Getting Closer To Middle Age...

[mbkudu]

As a woman living in Thailand long term or permanently, either Thai or expat, what are (will be) your greatest worries, anxieties or fears as you get closer to middle age?

[Boo]

Not sure what my fears will be at middle age (when is that now anyway, older people seem to be getting younger, if you know what I mean! ) My main concern for when I am back in LOS will be education for my children & their future not really my own as I have always been independant & able to take care of myself. I suppose the only other thing that I worry about is if something happened to my husband (he thinks he will die young like his own father did) & that as a western widow would I feel seperate from the community I lived in with him & whether I would be able to hack staying in thailand without him to give our kids that part of their culture or whether I would have to start over in the UK again (very strange but I tend to worry about things like this as apposed to losing my looks or being old & alone)

Hopefully it's something I will never have to experience but for sure, the thought of saggy boobs & stretch marks don't bother me

[Shola]

Jeez I like to convince myself that middle age is like aaaaaaages away and therefore I don't give it much thought!

Although considering how fast my twenties are zooming past, perhaps I should!!

I spose I hope that when were older me and the hubby will have a least a while of living in England together.

[LadyinRed]

I'm worried about loneliness sometimes.

I don't think anybody will want to be involved with a single mum.

[sbk]

OOOH, I don't even want to think about it!

Seriously, I am turning (gulp!) 39 this year and have spent my entire adult life married to a Thai and living in Thailand. My biggest fear? Something will happen to my husband and I will be screwed over by the Thai government. That I will then be forced to return home and start over again.

The other aspects of aging don't worry me too much. I am healthy, fit and look much younger than my years (most people think I am early 30's). My husband and I have a good relationship. Wouldn't mind being a millionaire, but other than that, I find myself satisfied with my life. Not many people can say that.

[desi]

Before I moved to Thailand I had many worries as I'm a western female past 30.

But now I'm here I can see a place for me in this society. I'm normally a shy person (fools most as I come across as not, but I am) who stays by herself. The Thais have pulled me into their world and I feel I can happily go there. In the west I was mostly left to my own as I made it clear it was the way I happily lived my life (workaholic).

There is a sense of community here that I am enjoying very much, one missing in the west-as-I-know-it. Ok, my fault for pushing the west away ...

Of course I only speak from a very short experience, so it may change the longer I'm here in LOS.

desi

[camerata]

& whether I would be able to hack staying in thailand without him to give our kids that part of their culture or whether I would have to start over in the UK again

As a widow in Thailand with kids, you'd face the very real problem of which school to send the kids too. The state schools are abysmal, but the international schools are so expensive.

[camerata]

I'm worried about loneliness sometimes.

I don't think anybody will want to be involved with a single mum.

I wouldn't worry too much about this. My GF was in her 40s and a single mum when I met her. I had never been married and never had children. It's just a matter of meeting the right person - your neua khoo - as the Thais say.

[toastwars]

I'm worried about loneliness sometimes.

I don't think anybody will want to be involved with a single mum.

Mt partner is a single mum, I love her dearly and treat the kids as my own, I live and work in Thailand for a lot of the year, business not fully u to speed at the moment so unfortunatly we cannot be together as much as we would lke, eventually our dreams will come true and we can be together as a family full time. There are still decent men out there and if you find one that loves you then being a single mum will be of no concern, quite the oposite I have a whole family not just a partner.

[camerata]

My biggest fear? Something will happen to my husband and I will be screwed over by the Thai government. That I will then be forced to return home and start over again.

You might want to check on what your status would be. After 20 years in Thailand (plus another 8 in and out of the country) I got concerned about what would happen if I lost my job or reached retirement age. As far as I can see, I would be required to leave the country within 7 days. With no overseas income or pension - since I've been here most of my adult life - I wouldn't qualify for a retirement visa. This prompted me to get serious and apply for permanent residence last year. Going back to Farangland would be unthinkable at this stage.

If you're married to a Thai, your situation is probably different, but it's worth looking into now so you can make long-term preparations.

[sbk]

Tell me about it. Have looked into citizenship already but the folks where i live don't know how to do it (and it must be done in the province you live in--makes me think of moving, at least for awhile!). Permanent residency is my next option if citizenship doesn't pan out, but I would rather be a citizen (dual is allowed btw).

7 days, great. Glad we are so welcome

[BabaYaga]

I often worry that I will never marry or have children. I have a vision of myself as a middle aged woman, having lived a year or two in about a dozen countries, without anything to tie me everywhere. Sometimes that terrifies me, and sometimes that seems just right. Good thing I like cats.

I'm curious about the thread starter's concerns. Was there something that prompted this question?

[mbkudu]

I often worry that I will never marry or have children. I have a vision of myself as a middle aged woman, having lived a year or two in about a dozen countries, without anything to tie me everywhere. Sometimes that terrifies me, and sometimes that seems just right. Good thing I like cats.

I'm curious about the thread starter's concerns. Was there something that prompted this question?

Not anything in particular Baba. Just curious about how the ladies feel. I know that for the men it comes down to money: Will I have enough in the last years, will my business survive, will I let my life savings fritter away on bargirls and booze?

We don't see many female expats jumping from condos in Pataya. I think for the woman there is more to it than these things only.

[anna234cn]

I'm not sure what age is the middle age for women, maybe 35, 40 or over. For me, it needs take many years to the middle age. But still have worries about getting older or maturer. I am eager to be mature, while I dont wanna bear the stress of being a mature woman or an adult 'coz it seems there are so many things I need consider and feel tired. I'm a bit afraid of growing. Wish I could live in Shangrila.

[desi]

... will I let my life savings fritter away on bargirls and booze?

We don't see many female expats jumping from condos in Pataya. I think for the woman there is more to it than these things only.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree, (most) women come to thailand for a totally different aim than a large number of the men seem to. (yes, I know, I'm generalizing)

And maybe I'd change my reasons for being here if thailand were populated with 6' ++ men with brains like einstein and the manners of an englishman. But it's not so I'll just have to deal with its downsides

desi

[mbkudu]

And maybe I'd change my reasons for being here if thailand were populated with 6' ++ men with brains like einstein and the manners of an englishman. But it's not so I'll just have to deal with its downsides

desi

Obviously we haven't met.

Edited March 21, 2005 by mbkudu

[desi]

Obviously we haven't met.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

desi

[Jai Dee]

Obviously we haven't met.

desi

Could this be the start of an on-line romance on Thai Visa?

:D

Watch this space...

[Jai Dee]

Seriously, I am turning (gulp!) 39 this year and have spent my entire adult life married to a Thai and living in Thailand. My biggest fear? Something will happen to my husband and I will be screwed over by the Thai government. That I will then be forced to return home and start over again.

sbk, This may give you some good news... posted today.

See this topic.

Looking through some old documents and found a cutting from the Bangkok Post for 13/6/2003 which said the Constitution Court was reviewing a provision of the nationality law which bans foreign men applying for citizenship on the grounds of marriage to a Thai Woman.

The case was filed by the Justice Minister Pongthep Thepkanchana.

The court was to decide whether article 9 of the Nationality Act contravened article 30 of the constitution which bans discrimination on the grounds of gender.

Foreign women who marry Thai men can apply for citizenship.

Anyone know what happened and where we are now?

[Butterfield8]

I'm worried about loneliness sometimes.

I don't think anybody will want to be involved with a single mum.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wouldn't worry too much about this. My GF was in her 40s and a single mum when I met her. I had never been married and never had children. It's just a matter of meeting the right person - your neua khoo - as the Thais say.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

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Wrong girlfriend. Being a single mom is no longer a social stigma anymore than being gay or a single dad.

In my early twenties, I lost a gorgeous beau to a casual lady friend who was a single mom 7 years my senior.

The heart wants what the heart wants to quote Woody Allen.

What was that old popular saying??

Love me, love my dog.

I am NOT being facetious here about children and referring to them as dogs. I love children personally.

[desi]

I'm worried about loneliness sometimes.

I don't think anybody will want to be involved with a single mum.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wouldn't worry too much about this. My GF was in her 40s and a single mum when I met her. I had never been married and never had children. It's just a matter of meeting the right person - your neua khoo - as the Thais say.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

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Wrong girlfriend. Being a single mom is no longer a social stigma anymore than being gay or a single dad.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe that's supposed to be true in general, but several times in the past when I've extracted myself from a relationship the first thing that comes out of the mouth is "you should have been grateful I took you on with your son" ... So it IS lurking there on some mens minds. That and "I'll bet you are gay ... otherwise you wouldn't have dumped me"

:-D

desi