Meeting Parents

[chrishopkins53]

Hi, sorry if this is the wrong forum but the description said it was populated by women and I need a woman's advice.

Tomorrow I'm going to meet my girlfriends mother for the first time at her house. I'm aware that I should buy some sort of gift but the best advice I've received off Thai people is fruit and rather bizarrely, milk. To a falang like me the idea of giving food to some one sounds too much like charity and would seem kind of rude back in the UK. My biggest concern is I have no idea how well off her mother is and it seems like an awkward question to ask (bit of background, I'm 26 and originally came to thailand 5 months ago to train Muay Thai and get in shape. I've since fallen in love with the country and hope to remain here teaching English long term. My girlfriend is 28 and an accountant so I'm not some old falangutang buying a young wife or something. She makes ok money but she still sends a lot home every week as her mother is sick and doesn't work so I'm forced to assume she's quite poor). I'm gonna buy the fruit and maybe something nice to carry it in (I'm been adviced the big spiky thing that smells bad should be included) but to conform with my british sensiblities, is there something more expensive and less practicle that anyone could recommend? Any advice would be greatfully received. I'm very bad at buying gifts for my own mother so tend to pay attention to her mentioning anything she wants. My girlfriend wants me to surprise her and I'm worried this is some form of test. I'm not a particularly confident guy so I feel like I'm punching above my weight already, as we boxers say, so I'm desperate to make a good impression.

Edited August 28, 2009 by chrishopkins53

[cdnvic]

You might try a basket of more "exotic" foods from the west like smoked salmon, cheeses, etc, along with some local fruits. Remember that this is just a symbolic gift, to show respect. Also consult your girlfriend if there's anything that your mother's illness may affect what she can eat.

[johnh101]

A lot depends on where they live and how well off they are (or aren't).

Their expectations wil be very different if they live in a nice house in the suburbs of Bangkok than if they live in rural Nong Khai or Khon Kaen.

A big box of birds nest soup or chicken essence would normally be appreciated

[MaryWorth]

Fruit is good, add many types, some are relatively expensive and poorer Thais dont usually buy them, include MANGOSTEEN and Langsat, Rambutan is also popular but not very expensive when in season. Then you can add the Brands birds nest beverage, thats very expensive and a good present for Thai parents.

All that usually goes into a gift basket that most supermarkets sell as well.

http://www.ku.ac.th/AgrInfo/fruit/title_fr.html

[Boo]

but to conform with my british sensiblities, is there something more expensive and less practicle that anyone could recommend?

A gift does not need to be expensive to show the receiver that thought was placed in the chosing. I would also suggest that attemtpting to "show off" (disclaimer; not suggesting you are showing off but what need for an expensive & impractial gift?) will come back to shoot you in the foot so keep these kinds of gift (for a stranger after all) in the cheap but thoughtful bracket.

If your thai friends have suggested fruit then I would listen to them. They after all, understand the custom better than you.

[mc2]

go to the market and get the best piece of fresh fish, presented in a bag of ice maybe ?

[meandwi]

A very good gift is one that keeps giving. Buy a fruit tree like a mango or durian and plant it in her yard for her. She will think of you everytime she picks a fruit. And if your staying there for a few days, bring veggie seeds like thai long bean, eggplants, basil, cucumbers, also and plant a small garden. Bring the bag full of fruit also like your friends have said.

These will not cost too much and is VERY thoughtful.

meandwi

[keestha]

You might try a basket of more "exotic" foods from the west like smoked salmon, cheeses, etc

Don't think working class Thai people can do anything with "exotic" western foods like cheese, peanut butter or vegemite.

Would be the same as giving somtam to the parents of your British girlfriend.

Edited August 29, 2009 by keestha

[chrishopkins53]

Thanks for the suggestions. My girlfriend realised how concerned I was about it and gave me a bit more advice regarding her mother's tastes. I bought the weird birds nest soup/drink stuff (which I thought was something you bought in expensive Japanese restaurants, not in little jars at Thai supermarkets) and it went over quite well.

Just to clarify, I didn't mean to show off or anything, but I've always felt a proper gift should be something the person wants but doesn't actually need, ie something they would like to buy themselves if they had the money to spare. For example, everyone back home needs toilet paper, but you wouldn't buy it as a gift. Giving something that people would be buying themselves anyway seems as empty a gesture as just giving money (though I'm sure that would have been appreciated as well). The birds nest stuff was relatively expensive for how little liquid you actually got so it seemed like something her, actually quite poor, mother would like but couldn't justify buying for herself while not being pointlessly showy so it seemed about right. Like buying someone back home a nice bottle of whiskey rather than a 6 pack of carling. Again, thanks for the help.

Edit: Thought I should add, I did buy plenty of fruit as well

Edited August 29, 2009 by chrishopkins53

[perousing]

beach nut would put a smile on ma ma's face if she is a chewer

[britmaveric]

When is the marriage?