Seems Thais Dont Want Your Kids To Touch Thier Kids Or Vice Versa.

[tangcoral]

I have noticed thais in general are bit overly cautious and weary towards rough play.

They tend to intervene every chance they get to prevent any accidental or intentional physical hits however minor it may be.

Since being raised int the US, I guess its just a bit more than I am used to.

It also doesnt help that my 16month is a bit more rambunctious then the other kids in playground.

But pretty much my toddler is not very welcomed to the playground.

Of course I dont let her go around and yank toys out of other kids hands out of jealousy without me telling her to play nice and share your toys. I do get the hint that the parents scoop up thier kids and place them on the other side of the sandbox as a statement. But it seems in the US that the parents are a bit more forgiving if another kid plays a bit rough with your kid or am I wrong? Of course I condone behaivor that may exhibit violence or extreme rough play but what a typical 1-2 year old might do just seems to be less tolerated and more curbed. It almost seems as if they prevent the child to touch each other just in case they might hurt them in the process. Dont bother or harass others, just let them be.

Maybe it my lack of discipling or rearing the kid to play nice,but how gentle does a 16month old should act?

Edited April 8, 2010 by tangcoral

[Boo]

I found the opposite tbh, my son has been in a thai run nursery with kids not only thai but luk krueng & full farang. One day after a month or so the teacher said laughingly, "oh he (my son) likes to smack micky" (another half thai boy same age, nearly 3). I was a bit horrified as I don't want him being a bully but teacher just laughed & said, "they best friend, no problem".

Now all my son ever talked about was "micky this, micky that" & this would tie in with the best friend part but I was concerned about the hitting so a few days later I asked if he was still smacking micky, teacher said "sure, they hit each other" so a bit different to my son being a bully as micky was giving as good as he got but no one, including mickys thai mum was overly concerned over it.

Maybe it is just the playgroup/park you take her to, maybe she needs to go to a tumbletots type setting where the kids are encouraged to be a bit more boisterous & the parents are a bit less precious over their kids.

[Boo]

oh & forgot to say that at 16 months your child will only just be learning about sharing & interacting with other kids so getting frustrated/excited over things is normal but the few ways that kids are able to express that excitement or frustration is through hitting or throwing. It is perfectly normal & the only thing you can do is explain or discipline her accordingly (removal of said toy or time out if being aggressive) but basically this is a natural process that we all go through so try not to worry too much over other parent hang ups.

[tangcoral]

Thank you boo. I guess being a first time parent I didnt know what to expect from a 16month old. Like you said, its a learning process.

So hopefully she will pick up the social interaction etiquette with the kids.

Edited April 8, 2010 by tangcoral

[bina]

gender different permissiveness??? boys are allowed to be rough and tough and boys will be boys, but maybe a girl is expected to be more docile?? just sort of wondering out loud, since in several ethnic groups here, that is the attitude. boys at any age can do anything and get 'bravo' reactions and girls are punished, and kept in line. thinking that maybe same for some thai? just guessing out loud

bina

israel

[IMA_FARANG]

Is your 16 month toddler physically bigger han the average Thai child at that point?

If so, that might have something to do with it. Farang children or even half Farang children can be physically bigger or heavier than Thais at the same age. That might be intimidating to the other children (not to mention the parents). Not much you can do about it, except try and teach your 16 month old to "share" and "play nice".

For your info, children normally first learn the "me" thing. At 16 months your toddler isn't even half way through the process. Usually somewhere between 2 and 3 years the "I want" stage comes in. That consists of them taking a toy from another child because "I want it". Going from "I want" to the "We share" idea is a battle. Expect it to be coming soon enough.

It just a part of growing up for children to learn.

Isn't parenting such fun?

P.S. Yes it part of the Thai training not to assert yourself physically. Being too agressive is not approved of. You are "losing face" if you are too assertive or too loud. It's just a Thai thing, and children are taught it.

Edited April 8, 2010 by IMA_FARANG

[bifftastic]

gender different permissiveness??? boys are allowed to be rough and tough and boys will be boys, but maybe a girl is expected to be more docile?? just sort of wondering out loud, since in several ethnic groups here, that is the attitude. boys at any age can do anything and get 'bravo' reactions and girls are punished, and kept in line. thinking that maybe same for some thai? just guessing out loud

bina

israel

my g/f's eldest daughter (9 years old) is told (by her mum) that if she gets in a fight with a boy and loses she shouldn't come crying to her mum, if she wins (which she's more than capable of doing) mum will patch her up and put the plasters on. Mum says she wants her strong 'don't want she scare' she says.

I'm not 100% in agreement with her methods but I do support the idea that she shouldn't let boys (and perhaps later in life, men) assume they can push her around.

I don't know if this concept is common in Thailand or not, just thought I'd add this to the debate.

[PeaceBlondie]

We were raised in US communities where aggression and bulling were not allowed. Kids could touch one another.

[bina]

) i was that puny scrawny little girl that got beat up constantly (didnt help being the only jewish family in a 'dixie will rise again' town; then i took judo, learned to meditate, learned to have self confidence and talk myself out of situations)...

tbh, cant remember seeing physical violence among the 6+ kids in husbands family house; but the girls were made to take care of the younger kids and the boys were spoiled and got away with more of what i would call unacceptable behavior -- not helping out, demanding to eat something different than the others, asserting themselves more then the girls in going places or doing /not doing things. a crying boy got more attention, a crying girl got told to 'get over it' -- perhaps the girls are taught to be tougher, but not neccessarily fighter. in his family and in others ive seen. the girls were told to 'take care of' the others, food, laundry etc. although the youngest girl would cry when going to pre kindergarten so her mother just didnt take her, or would take her back out right away.

the similarities to arabic families here is very close: the boys spoiled rotten, the girls taught early on to be stoic and take care of everything from kids to animals to food meaning later in life the men have a 'legs up on the coffe table while the women run around doing the serving' kind of mentality (we call it the morrocan man mentality actually.

i suspect that social /economic differences and education level of parents makes a big difference in thai way of raising kids, just as it is here. kibbutz kids are taught very very early to work within a group/sharing/caring/trading/verbal bartering to get things done. we have a zero tolerance level for violence on kibbutz and any child showing any type of verbal or physical violence that is above the norm is usually sent to phsycial and psychological checkups and treatment....but in the surrounding towns the opposite is true , causing many problems later in grade/high school. many of the other ethnic groups see physical 'machoism' as a plus and encourage it among the boys/men.

was thinking that maybe the thais are also afraid that if their kids 'damage' your kid, u will make huge waves as a farang? again, havent a clue just thinking out loud....

bina

israel

[sbk]

bit young for the girls don't do this expectation but it is there. Our cook has a daughter and I've watched her grow up and pushed into the mold of what is appropriate behavior for girls. boys are allowed and expected to be more rambunctiious. but 16 months seems a bit young for that tbh.

[Tim207]

The reaction from the Thai parents may be more to do with you than your kid. Whether or not you have behaved in a way that would make a Thai parent uncomfortable, many Thais unaccustomed to dealing with foreigners might worry that interaction between the kids might lead to a situation where you will be have unpredictably, particularly if you don't speak Thai. Give it time and as people get used to you and see that you are not liable to go crazy over some small incident (hopefully) they will become more relaxed around you.

You wouldn't put your kid in a situation where they may come in contact with someone that might be volatile. Give the Thai parents time to get comfortable with you.

[tangcoral]

Thank you all for your wonderful input, but to clarify on somethings.

I am a farang but of an Asian descent so my kid looks like any other thais.

But besides that, I see the demeanor other parents have when its its between my wife and them as well.

Since not having any kids in the US I have no experience nor noticed these things till I got to thailand to have kids. So I'm not exactly sure how other parents in the US would react to certain situations and sorry I'm using US as an example as I wouldn't know if its similar with UK or any other western nations.

But to be bit more clear, I noticed not only with my kids but between kids in general at a public setting.

Its as if the parent is hesitant to have their kids physically interact with other kids in fear of might offending the kids parents by any actions caused by their kid might be of disapproval to the other party.

Come to think of it, its not just only with kids only but just the whole thai thing and how your not suppose to cause any thing that might offend another person. So I am guessing this attitude is trickling down to the way the child rearing works here?

For example, they make every effort to prevent some type of accident which involves their from kids running into or accidentally hitting other kids. If you notice the faces on the parents during these interactions, its as if they have a look of fear and hesitance as to what their child might do. Maybe my attitude toward minor incidents is "they are kids, what do you expect" of course unless its abusive or excessive rough play.

Obviously what parents would want their kids to hurt others but I find it just bit more excessive than necessary.

I dont know maybe this is the way it is everywhere and I haven't took notice back when I was in the US so maybe someone can enlighten me?

I just find it a bit excessive and unnecessary but understand the reasons behind it.

Hopefully I'm painting the picture right here....

Edited April 12, 2010 by tangcoral

[Boo]

If you are anywhere near Khon Kaen then I have a very rough & tumble 3 year old who would be able to take whatever beating your 16 month old can give him He nearly knocked his grandmum off her feet today running full throttle into her, the fact that he is nearly as tall as her helped his mission but she is a tough old bird so managed to stay upright. Granny = 1 Sonny = 0

[Amyji]

Here in Northern California (Bay Area) I've noticed that parents on the playground are VERY vigilant of how their child behaves around others. I'm hyper vigilant that my son doesn't hit, push, throw sand or take a toy away from another kid. All parents are like this so it rubbed off on me too, living in this environment.

Once there was this father playing with his one-year-old baby and an older girl of about 5 or 6 was swinging on a bar overhead and almost kicked the baby. The father shielded his baby with his arm and told the girl not to kick out. The girl started crying and the mother rushed over and admonished the father for making her child cry and how dare he touch her (he was simply holding out his arm to shield his baby from getting KICKED). It was outrageous, but this is how parents behave in this part of the country. If you want to take your kid to the park, you've got to be a hawk with their behavior - and sometimes kids with bad behavior are vigorously defended by their moronic parents.

Or who knows, some parent might seek litigation of some sort (in this sue-happy, lawyered-up country the USA!)

So I feel that with the "training" I've had here in the Bay Area, I'd fit in well at a Thai playground.