What Men Really Want In Modern Relationships

[Datsun240Z]

Women often say that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so no, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.

It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women excel. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.

Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.

Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. "Starting" is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.

Okay so what is a man seeking?

• First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
  

• Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
  

• Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
  

• Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
  

• Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
  

• Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
  

• Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
  

• Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
  

• Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
  

• Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
  

• Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
  

• Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
  

• Men don't want to be alone.
  

This column can easily fire a great debate. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.

While women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.

www.topdatingtips.com%2Fwhat-men-want.htm

[sbk]

Interesting, because you could turn almost all of these around and say that is exactly what women are looking for too.

While men may be interested in an attractive woman, surprise surprise, women aren't (truly) interested in a fat ugly man. Take care of yourself and you will probably find yourself capable of attracting the kind of woman you are interested in. Women want a man who will commit, a man who respects them as a person, have a sense of humor etc. Fascinating how that works.

And ,to be honest, I don't really have an issue with this list at all. Personally, I agree with most of it. But it is a reciprocal thing, you know and this seems to be an issue on this forum. I can guarantee you, had a woman come up with this list, she would have been flamed to within an inch of her life for being a typically demanding woman.

Something to consider.

[LaoPo]

It would be nice for the Ladies to mention your source, because you didn't write it (in US English)....you copied it...

LaoPo

[Carib]

Just copy the first few sentences and ..Voila, about a dozen sites claiming to be original, just as the OP.

[sbk]

Indeed? Posting something without attribution is not allowed. Please PM me the source and until then, this topic remains closed.

Source received and confirmed--next time do not post someone else's article without attributing the source. thanks

[girlx]

i think that i have come to the conclusion that most people think too much about what they want instead of appreciating the good things they have.

[IanForbes]

i think that i have come to the conclusion that most people think too much about what they want instead of appreciating the good things they have.

I've said basically the same thing for years. As in most things you only get out as much as you are willing to put in. Nothing is ever perfect and some time you have to ask yourself if what you are giving up is worth what you are receiving in return. I give without any expectation of anything in return and I'm happy doing so. But, if I'm treated like an ATM machine or a fool then very often it sours the relationship. At some point I have to ask myself is it worth it. If the answer is no then I move on. If I still thinking I'm being of some value then I stick around.

[473geo]

i think that i have come to the conclusion that most people think too much about what they want instead of appreciating the good things they have.

I've said basically the same thing for years. As in most things you only get out as much as you are willing to put in. Nothing is ever perfect and some time you have to ask yourself if what you are giving up is worth what you are receiving in return. I give without any expectation of anything in return and I'm happy doing so. But, if I'm treated like an ATM machine or a fool then very often it sours the relationship. At some point I have to ask myself is it worth it. If the answer is no then I move on. If I still thinking I'm being of some value then I stick around.

That has got to be one of the most confusing posts I have ever read Ian.......

Following girlx..... people think about what they want more than what they have...... you say you've said the same thing for years

then.......'you only get out as much as you are willing to put in'........so you want a return....

then.......'you have to ask yourself if what you are giving up is worth what you are receiving in return'......so you want a return

then.......'I give without any expectation of anything in return'......so you don't want a return

then.......'If I am treated like an ATM'.......so you do want a return

then.......'I have to ask myself is it worth it'......so you do want a return

then.......'If I still thinking of being some value then I stick around'.....so do or don't want a return

I would say we all appreciate a little respect, that is the crux of any relationship, all the issues on this forum really come down to this one point......do we feel our Thai partners appreciate what we try to achieve, and do we receive the respect from them and their families that we feel we deserve for our efforts?

[Xangsamhua]

I would say we all appreciate a little respect, that is the crux of any relationship...

I'm no marriage/relationships counsellor, but I think genuine respect really is essential, even if we think we've identified our partner's flaws (as she/he has identified ours).

In a cross-cultural-two languages relationship, giving and getting the benefit of the doubt when necessary helps a lot, IMHO. If he/she is saying something that really grates, it may well not be intended that way, so let's give him/her the benefit of the doubt (for now, anyway ).

[cathyy]

*Yawn*

Broad generalizations about "what men want" are totally irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what your man wants.

[Datsun240Z]

I think this goes for most men in general. Would be nice to have a list from the ladies though.

[girlx]

well... i think everyone wants something different. ie. most women ultimately want marriage and children, but i don't at all. so there really isn't any point in posting a list of "what women want". the one thing i guess probably applies across the board is that people want to be treated with respect by their partner.

[bonobo]

*Yawn*

Broad generalizations about "what men want" are totally irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what your man wants.

 The title drew me into this forum.

Basically, what Cathy says is true.  We are all individuals, so it does only matter what your man wants, as she puts it.

The OP's post though, even in general terms, hits the mark with some and not with others.

Laughing, emotional support, not angry, love, family-oriented (for marriage consideration, not necessarily for a fling), sure, those are all good.  But as SBK posts, don't women want those same things as well?

About men being more conserative about sex?  I disagree.  Maybe older women tend to be more aggressive about sex than older men, but men are just as open-minded about sex as any woman.  And femininity? THat is highly subjective.  What is feminine to one person is not to another.

[IanForbes]

i think that i have come to the conclusion that most people think too much about what they want instead of appreciating the good things they have.

I've said basically the same thing for years. As in most things you only get out as much as you are willing to put in. Nothing is ever perfect and some time you have to ask yourself if what you are giving up is worth what you are receiving in return. I give without any expectation of anything in return and I'm happy doing so. But, if I'm treated like an ATM machine or a fool then very often it sours the relationship. At some point I have to ask myself is it worth it. If the answer is no then I move on. If I still thinking I'm being of some value then I stick around.

That has got to be one of the most confusing posts I have ever read Ian.......

Following girlx..... people think about what they want more than what they have...... you say you've said the same thing for years

then.......'you only get out as much as you are willing to put in'........so you want a return....

then.......'you have to ask yourself if what you are giving up is worth what you are receiving in return'......so you want a return

then.......'I give without any expectation of anything in return'......so you don't want a return

then.......'If I am treated like an ATM'.......so you do want a return

then.......'I have to ask myself is it worth it'......so you do want a return

then.......'If I still thinking of being some value then I stick around'.....so do or don't want a return

I would say we all appreciate a little respect, that is the crux of any relationship, all the issues on this forum really come down to this one point......do we feel our Thai partners appreciate what we try to achieve, and do we receive the respect from them and their families that we feel we deserve for our efforts?

Not that confusing, 473geo, but I can understand where you are coming from.

You can give without expecting anything in return, but when the recipient starts to act like you are only an ATM machine then your generosity can quickly turn to resentment. Love and affection can not be one sided or it quickly dries up. At that point the giver has to accept it and live with it, or go somewhere else. If the recipient starts demanding more without showing any affection then the giver begins to realize they are being played as a sucker. It is then than the giver has to accept the situation or move on.

I know many loveless marriages where spouses neither sleep together nor have much to do with each other than put up social appearances. They are together only because of finacial and social obligations.

I've donated to many charities and later found out that most of what I've given was skimmed off at the top by administration. When that happens I stop giving. I've helped out all sorts of people in need and don't ask for anything in return other than respect. I don't believe asking for respect is asking for anything in return. But, I can see where you might think that it is.

I currently help support two Thai families and only do so for the sake of the children... who are not biologically mine. Both women would dearly like to get married so I could then take over the responsibility of supporting their whole extended family. I'm not about to do that. They play the "I love you" game, but I know that is all that it is... a game. It costs me 2 or 3 hundred dollars a month out of my pension, but I'm willing to do that for the sake of the children. I no longer have any interest in the mothers.

If I'm treated as a sucker then I accept the fact that my generosity is misused and I move on. Being treated as a sucker is different then asking for respect for one's generosity.

[cdnvic]

How can you get a succinct answer when you are looking at 3.1 billion people as some homogeneous blob?

If "Men" all wanted the same thing the world would be a very boring place.

[sbk]

Oh come come, cdnvic. Didn't you know? All western women are exactly the same, as are all Thai women.

[cdnvic]

Oh come come, cdnvic. Didn't you know? All western women are exactly the same, as are all Thai women.

Pfft.... that's what you all say.

[mauGR1]

There are to kinds of women i like:

1st kind:intelligent,cultured,faithful and hard working;good for marriage but little bit boring.

2nd kind:frivolous,ignorant,very sexy and totally lazy;quite funny but cannot marry...

Just a pity i cannot have both

[eek]

Hmm..actually, there are many women who are kind, intelligent, cultured, faithful, hardworking, but also funny and sexy too. And, all people, men and woman alike, have lazy and frivolous days, moments of ignorance, and times when they are boring. Sorry to read that you havent experienced sharing times with someone with many facets to their personality.

[mauGR1]

Hmm..actually, there are many women who are kind, intelligent, cultured, faithful, hardworking, but also funny and sexy too. And, all people, men and woman alike, have lazy and frivolous days, moments of ignorance, and times when they are boring. Sorry to read that you havent experienced sharing times with someone with many facets to their personality.

Just kidding eek,i know what you mean,the fact is we're never satisfied with what we have,at least that is for me

[Datsun240Z]

Oh come come, cdnvic. Didn't you know? All western women are exactly the same, as are all Thai women.

Pfft.... that's what you all say.

Exactly the same? Kidding me?

[sbk]

yes, datsun. Its a bit of joke between me and cdnvic. No worries.