The Perfect Breakup

[Zorne]

Concerned Zorne

1. make sure there is a nice young chappy of her liking close by.

2 bring a girl back home and do the nasty on the coach, get caught.

3 ask for forgiveness but dont mean it

4 if this fails, repeat the next night.

5 the nice young chappy is for her to hopefully run too teary eyed, he'll be the knight in shining armour and her new man.

6 it works best if the girl you bring home is one of her friends or maybe a sister as another TV member did a long time ago.

7 the theory is she will leave on her terms not yours, leaving her not feeling rejected.

8 a totally unproven theory, no scientific evidence to support you will not be:

• Shot
  
• Stabbed
  
• having junior cut off and fed to ducks
  
• having junior cut off and released by balloon.
  
• being pushed off your balcony
  
• etc
  

Do at your own risk!

Good post. Heared a few junior stories before.

[samuibeachcomber]

sounds to me the OP is frightened of her reactions(what she might do)when the shit hits the fan.If that is the case,quietly move out when she is at work,change sim card and move to another part of thailand.

You are in the right neigbourhood of what I want too know.

As I am not custom too the kinds of reactions that occur here (only by reputation) I just wanted too get some insights too what can happen here, likelyhood etc. As I said I do not have a problem with letting her know, I just want it to go as smoothly as possible.

trust me she wont be understanding at all,she will be pissed off(loss of face)she may threaten you with many things(you will have to decide if she will be serious or not,especially if other thai men are in her life or brothers etc)we are not dealing with a western woman here with all that goes with that.you could explain your feelings/reasons etc(doing the right thing etc.)but be prepared for any response cos once the cat is out of the bag there's no going back and you may need a quick exit strategy.

[jayjayjayjay]

Concerned Zorne

1. make sure there is a nice young chappy of her liking close by.

2 bring a girl back home and do the nasty on the coach, get caught.

3 ask for forgiveness but dont mean it

4 if this fails, repeat the next night.

5 the nice young chappy is for her to hopefully run too teary eyed, he'll be the knight in shining armour and her new man.

6 it works best if the girl you bring home is one of her friends or maybe a sister as another TV member did a long time ago.

7 the theory is she will leave on her terms not yours, leaving her not feeling rejected.

8 a totally unproven theory, no scientific evidence to support you will not be:

• Shot
  
• Stabbed
  
• having junior cut off and fed to ducks
  
• having junior cut off and released by balloon.
  
• being pushed off your balcony
  
• etc
  

Do at your own risk!

Good post. Heared a few junior stories before.

5555 I know you've got good intentions...... here's another. Have her visit home for some reason, presumably up country. Call her telling the lovely girl your at the airport with ticket in hand on a family emergency and wont be back for 3 years! Move apartment, chance mobile and start to drink somewhere new! If she finds you, she deserves to keep you......... good luck! 5555

[JSixpack]

trust me she wont be understanding at all,she will be pissed off(loss of face)she may threaten you with many things(you will have to decide if she will be serious or not,especially if other thai men are in her life or brothers etc)we are not dealing with a western woman here with all that goes with that.you could explain your feelings/reasons etc(doing the right thing etc.)but be prepared for any response cos once the cat is out of the bag there's no going back and you may need a quick exit strategy.

Now that is exactly right. Threats, some of suicide, more against you, and violence are common. If the police get involved, they'll support her and make you pay both her and them. I've seen this happen.

It's really safer to leave while she's away and then phone if you want, but make sure she can't find you or trick you into a meeting You can get her bank account number and transfer some funds to her if you want to help out.

[Zorne]

Threats, some of suicide, more against you, and violence are common. If the police get involved, they'll support her and make you pay both her and them. I've seen this happen.

Thank u for your post! How common would you reckon these things are?

<deleted>, the Police? Is this a one time case you heard about or what? Did the girl have any relations to the police in this case or how come they got involved?

Zorne

[UncleFrank]

I ended up calling the police when my ex went wacko. Not sure how she found me but the security guards in my condo let her into my place while I was out. This is a nice building too with high tech monitoring...

Guess who ended up at the police station paying?

O yea, the head of security in my building covered his ass by deleting the security videos.

[qualtrough]

She has told me several times she genuinly loves me but it might just be my money that she likes.

Given her former employment history the chances of the latter approach 98% plus. Once you break up, do yourself a great big favor and promise yourself that you will never get romantically involved with a prostitute again in any country.

Edited February 16, 2009 by qualtrough

[samuibeachcomber]

She has told me several times she genuinly loves me but it might just be my money that she likes.

Given her former employment history the chances of the latter approach 98% plus. Once you break up, do yourself a great big favor and promise yourself that you will never get romantically involved with a prostitute again in any country.

funny that you use the term prostitute,i never think of them in that light.many have n't had the educational oppotunities that prostitutes have in the west and its a way to earn good money and support their families.I will stick up for them every time(no pun intended)

[Bentley 7]

What boggles my mind is why the involvement with the family only after 3 months and knowing her history. This is where the real hate will come from, the girl will get over it and move on or to the next punter or go back to the bar and probably be quite happy about it. But her loss of face with the family (she couldn't keep a guy) and the hope you brought by interacting with the family of a big pay day (sin sod) will be the motivating force for any negative responses you receive, Next time get to know the girl before you decide to make nice with the family. Guess what, that nice family that liked you so much and go on so well with will curse the day they met you and their combined hatred will motivate either the girl or a family member to retaliate. I hope this won't be the case but the best advice is to cut and run and start fresh and learn the lessons.

[polecat]

Why not ask her TBF how she is likely to react to the break-up and act accordingly?

[mc2]

or you can always tell her you have finaly decided to embrace your homo erotic urges

Rock solid advice.

Saves face all around.

thats the oldest trick in the book, she wont fall for it unless she is really dumb. but it does save face and it might work if she is not clingy.

worst thing that could happen is that she will test you.

[Zorne]

What boggles my mind is why the involvement with the family only after 3 months and knowing her history.

As I said, I´m a rookie here in Thailand

[Slip]

Pal of mine split up with his girlfriend of a couple of years. No problem- he told her that he just didn't feel ready to get into a relationship. She was fine, they were still friends. Jump forward 5 month and he starts seeing another girl, that's when the crap started flying. He did get the 'get out of town or else' threats and she also arranged to have him raided for drugs, although he was clean and they didn't plant anything.

So don't do that.

[Chuckler]

Quite a pickle, and I know this isn't really helpful except maybe for preventing future pickles, but you shouldn't have met her family until you were sure you were serious. Of course, she would've been the one pushing for meeting her folks, but your agreeing probably upped the ante without your realizing.

[bjsanook]

You should read that book that explains both English and Thai. PM me and I'll send you the attachment PDF.

Basically you going to the home was more important then you think and now the whole family will lose "face".

I had a experience much like yours except I broke up with the older sister and ended up with the younger one. But that's another story...

[MidoriApple]

well, broken up or been broken up, either can be easily done...

I will not talk of culture things, you seemed to decide by the reason of stop loving her.

I was broken up once by a Thai after 11years relationship...

yeah, it was so tough to get through that hard time, I couldn't do anything but being in sorrow for year.

I had loved him genuinely all my life, then by the time passed, surprised myself that I could sudden stop my feeling to him.

This day we go on relationship as good friends... I can see him with his girls...

The way to break up with her, is also up to her personality... I admit some Thai girls are too crazy when getting dumped !

Anyway, the best is you tell her for your needs, then see her react... Not too worried if she will cry like crazy... everyone will do...

Prepare yourself to move if needed... (better than being cut 'a part of your body..'..lol)

May give her a sum of money if you feel guilty for leaving, then it can't help if she will be back to work in bar...(seriously)

What she will become, she will be a stronger one in romantic relationship...this I can be sure.

[Travel2003]

What boggles my mind is why the involvement with the family only after 3 months and knowing her history. This is where the real hate will come from, the girl will get over it and move on or to the next punter or go back to the bar and probably be quite happy about it. But her loss of face with the family (she couldn't keep a guy) and the hope you brought by interacting with the family of a big pay day (sin sod) will be the motivating force for any negative responses you receive, Next time get to know the girl before you decide to make nice with the family. Guess what, that nice family that liked you so much and go on so well with will curse the day they met you and their combined hatred will motivate either the girl or a family member to retaliate. I hope this won't be the case but the best advice is to cut and run and start fresh and learn the lessons.

I think the save face issues are about to fade away in the younger societies in Thailand.

Their social behavor is very different from the older generations.

Teenagers and young adults split up very frequently these days. Just as they do back home.

What boggles me is actually the fact that this is a 35 year old that claims he is worrried about his 19 year old (!!) girlfriend's reaction when he breaks up with her.

I find it strange that nobody here reacts to the age difference.

I know that the age difference does not matter that much, when we are a bit older.

But 35 and 19?

He is pushing 40, and she is still a teenager!

[Bentley 7]

You're right Travel2003 to say that breaks up are common in the newer generations but it seems to sting a little more or have more significance if the guy is a farang and older. By his own admission she is uneducated and probably from a rural family where the issues of face seem to still have a lot of social influence.

[Africanteacher]

[deleted]

Whatever decision you make, keep off two (or more) girls at the same time now, will you?

[Rsee]

best thing to do is get her to break-up with you. You wont feel as guilty, and she will think she was in control of the breakup(makes her feel more more angry but in control and saves face, vs sad and self-destructive).

There are numerous easy ways to get her to dump you fairly quickly. Here are a few suggestions:

- tell her you are out of money(makeup a reason), and she now needs to pay all the bills (this is sure to work very fast. In fact, you may not even see her leave...you may only feel the swoosh of air as she makes her remarkably fast exit)

- start staying out late, dont call her anymore, dont answer her calls...tell her your phone not working proper

- change your demeanour around her...start snapping at her actions, leave a mess around the pad, dont flush toilet

-[deleted]

- as someone said before...tell her you in the closet or having bisexual feelings

- tell her you have developed a distate for her parents...they annoy you etc

Goodluck...i hate breakups also, cant stand seeing a girl cry. Would prefer to see them pissed off a bit.

Edited February 18, 2009 by MiG16
obscene remark deleted - MiG16

[MiG16]

alright people, keep this clean please

[tangoll]

If you are having these feelings of wanting to break up, chances are she is also having similar feelings. Though she may be 19, she is probably as worldly wise as you, especially if she has lived with you for however months. Best thing to do, is to have a talk with her, tell her that you are, and sense that she is too, unhappy, and it's time to end the relationship. No need to go into a lot of discussion. Chances are she, being younger and the less dominant personality in the relationship, has probably been hoping that you would raise the issue.

Offer her a sum of money to help tide her over, something reasonable like 6 - 12 months of living expense, or some sum based on the number of months that you have been together. Be somewhat generous.

And then just separate physically as soon as possible. That's it.

No different in Thailand or anywhere else in Asia or western world.

[NanLaew]

I find it strange that nobody here reacts to the age difference.

I know that the age difference does not matter that much, when we are a bit older.

But 35 and 19?

He is pushing 40, and she is still a teenager!

Maybe because it is insignificant?

Look out the window. It's THAILAND!

To the OP, there's no need to trawl for sordid tales here because nobody on TV actually has a girlfriend or spouse from the bars so even if they did give you the gory details you so earnestly seek, they would probably be making them up or at best, doing a cut and paste from a Stickman thread (google it).

You have broken up before in the west, it isn't any different here (apart from the bullets, meat cleavers, ground glass and hemlock).

Edited February 19, 2009 by NanLaew

[t.s]

some Thai guys just pack their bags, change their phone numbers and leave with out a trace never to be seen again

why dont u try thai style ?

i seem to rember a farang reccomending that on another thread. strangely he objected to being called coward.

[t.s]

Great first post!

Sorry, but I do not see the fun in this. You are very welcome too elaborate on your very constructive post.

As for my opening post I do see that I might look like a very novice and inexperienced person. And yes this is true. I do not have any experiences in these matters here in Thailand. I do however have loads of expereince of "normal" western relationships with Eurpoean women, both short and long ones. My reasons for this post is not more complicated than that I want to extract as much information as possible about the customs over here. Why not try to avoid unnessassarry complications?

Breaking up is never an easy issue. If you think so, then my friend you do have a problem and I fell very sorry for you. I agree though, that it might sound funny asking about "how to break up". But again, I am more interested in the customs over here. This beeing a forum with people with loads of expereince in these matters I do belive there is help to be had.

Zorne

Hi

Sorry, but I can understand why some smile when they read your post pal.

"This is my first thai girlfriend" you said.

How many do you intend to have?

May I know your age?

She is 19 you stated.

And you have already loads of experience from back home?

Im sorry, but you indeed seem like "a novice and inexperienced person".

But then again, it might be the way you write the post. Not being a native English speaking person.

I know have fallen in that trap before as well.

My age and how many girls I intend too have is somewhat irrelevant to the topic of this thread. But for the record, I am 35 and honestly have no idea how many relationships I will have before I settle down. It depends on the girl.

I clearly say I am inexperienced in thai relationship customs. Is my English really that poor that so many of you misinterpret my initial post .

I am not born behind a rock and I know offcourse that girls, being thai or whatever, have a lot of things in common. I also realize breakin up is in many aspects done the same way here in Thailand as elsewhere. But once again, that was NOT my intention with this thread. I want to know what differences I can expect. I have heard some really horrible stories from break ups in Thailadn that really dont apply in the same quantity in western countries. Thai girls ARE different than the girls westereners are acustom too, especially those who have been unfortunate too be working in bars.

*Sigh* ....

Zorne

if indeed she is a 19 yr old bargirl, you deserve what you get, you think things would go smoothly with a 19 yr old from anywhere?

[NanLaew]

if indeed she is a 19 yr old bargirl, you deserve what you get, you think things would go smoothly with a 19 yr old from anywhere?

But of course. You obviously are totally unaware that the average 19 y-o out here is much, much smoother than a 19 y-o back home.

[DLock]

<deleted>, your entire 3 month relations began as a financial transaction and it still is.

If you don't have the cojones to tell her to beat it, stop paying any money to her and feign that you are indeed poor and she will slowly drift away. It might take a few weeks, but she will go.

I find the advice to move away or pay a large amount to "ease the pain" ridiculous and weak, as in the comparison to any normal "breakup" in the West.

The tears will not be for you, but for will be loss of face and loss of income. She has been dumped 100 times before you. She knows how to play you and no doubt that crying, screaming and probably some sort of threats will be involved. If you show just a hint of weakness she will exploit it. You may be a rookie, but she is a professional (no pun intended). She will beat you if you don't up your game son.

Why oh why do men keep falling for prostitutes?

Man up.

[Travel2003]

I find it strange that nobody here reacts to the age difference.

I know that the age difference does not matter that much, when we are a bit older.

But 35 and 19?

He is pushing 40, and she is still a teenager!

Maybe because it is insignificant?

Look out the window. It's THAILAND!

Just because it happens in Thailand does'nt make it insignificant.

Guys like you use Thailand as an excuse when you want to do something you would not dare to do home.

One of them of course being almost a mid aged man that still chase teenagers.

Unless something changed while I was asleep, Im still in Thailand.

No need to look out the window.

[NanLaew]

Guys like you use Thailand as an excuse when you want to do something you would not dare to do home

.

No sh!t Sherlock!

One of them of course being almost a mid aged man that still chase teenagers.

Ahhh... Grasshopper. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

[Travel2003]

Guys like you use Thailand as an excuse when you want to do something you would not dare to do home

.

No sh!t Sherlock!

One of them of course being almost a mid aged man that still chase teenagers.

Ahhh... Grasshopper. Don't knock it till you've tried it.