The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day for Her:

8:15 a.m. Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 a.m. Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday

8:45 a.m. Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants

9:15 a.m. Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00a.m. Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30 a.m. Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out.

12:00 p.m. Lunch with best friend at outdoor café.

12:45 p.m. Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs.

1:00 p.m. Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

3:00 p.m. Nap

4:00 p.m. 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card from secret admirer

4:15 p.m. Light workout at club followed by gentle massage.

5:30 p.m. Pick out outfit for dinner, prim before mirror.

7:30 p.m. Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00 p.m. Hot shower (alone)

10:30 p.m. Make love.

11:00 p.m. Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15 p.m. Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

The Perfect Day for Him!

6:00 a.m. Alarm

6:15 a.m. Blowjob

6:30 a.m. Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.

7:00 a.m. Breakfast, filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee.

7:30 a.m. Limo arrives.

7:45 a.m. Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport.

8:15 a.m. Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia.

9:30 a.m. Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45 a.m. Front nine at Augusta (nine under)

11:45 a.m. Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.

12:15 p.m. Blowjob

12:30 p.m. Back nine – Augusta (4 under).

2:15 p.m. Limo back to airport (Bombay Martini)

2:30 p.m. Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).

3:15 p.m. Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew.

4:30 p.m. Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs).

5:00 p.m. G4 back home, massage & hand job en route by naked Kathy Ireland

6:45 p.m. Shit, shower & shave.

7:00 p.m. Watch CNN newsflash.

7:30 p.m. Dinner. Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. NY Steak.

9:00 p.m. Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar.

9:30 p.m. Sex with three women.

11: p.m. Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45 p.m. Bed (alone)

11:50 p.m. 12 second, 4-note fart, dog leaves the room.

11:55 p.m. Sleep.