G54 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message. I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends. I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk. I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night. The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.' So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it. On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes. Is this such a bad thing all things considered? Thoughts anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya_girl Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Well from a womans point of view, maybe she was eyeing someone up, and when the guy saw you, he might have thought she had a boyfriend and went off the scene. Maybe explains the Telephone call you got today, maybe she lost the guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 A bit of an overreaction on her part but it is considered very poor manners among all the Thais I know to touch women you are not intimately involved with or directly related to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Head Snake Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 mole hill. mai pen rai. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 G54, You are an animal, you should keep your hands to yourself.....other reports of the same incident suggest you were fondling her breast ....but at least now we've heard both sides of the story Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogi Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 patpong thay say"looking is free" but not touching................... anyway joks apart,in thai touching is considered as over friendly or may be you are taking a chance if you are not a close friend,(thats what i think) next time stay away and dont touch the problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Definitely best to keep your hands to yourself. What you did is understandable, but it does violate certain rules and being a farang, you will get called on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWalkingMan Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Who called you? If it was a friend giving some general etiquette advice then no problem. If it was a stranger giving you grief then... how did they get your number? Maybe the girl gave him the number and asked him to call you? TheWalkingMan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oevna Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message.I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends. I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk. I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night. The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.' So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it. On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes. Is this such a bad thing all things considered? Thoughts anyone? From the way you tell the story, it's hard to tell if it was the woman you touched that called you and told you off, or if it was someone else that was present, or possibly someone who just heard about it second-hand. Who called you? If it was the woman herself, then I would take it seriously for sure. If it was some guy, then it could just be jealousy, or someone wanting to vent frustrations for whatever reason at the nearest farang. If it was one of her girl friends, then I won't touch this one with a ten foot pole. No idea what to make of it. In any case, it can't hurt to be on the safe side and avoid physical contact as much as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oevna Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Who called you? If it was a friend giving some general etiquette advice then no problem. If it was a stranger giving you grief then... how did they get your number? Maybe the girl gave him the number and asked him to call you?TheWalkingMan Hahaha! You beat me to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G54 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message. Seems to me as SBK says, an overreaction. I could understand it if I had not known the lady at all. The gist of the phone call was not to touch at all and that does seem over the top, but also something I have to respect at the end of the day. We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it. Maybe she wanted to divert attention away from another subject. I honestly do not know. But now it means I have to take care even on a simple touch. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G54 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 G54, You are an animal, you should keep your hands to yourself.....other reports of the same incident suggest you were fondling her breast ....but at least now we've heard both sides of the story And lived to tell the tale? I wish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkjames Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 The easy way to handle this type of girl is just come out and tell her : "Don't worry honey, I won't touch your ass - but I will look at from here and imagine running my tong...oops sorry" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oevna Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 (edited) Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message.Seems to me as SBK says, an overreaction. I could understand it if I had not known the lady at all. The gist of the phone call was not to touch at all and that does seem over the top, but also something I have to respect at the end of the day. We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it. Maybe she wanted to divert attention away from another subject. I honestly do not know. But now it means I have to take care even on a simple touch. Sigh. Is this man (the man who called you) involved with this woman? Is it clear that the woman was upset too, or did she just mention it in passing, and then the guy got jealous or over-protective? I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe this is all in the guy's head, and has nothing to do with the woman at all. He wasn't even present when it happened, after all. He could be just reading too much into it. Anyhow, sounds like you have a handle on the situation. Or a hand on the situation. Or something. Edited April 10, 2009 by oevna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yabaaaa Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message.Seems to me as SBK says, an overreaction. I could understand it if I had not known the lady at all. The gist of the phone call was not to touch at all and that does seem over the top, but also something I have to respect at the end of the day. We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it. Maybe she wanted to divert attention away from another subject. I honestly do not know. But now it means I have to take care even on a simple touch. Sigh. Next time tell him to do his own bloody messaging!!! sorry to be so blunt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sendbaht Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 G54....... I think the lady likes you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave111223 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I'd tell my "friend" to give his own f**** messages in the future if that's the thanks i get from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eldar1 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 As long as i've been here i have never experienced something like this nor heard of this rule that farangs can't touch thai women in a public place. I've done it and i see thai do it all the time, never any problems. I think it's a made up thing with some basis in old fashioned etiquette, wouldn't worry too much about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AceCafe Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message. So no thanks for passing on a message, she just phones your mate to complain you touched her. Sounds like a snotty stuck up hi-so wannabe and I'd blank her from now. I am very tactile, do not mix exclusively with bg's ( ) and have never had a complaint in 18 years. Thai's themselves are very tactile. The "but you're a farang" bit...... <deleted>. If they haven't got the class to address you properly (chao dun chart/bathet) then they don't have the class to have grounds to complain. IMNSHO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samuibeachcomber Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I'd tell my "friend" to give his own f**** messages in the future if that's the thanks i get from him. roxy music said it well"i'm just a jealous guy"..........as others have said get your thai mate to do his own communicating,and stay away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Unless I missed something, everybody is assuming the lady in question told the man. It could well be a mutual friend who was at the club making mischief and telephoned the man but exaggerating what actually happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
actiondell4 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 (edited) I once got into trouble for calling a work colleague "darling". She was sitting in the work meal room in the govt dept i work in and i noticed she had her head slumped over on the table and i said . "are u ok darling"? as i walked in,i accidently without thinking put my hand on her shoulder too. Anyway next day i had to answer to the boss and apologise to my co worker and I received"behavioural counselling".3 .1 hour sessions Nowadays i just mind my own business and dont sympathise or say anything much at work because someone could take it the wrong way. If i was in your position however ,unless there was any some benefit to you,I would be telling your so called friend to do it themselves. Why are you doing this for them,they are not appreciating what you did. Tell em where to go,or dont you have the balls? Edited April 10, 2009 by actiondell4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KhaoNiaw Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it. But for Thais, it's considered not the thing for a man to touch a woman in a friendly way, though women can touch men without being frowned upon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogi Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 The easy way to handle this type of girl is just come out and tell her :"Don't worry honey, I won't touch your ass - but I will look at from here and imagine running my tong...oops sorry" perfect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coconutmonkey Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message.Seems to me as SBK says, an overreaction. I could understand it if I had not known the lady at all. The gist of the phone call was not to touch at all and that does seem over the top, but also something I have to respect at the end of the day. We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it. Maybe she wanted to divert attention away from another subject. I honestly do not know. But now it means I have to take care even on a simple touch. Sigh. Is this man (the man who called you) involved with this woman? Is it clear that the woman was upset too, or did she just mention it in passing, and then the guy got jealous or over-protective? I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe this is all in the guy's head, and has nothing to do with the woman at all. He wasn't even present when it happened, after all. He could be just reading too much into it. Anyhow, sounds like you have a handle on the situation. Or a hand on the situation. Or something. Okay, in the club....... not sure about it.... dpds on the situation Past experience: On the street, in the office, everyday life never touch another Thai lady..... seen that happen and not pleasant. If you have to, be very clean and well dressed... not flip flops, singlet and beer holder with food stuck in your beard or a dodgy combover (gonna get flamed by hillbillies, ferals, bushies, and old-dirty-bastards for this...) Got a mate (about 50ish) with an 15 year old daughter.... says he can't walk anywhere near Asoke etc, and trip to Pattaya was a nightmare.... you imagine if some foriegn freak came and put his arm to her lowever back,how you'd feel....?? So many ask where he got her and how much! I think where the man puts his hand below the lower back to 'guide' or show 'support'........ I've seen some "Me cool macho farang please love me" jocks who do this repeatedly around the BTS, Siam, Pattaya, thinking it radiates charm, or some kind of charisma. No Uh. Or the touch on the shoulder than goes on and on or turns into a subtle little rub, smile..... For your wife or GF..... sure, why not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nibor1945 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 It was and still is considered improper for a male to have physical contact with a female other than his wife/immediate family in public, although this attitude is lessening amongst the younger Thais, it still applies to most adults. Certainly "out in the sticks" in mainstream society that rule still applies equally to Thai or Farang males, and in this respect women seem to have more freedom than men. It's their country so I personally play it by their rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAWP Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Never, ever, had an issue with this. Had thai people put their hands on me however in a way I wasn't used to, as in my cultural background touching isn't common, unlike south-Europeans for example. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redscouse Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 well i think both of them would be getting the cold shoulder in the future, after of course I told them why they would be getting the cold shoulder, her for over reacting and him for over reacting and his comments suggesting that it was a race issue rather than etiquette. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave111223 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 To be honest it sounds like something which would be in Curb Your Enthusiasm, leaving you with this look: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edwardandtubs Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message. So no thanks for passing on a message, she just phones your mate to complain you touched her. Sounds like a snotty stuck up hi-so wannabe and I'd blank her from now. I am very tactile, do not mix exclusively with bg's ( ) and have never had a complaint in 18 years. Thai's themselves are very tactile. The "but you're a farang" bit...... <deleted>. If they haven't got the class to address you properly (chao dun chart/bathet) then they don't have the class to have grounds to complain. IMNSHO. My thoughts exactly. All this agonising over whether as a "Farang" you've upset "Thai" sensibilities is BS. Some Thais are very touchy-feely but I personally can't stand people touching me. It's a matter of personal choice, not some big Farang-Thai cultural divide. This "friend" of the OP sounds like he has some backward racist issues about protecting "his" women. Instead of fretting about whether touching a woman's arm was some massive cultural faux pas he should confront his "friend" about his own racist and ungrateful behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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