MattCinderey Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Tesco Lamai have moved the toilet roll holders out of the cubicles... So it's necessary to take the toilet roll in with you before your dump. Be careful, you have been warned!... You could be left on the seat with no toilet roll and they don't have ar*e-sprays either. Dangerous. Matt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slaps Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Another crackdown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 funny story matt, so how long were you 'stuck' in there for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooo Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Matt, one more post like that & we will have to dump your posting rights & suspend your daily supplies of Iced Birdie for a week. & on a Sunday morning too. Just imagine you sitting in there calling out , you would have had people running out scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdman Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 For such an incident always have the number of the toilette manager stored in your mobile phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rooo Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 For such an incident always have the number of the toilette manager stored in your mobile phone. :D Better still get Big C's # ,he would sort them out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gerryasia Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Wouldn't be the first time a cellphone was used as a spade...I'm sure. Yuuck! Just sayin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Wouldn't be the first time a cellphone was used as a spade...I'm sure.Yuuck! Just sayin... Ads a new meaning to the term 'speakin <deleted>' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calico Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 And Elaine doesn't have a square to spare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bridge Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Matt, one more post like that & we will have to dump your posting rights & suspend your daily supplies of Iced Birdie for a week. & on a Sunday morning too. Just imagine you sitting in there calling out , you would have had people running out scared. Do it Rooo, he has had it coming for a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattCinderey Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 I'm still sat here... Posted from I-phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokie36 Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Do it Rooo, he has had it coming for a long time. A bit harsh bridge. Maybe a strong laxative will sort out Matt's wee problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokie36 Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 I'm still sat here... Posted from I-phone. Aye and I'm in the queue outside. WILL YOU F****** HURRY UP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintofsilence Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) Don't worry the reds just heard about and are sending down 1 milllion rolls for each stall Edited April 25, 2010 by saintofsilence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattCinderey Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 No, I was OK. I luckily noticed the toilet paper outside and the notices before entering the cubicle, just wanted to put the word out... Could be dangerous if you've had a curry the night before or a red hot kra-prow guy, got the rumbles, then just made it to the toilet in time only to reach for the toilet paper... I'll openly admit I crapped my pants here once... I thought I could squeeze a silent one out... Turns out it wasn't wind... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itishothere Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Far too much information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokie36 Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) What a bunch of girls on the forum. You should try travelling through rural India.... Left hand and a toilet flushing mechanism is a luxury better get used to left hand and a few leaves. Edit: And never swim downstream of the village. Edited April 25, 2010 by smokie36 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattCinderey Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 You should ask Bridge about his experiences in India... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottbrown Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 drawing mud eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crusty Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 I'm still sat here... Posted from I-phone. Look Matt, this happens at some places like Samui and Utaphao airports, but you learn to improvise. Press the flush lever, quickly dive your mitt between your legs into the water turbulence and upward splash into the gash ! Also it is a lot more hygenic than paper wipes that leave "trails" Uuuggghhhh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattCinderey Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 I like your style crusty. I guess you must remember to stand whilst doing the first flush, otherwise it could be nasty... The ar*e sprayer is the best invention since sliced-bread... I went back to the UK for a week about 7 months ago, they only had toilet paper back home. You get so used to the ar*e spray it's horrible wiping with paper... smear it off... Yuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahinkel Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Not so matt. Theres added moisturiser in the bog rolls now. Not the most unpleasant ritual these days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokie36 Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Ok when I'm in the UK I use a refilled litre bottle of water with the nozzle thing. Same effect as the bum gun and saves a few quid. Eco friendly too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattCinderey Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 Ok when I'm in the UK I use a refilled litre bottle of water with the nozzle thing. Same effect as the bum gun and saves a few quid. Eco friendly too. Nice touch! A tad awkward I guess. Luckily my family have a bidet back in the UK. You need to get the temperature right, you don't want to scorch your b*lls... However, when I was last in the UK I used both my Mum & Dad's toothbrushes... just to teach them a lesson for all those years being tortured as a teenager... Matt. P.S. I'm joking of course.... I used my brothers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokie36 Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 i know. lucky for my i went in and i bought my dog with me. thank god. dogs are mans best friend. well when there is a toilet shortage. dog really is. daaaaaaa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thrilled Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Ya all ought to feel good.When I first came to thailand,there was just A hole in the ground. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdman Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 just like in many places around the world, e.g. Southern Europe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattCinderey Posted April 26, 2010 Author Share Posted April 26, 2010 Actually, squat toilets are the optimal way to poo... seriously. It's the natural position to lay a cable... The modern toilet was designed for comfort. Quote... For one, squatting opens up the recto-anal angle, allowing the squatter to be a bit more lax when handling business. Sitting down to poop, on the other hand, constricts the passageways and requires more straining to push things through. The Israeli researcher Dr. Berko Sikirov, an especially adamant proponent of the squat method, identified the “underlying mechanism” behind constipation: “the obstructive nature of the recto-anal angle” in the sitting position. Constipation often leads to excessive straining (“at least three-fold more than in a squatting posture”), which has been fingered as a probable cause of colonic diverticulosis by Sikiro Matt. P.S. Samuijimmy. Live this one in down?! I have no shame... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crusty Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 Actually, squat toilets are the optimal way to poo... seriously. It's the natural position to lay a cable... The modern toilet was designed for comfort. Quote... For one, squatting opens up the recto-anal angle, allowing the squatter to be a bit more lax when handling business. Sitting down to poop, on the other hand, constricts the passageways and requires more straining to push things through. The Israeli researcher Dr. Berko Sikirov, an especially adamant proponent of the squat method, identified the "underlying mechanism" behind constipation: "the obstructive nature of the recto-anal angle" in the sitting position. Constipation often leads to excessive straining ("at least three-fold more than in a squatting posture"), which has been fingered as a probable cause of colonic diverticulosis by Sikiro Matt. P.S. Samuijimmy. Live this one in down?! I have no shame... Brilliant but "laying a cable" ? Bazza used to call it "strangling a darkie" ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattCinderey Posted April 26, 2010 Author Share Posted April 26, 2010 Dropping the kids off at the pool... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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