Thai Women And The Question Of Money

[desi]

Thai Women and the Question of Money

In a typical discussion about Thai-farang romance, sooner or later somebody is bound to raise the question of money – someone being a foreign man who’s either contemplating getting into or already in a relationship with a Thai woman. What should he expect to give her in terms of financial support, how much, should he or should he not do it, is he being duped, etc., etc.

[F1fanatic]

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

It doesn't happen often here, but sometimes it does.

The rest, 99% of the time, are just kidding themselves.

Edited May 10, 2010 by F1fanatic

[desi]

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Apologies in advance, but that statement is far too broad. For instance, if your western wife put you through medical school and it's now her time to sit at home and have babies or go back to school, then it does not apply. If you made the decision to go on a foreign posting and your western wife had to give up her career to follow you, it would not apply. Or even if your western wife was on a foreign posting and the jobs on offer paid piddly squat and usually meant that she couldn't vacation when you did, it would not apply. If one of your parents or your child were sick and one of you needed to stay home to care for them... see?

Exchange western for Thai and my explanation still works.

I do know the subject matter under discussion, but it's more complicated than the black and white I often read about here.

For instance, in the west, I had to stand up for my right to work (my wife WILL NOT join the work force!!!) But a lot of men moan about their money grabbing western wives (and I do feel sorry for those who lost their shirts).

No matter in Thailand or in the west, it is down to individual relationships, the situation, etc. Because no matter where you are, one person may take advantage at a certain time, another will not. And in relationships, there will be swings and roundabouts. Nothing is equal (or fair) all of the time.

[sbk]

sorry desi, your link doesn't work for me...

[desi]

How odd. Perhaps a glitch somewhere...

Thai Women and the Question of Money

[desi]

Same problem so there is a glitch...

Just go to http://thaisextalk.wordpress.com/

It's the latest article.

[Zstarx]

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

It doesn't happen often here, but sometimes it does.

The rest, 99% of the time, are just kidding themselves.

You are joking aren't you

[F1fanatic]

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Apologies in advance, but that statement is far too broad. For instance, if your western wife put you through medical school and it's now her time to sit at home and have babies or go back to school, then it does not apply. If you made the decision to go on a foreign posting and your western wife had to give up her career to follow you, it would not apply. Or even if your western wife was on a foreign posting and the jobs on offer paid piddly squat and usually meant that she couldn't vacation when you did, it would not apply. If one of your parents or your child were sick and one of you needed to stay home to care for them... see?

Exchange western for Thai and my explanation still works.

I do know the subject matter under discussion, but it's more complicated than the black and white I often read about here.

For instance, in the west, I had to stand up for my right to work (my wife WILL NOT join the work force!!!) But a lot of men moan about their money grabbing western wives (and I do feel sorry for those who lost their shirts).

No matter in Thailand or in the west, it is down to individual relationships, the situation, etc. Because no matter where you are, one person may take advantage at a certain time, another will not. And in relationships, there will be swings and roundabouts. Nothing is equal (or fair) all of the time.

I agree with you to a certain extent. There are a few Western women who will support their man (that they met at University) through medical school etc.

Western women having babies? They're normally back at work v quickly as either they don't want to give up their career or, the family needs the money. Admittedly, v poor families are different where neither party earns enough to pay for childcare.

Looking after parents? Yes, as long as the partner staying at home can't earn enough to afford support whilst they are at work.

Most times (i.e. 99%) of the time, when a Western couple shack up together, both work and contribute to household income. Its different here.

Things change after time and for one reason or another the lowest earning partner (in the West) may give up their job for a while. But they generally go back to work for the reasons I've mentioned.

The vast majority of Western men (especially at the beginning) would expect his new partner to make a financial contribution to the relationship.

As soon as your partner is not interested in contributing, you HAVE to know that someone is looking to you for money.

I HONESTLY don't know any Western women (and I only moved here 3 years or so ago) that didn't work to contribute to the family income.

I only met women (who boasted to me - they thought I'd be impressed - not horrified!) how their farang husband gave them money that they put in their own bank account when I moved here. It came as a v nasty shock!

Edited May 10, 2010 by F1fanatic

[desi]

1) I agree with you to a certain extent. There are a few Western women who will support their man (that they met at University) through medical school etc.

2) Western women having babies? They're normally back at work v quickly as either they don't want to give up their career or, the family needs the money. Admittedly, v poor families are different where neither party earns enough to pay for childcare.

3) Looking after parents? Yes, as long as the partner staying at home can't earn enough to afford support whilst they are at work.

Most times (i.e. 99%) of the time, when a Western couple shack up together, both work and contribute to household income. Its different here.

4) Things change after time and for one reason or another the lowest earning partner (in the West) may give up their job for a while. But they generally go back to work for the reasons I've mentioned.

The vast majority of Western men (especially at the beginning) would expect his new partner to make a financial contribution to the relationship.

5) As soon as your partner is not interested in contributing, you HAVE to know that someone is looking to you for money.

I HONESTLY don't know any Western women (and I only moved here 3 years or so ago) that didn't work to contribute to the family income.

I've added numbers because it's easier to answer than breaking everything apart.

1) We agree then, as it's not an unknown. And I do know women like this (my stepson's wife, for one).

2) I've known both. In the west (as anywhere), having enough money does come into it. I can't go go into percentages but I do know of a fair number of wives with degrees who stayed home to raise the kids (enough money so it was about not keeping up with their major). I also know wives with professions who didn't. For those making less, some I knew went for a limited lifestyles over having more stuff. It was a big issue in my group... some lived in bad neighbourhoods in order to have the wife at home. And in Houston, that was not a choice I was willing to make for my son.

3) Admittedly, this one is rare in the west. Only one comes to mind and the agreement was that mum did not go into care but offered financial allowances in order to stay with her son and daughter-inlaw.

4) I agree. The women in the west that I know personally do like to work. Staying home is not mentally challenging unless you are working on a degree, writing a book, raising a child, taking care of a home business, or doing some sort of studying on your own. It is boring and mind-numbingly tedious to not have an outside interest. And shopping? Horrors...

I came to Thailand knowing that I would not work, so I made my own provisions. Yeah, I'm a work-a-holic in a country that is not really conducive to what I'm good at. So I deal. Just. But I do not contribute (and yes, it does drive me bonkers at times).

BUT.. to add to all of the above... age does come into it. Retirement age, for instance.

5) After almost 20 years of marriage, I do believe that I've saved up some points :-D

Relationships cover many flavours so I've had a hard time answering some of your points. And I can only give input on the relationships I've known and observed. And obviously, my experiences are mostly one-sided. Western.

[F1fanatic]

1) I agree with you to a certain extent. There are a few Western women who will support their man (that they met at University) through medical school etc.

2) Western women having babies? They're normally back at work v quickly as either they don't want to give up their career or, the family needs the money. Admittedly, v poor families are different where neither party earns enough to pay for childcare.

3) Looking after parents? Yes, as long as the partner staying at home can't earn enough to afford support whilst they are at work.

Most times (i.e. 99%) of the time, when a Western couple shack up together, both work and contribute to household income. Its different here.

4) Things change after time and for one reason or another the lowest earning partner (in the West) may give up their job for a while. But they generally go back to work for the reasons I've mentioned.

The vast majority of Western men (especially at the beginning) would expect his new partner to make a financial contribution to the relationship.

5) As soon as your partner is not interested in contributing, you HAVE to know that someone is looking to you for money.

I HONESTLY don't know any Western women (and I only moved here 3 years or so ago) that didn't work to contribute to the family income.

I've added numbers because it's easier to answer than breaking everything apart.

1) We agree then, as it's not an unknown. And I do know women like this (my stepson's wife, for one).

2) I've known both. In the west (as anywhere), having enough money does come into it. I can't go go into percentages but I do know of a fair number of wives with degrees who stayed home to raise the kids (enough money so it was about not keeping up with their major). I also know wives with professions who didn't. For those making less, some I knew went for a limited lifestyles over having more stuff. It was a big issue in my group... some lived in bad neighbourhoods in order to have the wife at home. And in Houston, that was not a choice I was willing to make for my son.

3) Admittedly, this one is rare in the west. Only one comes to mind and the agreement was that mum did not go into care but offered financial allowances in order to stay with her son and daughter-inlaw.

4) I agree. The women in the west that I know personally do like to work. Staying home is not mentally challenging unless you are working on a degree, writing a book, raising a child, taking care of a home business, or doing some sort of studying on your own. It is boring and mind-numbingly tedious to not have an outside interest. And shopping? Horrors...

I came to Thailand knowing that I would not work, so I made my own provisions. Yeah, I'm a work-a-holic in a country that is not really conducive to what I'm good at. So I deal. Just. But I do not contribute (and yes, it does drive me bonkers at times).

BUT.. to add to all of the above... age does come into it. Retirement age, for instance.

5) After almost 20 years of marriage, I do believe that I've saved up some points :-D

Relationships cover many flavours so I've had a hard time answering some of your points. And I can only give input on the relationships I've known and observed. And obviously, my experiences are mostly one-sided. Western.

Basically it boils down to :- relationships in the West, both parties share household expenses when they get involved. In Thailand, the woman expects the man to pay EVERYTHING.

[up-country_sinclair]

Basically it boils down to :- relationships in the West, both parties share household expenses when they get involved. In Thailand, the woman expects the man to pay EVERYTHING.

Maybe that's true with the Thai women you consort with, but nearly every Thai woman I know works and helps with expenses.

Basically it boils down to:- you really shouldn't make such broad generalizations.

[F1fanatic]

Basically it boils down to :- relationships in the West, both parties share household expenses when they get involved. In Thailand, the woman expects the man to pay EVERYTHING.

Maybe that's true with the Thai women you consort with, but nearly every Thai woman I know works and helps with expenses.

Basically it boils down to:- you really shouldn't make such broad generalizations.

You're missing the point - I'm trying to warn anyone whose woman demands that she pays nothing towards the relationship.

[Redsunset]

If a Thai woman is not working be prepared to cough up 20,000 baht a month....

[BigWheelMan]

Same problem so there is a glitch...

Just go to http://thaisextalk.wordpress.com/

It's the latest article.

Thanks for putting up this link, one of the better threads on ThaiVisa, very interesting indeed.

I made a copy of the rough guide for future reference.

[eurasianthai]

But a lot of men moan about their money grabbing western wives (and I do feel sorry for those who lost their shirts).

Only when they divorce Desi, or separate.

Whoever is responsible for the divorce or separation, the man usually pays, especially in the US.

Not sure if it is true, but I would guess it is...

Edited May 10, 2010 by eurasianthai

[F1fanatic]

If a Thai woman is not working be prepared to cough up 20,000 baht a month....

What more do I need to say?

I go back to my original post, treat relationships here the same as you would back home. BOTH parties contribute to the relationship financially.

If they're not prepared to do that, you know its about money.

Not exactly rocket science.

[StreetCowboy]

From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

How else does a family share money?

SC

[eurasianthai]

BOTH parties contribute to the relationship financially.

Not exactly rocket science.

Indeed, you mean a relationship should be a financial joint venture?

[sarahsbloke]

Fi said

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Edited May 10, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[JSixpack]

Fi said

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Good on ya, SB. I'd call that: Post Of The Day!

[desi]

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Value works both ways

[samuibeachcomber]

This topic could go on forever as everyone's circumstances are different.Here i am only speaking about my experiences in thailand.

My first girlfriend was 26 years younger and had no money and no job.I supported her and gave her encouragement to get a job.I found out during the course of our relationship that she had been to a uni in bangkok for 4 years and had obtained a degree,on top of this she spoke,read and wrote very good english.During this time i supported her during a really serious illness.When she got better and she obtained a really good managerial position as office manager here on Samui and was earning 40,000 plus pm.she contributed 50/50 to our expenses.

OK now we are no longer together and i live with my current girlfriend.She does not work(i do not want her to work)but takes care of me for which i give her a monthly allowance that belongs to her and i take care of household bills etc.I am very happy with this,just as happy as i used to be with my ex wife who contributed money.

Have i strayed off topic,i dont know.What i do know is,is that there is no correct or incorrect formula to a couples success,to each there own,what ever makes it successful.

Many posters here bemoan how much it costs them to support their relationship(mostly us older guys with younger ladies)and we forget the costs back home,that we thought nothing of at the time,that we incurred during our usual western style arrangements.

[F1fanatic]

Fi said

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Find this v hard to believe. Western divorces mean EACH PARTY gets 50%. Why on earth would you agree to more??

Actually, I don't believe you did - you just prefer to tell people otherwise.

Edited May 10, 2010 by F1fanatic

[bifftastic]

From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

How else does a family share money?

SC

well said, I agree completely. For some reason I am surprised that someone here quotes Karl Marx, not sure why I should be surprised, but there it is

[desi]

Have i strayed off topic,i dont know. What i do know is, is that there is no correct or incorrect formula to a couples success,to each there own,what ever makes it successful.

Many posters here bemoan how much it costs them to support their relationship(mostly us older guys with younger ladies)and we forget the costs back home,that we thought nothing of at the time,that we incurred during our usual western style arrangements.

Absolutely. I was partially supported by a boyfriend years back. He was not much older than I was, and wanted to help out until I got on my feet again. Sometime after we split, I found myself in the position to pay for the living expenses of a younger boyfriend in need, as well as a best friend in a bind. Life happens, then it changes, and we roll with it.

[F1fanatic]

From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

How else does a family share money?

SC

well said, I agree completely. For some reason I am surprised that someone here quotes Karl Marx, not sure why I should be surprised, but there it is

I thought that too - not many marxists here in Thailand!

[gemini81]

best advice years ago, when I came, was: "one way or another, you pay." I think you know what I mean. Get on with it and accept it!

[StreetCowboy]

Fi said

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Good on ya, SB. I'd call that: Post Of The Day!

Post of the day, on behalf of Jsixpack...

[shamus]

Give her it all. Then when you've got nothing ask her if she still loves you long time

[thaibeachlovers]

Fi said

If you behave the same way you would with a Western woman (expect her to pay half the mortgage/rent, living cost etc.) you're unlikely to go wrong.

Plus, of course, making sure she comes from a similar background, similar age, you can communicate and understand each other etc. etc.

SB says

My western wife didn't work (even though she had a degree), I paid for everything for 30 years, then gave her my house and most of my pension and savings (OK well maybe I didn't want to give it).

This time I'm doing it different, married someone 20 years younger with no education .............. great legs though!

It's always about money ....... but this time it's about VALUE FOR MONEY!

Good on ya, SB. I'd call that: Post Of The Day!

Agreed.

It's actually really easy to tell if they want you or your money. When you get serious, offer a monthly amount at a reasonable level, say 15,000 and no "extras", and if she agrees it's you she's after. No gold digger is going to settle for such a low figure as that, despite it being a lot more that she could ever earn working as a waitress etc.

No sin sod either.