New Medications For Women

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to ######

for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's

depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates

melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as

teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two

full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,

decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause

dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup

trucks.

F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by

controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women.

Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a

better person . Can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.

Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who

can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T! A spray carried in a purse or

wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with

total strangers in elevators or on airplanes.

N A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the same

irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time

and trouble of doing it herself.