I Smell A Rat

[KevinHunt]

Since I moved to Chiang Mai, I discovered that I had an unknown talent that hadn't come to light while I lived in England. I can smell a rat!!!

On several occasions over the years I have been sat in a pub (not mine) and detected a whiff of dead rat. I will say to the staff (not mine) 'Can you smell a rat' and invariably they can't. I'm normally sure, so I get second and third opinions and none of them are positive. Now, I know that if today I catch a whiff of dead rat, in a few days the stench will be overpowering and the pub (not mine) sure ain't going to have any customers. Usually, in the first day the smell is feint and so it comes and goes depending on the wind. The next day, I set about detecting it and just like happened recently, I end up telling the stafff where the smell is emananting from. Normally, it is under the floorboards and some are going to have to be removed so ,the closer I can place the source, the better. I'm usually within 2 feet so that means only 3 or 4 boards being removed.

I was in the same pub a few days ago and the wife of the owner (not mine) had got the staff (not mine) to take up some floorboards outside because of 'a bad smell'. I had detected the smell the night before and now the wife (not mine) could smell it she decided to act sooner rather than later, since she was expecting the place to be busy soon, for the NRL Grand Final.

I stood and inhaled and occasionally caught a whiff of  the unwanted kind but I wasn't quite sure where it was coming from - it came and went. When I asked the staff which boards they had removed, it turned out they'd tried all over the place. Since the pub (not mine) was going to get busy in an hour or so I told them that if they were going to find it, they should not use their head, but more specifically, their nose!! They were just randomly pulling up boards without much thought!! I kept saying 'can you smell it there?' and they gave vague answers along the lines of 'maybe, and  I think so'. The problem was the smell came and went and if I went to where they were digging up the boards I couldn't smell it. 

As I said, the place was going to be busy so I kept on insisting they should hurry up and try to be more specific my using thier nose,in order to speed things up and avoid unnecessary mess. They didn't get my point so eventually I told the wife (not mine) to tell the staff (not mine) to replace the boards and tidy up. Since the smell came and went and wasn't, as yet, too strong, maybe it could be masked with sprays and incense.

A few hours later with the big game finished and the customers gone I sat outside having a coffee when I noticed a small nest of tiny black ants that seemed to be quite active. For some reason I thought it was odd and so I watched it for a few seconds and then I saw their trail. I decided to trace their route and it led inside the pub (not mine) and dissappeared behind some wood panelling. At that point I got another whiff of dead vermin. 'So, that's where it is!' I thought. They've dug up nearly all the floorboards but it is behind the panels. Not wanting to remove too many panels, I went about my business using my new found skills. I sniffed here and there and eventually..... Eureka!! I found it. I called the staff (not mine) over and told them to remove a specific panel and although they didn't believe me they went ahead. Sure enough, the instant the board was out, the smell became over-powering and there it was .... not a dead rodent but a dead Tookay. He'd somehow jammed himself, and probably starved to death.

The fact that it was a Tookay, also explained another riddle. This pub (not mine) did have an occasional problem with rats, from the storm drains outside,  settling under the floorboards on the terrace. But, since a cat had started to stroll by most evenings and spend a few hours socialising with the customers, the rats had decided to move on, and hadn't been seen for quite a few months. I had assumed that under these circumstances my specialist skills were now redundant. It turns out that occasionally I may be in demand, but only if careless Tookays are about. Other than that unlikely scenario, my new found talent will be wasted. So, if anyone has a similar problem you know who  to call - The Rat Sniffer. The  problem is I don't come cheap - I want paying in cheese.

Has anyone stopped, late at night, and looked at the black bin bags on the footpath along the moat? They're alive!! I've seen an owl on several occasions in the vicinity of the strip opposite DK bookstore, late at night. He has rich pickings there.

Footnote: If this story had occured at my place it would have gone unreported!!

[KevinHunt]

I would have thought that by now, the offers would be flooding in. Either that, or there would be lively debate and amusing anectdotes about Chiang Mai's rat population. Along the moat particularly, there are thousands of them.

If I'm not in demand as a Rat Sniffer, am I going to have to find another avenue of employment?

Weather reporting is already well covered.

[Donnyboy]

will give you a call if i have a problem when I have a pub (not mine) and pay you double cheese (not mine)

[onnut]

I am in Bangkok so dont think you can help me. but I did enjoy reading your post. (not mine)

[KevinHunt]

will give you a call if i have a problem when I have a pub (not mine) and pay you double cheese (not mine)

Although the setting is vague, the story is true.

Some of my previous posts attracted a Moderate amount of interest, so I have to be careful what or where I write about.

[piercefilmlid]

Reading this, and with UG starting another post about Ram Hospital, I conclude that business must be slow in CM.

[PeaceBlondie]

I once knew of a mime (not a mine) who pantomimed in a mine (not my mine). Some slimy slime (not the mine's slime) got on the mime's left leg (not a tokay, okay?). He left it on his left leg (right?).

[KevinHunt]

I once knew of a mime (not a mine) who pantomimed in a mine (not my mine). Some slimy slime (not the mine's slime) got on the mime's left leg (not a tokay, okay?). He left it on his left leg (right?).

It's a bit early to have started drinking already, isn't it?

[quiksilva]

Perhaps you'd be better employed in Client Relationship Management..?

[KevinHunt]

Reading this, and with UG starting another post about Ram Hospital, I conclude that business must be slow in CM.

Quite right. Move to the top of the class. Although you did forget to mention the 'Rain' post!

To save you having to check that one out - it stopped!! 

[caf]

Reading this, and with UG starting another post about Ram Hospital, I conclude that business must be slow in CM.

agreed rather obvious subliminal advertising. was always thus on the cm forum

[IanForbes]

Sorry for leaving those rat carcasses behind, Kevin. I was just using their fur for fly tying...

[KevinHunt]

Reading this, and with UG starting another post about Ram Hospital, I conclude that business must be slow in CM.

agreed rather obvious subliminal advertising. was always thus on the cm forum

I think that piercefilmlid was referring to the fact that, since business is slow, people have nothing else to do. I don't imagine he suspects UG of drumming up business by writing about Ram. Presumably, you have nothing else to do either.

'Obvious subliminal advertising'. That's a good one. Did anyone else think that? I hope not, because advertising, (obviously or subliminally) is strictly not allowed, and as you know, I've had a last warning recently.

Maybe you might like to explain how writing about Rats is considerd to be advertising? And if it is, how does it affect you?

FYI, a 'Super moderator' (isn't that a contradiction in terms? ) has already read this post and didn't seem to notice the 'obvious'. But then again, I suspect he's been at the bottle already!!!

This is strange, you're praisng me on one post and trying to get me banned on another!!

Now, lets get back to the topic , which is 'I smell a Rat'.

[Donnyboy]

Maybe you might like to explain how writing about Rats is considerd to be advertising?

have you started a new venture KH?

[KevinHunt]

Maybe you might like to explain how writing about Rats is considerd to be advertising?

have you started a new venture KH?

I did hear that rat-catchers on the rice-farms in Esarn aren't very well paid but they do get to keep the 'catch'. True story.

[Donnyboy]

Reading this, and with UG starting another post about Ram Hospital, I conclude that business must be slow in CM.

agreed rather obvious subliminal advertising. was always thus on the cm forum

eh? I think you guys are reading too much into it

[Donnyboy]

I did hear that rat-catchers on the rice-farms in Esarn aren't very well paid but they do get to keep the 'catch'. True story.

incidentally, how did the CM rat catch go?

there was a 1000 baht or something reward for the person who caught the most rats recently run by the CM municipality

[caf]

Reading this, and with UG starting another post about Ram Hospital, I conclude that business must be slow in CM.

agreed rather obvious subliminal advertising. was always thus on the cm forum

I think that piercefilmlid was referring to the fact that, since business is slow, people have nothing else to do. I don't imagine he suspects UG of drumming up business by writing about Ram. Presumably, you have nothing else to do either.

'Obvious subliminal advertising'. That's a good one. Did anyone else think that? I hope not, because advertising, (obviously or subliminally) is strictly not allowed, and as you know, I've had a last warning recently.

Maybe you might like to explain how writing about Rats is considerd to be advertising? And if it is, how does it affect you?

FYI, a 'Super moderator' (isn't that a contradiction in terms? ) has already read this post and didn't seem to notice the 'obvious'. But then again, I suspect he's been at the bottle already!!!

This is strange, you're praisng me on one post and trying to get me banned on another!!

Now, lets get back to the topic , which is 'I smell a Rat'.

So do I.

[KevinHunt]

This is strange, you're praisng me on one post and trying to get me banned on another!!

Now, lets get back to the topic , which is 'I smell a Rat'.

So do I.

I almost didn't post the 'Sad but true' story because I thought you might read something into that. I hesitated relating the Rat story because I thought it might be too close to home, for you. 'Surely if I write about Rats in a pub (not mine) he won't take that as advertising', I thought. Can you please tell me what you think I can write about? I really would like to know, and if I am advertising my business (obviously or subliminally) what has it got to do with you? You're not the 'free water' guy are you? Are you intentionally trying to get me banned? Does anybody else out there think that my writing about Rats is promoting my business? 

Whilst some Posters are giving us hourly updates about the weather, I have raised the issues of Poverty and Rat Infestation in Chiang Mai (in a humorous manner, I hope) and here I am defending myself again. You've got to laugh!!

[john b good]

I suspect Kevin that all this 'sniffing' has had another effect on you.

I have picked up several spelling errors in your posts on this particular thread which is most uncommon for you.

And I know that even though my signature line might suggest otherwise, that at the end of the day no one is perfect.

The missus didn't take you to task last week when you arrived home late from getting the young lass and her baby settled in the guest house.

What I am actually saying is "she didn't hit you over the head with your Oxford Dictionary did she"

Now I will have to review each of my posts several times before clicking on 'add reply' won't I

[Donnyboy]

spellink hast neffer ben mi stron siut eda

[Donnyboy]

KH,

before you think of turning your olfaction into a New York Times best seller, youre too late

How to smell a rat

[sassienie]

That’s one sure method of eliminating the competition, is to persuade them into demolishing their place.

Could vermin sniffing be classified as a form of career, or would this become listed under the prohibited professions ACTs for Farangs.

If business becomes slack at his pub, perhaps our Kevin could find work as a government drug sniffer, replacing the police dogs at the airports.

[KBTexas]

The missus didn't take you to task last week when you arrived home late from getting the young lass and her baby settled in the guest house.

What I am actually saying is "she didn't hit you over the head with your Oxford Dictionary did she?".

Now I will have to review each of my posts several times before clicking on 'add reply' won't I?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

(not one of those, really.)

[Donnyboy]

Could vermin sniffing be classified as a form of career, or would this become listed under the prohibited professions ACTs for Farangs.

along with grammar nazis and wannabe moderators

[Donnyboy]

the "nazi" wasnt directed @ you sassienie. someone had corrected one of my grammatical(?) errors adding commas etc, in which i replied grammar nazi

quite agree with the mods comment, they do a thankless task and need to put in some hours in weed out some of the stuff that comes out

so thanks mods!

[Tywais]

Posts deleted and topic closed for various innuendos.