mattias33 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I was reading lonely planet (a bit old, 10th edition august 2003) yesterday and it describes "Thainess". How Thais do it, so to speak. Also pointing out that the more of this Thaiway you adapt as a foreigner, the more respect you gain from Thais. Speaking a little Thai being the optimal. Among things like 1. Being clean and newly showered, 2. wear clean clothes, 3. Don´t shout or raise your voice, 4. Be polite and smile, 5. always take off your shoes before entering a building were there is a buddha pic on the wall, 6. dont tuch heads, i found one thing in particular interessting: When Thais visit Thaihomes the one they visit is always suppose to offer something. A glass of water, a fruit, a shot of ricewine or whatever the house holds to offer. The visitor is suppose to accept whatever is being offered. Even if you are not the least bit thirsty/hungry, to not at least taste from the thing offered is considered rude. Now i remembered a thing that happened when my wife first visited Sweden a few years ago. My dads wife offered her a beer (as a joke) 10 in the morning, and she said "yes thank you". I thought it was very strange that she wanted to drink a beer 10 in the morning and so did the person that offered it to her. She had one zip of the can and left the rest. At the time i didnt know what this was all about, but yesterday, after reading up a bit on "Thainess" i confronted her with this and she said "yes, i never say no if somebody offer me something in their home, thats not polite". Now, have anybody else had fun experiences where "Thainess" is involved? In particular when Thais go abroad or in the contact with foreigners in Thailand. I bet there must be alot of fun stories out there.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Its true, mattias, it is considered very poor manners to not offer something to one's guest (even if its just a glass of water) and polite behavior on the part of the visitor does suggest that at least a sip is necessary. Another one that always gave me heart palpitations when I first got here was the need to invite others to join your meal. It is just the done thing. A polite person will always invite a good friend or family member to join them in the meal and a polite person will just as politely decline. It used to drive me crazy before I realized the second half of the equation since I usually only cook enough for the two of us. Only problem came from my brother-in-law who usually did end up sitting down and joining us, regardless of whether or not we were eating curry and rice (easily shared) or cheeseburgers (not so easily shared!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davyboy Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 When I took my wife to live in the UK, I enrolled at a local college to improve her English (reading and writing). She missed a couple days one week, so the next time she went the tutor asked her why she had not attended the previous two days? She replied "Well it was raining"!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabum Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I find it so sad that the lonley planet has to describe bathing and wearing clean clothes as a "thainess" trait? <deleted>?! Now I understand why so many foreigners stink on the BTS, bus, street.... do people not really know you should bathe regularly and wear clean clothes? For the love of god what is wrong with people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattias33 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 I find it so sad that the lonley planet has to describe bathing and wearing clean clothes as a "thainess" trait? <deleted>?! Now I understand why so many foreigners stink on the BTS, bus, street.... do people not really know you should bathe regularly and wear clean clothes? For the love of god what is wrong with people? Its a warm country. If you happen to stink a bit in the afternoon on the bts, well, i dont think thats how they ment. Lonely planet describes alot of things very into detail, so that people that never been in the place described get an idea about how to behaive. Infact it is so into detail that also i, who lived some years in Thailand and been coming here regulary since 2003 picked up a few interesting things. Its not that they "have to tell people to shower, otherwise they wouldnt". It´s more a description that in Thailand it is considered maybe more rude than in other places of the world to not be clean in certain situations. Sbk- the food was interessting. You are suppose to offer anybody that visits your home to participate in the meal, and they are suppose to decline? I can imagine that tradition would be very frustrating if enforced. Especially if like you say some people didn´t get the decline part, hahaha! Allthought in my house it would not cause much problem. If my wife cooks she always cook for 10. Thaifood. If i cook Swedich food i cook for her and my and my son, and usually the 2 of them hardly touch it so we could easily have guests. But really-strange tradition... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koheesti Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Its a warm country. If you happen to stink a bit in the afternoon on the bts, well, i dont think thats how they ment. Deodorant/antiperspirant probably isn't in their budget. I lived years in Eastern Europe and it sure wasn't in theirs. The stuff isn't all that cheap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoorSucker Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Mattias, there's always a shot of Lao Khao in my home for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonobo Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 When I took my wife to live in the UK, I enrolled at a local college to improve her English (reading and writing).She missed a couple days one week, so the next time she went the tutor asked her why she had not attended the previous two days? She replied "Well it was raining"!! I met a woman online, and after some e-mails, I decided to drive up to see her in Udon. I got there around 7 on Saturday night and called her. She told me she would meet me after her shift ended at 10. I waited and waited, and she didn't show. I called her, but no answer. So I went to bed. Around 12 the next day, as I was driving past Khon Kaen, she called me and asked me to meet her. I asked her what happened the night before, and she also said, "well, it was raining!" Needless to say, we never met up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Sbk- the food was interessting. You are suppose to offer anybody that visits your home to participate in the meal, and they are suppose to decline? I can imagine that tradition would be very frustrating if enforced. Especially if like you say some people didn´t get the decline part, hahaha! Allthought in my house it would not cause much problem. If my wife cooks she always cook for 10. Thaifood. If i cook Swedich food i cook for her and my and my son, and usually the 2 of them hardly touch it so we could easily have guests. But really-strange tradition... I am pretty sure my brother-in-law always made sure to drop in at meal times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattias33 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 Mattias, there's always a shot of Lao Khao in my home for you. Good to know. I´ll be sure to take you up on that one. And i will follow thainess by accepting the shot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumball Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I do not find anything so special about this thread , it happens to be the way I was brought up in Merry old England in then 30s 40s , it is all about self respect and being respectfull towards others , this trait/trend was also passed on to my children . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaiWai Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You are suppose to offer anybody that visits your home to participate in the meal, and they are suppose to decline? This is customary in some other cultures, too. Some require that 3 "ritual" refusals are made before you finally accept the food/drink/gift. If a person refuses in some cultures, they will not be asked again and may remain hungry/thirsty throughout the visit. Customs surrounding offering and accepting are a common cause of intercultural confusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 (edited) I do not find anything so special about this thread , it happens to be the way I was brought up in Merry old England in then 30s 40s , it is all about self respect and being respectfull towards others , this trait/trend was also passed on to my children . Mr Dumball (Kind Sir), Problem being, not many of us here were actually brought up in the 30ies. Having said that, if your point is that matters of Politeness are slipping as the years pass by, I would be agreeing with you 100%. Rudeness and youth of today & that includes the young thais. Edited January 30, 2009 by neverdie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumball Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Thank you for that neverdie , I was tempted to add words along those lines , but did not wish to sound like an old fart lecturing people , even though at times I am tempted to voice an opinion about self respect . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Thank you for that neverdie , I was tempted to add words along those lines , but did not wish to sound like an old fart lecturing people , even though at times I am tempted to voice an opinion about self respect . YVW Dumball . You don't need to be old to notice this, even middle aged grumps like me can spot it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWalkingMan Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 More of the young people have seem to forgotten their manners. Not just Thailand, but in many areas of the world. When I was growing up it was always "please, thank-you, yes sir, yes ma'am" and so on. These days it really seems like people have forgotten what it means to be polite. TheWalkingMan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMA_FARANG Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 (edited) Its a warm country. If you happen to stink a bit in the afternoon on the bts, well, i dont think thats how they ment. Deodorant/antiperspirant probably isn't in their budget. I lived years in Eastern Europe and it sure wasn't in theirs. The stuff isn't all that cheap. Regarding "Thainess" and persperation/sweating. Thais are often aware that "European" Farangs tend to sweat more than Thais do. If you do sweat on the entering the BTS (as someone mentioned) you will gain a lot in the estimation of other Thai passengers if you carry a few of those scented or cologne swipes that you can use to wipe off any sweat on your arms/face/etc. A lot of the Thais realise you can't avoid the sweating, but your efforts to clean up a bit after you enter the air-conditioned BTS car shows your good intent. As for entering someone's house...it isn't only in Thailand that is the custom to offer food. I have gone into Vietnamese houses of families who I knew had very little matierial possesions to give away, but I was always offered a cool drink and many times some food. Even in Ethiopia, with houses of bare dirt floors, I was always offered coffee or tea by the homeowner. P.S. A standard greeting in Vietnam to a guest entering your house translates as, "Hello. Have you had rice (eaten)?" Edited January 30, 2009 by IMA_FARANG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dinthailand Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Its a warm country. If you happen to stink a bit in the afternoon on the bts, well, i dont think thats how they ment. Deodorant/antiperspirant probably isn't in their budget. I lived years in Eastern Europe and it sure wasn't in theirs. The stuff isn't all that cheap. Regarding "Thainess" and persperation/sweating. Thais are often aware that "European" Farangs tend to sweat more than Thais do. If you do sweat on the entering the BTS (as someone mentioned) you will gain a lot in the estimation of other Thai passengers if you carry a few of those scented or cologne swipes that you can use to wipe off any sweat on your arms/face/etc. A lot of the Thais realise you can't avoid the sweating, but your efforts to clean up a bit after you enter the air-conditioned BTS car shows your good intent. As for entering someone's house...it isn't only in Thailand that is the custom to offer food. I have gone into Vietnamese houses of families who I knew had very little matierial possesions to give away, but I was always offered a cool drink and many times some food. Even in Ethiopia, with houses of bare dirt floors, I was always offered coffee or tea by the homeowner. P.S. A standard greeting in Vietnam to a guest entering your house translates as, "Hello. Have you had rice (eaten)?" In China too " Have you had breakfast" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidOxon Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Funny, but my Thai visitors always refuse the offer of my cooking! Even close family laugh politelty at the 'joke'. David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Funny, but my Thai visitors always refuse the offer of my cooking!Even close family laugh politelty at the 'joke'. David Maybe burnt cheese on toast isnt everyones cup of tea....have you thought about branching out into burnt thai food? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattias33 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Funny, but my Thai visitors always refuse the offer of my cooking!Even close family laugh politelty at the 'joke'. David Yeah, but then again that would fall under the "offer to join meal-visitors politely decline" rule. Try to offer a red label/soda next time and i bet they accept the offer! . As a sidenote, my wife kind of "forced" me to stay for the first time in the family house in Bangkok for a few days some months ago. I already in the begining told her that i didnt want to, i rather stay in a hotel and visit them daytime, mostly because i can´t eat anything in that soi and also for other reasons. But i ended up sleeping there and my father in law woke up 7 in the morning, went to 7/11 and got bacon, sausages, and home and cooked it all with eggs. All served with "roza" ketchup, hahaha. Actually very good breakfast and i ate it all. In the evening the mom cocked master food. I bet my wife been telling her what i can and can not eat because the table was filled with my favourite dishes. Fried fish, rice, curry, deep fried chicken and pork, woked vegetables. Im here to tell you that i didnt know anything about the "decline" and even if i did i would have a hard time not to eat. I loved the food and they really made a big effort to please me. I already long for the next time we go there! My only remark to my wife after we left was that i had a hard time with the floor toilett and the fact that they didnt have a real shower. She told her mom and 3 days later she called us back and they are now the only house in that soi with a real toilett and a real shower. I´m staying there in the future! . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HorseDoctor Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 (edited) Mmm Well I don't feel Thais are any more special, charming or polite generally- no more than any other culture. In fact I see a lot of Thais picking their nose, really digging in it, too. I've neer seen that accepted anywhere else When I went to get a work permit, the young man had his finger in the entire time , really really gross. It occured to me this is how Thais show their presumed superiority. "Look here Farang I'm picking my nose in front of you " And sneezing into the air with no attempt to supress the spray. I don't think I've ever seen a Thai cover their mouth. Then blowing the nose into the ground! Oh man that is the most disgusting habit I've ever seen a human perform. Between these 3 habits , no wonder everyone is sick all the time. Land of Sickness Edited February 2, 2009 by HorseDoctor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I see a lot of Thais picking their nose, really digging in it, too. When I went to get a work permit, the young man had his finger in the entire time , really realy gross. It occured to me this is how Thais show their presumed superiority. "Look here Farang I'm picking my nose in front of you " And sneezing into the air with no attempt to supress the spray. I don't think I've ever seen a Thai cover their mouth. And blowing the nose into the ground! Oh man that is the most disgusting habit I've ever seen a human perform Between these 3 habits , no wonder everyone is sick all the time. Land of Sickness Different horses for different courses. My homeland is ......... In my homeland men get around opening their lunch boxes, its funny to drop ur guts in confined spaces & watch others try and figure out who did it. Where am I from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t.s Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Thank you for that neverdie , I was tempted to add words along those lines , but did not wish to sound like an old fart lecturing people , even though at times I am tempted to voice an opinion about self respect . YVW Dumball . You don't need to be old to notice this, even middle aged grumps like me can spot it yeah, things were much better in the 30's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 This is customary in some other cultures, too. Some require that 3 "ritual" refusals are made before you finally accept the food/drink/gift.If a person refuses in some cultures, they will not be asked again and may remain hungry/thirsty throughout the visit. Customs surrounding offering and accepting are a common cause of intercultural confusion. here we solve the problem: we just put food in front of u, either u eat it , nibble at it, or scarf it down... frends of mine were horrified when they were visiting in the states: nobody ever offered anything to them to eat or drink... unthinkable here. but here the food is always fruit, cakes, or nuts and sunflower seeds kind of stuff. real food is always a bit more problematic with the different types of kosher, and when how many hours ago u ate milk or meat, or if u keep kosher at all (we dont, so have stocks of paper plates, and 'instant food' (yougurts and stuff that are individual packed and closed) to avoid the problem. the funniest was on saturday a thai woman visiting me who has been here for about 7 years made herself a very israeli breakfast, and then asked me when she replaced the forks and stuff which drawer it goes to-- 'milk, or meat?'... one up on me, that was.... as for arabic hospitality, anon suffers from having to drink the coffee first, and later the tea, as he hates both, and doesnt really like the lamb and kid goat meat that inevitably gets put in front of us; but out of courtesy will take a bite or so. bina israel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I see a lot of Thais picking their nose, really digging in it, too. When I went to get a work permit, the young man had his finger in the entire time , really realy gross. It occured to me this is how Thais show their presumed superiority. "Look here Farang I'm picking my nose in front of you " And sneezing into the air with no attempt to supress the spray. I don't think I've ever seen a Thai cover their mouth. And blowing the nose into the ground! Oh man that is the most disgusting habit I've ever seen a human perform Between these 3 habits , no wonder everyone is sick all the time. Land of Sickness Different horses for different courses. My homeland is ......... In my homeland men get around opening their lunch boxes, its funny to drop ur guts in confined spaces & watch others try and figure out who did it. Where am I from? Sydney? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john b good Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Funny, but my Thai visitors always refuse the offer of my cooking!Even close family laugh politelty at the 'joke'. David Yeah, but then again that would fall under the "offer to join meal-visitors politely decline" rule. Try to offer a red label/soda next time and i bet they accept the offer! . As a sidenote, my wife kind of "forced" me to stay for the first time in the family house in Bangkok for a few days some months ago. I already in the begining told her that i didnt want to, i rather stay in a hotel and visit them daytime, mostly because i can´t eat anything in that soi and also for other reasons. But i ended up sleeping there and my father in law woke up 7 in the morning, went to 7/11 and got bacon, sausages, and home and cooked it all with eggs. All served with "roza" ketchup, hahaha. Actually very good breakfast and i ate it all. In the evening the mom cocked master food. I bet my wife been telling her what i can and can not eat because the table was filled with my favourite dishes. Fried fish, rice, curry, deep fried chicken and pork, woked vegetables. Im here to tell you that i didnt know anything about the "decline" and even if i did i would have a hard time not to eat. I loved the food and they really made a big effort to please me. I already long for the next time we go there! My only remark to my wife after we left was that i had a hard time with the floor toilett and the fact that they didnt have a real shower. She told her mom and 3 days later she called us back and they are now the only house in that soi with a real toilett and a real shower. I´m staying there in the future! . I can relate to this. Whilst I have some difficulty coming to terms / accepting a myriad of "thai ways" I give full marks for their efforts in trying to make one comfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travel2003 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Their smile. They do smile a lot. A lot more than other nationalities. Been to more than 80 countries, so I believe I have some sort of decent material (experience) for that stat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
h90 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Well being from Austria and thinking for the traditional polite way, it is not that different: I was reading lonely planet (a bit old, 10th edition august 2003) yesterday and it describes "Thainess". How Thais do it, so to speak. Also pointing out that the more of this Thaiway you adapt as a foreigner, the more respect you gain from Thais. Speaking a little Thai being the optimal. Among things like 1. Being clean and newly showered, I think no nationality like smelly people 2. wear clean clothes beside while working on the car this also applies everwhere , 3. Don´t shout or raise your voice every country, often people don't do it, but it is not polite in any country, beside my wife is from the south of thailand and there everyone speaks at a very high level (friends with friends) , 4. Be polite and smile every country , 5. always take off your shoes before entering a building were there is a buddha pic on the wall, well that does not apply everywhere but often in Austria you get "house-shoes" offered and the house owner does not want to enter with the dirty shoes. So not the same but simillar 6. dont tuch heads, i found one thing in particular interessting: When Thais visit Thaihomes the one they visit is always suppose to offer something. A glass of water, a fruit, a shot of ricewine or whatever the house holds to offer. The visitor is suppose to accept whatever is being offered. Even if you are not the least bit thirsty/hungry, to not at least taste from the thing offered is considered rude. Now i remembered a thing that happened when my wife first visited Sweden a few years ago. My dads wife offered her a beer (as a joke) 10 in the morning, and she said "yes thank you". I thought it was very strange that she wanted to drink a beer 10 in the morning and so did the person that offered it to her. She had one zip of the can and left the rest. At the time i didnt know what this was all about, but yesterday, after reading up a bit on "Thainess" i confronted her with this and she said "yes, i never say no if somebody offer me something in their home, thats not polite". at home when visiting some older farmers, you get offered wine or beer or coke and there is no way you can refuse that, no chance.......while I have seen some Thai customer who insisted they don't want anything, they still get a glass of water but they don't drink it. Now, have anybody else had fun experiences where "Thainess" is involved? In particular when Thais go abroad or in the contact with foreigners in Thailand. I bet there must be alot of fun stories out there.... Not that much different from at home..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HorseDoctor Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 T h e more I think about it the more the Thai code of behavior seems just..irrelevent. Like taking the shoes off before entering a public space. That is downright unhygienic, all the toe jam , Ech.. I realize why the lady at the Kasikorn bank had a bemused smile as I tucked an offered wrapped wet nap into my purse. I'll use it next time I have to use a public bathroom I thought to myself. A real hygienic solution the wet nap will be. But no I'm supposed to use it to wipe the light sheen of innocuous sweat on my forehead, sweat that isn't going to affect anyone, ever. And keeping floors spotless in th house , but walls are covered in grime. Who cares if the floor is dirty, it's walked on , for Christ sake! Yes let's all bathe twice a day but use a filthy rag to wipe filthy tables in a restaurant and then dry dishes with it. There's just no logic to the behavior, like there's no concept of a future ...That actions have any consequence . It's why those people lost their lives at Santika ( fireworks) and in the 1-2 Go crash ( lack of emergency training ) and everyday on every road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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