Marriage In Thailand After Having A Baby....

[sylvafern]

Yet I can't say anything positive has been said in support of me, my life, my child, my views, even though some seem to think I was a victim of abuse. You don't have to agree with my views but some of you seem to seriously dislike me for speaking about this, and have made a lot of rude assumptions about me.

If you are wondering why people think you are a victim of abuse, go back and read the post you made earlier ......

Immediately the all night drinking binges started, along with sleeping all day. The getting a lover on the side, right in front of my face, started too. The phyiscal attacks when I dared to "confront any issue." One time, I was sitting on a sofa, and quietly said, "I am starting to hate you" and you know what the reward was? I got knocked unconcious! My head was later swollen up probably double the normal size. I have also been strangled, and had a few black eyes.

Physical attacks, being knocked unconscious, being strangled all add up to you being a victim of physical abuse (not to mention all the emotional abuse you've referred to). I hope you are seeing someone to help you through this and help you understand that it is not normal or right that anyone should put up with this kind of treatment. I really hope, not just for your sake but for your child's, that you are getting or seeking the kind of help that you deserve so that you can deal with this terrible situation and improve the quality of your life and your child's.

And to the poster who said she doesn't want child support, because you make so much more then him (him being 20K baht a month) I would say that you should get whatever you can, and save it for your child. Who knows what will happen in the future? Why should his kid be free because he married someone who earns so much more? Would his kid be free if he married a Thai lady? What if you are unemployed at some point, disabled from some medical condition, or you die? Even if it is only the 3000 baht a month, take that and save it for your child's university education. Why in the world would you consider it none of his responsibility? Why in the world would you consider it all your job to earn the money, do all the care-taking, all the work, and he has no responsibility? What will happen if you die? Your kid cannot control the money. If you think it is great that he takes your child to the zoo once a year, or buys a birthday gift, you have seriously low expectations, which might explain why you feel happy about this situation.

Actually - I have high expectations. I expect that my child is cared for and loved by his father and is shown that love, not just in a materialistic way, but an emotional way - by spending time together with his father whether it be kicking a ball around a football pitch, building lego all afternoon, having sleepovers, or by going on outings together (which are regular - who said it was only once a year?). Financially, I have a large sum of money put away that I save regularly into for future costs such as university, etc. As part of my contract, if I die or am seriously disabled and can no longer work, my child gets a scholarship at my school until the completion of his schooling. I also have a separate account (that I control) where I bank all the money that is given to me by his Dad and Thai grandparents. Not money given in regular monthly child support payments, but money given at birthdays, Christmas and so on. His Thai grandparents give me 1-2,000 baht every time they see him. This money has built up to about 40,000 baht. I am happy with my situation and it works very well for all of us involved.

Edited August 19, 2010 by sylvafern

[Boo]

Trring all with the same brush will never work, of Mr boos thai buddies not one is the run away father that all thai men seem to be portrayed (on thaivisa) and yet we know of others who tick every loser, waste of space box from women we know (thai & farang)

The op should have idea enough of what her bloke is like but if it all goes tits up the I'm sure she will be able to pull up her socks & get on with it. It's what we do when life throws shit at us.

[Goinghomesoon]

And I would like to remind everyone, that not ONE of you, has actually gone into the benefits of marriage to a Thai man, while you live in Thailand, and have a child.

I probably would have, but since the OP didn't really ask that question I didn't feel it would really answer anything she wanted to know. But we could start another thread on the topic? I think the benefits are probably very personal to each person and situation, just as the responses to this situation have been.

[Patsycat]

OP, go with your heart.

Edited August 23, 2010 by Patsycat

[sbk]

OP, go with your heart.

But use a big dose of common sense while you do.

But, regardless. OP wasn't asking our opinions on whether or not she should get married but how difficult it is for the kid if she is not.

[Patsycat]

I'm sorry, but i felt a bit of Horsedoctor arriving here. So had to cower under the sound of hooves for a while.

Back on subject, I have no experience with Thai men. But I have a bit with men who were foreign to me.

You are in love, you are having a baby. Basta. Enjoy life and a new life.

Don't let the people who have had bad experiences get you down.

And send us a piccie of the baby when he or she is born. I get all goo- y!!