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Hostility Towards Farang Women?


BabaYaga

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What a can of worms.

Seems some guys really got taken off mothers milk far too early and are still holding a grudge.

For me, Thai Falang. Same Same but different.

I'm married now. I love my wife very much. Yes, she is Thai. We both work and both provide. I have a bunch of great ex pat friends and we are a weird bunch. Some are married to a falang others have a Thai girlfriend.

Really, you want to be happy with your partner. Thats what matters the most. I know some western women who have a grudge against men, most though have a story and if it is even only half true. I know why they are bitter. I also know men who are here because they don't want the woman to stand up for themselves and think they can get away with their ridiculuse here. It will catch up with you. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But one day.

Each to his/her own. You only got one chance (this time round). Make the most of it.

Babayaga enjoy your time here.

Nomad

Edited by carlthailand
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The problem is feminism.  Feminism teaches women to hate men.  Feminism did not occur in the east, only in the west.

Feminism occured in the west first but its growing throughout Asia. The big difference is that feminism in much of the west is maturing, with a generation of women born after the turmoil of the 60s and 70s when most women really did have to fight and claw to get equality, wheras now that isn't as much of an issue, and young women these days expect equality and independance as a birthright.

If you look at how Thai society is shaping up these days you will see social conditions very similar to the ones at the beginnings of the social revolution of the 60s in the west. Young people are turning away from religion, and the stricter morals of the past, and embracing a looser, freer way of life. Part of this change is shown in the increasing independance of Thai women.

I think if you want to avoid femism, which by the way is about women living for themselves, and not just for their role in a man's world, you may end up facing it in a more viralant form here than you ever would at home. Back home the chip is off the shoulder, so to speak, here you have women emerging out of a very masoginistic society, and I think there's gonna be alot more feminism for you to deal with than you expect, and it's going to be a young and boisterous feminism too.

If you come to Thailand because you love Thai women, then I can't argue, because I think mine at least is wonderful. If you came here because you can't stand western women then I think you need to look at whether you are ready to deal with any woman on a long term basis yet.

Good luck.

cv

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vic, I just know the girls are gonna be alright with you while I'm away :o

Carlthailand, thanks for your post, thats exactly how myself & many other people feel, a mixed bag of people all getting a long & respecting each other as people, not stereotypes, thanks for your post :D

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Young people are turning away from religion, and the stricter morals of the past, and embracing a looser, freer way of life. Part of this change is shown in the increasing independance of Thai women.

Too true cdnvic... many valid comments there... but with reference to the one above, do you really think this is going to happen quickly, given the strong family ties that are a part of everyday Thai life?

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The problem is feminism.  Feminism teaches women to hate men.  Feminism did not occur in the east, only in the west.

Back home the chip is off the shoulder, so to speak, here you have women emerging out of a very masoginistic society, and I think there's gonna be alot more feminism for you to deal with than you expect, and it's going to be a young and boisterous feminism too.

Don't know where "home" is for you cv, but have to tell you in so. Calif. the chip is still well entrenched. :o

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I can't count the number of times I've heard the following statement from women in America:  "I don't need a *man* for *anything*!"  That statement is always unprovoked.  It's always said as some kind of a combination of boast, and threat.  And every single time I've asked "How would you like it if everywhere you went, every single day, you always heard men saying 'I don't need a *woman* for *anything*!' "  I always get the same response:  "I wouldn't believe it!" always accompanied by a laugh.  My mother has said it.  My girlfriends have said it.  My female friends have said it.  Ad nauseum.  It blew me away when one female friend - Evonne - finally admitted to me "okay, if I heard that it would hurt my feelings."  Well, if a girl "doesn't need a *man* for *anything*" then great - I don't need her either, and I will go elsewhere!  I want a girl who *does* need me!  Not one that doesn't, and is prepared to let me know that verbally, every day, for the rest of my life!

As someone pointed out earlier the term feminism has many meanings. I'd say that being hurtful to men is not part of the deal. I'd in fact agree that some things feminism has done in the US are counterproductive in reaching a greater understanding between men and women.

For instance, I worked in the restaurant business for several years. The idea that anyone would file a sexual harassment lawsuit is completely laughable. Everybody is making vulgar jokes and making references about people's sexual orientation (true or not.) It's in good fun and if anybody tries to genuinely hurt somebody a borderline mean joke will usually set them straight. I'd hate to work in a PC office environment because everybody has to be too careful about what they say. It was fun making dirty jokes with the guys.

I think it is harder to have a relationship where two people have careers especially if one person gets asked to relocate. But I like my work and I would be bored as a housewife. I want to be respected as anyone else would for my work.

Also, I think fairness goes both ways. I made at least double the money of last guy I dated (I am not bragging here...) I would offer to pay the check more often than he did and he was okay with that. My intension was not to threaten his masculinity, control him or anything like that; it just seemed fairer for me to pay more often. He was fine with that and so was I.

It's really a shame that my idea of what feminism should be: the idea of equity and a meeting of the minds between men and women has become an excuse for some people to take out their own issues on the opposite sex.

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I can't count the number of times I've heard the following statement from women in America:  "I don't need a *man* for *anything*!"  That statement is always unprovoked.  It's always said as some kind of a combination of boast, and threat.  And every single time I've asked "How would you like it if everywhere you went, every single day, you always heard men saying 'I don't need a *woman* for *anything*!' "  I always get the same response:  "I wouldn't believe it!" always accompanied by a laugh.  My mother has said it.  My girlfriends have said it.  My female friends have said it.  Ad nauseum.  It blew me away when one female friend - Evonne - finally admitted to me "okay, if I heard that it would hurt my feelings."  Well, if a girl "doesn't need a *man* for *anything*" then great - I don't need her either, and I will go elsewhere!  I want a girl who *does* need me!  Not one that doesn't, and is prepared to let me know that verbally, every day, for the rest of my life!

You can't deny that this is hostility.  Period. 

Right on, sbaker!

They're just in denial is all.

I don't hate American or western women - he11, my mother and grandmother were one's but the "modern" material-girl ain't the same.

Forget about traditional values etc.

Now girls, y'all got two of us to flame-away at! :o

Come on everybody, be objective. The guy makes some very valid points about a very vocal (yet small) proportion of western women who are radical feminists with "man issues." There are women out there like that; fact; but a minority, yes.

However, he should realise that the REAL problem is not the women themselves but the society and values they have been raised with. It ain't anyones fault as to the way they are - we're all just a product of our environemt.

The difference IMHO is that some people realise the shortcomings of western society (not women or feminism) and eschew those values and some people don't.

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My parents brought me up to be a gentleman and respect women. To show that respect, one of the things I was taught to do was to open doors for them.

Last time I was in the UK, I held a door open for a lady at a shopping centre. Instead of a polite thankyou, she gave me a potty-mouth response. Now, whenever I'm in the west, I don't bother opening doors anymore.

Also in the west, I took a lady out on a first date. My parents taught me that the man should pay, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. When I reached for the cheque and paid, I got a ration of sh1t from her. I was accused of thinking that "it was a bribe for sex later, or I thought that "she couldn't afford to pay half". I seem to be out of date with today's etiquette. Probably been in Thailand too long (no regrets there).

Sad really, something good has definitely gone with regard to male/female relationships.

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I have to say I get really tired of listening to the farang men on this forum list their complaints about farang women. Too bad there isn't a smilie for BORING!

I could endlessly list my complaints about farang men but choose not to. Besides, if I did, I would surely be flamed by these self-same men. Seems many of you can dish out the criticism but can't take it. Any woman who defends herself becomes a strident hostile feminazi. I have heard these complaints over and over. Same ones. Gets very tiresome indeed. Although I have to say Greg's completely over the top diatribe against women gave me a really good giggle. Thanks for that. You just proved to me again how lucky I am that I am married to a wonderful Thai man and am not in the dating game facing guys like you! :o

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I have to say I get really tired of listening to the farang men on  this forum list their complaints about farang women. Too bad there isn't a smilie for BORING!

.

.

.

You just proved to me again how lucky I am that I am married to a wonderful Thai man and am not in the dating game facing guys like you! :o

And good luck to ya too! How's things on KPN?

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I have to say I get really tired of listening to the farang men on  this forum list their complaints about farang women. Too bad there isn't a smilie for BORING!

I could endlessly list my complaints about farang men but choose not to. Besides, if I did, I would surely be flamed by these self-same men. Seems many of you can dish out the criticism but can't take it. Any woman who defends herself becomes a strident hostile feminazi.  I have heard these complaints over and over. Same ones. Gets very tiresome indeed. Although I have to say Greg's completely over the top diatribe against women gave me a really good giggle. Thanks for that. You just proved to me again how lucky I am that I am married to a wonderful Thai man and am not in the dating game facing guys like you! :D

SBK - actually there is a smilie!!! :o

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So two women in a population of how many. I don't think it means that something is gone between men & women it just means that you picked a bad date & someone was rude. I encounter people (men & women) who I consider rude or with bad manners and a lot of them in Thailand, being pushed & shoved, getting ignored or ripped of cause the colour of my skin, doesn't mean I think all thai people are shit. I had a guy bump into me on the tube the other day (he bumped into me) I said sorry (as the english do :o) & I was called a slag!!! Does that mean all English men are rude & shit & not worth bothing about, not IMO but it seems that these "I was with an Englsih girl & she did..." stories are designed to make a point. They don't, it just means you have bad taste in women :D

Seriously though, whats the point, so there are some militant women in the world but there are enough mysoginist men around to keep them going so let them get on with it but I don't like to be stereotyped bacause of indiviuals bad experiences & I'm pretty sure that no one does :D

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Personally, I think this battle of the sexes is a bit outdated and I feel sorry for people who get too caught up in it.

My whole slant on it is that I'm in it with the missus for the cultural aspect (I hate western society and have little time for it's values in general) and not because I have any hatered towards western women.

I love my mum and always will. How many "anti-feminazi's" would say any different? How many of them actually hate western women then and aren't just trolling?

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I have to say I get really tired of listening to the farang men on  this forum list their complaints about farang women. Too bad there isn't a smilie for BORING!

I could endlessly list my complaints about farang men but choose not to. Besides, if I did, I would surely be flamed by these self-same men. Seems many of you can dish out the criticism but can't take it. Any woman who defends herself becomes a strident hostile feminazi.  I have heard these complaints over and over. Same ones. Gets very tiresome indeed. Although I have to say Greg's completely over the top diatribe against women gave me a really good giggle. Thanks for that. You just proved to me again how lucky I am that I am married to a wonderful Thai man and am not in the dating game facing guys like you! :D

SBK - actually there is a smilie!!! :o

Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of a big yawn. :D

Peterzxr, I would never pick on you! You have struck me as a very sensible guy. :D and I agree, it is endlessly tiring, listening to this, I won't call it a debate cause nobody is listening to anyone else (well, very few anyway, yourself included in those few).

And Peterzxr, thanks, good as always. It's tough living on the beach, I can tell you. :D

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So two women in a population of how many. I don't think it means that something is gone between men & women it just means that you picked a bad date & someone was rude.  I encounter people (men & women) who I consider rude or with bad manners and a lot of them in Thailand, being pushed & shoved, getting ignored or ripped of cause the colour of my skin, doesn't mean I think all thai people are shit. I had a guy bump into me on the tube the other day (he bumped into me) I said sorry (as the english do :o) & I was called a slag!!! Does that mean all English men are rude & shit & not worth bothing about, not IMO but it seems that these "I was with an Englsih girl & she did..." stories are designed to make a point. They don't, it just means you have bad taste in women :D

Seriously though, whats the point, so there are some militant women in the world but there are enough mysoginist men around to keep them going so let them get on with it but I don't like to be stereotyped bacause of indiviuals bad experiences & I'm pretty sure that no one does :D

Boo - My point is that in the seventies (last time I lived in the UK) holding doors open for ladies and paying for a meal if you went out on a date was the cultural norm. It was "expected" (by both men and women) that men behave this way. As this was taught to me by my parents, this norm had lasted for decades.

The two incidents I described happened within two weeks of each other, two years ago. Talked to friends in the UK about this after it happened. They were not surprised at all. The normal etiquette has changed.

This was an observation on my part. Nothing more.

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So two women in a population of how many. I don't think it means that something is gone between men & women it just means that you picked a bad date & someone was rude.  I encounter people (men & women) who I consider rude or with bad manners and a lot of them in Thailand, being pushed & shoved, getting ignored or ripped of cause the colour of my skin, doesn't mean I think all thai people are shit. I had a guy bump into me on the tube the other day (he bumped into me) I said sorry (as the english do :o) & I was called a slag!!! Does that mean all English men are rude & shit & not worth bothing about, not IMO but it seems that these "I was with an Englsih girl & she did..." stories are designed to make a point. They don't, it just means you have bad taste in women :D

Seriously though, whats the point, so there are some militant women in the world but there are enough mysoginist men around to keep them going so let them get on with it but I don't like to be stereotyped bacause of indiviuals bad experiences & I'm pretty sure that no one does :D

Boo - My point is that in the seventies (last time I lived in the UK) holding doors open for ladies and paying for a meal if you went out on a date was the cultural norm. It was "expected" (by both men and women) that men behave this way. As this was taught to me by my parents, this norm had lasted for decades.

The two incidents I described happened within two weeks of each other, two years ago. Talked to friends in the UK about this after it happened. They were not surprised at all. The normal etiquette has changed.

This was an observation on my part. Nothing more.

Just a thought, but what with pregnancies and "monthlies" all that, change is just a way of life for women and perhaps they deal with it better than "us lot."

Not sure your experience would've been any different with other people but you never know you might have just met some nasty people.

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LOL, yeah for sure, get a women mid pmt & there would have nothing you could have done. :o

Seriously though, yes, times have changed in 20yrs in dating etc but manners are still manners & some people have em & some don't. I just think you had a couple of bad experiences

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My parents brought me up to be a gentleman and respect women. To show that respect, one of the things I was taught to do was to open doors for them.

Last time I was in the UK, I held a door open for a lady at a shopping centre. Instead of a polite thankyou, she gave me a potty-mouth response. Now, whenever I'm in the west, I don't bother opening doors anymore.

Also in the west, I took a lady out on a first date. My parents taught me that the man should pay, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. When I reached for the cheque and paid, I got a ration of sh1t from her. I was accused of thinking that "it was a bribe for sex later, or I thought that "she couldn't afford to pay half". I seem to be out of date with today's etiquette. Probably been in Thailand too long (no regrets there).

Sad really, something good has definitely gone with regard to male/female relationships.

[/quote

My mother brought up my brothers to be gentlemen and hold the door open and carry the bags or the heavy stuff at least for women. I got a surprise when I arrived here in LOS and the guys don't hold open the door and I'm expected to carry my own crap. :o

On the other hand, when I've been out with Thai men, I've offered to pay my half of the bill and they've always refused. A pleasent surprise. :D When i've dated men in the west, in spite of the fact that very often they earned more than I did, when the bill came they automatically split it! It seems that some guys at least have truly embraced equality of the sexes.

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My parents brought me up to be a gentleman and respect women. To show that respect, one of the things I was taught to do was to open doors for them.

Last time I was in the UK, I held a door open for a lady at a shopping centre. Instead of a polite thankyou, she gave me a potty-mouth response. Now, whenever I'm in the west, I don't bother opening doors anymore.

Also in the west, I took a lady out on a first date. My parents taught me that the man should pay, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. When I reached for the cheque and paid, I got a ration of sh1t from her. I was accused of thinking that "it was a bribe for sex later, or I thought that "she couldn't afford to pay half". I seem to be out of date with today's etiquette. Probably been in Thailand too long (no regrets there).

Sad really, something good has definitely gone with regard to male/female relationships.

My mother brought up my brothers to be gentlemen and hold the door open and carry the bags or the heavy stuff at least for women. I got a surprise when I arrived here in LOS and the guys don't hold open the door and I'm expected to carry my own crap. :o

On the other hand, when I've been out with Thai men, I've offered to pay my half of the bill and they've always refused. A pleasent surprise. :D When i've dated men in the west, in spite of the fact that very often they earned more than I did, when the bill came they automatically split it! It seems that some guys at least have truly embraced equality of the sexes.

Dunno TG always carries the shopping bags - things are bit reversed in some ways.

Edited by britmaveric
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I always hold open doors and carry things for girls, I have never recived abuse for it. Maybe you are doing it in a condesending way, with myself it is just a courtesy and practical as I am a strapping fella and I can lift eavy fings. Chivalry is not in conflict with feminism, I suppose I have never been acused of chauvanism because I am not: and have as many female mates as male ones. Women are my equal and I treat them as such, Thats why I would feel uncomfortable in a relationship that was not built on equality

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Hi:

I don't have a lot of time, so this is a bit rushed.

In a nutshell, to the American man who blames feminism for the "demise" of American women, or the lack of "feminine" women, it boils down to laws, economic opportunities, education, and equality. And even in America, these values are not a complete realization. Women still make about 63 cents to the dollar of men (and yes, that is factoring years lost to child-rearing). For many men who spout the same arguments, the real issue is not femininity, it's indignance. They are incensed that the safe proscribed roles of generations past no longer assure that they will "win" every argument. And I am not talking about arguments concerning the household, but analytical, intellectual, rational arguments. Since they can't accept the fact that women are no longer raised to defer on almost everything, or to suppress much of her character because it does not fit into approved gender roles, they resort to calling us "masculine". And what exactly is "femininity"? Much of it is a cultural, man-made construction. Please refer to the guise of many ladyboys or butchy women for my point.

At the end of the day, I am always feminine, because the men that come after me appreciate a woman that is real, because that allows them to be real. There is no better feeling on earth, than that between a real man, and a real woman. Tell me, how on earth can a woman make love to anyone, if she doesn't even know who she is? And how will she ever learn who she is, if she's spent her entire life learning the art of deference, scripted coquettishness, and male-approval seeking? I hate to break this to you, but the majority of the sounds coming out of women like this behind closed doors are faked, like almost everything else in her world. If somehow you have ended up with women in the West that have taken everything from you, put money ahead of everything, and cared little for anything else, then perhaps this has as much to do with you, since at some point you CHOSE this kind of woman, no? Therefore, it is not a random accident.

Inside the Nutshell:

Admittedly, there is a sea change in the West regarding men and women. I'm sure it is baffling for a lot of people, and understandably. And yes, there are a lot of fat people, and this includes women. But there are also a lot of people that are working out, eating better, taking care of themselves, and looking decades younger - this also includes women. However, I'm sure that women who can attract younger men with younger attitudes most likely settle with them, for reasons which are obvious on this thread. Maybe this is also an integral part of the Western males' problem, lol. But definitely not all, because there are men on this thread who also seem to have a very attractive attitude toward women in general (thanks for holding the door Toastwars; Solodenis).

To the American gent out there who said he knows everything about Thailand, here's a bit of advice for you: find a dwelling without a balcony - you might end up as another non-statistic in Thailand. And here is that nutshell:

American women are protected by the law/Thai women have absolutely no protection, and are married, impregnated, and abandoned at a very high rate, with absolutely no legal repurcussions for the man.

Further, once they have a child, it is almost impossible culturally for them to remarry with a Thai man.

In America, it is illegal to discriminate according to race, gender, age, disabilities, or sexual orientation. In Thailand, companies routinely advertise for women younger than 30, and they must meet requirements of appearance more often than professional requirements.

Spiritually, woman are believed to have less karma and be of lower birth than a man. As such, she must spend her life repaying the debt to her family for having been born a female.

A very high ratio of Thai men have multiple affairs and wives. Many do not wear condoms, which was how the AIDS rate skyrocketed in the early to mid-90s. There is also a very high rate of sexual abuse and marital violence, most of it unreported. The conservative estimates for reporting rape is 1 in 36. Why? Because in this society which highly values proper "femininity" above everything else, a good woman doesn't allow herself to be in the position of getting raped

*(this includes being in the "wrong" place at the "wrong" time, like outside after 10 p.m., or "provoking" the wrong males in her home. When rape occurs, most of the time it is a source of shame because it was her "fault".

As for feminism, it doesn't really exist here (sorry Boo). Yes, there are empowerment agendas, but it is much different than the West. If you study some of the material and dialogues from the big women's orgs here, they emphasize handling men with velvet gloves and nudging, rather than "Western" confrontation. By the way, most MPs have mia nois and defend this as a "right". :o Men can seek a divorce on the grounds of infidelity, but women cannot. Good luck with changing things for women by first seeking the approval of unquestioned male privilege :D But hey, the smile is real pretty.

And oh yeah, about those laws or lack thereof - there are other ways to seek "justice": Thailand is the land with the highest number of penis reattachment surgeries in the world.

Good luck in paradise. Don't worry, we won't miss you either. As far as I'm concerned, the likes of you clear out the gene pool at home. Let's call it a win/win :D

*edit

Edited by kat
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