AnnieLim Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Geekfreaklover the stereotyper. Just because your wife allows you to get on top, that doesn't mean all women like to be oppressed. In Singapore, many women play equal share in supporting the family financially, and get their fair share on top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I did, I lost my farang husband to a Thai girl, but I gained a very happy life later on.At first, I was in shock. I didn't know what to do. I just let him have fun for a while. After he saw the paperwork from the court, he got wokeup. It was too late. He kicked that Thai woman out off his life and tried to get back to be with me. I don't care for him anymore. Now, I quit the job to be a full time mom and I don't worry about the financial at all 'cause the court order him to pay for us every month.!! ( why work? let him work and pay for the lesson). Nice story. Why bother doing anything with your life? Just sponge of your ex to let him pay for realising that there was a better alternative to getting on top of you every night. By the way, I speak as a divorced person who gained custody of my kids and have work to pay for them everyday after giving all my material assets to my ex who was materialistic, such as yourself, but didn't win custody. perhaps you should read her previous posts before passing judgment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saliSa112 Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Yes. Every story has two sides of it. Nobody doesn't want to hurt anybody especailly in relationship as husband and wife. If it doesn't work out as a result of unfaithfulness, one has to leave it behind and move on with a new chapter of life. SBK, just want to let you know that my daughter will be two at the end of this month.( Time flies!!) Life is so beautiful. Thank God for this little girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russianrobert Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 (edited) Pattaya? Family holiday? Is this thread for real? Pattaya is also a very big family destination. I'm a guy here in Thailand and it's almost impossible not to get tempted sometimes. BUT fall in love with a bar girl? What the f*^#k are some guys thinking? Edited July 8, 2009 by russianrobert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rolypie Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Piss and moan, piss and moan. Ask your self a question is it anything you have done or maybee not done to turn your husband away from you? He is with her because she makes him feel good pure and simple, oh yes i for got its the ''Bit of fluffs'' fault because shes thai. You have been dumped pure and simple so get over it, serve the papers and go and get an african toy boy like thousands of honest wifes have! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datsun240Z Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 In Singapore, many women play equal share in supporting the family financially, and get their fair share on top. + 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losworld Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I'm male, but I'm going to give this a go. Whether 10 or 25, if my dad had done this to my mum I'd have kicked him in the nads. Maybe it's a midlife crisis, maybe you've grown apart, but in a kid's eyes, the mother is no.1 and doesn't deserve this. From a selfish perspective, I hope you haven't discussed this situation with the children if only to spare them the heartbreak and pain. Wait until you have discussed this with your solicitor and maybe a close friend that can give a sober opinion. As soon as the kids find out, it's going to be stomach wrenching. When the news breaks, it's going to be you that has to pick up the pieces. No matter what dad says, the kids will still instinctively go to the mother's side, but if you don't handle this calmly or rationally, everyone suffers. Maybe I'm biased, but if I look at my friends that had parents go through marital disruptions, there was alot of stress, anger and damage. I'm not blaming anyone, just that if you're a kid you resent having the family torn apart by these things. It happens to other families, not one's own. So whatever you do, prepare for dealing with the impact on your family since you will be the one that has to hold everything together. Sometimes, marriages reach the end of their shelf life, but there is no need for you to lower yourself to dishonest means or nastiness. You want to emerge from this with your dignity intact and your kids as secure as possible. Even when they age, kids want their mother to be safe and ok, even if it's not evident. And no I'm not a mama's boy. I just remember what it was to be a kid. Adults forget about the fears they used to have far too quickly. I know this aint much, but I wish you all the best. good points Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Piss and moan, piss and moan. Ask your self a question is it anything you have done or maybee not done to turn your husband away from you? He is with her because she makes him feel good pure and simple, oh yes i for got its the ''Bit of fluffs'' fault because shes thai.You have been dumped pure and simple so get over it, serve the papers and go and get an african toy boy like thousands of honest wifes have! Woah.. talk about going off on one. She was with her husband 23 years, so sure, it may not have always been a bed of roses for either of them, but they were together a long time so surely things were likely to be quite good. Of course this Thai girl would have made him feel good, well DUH! A young woman probably half is age or more coming on to him like he is hot stuff and telling him how handsome he is etc (which she is paid to do), would have (and does have) many naive middle aged idiots fall off their chairs and fall in infatuation (and actually its irrelevant that she is Thai, so i dont get your point of "because shes thai"). This is not reality. Just wait a while down the line to see the real reality. Sure, maybe he will be one of the very few who have a successful relationship with a bar girl, but the statistics show otherwise. The likely situation is that she just wants to get her talons into the money he and his wife worked hard to earn, thats all. So, who will "piss and moan, piss and moan" as you put it, once the gloss wears off? (which is a disgusting expression really..Zzz) If you read the OP's post correctly then you would see that although she is rightly upset, she is asking for advice not pathetic unhelpful comments.The OP sounds like a good woman and wife, who despite her husbands infatuation for this other woman, was trying to get her head around things and work out what best to do. She doesnt deserve ignorant comments like yours thrown at her. Honestly, you just come across as some bitter twisted man who feels the need to take a stab at a woman in a vulnerable situation. But, i wont go so far as to suggest you may be one of those jaded western men who need to have a go at western woman just because you have your own old stale baggage. That wouldnt be fair now, would it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 The OP is probably long past reading all these posts, but I'll add a little more. There has been some very good advice and some odd stuff already posted. I am a man, but I know first hand that infidelity happens with both spouses. With me it was the wife who went through the mid life crisis. I'd probably be still with her if she hadn't done the musical beds thing with her acting group. But, you couldn't pay me enough to take her back. What really happened is she did me a favour and I'm now free again. I hold no grudge and now have the best of both worlds. But, that has nothing to do with the OP's situation. Once trust is gone then the very basics of a relationship is finished. After that you are both just prostituting yourselves for material gains or positions of status. The OP's man is never going to change despite what he might say in the future. He's already been hooked on the exotic taste of Thai women. The only practical solution is to file for legal separation and some sort of financial settlement. Make sure the children are taken care of in any settlement and get on with your own life. Under no circumstances agree to jointly purchase anything in Thailand. The OP is entitled to half of everything including pensions and any properties. Don't settle for anything less than what you are legally entitled to. Don't get angry and don't try to get "even" with any sort of foolishness. It's just what happens to over 50% of all marriages. There are no winners if there are any legal battles. If it is all done with some sort of sane reasaoning then it's much better in the long run and very often you can become friends again... just not lovers. From now on the OP has to think only of herself and their children. Forget the make believe game the husband is playing in Thailand. What he chooses to do is up to him and him only. It is okay for those that can handle it, but not for someone who actually wants a loving relationship. There have been hundreds of threads on farang-bar girl relationships and all pretty much follow the same old cliches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datsun240Z Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Nice said Eek, rolypie was a bit hard on here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 (edited) I'm very depressed this thread is still going! The OP has received lots of genuine personal advice (I'm sure) by private messages - if she decides to continue with her plans that's up to her. She's been warned about the attitude of certain women to 'get a Western man at any cost' - a current wife certainly doesn't matter! What more is there to say? Edited July 8, 2009 by F1fanatic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 I, too wonder what happened with our OP. Hopefully she has moved on and has found happiness in her life so no longer needs to visit TV for advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Geekfreaklover the stereotyper. Just because your wife allows you to get on top, that doesn't mean all women like to be oppressed.In Singapore, many women play equal share in supporting the family financially, and get their fair share on top. I dont really understand what on top has to do with being oppressed. I thought it was just a personal prefference some like it that way others dont. As fro equal share and so on i would not have it any other way. (doesn't mean i don't enjoy it when things go my way). If your in a relation you should be a team and complete each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 don't bother responding to the troll, robblok. He is now gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILOOKFORWORK Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Yes. Every story has two sides of it. Nobody doesn't want to hurt anybody especailly in relationship as husband and wife. If it doesn't work out as a result of unfaithfulness, one has to leave it behind and move on with a new chapter of life. SBK, just want to let you know that my daughter will be two at the end of this month.( Time flies!!) Life is so beautiful. Thank God for this little girl. Why do you want to depend on his money only? So that you don't have to work? Or so that you can provide for your kid(s)? Or both? It sounds like you want revenge or something? Just curious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Why shouldn't he be responsible for his child? I mean, really. The man runs off with another woman, leaving his pregnant wife to go through pregnancy, give birth and raise their child alone and you begrudge her child support??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya_girl Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 18 Year ago, I had a Full Term 40 Weeks, Stillborn baby girl, it was the worst time of my life, it put tremendous pressure on our marriage. After a couple of months my Husband went on holiday (on his own, without telling anyone) to Thailand. When he returned 3 weeks later, he told me he had a few ladies and needed to go to the Doctors as he thought he had contracted a sexual discease, so I immediately filed for Divorce. At the time, I had never heard of the Country Thailand, but over the years learnt more and more about the place. Myself and my X are still friends, and 9 years ago he persueded me to come over for a holiday. Just over 8 years ago, i came to live here and have been with my gorgeous Thai Partner ever since. My X Husband did appologise and begged me to take him back before the divorce was finalised, but it was too late, I could never trust him again, and i was hurt because I had given birth to a dead baby, it should have been myself going on a holiday of a lifetime, not him. hate selfish people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Pattaya_girl, that must have taken a lot of strength to get through. Very sad story. Im happy to read that you are in a happy long term relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 wow pattaya_girl, what a story & I'm so so sorry that you had to go expereince the loss of your child. A good friend of mine went through similar, thankfully it went the other way for her & her husband, the found strength in each other & it drew them even closer. I'm glad you were able to move on from it & also to be open enough to maintain a good relationship with your ex. In the long run he lost out & you gained. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya_girl Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Thankyou Eek & Boo for your kind words. Yes it was a bad time, but things turned for me, and i got through it, and now I am happier than I ever was when I was married to him. He did me a favour in a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 That is a good way to look at things. I like your attitude My mom always told me "what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger" and she was right. If we can all learn to take our negative experiences and learn and grow from them like you have then we'd all be ahead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mssabai Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 That is a good way to look at things. I like your attitude My mom always told me "what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger" and she was right. If we can all learn to take our negative experiences and learn and grow from them like you have then we'd all be ahead I love that quote sbk. It is so true. Some of the worst experiences in my life have actually resulted in very positive outcomes. I also believe that the world is made up of yin and yang, positive and negative will always balance each other out in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 My mom was a wonderful, wise woman who taught me so much. I count my blessings every day that I was lucky to have a mother like her. I've quoted her more than a few times on this forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 That is a good way to look at things. I like your attitude My mom always told me "what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger" and she was right. If we can all learn to take our negative experiences and learn and grow from them like you have then we'd all be ahead I love that quote sbk. It is so true. Some of the worst experiences in my life have actually resulted in very positive outcomes. I also believe that the world is made up of yin and yang, positive and negative will always balance each other out in the end. Sorry to put a damper on the party, but its quite simply not true!! Speaking as an older woman - it may not kill you but it will not necesarily make you stronger. Negative experiences teach you something, but that's as far as it goes and, many women don't even learn by the experience! Ying and yang?? Again, from my experience if you're a giver rather than a taker, you will generally lose out. Positive and negative do not balance out in the end - how do you think some people become rich whilst others live in poverty?? Do you honestly think that the rich are benefiting from their altruistic activities??? Yes, as a giving person you will have people there to help you out 'cos they know you and love you, but their support will never come close to those that are pure 'takers'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Well, we all have different experiences F1Fanatic and since my mother went through hel_l and back in her lifetime and always approached each new challenge with a positive outlook and the thought that this, too, she could overcome, I will prefer to believe her advice, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Well, we all have different experiences F1Fanatic and since my mother went through hel_l and back in her lifetime and always approached each new challenge with a positive outlook and the thought that this, too, she could overcome, I will prefer to believe her advice, thanks. It's a bit of both, sbk... like everything. I tend to follow your mothers point of view, but there are people who NEVER learn from their mistakes and continually repeat them. I know many women who keep picking losers for husbands. Some have been married 5 times and the present guy is also a creep. I know few women (and heard of many more) who stay in an abusive marriage, and no amount of outside advice changes them. Yes, surviving a nasty exprience CAN make you stronger if you CHOOSE to learn from it. After every bad experience I've had I've analyzed it and tried to pick out some good that came from it. I've said the same thing for years... What doesn't kill you "CAN" make you stronger and wiser if you learn from it. But, F1fanatic was right that it can go the other way if you let it. Some people go through far more tragedy than their share and others breeze through life without a care in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Very true, Ian, some people have a hard time moving past their bad experiences as well, and tend to live them over and over again, blaming all around them rather than looking at the experience and see what they can learn from it and how to grow from that lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 Very true, Ian, some people have a hard time moving past their bad experiences as well, and tend to live them over and over again, blaming all around them rather than looking at the experience and see what they can learn from it and how to grow from that lesson. I'm glad to hear that your mother always put her bad experiences to one side and went ahead with a positive outlook - its what we all need to do in that situation. Too many people (as you say) blame everyone else or assume that everybody who has been through a bad experience should behave/react the same way they did. I'm not sure which is worse! However, I still believe that the saying 'that which doesn't kill you will make you stronger' is absolute rubbish! As I said before, hopefully one will learn from the experience and not repeat the mistake, but as you get older (unless you are weak to start off with or, have lead a privileged life and been v lucky) you are normally about as strong as you are going to get, having already experienced most of the problems life has to offer. Further bad experiences just teach you new lessons and ways to cope with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 teach you new lessons and ways to cope with them. Isn't that what making you stronger means? I doubt anyone is referring to physical strength here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 teach you new lessons and ways to cope with them. Isn't that what making you stronger means? I doubt anyone is referring to physical strength here. Not necessarily. One could just become tougher and more hardened. That may not lead to a happier life. My interpretation of 'making you stronger' means learning, but not becoming too cynical and hardened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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