Caught In The Middle

[GuestHouse]

A while back I received an email from a woman I had never heard of, but who's husband, it transpired, I had corresponded with.

I hasten to add this did not relate to anyone here on Thaivisa but it does illustrate something about the kind of problems any of us can unwittingly step into.

The following is a cleaned up (all personal details removed) version of an email I received and keep to remind myself not to get involved.

Please can I ask you give this request some consideration ….. 

On the *date removed* you sent my husband *name removed* an email to address *removed*@*removed*.com  with an extensive list of information regarding couples moving to live in Thailand........it is clear you were responding to a question my husband has asked you.

….*removed personal stuff*….

For the above reasons I would be sincerely grateful if you could give me more details of the enquiry my husband made and when/where/how he contacted you. I hope you understand the position I find myself in and are able to understand that the information I need is purely to help me and my family, including my husband.

Singed………

[ProfessorFart]

Sounds like he's planning a bunk. If so I'd tell the wife. If he is planning on deserting his wife and kids he should at least have the balls to do it like a man. She has a moral right to know.

[GuestHouse]

I should add this was more than a year ago and I did respond. I'm not telling how untill I hear what others say.

[rocky]

Never get involved, you dont know what the reasons are.

[pimmel]

Discuss this matter with your husband. He is the one who can anwer all your questions.

[GuestHouse]

Discuss this matter with your husband. He is the one who can anwer all your questions

Que?

I think there are enough members here who know me personaly, have met me and are aware that I am actually a bloke.

[Thetyim]

You do not know the full story.

He MIGHT be doing a bunk or she MIGHT be a theiving dragon.

You do not even know that the email is from his wife

You do not need proof of identity to give advise but you should be careful when releasing details of his possible location. The motive might be murder

My advise is do not reply.

Edited December 13, 2004 by Thetyim

[pimmel]

I think there are enough members here who know me personaly, have met me and are aware that I am actually a bloke.

No doubts about it.

I agree with Rocky that's why I wrote:

Discuss this matter with your husband. He is the one who can anwer all your questions, but this should be a reply to her email.

[ZOVOX]

A while back I received an email from a woman I had never heard of, but who's husband, it transpired, I had corresponded with.

I hasten to add this did not relate to anyone here on Thaivisa but it does illustrate something about the kind of problems any of us can unwittingly step into.

The following is a cleaned up (all personal details removed) version of an email I received and keep to remind myself not to get involved.

Please can I ask you give this request some consideration ….. 

On the *date removed* you sent my husband *name removed* an email to address *removed*@*removed*.com  with an extensive list of information regarding couples moving to live in Thailand........it is clear you were responding to a question my husband has asked you.

….*removed personal stuff*….

For the above reasons I would be sincerely grateful if you could give me more details of the enquiry my husband made and when/where/how he contacted you. I hope you understand the position I find myself in and are able to understand that the information I need is purely to help me and my family, including my husband.

Singed………

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Normally, i would say do not get involved, but it does sound like he plans on leaving his family, so i would tell the wife.

[NarrLing]

quote Thetyim

You do not know the full story.

He MIGHT be doing a bunk or she MIGHT be a theiving dragon.

You do not even know that the email is from his wife...snip

My advise is do not reply. unquote

I think Thetyim has hit the nail on the head. My feelings are you may end up being dragged into a nasty court case. Look at the info listed in Thai private detective websites on the ways used to gather information.

I would definately not reply to the email.

NL

Edited December 14, 2004 by NarrLing

[nokmdk]

This is an easy one for me to offer my two bits.

I would also tell her to ask her husband for the details as you do not know the full details of whats really going on. it could be she is the one planning to run off with everything they have saved. he could have been working on getting the nerve to say its over but wanted a plan in place in case she said bye bye right now. thus you leave the man that did the right thing in the cold. i think i would also send an email to him stating she has emailed me asking for information. too many what ifs here. did not happen to me and hope it never did. for them that are saying give her all the details cause he is a jerk. think of all the possible things that could be happening. do you really want to give the info that easy??????

[Simbo]

I would just ' sit on the fence' with this one. You may hear nothing more.

[khunlungphudhu]

There is also the possibility that the poor fellow was, maybe, going through a bad patch and was considering a family migration, and just wanted the facts straight in his own mind before broaching the matter with his spouse(?) subsequently deciding against it for whatever reason and thereby failing to mention the possibility with her(?)

Just my more charitable two-pennorth.

I beleive you did the right thing!

[350torana]

Woudn't touch it with a twety foot barge pole

[aughie]

How do you know she is his wife? How do you know who it is? Anyone who knows his e-mail address and the name of his dog(password) can make inquiries via his address. Could be someone at his job. You know more about the other end than I do. I wouldn't touch it.

[toklong]

I would change my E-mail....

[ProfessorFart]

Well.........what did you do Guesthouse..............?

[Bluffer]

Dont get involved.

You have only given information that may or may not be acted on. Did he tell you his full details when he asked about it? Who knows. Dont even think about sending back a bland I gave some general info but nothing specific because then she will ask more and more questions. You cant even get out with a confidentiality clause - can you?

Better to keep out of domestics.

So, what did happen?

[Thetyim]

Come on then, what did you do.

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Oh dear, has the hubby caught up with you ?

[cdnvic]

Block the email address. Try to forget about it. If it really was his wife and she's suspicious (she's reading his email), then they'll have it out regardless. Nothing you can do.

cv

[Insight]

Do you have a photo of the guy?

If so, try doing to dogiest ever Photoshop job of sticking his figure next to a picture of a katoi, then email it to her with a subject of "It's all over..."

[gburns57au]

As you have answered it already.....there seems little point in commenting, but for the purpose of the exercise.....

I would have wrote back and told her to ask her husband what it was all about.

With bits of e mail removed and no knowledge of any previous mails, I think it is wrong to assume he is doing a bunk or whatever......There is no evidence to support that.

[GuestHouse]

Sorry to be so long getting back to you, I've been tied up with work.

I'm pleasently suprised that most of us here think the same, Proff and Rav captured my own thoughts, but then as Thetyim said we don't know the whole story.

But it was khunlungphudhu who I agreed with most.

We have all been through it, those days when you really do want to chuck everything, not that you are going to chuck everything but its nice to dream the day away.

My response to the email was to confirm that I did not have the originall request on my computer - Ture it was on another computer - but that my response was a cut and paste response giving general information. Also true.

I added that I could not confirm if the request was specific for example "I want to move to Thailand" or none specific i.e. "What's it like living in Thailand"?

I also added that I was modifying my advice to include advice to talk the issues through.

I only posted this here this week because it is nolonger fresh and I had a similar request for information (not via Thaivisa). It just reminded me that you can set out with good intentions to help someone but actually wind up getting into their mess.

I actually doubt this guy was doing a runner, I'm quite certain he was, like the rest of us, enjoying a dream day.

But it just goes to show the kind of sh1t dreaming can get you into these days.

[Thetyim]

Dah................

I thought there was going to be a nice juicy ending to all this

[Bluffer]

and thats it? After all that what a waste of time.

If there was some tasty tales to be told it would have been worth it but all I feel is I have been cheated out of my time. Just what was the point?

[GuestHouse]

and thats it? After all that what a waste of time.

If there was some tasty tales to be told it would have been worth it but all I feel is I have been cheated out of my time. Just what was the point?

Well I think there is a bit of a misunderstanding.

The reason I posted this was not as some voyeuristic treat, but as an insight into the otherside of giving help to people.

I and many of us have had some great help from other members here on Thaivisa, but I never expected my advice to put me in the middle of someone else's problems.

I think that is interesting as it is.

I also believe that because it was a simply event without the extremes of someone's life falling appart the responses where measured and considered rather than rants of what is right and wrong in extreme situations.

So we have people who on other posts have been at each other's throats giving very similar and I observe consilitory responses to this post.

I feel the answers given where very good.

I think that this was actually a possitive reflection of the people on this site, and that surely is a good thing.... though not as juicily voyeuristic.