out for her as it sounds like the family is hooking you up to a life of payouts.

If she was 18 years old & beauty beyond belief I would run from this hideous deal. Soon you will be lunch when the family needs 4 new motobikes - help with 160,000 baht more for the farm. 52,000 baht for 3 new I phones & hey how about my friends & the Quai needs a new 4000 baht bell around his neck. And the kicker will be darkling I lost my 6 baht gold necklace can you get me a 9 baht one instead. oh & don't forget about grandmas cancer..... can you help us out with the 800,000 for nanies liver cancer transplant( after all you got that in the bank laying around anyway!)

Remember were you as gullible in your own country. If she loves you money would not even be a factor. Sounds almost as if her family is pimping her off on you. Don't eat that fudge Grannie.....that ain't chocolate!

[roygsd]

The absence of "inlove" since the opening post supports the troll theory

Possibly but its also possible some of the comments may have made him consider that TV just isnt worth bothering with?

roy gsd

[Pakeha]

I don't give my wife fooooook all, coz I'm not married...

If a GF started the old mama in hospital, papa sick crap they'd soon be shown the door... Fair enough IF the parents are to old or sick to work, this all needs to be verified however, and if the parents have multiple children which most do, is the sibling you have the only one thats being lent on for cash?

I don't know why so many seemingly grown men come on here asking all these questions, do you still need a lollypop lady to cross the road? Its pretty obvious if the girls family are taking the piss out of you or not.

Excellent point TopDogger. What's the family situation?

However you lost me at 'is the sibling you have the only one thats being lent on for cash?' If you are earning serious multiples in tens compared to the other siblings shouldn't your contribution be relative to theirs? I.e. other sibling earns 15k a month and contributes 1k. You earn 300k a month and contribute 10k - who's making the more generous contribution?

All relative.

[samuiseagull]

Give them a "one off" special payment, smile and tell them that you are now in an even stronger and better position to look after their daughter!

Then, with your income (and job) sorted tell your Wife to go and get a job as well. Just like any other couple should do. Thus, both earning and both paying!!!!!!!

HAPPY DAYS!!!!

[Chaimai]

I don't give my wife fooooook all, coz I'm not married...

If a GF started the old mama in hospital, papa sick crap they'd soon be shown the door... Fair enough IF the parents are to old or sick to work, this all needs to be verified however, and if the parents have multiple children which most do, is the sibling you have the only one thats being lent on for cash?

I don't know why so many seemingly grown men come on here asking all these questions, do you still need a lollypop lady to cross the road? Its pretty obvious if the girls family are taking the piss out of you or not.

Excellent point TopDogger. What's the family situation?

However you lost me at 'is the sibling you have the only one thats being lent on for cash?' If you are earning serious multiples in tens compared to the other siblings shouldn't your contribution be relative to theirs? I.e. other sibling earns 15k a month and contributes 1k. You earn 300k a month and contribute 10k - who's making the more generous contribution?

All relative.

byoung2 - can I hazard a guess that you are not Thai. Absolutely no offence but such logic is alien to a Thai family - I hesitate to say that the plan is to milk the Falang for what you can, because that is unfair on many who don't. However, there is no 'fairness' - 'take what you can' is directly related to what the Falang sees as 'give what you can'.

Try and inject a bit of Falang economic strategy and planning into something and you will be told "not your family/business". Which, of course, it is not - until the next major item of expenditure comes along.

Anybody ever see the male siblings contributing to anything ? No point if there Falangs within the 'family'.

[Maizefarmer]

Boy fall for simple girl.

Family want 15k a month to help out family.

Mom and pop and 3 kids.

Im ok with 10k a month, am i being reasonable or not?

....... there's a long standing misconception amongst many (not all) ex-pats that getting hitched to a Thai girl equates to having an obligation to support the folks on a monthly basis - and it gets worse in that some marriges only go ahead on condition that a monthly support figure is defined and agreed upon before hand.

Both are misconceptions and have no role in Thai culture and against what little you have shared with all on this matter, this is one of those latter type marriges (?) ... if thats the case, they are only going to have any time for you so long as you keep forking out, and that, you are going to get tired of very quickly.

What is important, and it is traditional in most Asian cultures (which includes Thail marriges) that the son-in-law are has an obligation to his parents-in-law - just as it is traditional that children care for their parents in old age. Seeing to it that they have what they need is indeed your obligation when that help is needed - immaterial of weather its 5k, or 10k or 15 per month - but what is important from their side, is that they are not asking, just because you have money.

let me put it to this way - what happens if some months only 5K is needed, or there are 2 or 3 months on the trot that 25k is needed? - do you suspect that you would fast fall out of favour if you did not (or could not) oblige, and/or, on your side is the feeling that its not your obligation therefore you wouldn't oblige?

Understand where I am coming from? ..... the crux of this matter is not wheather or not you should be giving x amount per/month, but wheather or not what is being requested of you is based on genuine need, mutual respect and honesty? Don't think anyone on the forum can answer that for you .................. only you can.

[Pushit]

The absence of "inlove" since the opening post supports the troll theory

Possibly but its also possible some of the comments may have made him consider that TV just isnt worth bothering with?

roy gsd

Precisely...It's Love...and Love is Blind Always...Good luck to him, may be a good lesson.

[think_too_mut]

just saw this thread is called a troll. I am recalling my contribution.

Edited August 5, 2008 by think_too_mut

[mizzi39]

The absence of "inlove" since the opening post supports the troll theory

Possibly but its also possible some of the comments may have made him consider that TV just isnt worth bothering with?

roy gsd

Precisely...It's Love...and Love is Blind Always...Good luck to him, may be a good lesson.

Yep! I am all for the troll theory. 57 replies and the Op has disappeared. I cannot even get a straight answer as to how to get a thai drivers license and this chump has 57+ replies (including mine of course) go figure.

[ozzydom]

The absence of "inlove" since the opening post supports the troll theory

Possibly but its also possible some of the comments may have made him consider that TV just isnt worth bothering with?

roy gsd

WRONG ! OP logged out immediately after posting and has not logged back. DNFTT