A Bizarre Story!

[Nip]

The story I am about to relate is in a word quite 'bizarre' indeed it defies logic. But here goes it is Thailand of course. My wife has a friend - a Thai woman living here in Thailand who married a man from Europe 7 months ago. She works for a retail company earning the most basic of salaries and lives in a single room with a tv and a fridge. After the couple married full of the joys of life the man went back home to Europe, changed his phone number and only contacted my wife's friend through an acquaintance of his to say that he was traveling to Thailand this week and that he wanted her to sign some papers. I should add that he has never given my wife's friend any money and she has never given him any reason to file for divorce. Anyway he traveled to Thailand this week & tried to trick his wife into signing divorce papers until I suspected and intervened. He is at this moment about to fly back to Europe without even talking to his wife. I am interested in other members views as how best for her to proceed. What options does she she have? I of course have my own ideas but there are some very clever guys on here who perhaps will take a different view than mine. So all advice and comments chaps would be be most sincerely welcomed.

[JUDAS]

I wonder if he's already married in Europe..... bizarre indeed

[473geo]

Has he come into an unexpected inheritance, or windfall, by any chance??.......Don't know how you could check though??

[elektrified]

You "intervened"?? What may I ask, business is it of yours anyway? Seems to me the guy wants out of the marriage and it's his business and no one else's. The fact that he has never given the woman money is irrelevant. She wasn't an an employee of his.

I can't stand people that interfere with other people's personal business.

[Dontdisturb]

I would tell her to sign the papers and divorce from this guy. If they don't share anything in common she will just get rid of him, good for her.

Better alone than with such a wan...

[basjke]

''I should add that he has never given my wife's friend any money and she has never given him any reason to file for divorce. Anyway he traveled to Thailand this week & tried to trick his wife into signing divorce papers until I suspected and intervened.''

So this guy want to divorce,which is his full right,but you think you have the right to refuse that.Might the reason for that be that he hasn't paid up yet?

[basjke]

I would tell her to sign the papers and divorce from this guy. If they don't share anything in common she will just get rid of him, good for her.

Better alone than with such a wan...

And why should somebody who doesn't feel happy in married life and uses his legal right to divorce be called a w_nker?

[Dontdisturb]

And why should somebody who doesn't feel happy in married life and uses his legal right to divorce be called a w_nker?

Read the story; as soon he arrived in Europe he changed his phone number, contacted her through an acquaintance of his and then came to Thailand to get her to sign some papers.

Apparently he didn't take much time to talk to his wife and explain why he wanted to divorce. Many people act the same way when they like to own a dog because it's "fashion" and when they become boring just left them on a road or in an animal shelter. These I call wank...

[Geekfreaklover]

Putting money issues aside. It does seem that the wife will be very embarassed and confused by the turn of events, unless she knows the reason why it has happened. Seems like he is being a bit of a coward. But without the details, who knows?

[yeesipha]

This guy sounds like a complete and utter pr_ck,she is better off without him,yes and if he wants her to sign divorce paper

she should ask (get some sort of compensation for her troubles of marrying this dick)and wac him for everything she can.He diserves everything

thats coming his way.

[soihok]

You "intervened"?? What may I ask, business is it of yours anyway? Seems to me the guy wants out of the marriage and it's his business and no one else's. The fact that he has never given the woman money is irrelevant. She wasn't an an employee of his.

I can't stand people that interfere with other people's personal business.

Agree.

Whats the motive with your intervention ?

I can only guess that you would like to care for this womans well being. Or you are a bored person sticking your nose into others buisiness.

If I intervened with another womans affairs and was willing to care for her well being my wife would see my my "john thomas" away in a Loy Kratong lantern.

Edited November 8, 2009 by soihok

[Nip]

Has he come into an unexpected inheritance, or windfall, by any chance??.......Don't know how you could check though??

Spot on! Soon after he returned home his mother died and left him a great deal of money! So he bought himself a new car, a big house and decided it was best to rid himself of his Thai wife. She was good enough when he was an out of work pauper but now that he has come up in the world it was time to dump

the woman he had pledged to love and honor just four weeks previously. She accepted the buzzard warts and all but had became surplus to his requirements. Did not even have the decency or courage to even send her an sms got his mate to do his dirty work for him and then tried to trick her into signing the divorce papers....

[Nip]

You "intervened"?? What may I ask, business is it of yours anyway? Seems to me the guy wants out of the marriage and it's his business and no one else's. The fact that he has never given the woman money is irrelevant. She wasn't an an employee of his.

I can't stand people that interfere with other people's personal business.

Maybe some day you might be glad that somebody interfered in your personal business... Most decent people on Thai Visa are either looking for advise or freely offering it. This young hard working decent woman had no idea why this man had married her and when he returned to his home country changed his phone number and refused to contact her. And it is my business if when the girl is in my company she is crying out of frustration and confusion. There is interfering and there is common decency. Fact is after this guy returned home his mother died and left him a great deal of money! His trophy bride was good enough when he was an out of work pauper here in Thailand but now that he has come up in the world it was time to dump the woman he had pledged to love and honor just four weeks previously. She accepted the buzzard warts and all but soon became surplus to his requirements. He did not even have the decency or courage to send her an sms instead he got his mate to do his dirty work for him and then tried to trick his wife into signing the divorce papers.... I dont know if you are married or not but it is usual that when two people marry that hey both contribute to the union. If this guy hurts my friend and she asks that I intervene it is then my business...

[Mario2008]

This forum is to ask for advice and support. If you have none to offer, it is OK to not to reply. Further negative responses will be deleted as off topic.

Why shouldn't one offer advice to someone else when asked? Isn't that what friends do?

[Mario2008]

She should get a good lawyer in his home country to act on her berhalf and contact his lawyer, if he has one. He should be able to negotiate a deal. They were probably married without a prenuptial agreement, so in most cases all the money he receives during the marriage are joined assets and will have to be split when they divorce.

Might be helpful if we know which country the husband is from. You could check the possibility of free or subsidised legal assistence in that country.

[pjclark1]

I was under the impression that divorce in Thailand involves going to your local Thai police station with 500 bht and to sign some papers.

Anything documents this chap turned up with would be unlikely to be divorce papers

[Mario2008]

I was under the impression that divorce in Thailand involves going to your local Thai police station with 500 bht and to sign some papers.

Anything documents this chap turned up with would be unlikely to be divorce papers

Doivorce in thailand has nothing to do with the police. You can go to the amphur if you ar in agreement and divorce for free. If there isn't an agreement you will have to go to court.

The divorce papers in this case were papers for the courts in his own country.

[mojo80]

I think he is entitled to a divorce, also even if he came into a windfall, why should the wife be entitled to half when the marrige lasted 5 minutes, what did she contribute to deserve anything?

[Kadafi]

Im sorry but im sure if anyone spoke to the guy really involved, then a whole different story would appear rather than just listening to 4-5 lines of 'Nip' story.

How does 'Nip' know this guy? because its his wifes friends husband? so hes getting information passed through his wifes friend, onto his wife and then onto him.

Come on get real, theres obviously more to this then just his mum died, suddenly hes loaded and choose to ditch his Thai wife off a whole 4 weeks!

[Mario2008]

I think he is entitled to a divorce, also even if he came into a windfall, why should the wife be entitled to half when the marrige lasted 5 minutes, what did she contribute to deserve anything?

He married her and with that came responsibilities and duties to both, including those when divorcing.

[Mario2008]

Im sorry but im sure if anyone spoke to the guy really involved, then a whole different story would appear rather than just listening to 4-5 lines of 'Nip' story.

How does 'Nip' know this guy? because its his wifes friends husband? so hes getting information passed through his wifes friend, onto his wife and then onto him.

Come on get real, theres obviously more to this then just his mum died, suddenly hes loaded and choose to ditch his Thai wife off a whole 4 weeks!

Off topic. We answer questions here based on the information given. It is no use questioning the motives of the OP or speculating what the husbands story would be. If the husbands has questions, we can equaly answer them here.

[norwayeagle]

I think he is entitled to a divorce, also even if he came into a windfall, why should the wife be entitled to half when the marrige lasted 5 minutes, what did she contribute to deserve anything?

She gave her heart!, she is now hurt deeply.You do not treat another persons feeling by a truly Yesss and then No no no no no after a short while"sorry your no good".he should know better than that before saying yes.And thankfully( optimistically ) there are Laws against "jumpers".

[mojo80]

I think he is entitled to a divorce, also even if he came into a windfall, why should the wife be entitled to half when the marrige lasted 5 minutes, what did she contribute to deserve anything?

He married her and with that came responsibilities and duties to both, including those when divorcing.

Fair response even if i think thats utter nonsense, i expect to see you championing the cases of all the stories of men getting married and the women taking him for every penny!

[Mario2008]

I think he is entitled to a divorce, also even if he came into a windfall, why should the wife be entitled to half when the marrige lasted 5 minutes, what did she contribute to deserve anything?

He married her and with that came responsibilities and duties to both, including those when divorcing.

Fair response even if i think thats utter nonsense, i expect to see you championing the cases of all the stories of men getting married and the women taking him for every penny!

I would tell both their rights when asked.

[Kadafi]

Im sorry but im sure if anyone spoke to the guy really involved, then a whole different story would appear rather than just listening to 4-5 lines of 'Nip' story.

How does 'Nip' know this guy? because its his wifes friends husband? so hes getting information passed through his wifes friend, onto his wife and then onto him.

Come on get real, theres obviously more to this then just his mum died, suddenly hes loaded and choose to ditch his Thai wife off a whole 4 weeks!

Off topic. We answer questions here based on the information given. It is no use questioning the motives of the OP or speculating what the husbands story would be. If the husbands has questions, we can equaly answer them here.

You only have to read the heading ''A bizarre story!'' to realize, that is all it..a story!

The information is not based on himself or even anyone close to him, its regarding his wifes friends husband.

Why did the OP feel the need to get involved? step in and stop a divorce involving two parties he doesn't really know...? where has he got his information from? such as he has purchased a house, new car etc...

Edited November 9, 2009 by Kadafi

[harrry]

Of course by advising her not to divorce you have probably left her in the situation she will never be able to get married again as it is unlikely she can afford the fairly heavy costs of a court case in Thailand.

[fletchsmile]

The most bizzare thing about this story is the way it has been narrated. It was posted as some bizarre mystery, with the key fact omitted that the guy had come into an inheritance. One has to wonder why that was done? as it seems to be the point on which the whole story hangs.

Now the guy may indeed be a complete pr*ck who has dumped a perfectly nice lady. On the other hand no-one knows what goes on behind the closed doors of husband and wife. It could just as easily be had legitimate cause to do what he did. One possibility could even be that the guy's mother totally disapproved of the Thai lady and made her will conditional that the son was to receive nothing while married to his Thai lady. Who knows?

The marriage is likely over. This will in any case not be nice for the Thai lady in question, whether she deserves it or not. The sooner the divorce and healing process is started and completed, probably the better for all concerned so they can begin to piece their lives back together. One has to question the motives of OP in interfering in a dead marriage, and what he is hoping to acheive. "Compensation"?

Legally under Thai law as Mario2008 states property acquired during the marriage is as a general rule classified as communal property and therefore split between them. However, in this story there is an exception to the general rule, as the money was acquired thru an inheritance. Property acquired thru a will or inheritance is one of the exclusions from the normal rule quoted by Mario. It would be classified as separate property and belonging to the guy only, unless his mother specified in writing it should be shared. So legally under Thai law she is not entitled to any of this money.

Morally the issue is debatable. It might be argued that she is entitled to something extra. Again this would depend on all the facts - which are obviously not present. It would be difficult to justify why she should get any of the inheritance, which seems to be main driving force of OP's delay, given the short period of marriage. Morally that would also be unfair to the wishes of the deceased.

Difficult to call really on moral aspects. Dealing with the practicalities: legally she's not entitled to much under Thai law. Under foreign law possibly, but that could be costly, take ages and one word against another. This could also be very painful for her. A court anyway would be likely to consider 1) what the parties brought in to the marriage, 2) what the manner she became accustomed to was, and 3) what the needs are after. It would be hard to justify a sudden increase in the Thai ladies needs, so I wouldn't expect anything near a 50/50 split. Chances look slim for her getting much, but large on the chance of problems, and every chance he could turn nasty in accusations whether founded or not.

OP also needs to be careful he knows what the Thai lady wants, and he isn't just off on some sort of crusade to fleece the guy for as much as possible as what he thinks is morally right - particularly as he doesn't know what goes on behind husband and wife's closed doors. She may well prefer an amicable quick split and not be interested in the money. Many Thai ladies believe it or not, do not want anything from their ex after a break-up and want nothing to do with him - even if entitled. Best to find out what she wants before deciding on her behalf.... Then compare to what he obviously wants. Could be the only thing in the middle is OP intervening...

Edited November 9, 2009 by fletchsmile

[Nip]

Im sorry but im sure if anyone spoke to the guy really involved, then a whole different story would appear rather than just listening to 4-5 lines of 'Nip' story.

How does 'Nip' know this guy? because its his wifes friends husband? so hes getting information passed through his wifes friend, onto his wife and then onto him.

Come on get real, theres obviously more to this then just his mum died, suddenly hes loaded and choose to ditch his Thai wife off a whole 4 weeks!

For what it is worth I know both of them! Her very well in that I would meet her at least once - more often twice a week. She is distraught. It's nothing to do with money. Whatever about loosing her husband and what she thought was the love of her life she has lost face where she works and with her family and friends. She was full of the joys of life. This was the man of her dreams. She would detailing to anyone who would listen - her hopes and dreams. And why wouldn't she? She thought this is it... And they knew each other for 7 months before they married. Then he went back to his homeland cos his mother was sick and that was the last she heard from him until he arrived last week and arranged thru a third party to meet her at the Government Office to sign the divorce papers. And the decent man he was he was willing to give her 5000 Baht... Is that real enough for you? Further it was him that pushed for the marriage and I advised her against it cos as his former best mate said the man was a total prat. This same friend is also disgusted at the way the girl has been treated and has offered to do what ever he can to help her.

[Nip]

The most bizzare thing about this story is the way it has been narrated. It was posted as some bizarre mystery, with the key fact omitted that the guy had come into an inheritance. One has to wonder why that was done? as it seems to be the point on which the whole story hangs.

Now the guy may indeed be a complete pr*ck who has dumped a perfectly nice lady. On the other hand no-one knows what goes on behind the closed doors of husband and wife. It could just as easily be had legitimate cause to do what he did. One possibility could even be that the guy's mother totally disapproved of the Thai lady and made her will conditional that the son was to receive nothing while married to his Thai lady. Who knows?

The marriage is likely over. This will in any case not be nice for the Thai lady in question, whether she deserves it or not. The sooner the divorce and healing process is started and completed, probably the better for all concerned so they can begin to piece their lives back together. One has to question the motives of OP in interfering in a dead marriage, and what he is hoping to acheive. "Compensation"?

Legally under Thai law as Mario2008 states property acquired during the marriage is as a general rule classified as communal property and therefore split between them. However, in this story there is an exception to the general rule, as the money was acquired thru an inheritance. Property acquired thru a will or inheritance is one of the exclusions from the normal rule quoted by Mario. It would be classified as separate property and belonging to the guy only, unless his mother specified in writing it should be shared. So legally under Thai law she is not entitled to any of this money.

Morally the issue is debatable. It might be argued that she is entitled to something extra. Again this would depend on all the facts - which are obviously not present. It would be difficult to justify why she should get any of the inheritance, which seems to be main driving force of OP's delay, given the short period of marriage. Morally that would also be unfair to the wishes of the deceased.

Difficult to call really on moral aspects. Dealing with the practicalities: legally she's not entitled to much under Thai law. Under foreign law possibly, but that could be costly, take ages and one word against another. This could also be very painful for her. A court anyway would be likely to consider 1) what the parties brought in to the marriage, 2) what the manner she became accustomed to was, and 3) what the needs are after. It would be hard to justify a sudden increase in the Thai ladies needs, so I wouldn't expect anything near a 50/50 split. Chances look slim for her getting much, but large on the chance of problems, and every chance he could turn nasty in accusations whether founded or not.

OP also needs to be careful he knows what the Thai lady wants, and he isn't just off on some sort of crusade to fleece the guy for as much as possible as what he thinks is morally right - particularly as he doesn't know what goes on behind husband and wife's closed doors. She may well prefer an amicable quick split and not be interested in the money. Many Thai ladies believe it or not, do not want anything from their ex after a break-up and want nothing to do with him - even if entitled. Best to find out what she wants before deciding on her behalf.... Then compare to what he obviously wants. Could be the only thing in the middle is OP intervening...

A fair posting... I omitted certain details as I did not deem them necessary at the time. The facts was I was looking for opinions and advice on how the girl should proceed. She never met the mans mother and I would say the she was subservient to the extent that she was more akin to a lap dog. He laid down the law as he saw it and she accepted his terms with no more than a whimper. I often passed comment to her in as pleasant a manner as I could. The truth was I disliked the man. He was boorish, rude and self opinionated and she made a decision to accept this downside. My wife often asked her is this what she really wanted in life and perhaps she would be better off alone. Bear in mind this girl would not win any beauty contests and was in her 30's. So her options as she did not work in a bar or that ilk were restricted. I want nothing from this debacle other than my friend can walk away with some pride. I could not allow her to walk into a Government Office and divorce her husband with a few hours notice and they having had no discussion whatsoever between them. Perhaps the marriage could have been saved? But he tried to trick her. Take advantage of her naivety in such matters. She does not as you say have her sights set on his inheritance. This was never considered or mentioned. Unfortunately his actions and remember anything she does is only a reaction to his have set the tone. She would have appreciated an explanation as to why he dumped her which she is entitled to and I believe the parting of the ways could have been amicable... But his trickery and deception has irked her. And now just like his fellow countrymen he arrived to do battle fired a shot across her bows and done a runner back home... And in the time he was here he did not utter a single word to her. But her friends have had much to say to her as you would expect? There was no middle ground he had all the time he needed to decide that he wanted shut of her and she was standing in the Government Office in a daze... She could not believe what was happening to her. Would you have said to a lady friend of yours. No worries love take the 5000 Baht buy some noodles and get on with your life? I think not!

[fletchsmile]

Nip,

I would agree that the way in which the guy seems to have tried to do the divorce looks sly. I don't like deception so like you would have probably pointed out the deception.

You're now aware she probably has little financial redress even if she wanted. Many foreign courts would consider the inheritance separately from joint assest in this timeframe just like Thailand. By all means help her get a lawyer if she wants one, but knowing what you do, you shouldn't be the one to push it.

You've given her a window to think about it which seems fair. After that though I'd say it's really up to her. I'm sure your hearts in the right place, but I'd seriously question trying to make any decisions as to what's best for her, and intervening further - as you could do more harm than good if not careful. In an ideal situation they would communicate and talk it thru. He clearly doesn't want to do that for whatever reason. Best you can do is be there for your friend, listen and help with her wishes if asked - while leaving your own thoughts/ emotions out of it and remaining rationally supportive.