Need Input On How To Help Troubled Isaan Teen Boy

[ktab27]

I am trying to help a Isaan family I know from Udon Thani, now living in Supon Buri. One of the children – a boy, about 13 is in trouble. He’s “acting out” – ie. Lying, stealing, drinking, drugging, fighting. His grades are miserable, and has trouble reading. He is however a superb athlete. He has no father. The mother is absent. The relatives are raising him. They are at their wit’s end. The fear is that he’s going to end up in prison. Or tossed out onto the street. I’m looking for solutions to help this boy. I’m open to any suggestions. I thought maybe a “special” school. A school that is going to give him order, and work him hard. A school that is going to give him structure. If he were here (America) I might think that psychological counseling might be helpful. But I don’t think culturally that works in Thailand. I’m hoping a structured, hard working environment might help him past this difficult period. If anyone has any suggestions, has faced a similar dilemma, has an idea of where to look, or has a completely different idea, I’m looking for in put. Thank you.

[MaryWorth]

You could take him to a few Muay Thai camps in Udon and see if any of the trainers would train him and take care of him. The kids usually live in the camps. Exercise will be good for his health, psychological as well and to get him a daily routine and structure and discipline, and the prospect of earning money by fighting and being respected. In Udon because thats where he is from and he might be happier to be where he came from for added stability and also to get away from his current problems and bad friends.

Edited August 27, 2009 by MaryWorth

[geriatrickid]

Can we back up first? Has a physical cause of the behaviour been ruled out? All the discipline and positive rearing environments out there cannot do much for an adolescent that has an organic cause of aberrent behaviour. Please consider a physical exam by an experienced pediatrician with complete blood work (and urinalysis) before you consider anything.

For example, there are sufficient published studies that demonstrate certain physical influences/causal factors should first be considered;

- Manifestation of brain damage brought about by fetal alcohol syndrome

- Thyroid and/or parathyroid disease

- Bipolar disorder

- Acute poryphria

- Vitamin deficiency brought about by an endocrine dysfunction or defect

- Cerebral tumour

- If it is a recent onset, then meningitis, encephalitis and tuberculosis should be ruled out as well. I mention these 3 because the incidence is higher and more pronounced in the younger demographic of Issan than elsewhere in Thailand.

Consideration should also be given the possibility whether or not the child is either a past or present victim of physical or sexual abuse.

I appreciate the cultural resistance to discussions of such things and often people do not wish to consider such aspects, instead hoping things can be taken care of through behaviour modification drugs or strict discipline. However, one owes it to the child to rule out these things first. And then if the kid is really being a prat, then the proverbial good kick in the pants will probably do the trick.

Best of luck.

[ThaiBasil]

I believe he needs good people, examples and friends his age around him. As he is a good athlete I would suggest: teamsport!!! (in a camp, the muay Thai suggestion is also a good one, but that is not in a team)

watch this movie based on a real life story, it might give you ideas how to handle and prevent him from ending up in prison: Gridiron Gang

[bina]

he's thirteen with no father, no mother and just relatives?? no organic problems there. just basic muubaan attitude. most of the father figures are either overseas working, or in bangkok working... and the ones not working are in the muubaan hanging out drinking playing hi lo... not stereotypical. its what i saw each time i was either in thai workers' muubaans, or with thai hubby in muubaan. and the 13 yr old boys are given the free run as mothers and/grandmothers/aunties dont have time energy or patience to deal , nor the cultural tools that most of us have to deal. if he's from the rural muubaans, than muey thai is about it, or a good talking too by a well respected younger monk, or going to a wat school ... if they arent your direct family, i would suggest something else that many westerners will 'flame' me for: dont get involved. thais are not like us jews (save one life, u saved a world) or christian saving souls. they believe u have to save yourself.

13 y old boys act up /act out even in the best of families wealthy or poor. its a bad age that just gets worse until they hit about 17 and then it improves again. thais also dont do well when taken away from close family environments even bad ones, they are much more connected to family then u can imagine. if u can get his attention for one day a week for fishing/motocy travel/sports/muaythai, try that and if u speak thai, then u can get some rapport going and let the converstaions run, but thais in general are not introspective people. they feel that a personality trait is that way as u were born and it cant be changed no matter what so u wont get much cooperation from other adults either. they see 13 as adults that are the way they are.

good luck (and i am quoting my thai husband here from snips of conversations ive had about my own son and teenage daughter - from previous husband)

bina

israel

[sirineou]

Firstly let me say that you cant get and nobody should be giving specific advise as to what you should do, as we don’t know the boy and his circumstances, and any specific advice we could give could cause more harm than good. The behavioral problems could be the result of 2 different factors.

1) is environmental, and others in this post have eloquently addressed that aspect. This can be best determined by medical examination.

Though let me say that drinking at age 13 is a absolute no no , his brain is still developing and will be for the next few years and alcohol consumption at this age will disrupt the normal development of his brain an is sure to manifest physical and behavioral future problems.

2) is the psychological aspect. Personality development can best illustrated as an inverted pyramid, Please see attached sketch).

when we are born there is only one aspect of our selves , and that is the Point of the pyramid , the first 3 acts we engage in when we are born is eat , urinate and defecate .Eating is the first act of taking ( the oral) and defecating is the first act of giving ( anal). Now the pyramid is divided in 2 parts if those 2 parts are not balanced (i.e. love is withheld when feeding, praise is withheld when defecating) the first psychological complexes begin to manifest, you have all heard the term “ anal retentive , oral receptive”the word “ asshol_e is really a slang on the term “ass hold or anal retentive These complexes or imbalances must be addressed or the personality will become unbalanced and the pyramid will tip. To balance, a counterweight ( as manifested by some other type of behavior) might be placed on the opposite side , and so on and so froth and the complexity that we call human personality develops.

In your case if all the physical causes of the undesirable behavior have being eliminated, the second course of action would be to investigate the psychological sources of the behavior, a good psychoanalyst would be the way to go. (don’t know if such is available in your area or at what cost) but if you can determine the reason why he is acting up ( and there is always a reason), perhaps a productive, positive counterweight can be provided to modify the unwanted behavior.

Any way you are a good person for wanting to help and I wish you the best of luck.

[bina]

thais dont go for freudian stuff... children are children til about age 7, then they are adults. (at least among the poor and rural, obviously for hi/so and middle class city kids that are more influenced by western info, the rules change, however....) in which case they are responsible (as in, no one else should have to interfere with them about their education-- not that they are taught to be responsible for their own actions. its a common response when i deal with my kids - 2 of whom are already army age- he's a grown man, let him make his own mistakes, its his problem, etc. this is from my thai husband, and i think reflects how many thais view childrearing) for themselves and their actions.

kids dont get praised for going potty as they learn naturally without all the 'to do' about it. the kids are without diapers, in the tropics and go outside. so they dont have too many anal hangups from potty training like us.

secondly, with thais, food=love especially among the rural if uve never seen how mothers and grannies shove balls of sticky rice in any kid's mouth. food/money given =love. this is love u can eat. psychological love, the 'i love you' deal, is, as one sister in law put it "u cant eat love only" meaning our love as we speak about it.

dont confuse western psychology with with other cultures and their own ways of seeing life. the freudian aspect wouldnt work with navajo indians either for that matter.

but yes, keep him busy and tired out physically (not run down, but sports, work, kept busy so no time to do stupid stuff) , then can keep him out of trouble and work on the mental side

bina

israel

[sirineou]

I am using the basic Freudian paradigm as basis for understanding. I realize that my assessment is at best simplistic. Having said that , I must say that , regardless of what culture is, people are people, anywhere in the world, and it is a mistake to treat children as miniature adults. The fact that children develop in stages is not debatable.

For instance

Children develop their “otherness” between the age of 5 and 9 ( some sooner , some later) , so you can take two brothers and ask the 5 year old brother, “ do you have a brother” and he would say “ yes” then ask “ does your brother have a brother” and he would reply “ No” , he has simply not developed physically the part of his brain that can look at things from an other persons point of view. Regardless of what culture you are in , that is a universal fact. There are other developmental stages that carry through to the Teen- age years.

Now there are cultures that would force children to perform outside their nature,

and for the most part it works for that culture, but at what cost?

Please note that I am not making a value judgment and that by no stretch of the imagination consider my self an expert in Thai culture and what works there, just making some universal observations to be taken for what they are worth..