Anyone Having Trouble Finding A Relationship Here?

[pjclark1]

This may be the case in the bar and prostitution scene which makes up about 2 % of the countries women

I wonder where you found that figure?

IMHE the prositution that farangs see is only the tip of the iceberg, say 10%.

Have you tried nightclubs?

Getting back to your question, do you speak Thai, do you mix in Thai society?

Go and live out in the sticks and meet real Thai people, not the anonymous world of Bangkok.

Research (Thai NGOs, the UN, ) and other evidence has suggested it's significantly less. Perhaps as little as 2%.

I would suggest by using the western definition of the word, nearer 75%.

NGOs are notoriously unreliable for doing anything except making a living for their staff.

[craigt3365]

Make a list of the qualities you would like a potential partner to have and stick to that list.

For example, this is the list I made.

1. Speaks English
2. Single (No BF, Gik, or Husband)
3. Has an education (Bachelors/Masters degree)
4. Has a job
5. Pretty
6. Lives in the city I live in
7. Likes me

I would have to disagree with choice 1), looking for a Thai girl that speaks English is just asking for trouble.

They will have had English speaking boyfriends before and very high expectations of the money you can provide for them.

Might as well look for sharks in a swimming pool!

Hmmmm...so a college educated, English speaking Thai girl is trouble? I've met many Thai gals who speak English who have never had a farang BF before. 2 live in our village, but one is married to a Thai doctor the other to a Thai banker.

[richard10365]

Each person has to find the right mix of qualities that works for them. My list is based on my personal experience. It probably doesn't matter, but I think I should explain my list a little.

The following is what I think the ideal woman is for me. This is more of a goal than a rule. This is my dream girl but not what I expected to get....but after I made the list......my wish came true!

1. Speaks English

A relationship can only grow with open and honest communication that is understood by both. I have learned through experience that a woman who has limited English skills cannot understand enough for our relationship to grow. I too cannot speak Thai well enough for her to understand me. Without good English skills, no other of my requirements matters.

2. Educated (BA or more)

Once again, from my experience of dating women with only a high school diploma, solving problems, communicating, and expressing opinions is not as effective with uneducated women. While I know education does not replace common sense, it does help when dealing with issues in a family and a society.

3. Employed

There are two reasons I want a woman to be employed:

a. A woman who works can help provide for the needs of the family as well as her parents family. Food, shelter, education and many other needs can be handled easily if both the husband and wife are working. Thai culture places great importance on the children taking care of the parents. A wife who works can help her parents more directly while the husband worries mostly about his wife and children.

b. I think a woman should have something that challenges her outside the home. Something she can strive to achieve. A job will give her something to do and she will not be bored.

4. Single (No BF, Gik, or Husband)

This is pretty straight forward. No boyfriend, no gik (lover) and no husband. What else needs to be said about this?

Well, maybe a bit more. Some guys might easily be tempted into a relationship with a beautiful woman looking for a little more attention than she is getting from her currently relationship. I was once and it didn't work out. So I added it to my list.

6. Lives in Chiang Mai.

I have had long distance relationships and find they don't work. I don't like to be alone. I live in Chiang Mai and I want her to live here too.

7. Is Thai

I don't plan on living anywhere else but Thailand. It makes sense that my wife is Thai too.

8. Likes Me

I hope she enjoys my company. I hope she laughs at my jokes...even if they are not funny..I hope she misses me. I hope I can tell.

9. In love

I want to always think about her. I want to be obsessed with her. I want to miss her when she is not around. I want to hear love songs and think of her. I want to see the beauty of the world and think of her. Everything that is wonderful in life, I want to share with her. I want to feel without her, I cannot live. That is what I think love is.

There are a couple of other items that I look for but they are a bit more personal so I won't mention them here.

[GarryP]

8. Likes Me

I hope she enjoys my company. I hope she laughs at my jokes...even if they are not funny..I hope she misses me. I hope I can tell.

Buy a dog.

[craigt3365]

Each person has to find the right mix of qualities that works for them. My list is based on my personal experience. It probably doesn't matter, but I think I should explain my list a little.

The following is what I think the ideal woman is for me. This is more of a goal than a rule. This is my dream girl but not what I expected to get....but after I made the list......my wish came true!

1. Speaks English

A relationship can only grow with open and honest communication that is understood by both. I have learned through experience that a woman who has limited English skills cannot understand enough for our relationship to grow. I too cannot speak Thai well enough for her to understand me. Without good English skills, no other of my requirements matters.

2. Educated (BA or more)

Once again, from my experience of dating women with only a high school diploma, solving problems, communicating, and expressing opinions is not as effective with uneducated women. While I know education does not replace common sense, it does help when dealing with issues in a family and a society.

3. Employed

There are two reasons I want a woman to be employed:

a. A woman who works can help provide for the needs of the family as well as her parents family. Food, shelter, education and many other needs can be handled easily if both the husband and wife are working. Thai culture places great importance on the children taking care of the parents. A wife who works can help her parents more directly while the husband worries mostly about his wife and children.

b. I think a woman should have something that challenges her outside the home. Something she can strive to achieve. A job will give her something to do and she will not be bored.

4. Single (No BF, Gik, or Husband)

This is pretty straight forward. No boyfriend, no gik (lover) and no husband. What else needs to be said about this?

Well, maybe a bit more. Some guys might easily be tempted into a relationship with a beautiful woman looking for a little more attention than she is getting from her currently relationship. I was once and it didn't work out. So I added it to my list.

6. Lives in Chiang Mai.

I have had long distance relationships and find they don't work. I don't like to be alone. I live in Chiang Mai and I want her to live here too.

7. Is Thai

I don't plan on living anywhere else but Thailand. It makes sense that my wife is Thai too.

8. Likes Me

I hope she enjoys my company. I hope she laughs at my jokes...even if they are not funny..I hope she misses me. I hope I can tell.

9. In love

I want to always think about her. I want to be obsessed with her. I want to miss her when she is not around. I want to hear love songs and think of her. I want to see the beauty of the world and think of her. Everything that is wonderful in life, I want to share with her. I want to feel without her, I cannot live. That is what I think love is.

There are a couple of other items that I look for but they are a bit more personal so I won't mention them here.

Excellent list! I think I got 8 out of 9....

[jfchandler]

Craig, all except the "Likes Me" part, right???

But seriously, I don't think a Thai woman who speaks English is in any way a trouble sign, either all or most of the time.. I think it could be in individual circumstances, but overall, English ability probably works to the positive, rather than negative, as a factor in a relationship.

The other day, I was walking on my soi and passed a middle aged Thai woman who lives and has a small business there.. And as is my custom to people on my soi, I nodded hello and she responded by speaking in quite good English, "Hello, How are you?"

Now, we'd never spoken before, and she doesn't know me and I don't know her, except that she's probably seen me walking up and down the street to and from my home... So I stopped to talk a bit, and asked her, how did she learn to speak English so well... And her answer was, she used to work at Bangkok Bank and had to learn for her job....

[craigt3365]

Craig, all except the "Likes Me" part, right???

But seriously, I don't think a Thai woman who speaks English is in any way a trouble sign, either all or most of the time.. I think it could be in individual circumstances, but overall, English ability probably works to the positive, rather than negative, as a factor in a relationship.

The other day, I was walking on my soi and passed a middle aged Thai woman who lives and has a small business there.. And as is my custom to people on my soi, I nodded hello and she responded by speaking in quite good English, "Hello, How are you?"

Now, we'd never spoken before, and she doesn't know me and I don't know her, except that she's probably seen me walking up and down the street to and from my home... So I stopped to talk a bit, and asked her, how did she learn to speak English so well... And her answer was, she used to work at Bangkok Bank and had to learn for her job....

My wife spoke only a little English when we met. And I have to say it was one of our biggest problems. We called it "lost in translation". She went to English school in New York City for a few years and it really, really, really helped. Huge difference. Her English is pretty darn good and we no longer have those "lost in translation" moments. Though I have to say, since living here full time, her English is getting worse! Oh well...

[Mishathebear]

Thai women are very friendly are quite open minded from what I heard. So it should not be that hard to strike up a conversation with them. At least that is what I heard. But since I am not that good looking I am a little unsecure to do this as my experiences in the West were not so good.

[jdinasia]

Thai women are very friendly are quite open minded from what I heard. So it should not be that hard to strike up a conversation with them. At least that is what I heard. But since I am not that good looking I am a little unsecure to do this as my experiences in the West were not so good.

Have you not ever been to Thailand?

[mstribling]

Thai women are very friendly are quite open minded from what I heard. So it should not be that hard to strike up a conversation with them. At least that is what I heard. But since I am not that good looking I am a little unsecure to do this as my experiences in the West were not so good.

Have you not ever been to Thailand?

I'm sure he has. He was mentioning speaking Thai on another thread.

[mark45y]

Thai women are very friendly are quite open minded from what I heard. So it should not be that hard to strike up a conversation with them. At least that is what I heard. But since I am not that good looking I am a little unsecure to do this as my experiences in the West were not so good.

Save this post. Put it up on your wall. After you come to Thailand it will be a constant source of amusement to you.

[jdinasia]

Thai women are very friendly are quite open minded from what I heard. So it should not be that hard to strike up a conversation with them. At least that is what I heard. But since I am not that good looking I am a little unsecure to do this as my experiences in the West were not so good.

Save this post. Put it up on your wall. After you come to Thailand it will be a constant source of amusement to you.

The thing is --- his first post in the thread claims he has lived here 7 years.

mstribling --- things just are not adding up.

[Travel2003]

1) Really hot!

2) Enthusiastic about being violated by a fat, old farang.

It reminds me,

my wife wants me to become fat (not violated).

When I say it is because she doesnt want other women to look at me, she laughs and say yes that's it.

I think my wife is still hot.

[Mishathebear]

Thai women are very friendly are quite open minded from what I heard. So it should not be that hard to strike up a conversation with them. At least that is what I heard. But since I am not that good looking I am a little unsecure to do this as my experiences in the West were not so good.

Save this post. Put it up on your wall. After you come to Thailand it will be a constant source of amusement to you.

The thing is --- his first post in the thread claims he has lived here 7 years.

mstribling --- things just are not adding up.

Yeah I am here since 2004, but I have never a Thai woman. I have not managed to date any woman here and I need tips to overcome this.

[khunPer]

Thai women are very friendly are quite open minded from what I heard. So it should not be that hard to strike up a conversation with them. At least that is what I heard. But since I am not that good looking I am a little unsecure to do this as my experiences in the West were not so good.

Save this post. Put it up on your wall. After you come to Thailand it will be a constant source of amusement to you.

The thing is --- his first post in the thread claims he has lived here 7 years.

mstribling --- things just are not adding up.

Yeah I am here since 2004, but I have never a Thai woman. I have not managed to date any woman here and I need tips to overcome this.

Being little shy and reserved myself - so I may know a bit of how you are feeling - may I come up with a suggestion. Even you look for a "normal" woman, try to visit some of the ladybars. Choice some not too noisy and not go-go bars. Smile back, when a lady smiles to you or comes to join you - they will do. You can offer a drink and have a conversation, and as you even speak Thai, if will not be a problem to talk to a newcomer, who cannot speak English. Do not say from the beginning, that you are not looking for a bargirl, then she will find an excuse to walk away, not waisting her time on you. Just enjoy having a smalltalk with a lady and make yourself comfortable with the situation. You can always ask questions about her, most Thais loves to tell their lifestory, if you cannot find subjects to speak about. Of course, you do not need to pay barfine or bring the lady home, but when leaving you may be gentleman and give a small cash tip (fx. 100 baht) as thanks for her time. If you have good time with the woman, you may even be able to come back and talk more, building up some self-confidence. Soon you may be able to "move out" and enjoy the company of "normal" women.

[wolf5370]

Craig, all except the "Likes Me" part, right???

But seriously, I don't think a Thai woman who speaks English is in any way a trouble sign, either all or most of the time.. I think it could be in individual circumstances, but overall, English ability probably works to the positive, rather than negative, as a factor in a relationship.

The other day, I was walking on my soi and passed a middle aged Thai woman who lives and has a small business there.. And as is my custom to people on my soi, I nodded hello and she responded by speaking in quite good English, "Hello, How are you?"

Now, we'd never spoken before, and she doesn't know me and I don't know her, except that she's probably seen me walking up and down the street to and from my home... So I stopped to talk a bit, and asked her, how did she learn to speak English so well... And her answer was, she used to work at Bangkok Bank and had to learn for her job....

My wife spoke only a little English when we met. And I have to say it was one of our biggest problems. We called it "lost in translation". She went to English school in New York City for a few years and it really, really, really helped. Huge difference. Her English is pretty darn good and we no longer have those "lost in translation" moments. Though I have to say, since living here full time, her English is getting worse! Oh well...

Same here - my wife spoke little English when we met (even though she taught it to Batom kids in a private school!) - she went through private school education right through to college. I spoke a little Thai so we managed with pigin Thia/English hybred at first - we courted for 2 years before marriage. Her English improved greatly in the UK where she attended college for it and went through all 5 levels of EFL they provided in 3 years. Now, after 13 years of marriage, she is fluent in English and even understands the British humour, sarcasm and irony - in fact she is often the instigator to tease me. She has also studied in English for several professional certificates including NVQ's. which require a LOT of written reports etc. I must say she learned English living in my country much faster than I have Thai living here in hers! In the early days it was often quite fun fighting each others failures in each other's languages. Now she can beat me in an arguement in both!

[Ulysses G.]

If you have good time with the woman, you may even be able to come back and talk more, building up some self-confidence. Soon you may be able to "move out" and enjoy the company of "normal" women.

It won't work. Too many of the Dan Desperadoes will get all excited and pay the bar fine and never stand a chance of getting to know a normal woman after they see how much easier it is to just pay up.

[jdinasia]

Yeah I am here since 2004, but I have never a Thai woman. I have not managed to date any woman here and I need tips to overcome this.

Change your attitudes about women (Thai women in particular). Your posts on that other thread would certainly make a Thai woman nervous about any prospect of dating you.

[whybother]

Finding a relationship is easy. Getting out of one is near on impossible.

[richard10365]

Finding a relationship is easy. Getting out of one is near on impossible.

It is true that finding a relationship is easy because there are so many women looking for a single man.

For example, there are many women to choose from in Chiang Mai province (where I live). From about 1 million people living in the province, half or about 500,000 are women. This is a large amount of women to choose from.

From that, there is a smaller amount of women who are in the age range that I might be interested in. Let's say 28 to 38.

Only so many of them are single

Only so many of these single women can speak English

Only so many of English speaking single women in my age range are educated

Only so many of of those educated English speaking single working women in my age range have a job

Only so many of those educated English speaking single working women in my age range are Thai and want to stay in Chiang Mai forever.

Now my original list of 500,000 women has dwindled down to about 10,000 (guesstimate) and they are all spread out and mixed in with the 500,000 women living in the province.

Looking at this group of 500,000 women, how can you tell which one has all the qualities that I am looking for? This is why it is not easy to meet the right woman to share your life with.

Finding any woman is easy, but finding the right woman...for me...is not. I feel very, very, very lucky.

[Esoterik]

The best advice anyone ever gave me was to not only look for girls. The amount of interest I get when I'm hanging out with Thai guys is incomparable to what happens when I'm alone or with farangs. Thai guys are pretty supportive too and will often do their utmost to help you out.

[lovelomsak]

No problems with relationships here. I simply donot want or need one. The longer I live here the more I feel relationships between the majority of farangs and thais is a joke. I find it hard to meet a couiple who have anything near what I would want in a relationship.

I know of many relationships but all seem a little compromised to me . But I quess it depends what your needs are in a relationship. Some people just want a drinking buddy they can have sex with. Some want a slave even if they canot talk. Some just plain cannot survive alone. Some believe single is being a loser and take what ever they can get for a partner and probably have to go through a lot of partners . I honestly feel marrying a thai women is a waste of time and money. I am sure some guys will come on and tell stories of what great wives they have but who knows next year maybe they will be the guys on here saying how they got cheated and scammed.

[richard10365]

No problems with relationships here. I simply donot want or need one. The longer I live here the more I feel relationships between the majority of farangs and thais is a joke. I find it hard to meet a couiple who have anything near what I would want in a relationship.

I know of many relationships but all seem a little compromised to me . But I quess it depends what your needs are in a relationship. Some people just want a drinking buddy they can have sex with. Some want a slave even if they canot talk. Some just plain cannot survive alone. Some believe single is being a loser and take what ever they can get for a partner and probably have to go through a lot of partners . I honestly feel marrying a thai women is a waste of time and money. I am sure some guys will come on and tell stories of what great wives they have but who knows next year maybe they will be the guys on here saying how they got cheated and scammed.

lovelomsak, Thank's for sharing your thoughts on the matter. I can't really tell others what they should or should not look for in their pursuit of love. Each person has to decide for themselves what type of relationship they want....or do not want.

You say you don't want or need a relationship. If you are content to live life alone then who am I to say you are wrong. I wish you the best of luck in your life.

I, on the other hand need and want love in my life. I do want a relationship and have found that one Thai woman does have everything I am looking for. I suppose I am, like billions of other people on the planet, have found that I cannot survive alone.

[richard10365]

lovelomsak, Thank's for sharing your thoughts on the matter. I can't really tell others what they should or should not look for in their pursuit of love. Each person has to decide for themselves what type of relationship they want....or do not want.

You say you don't want or need a relationship. If you are content to live life alone then who am I to say you are wrong. I wish you the best of luck in your life.

I, on the other hand need and want love in my life. I do want a relationship and have found that one Thai woman does have everything I am looking for. I suppose I am, like billions of other people on the planet, have found that I cannot survive alone.

[annamargarita]

Interesting thought from lovelomsak...

" I honestly feel marrying a thai women is a waste of time and money. I am sure some guys will come on and tell stories of what great wives they have but who knows next year maybe they will be the guys on here saying how they got cheated and scammed."

I can't help but smile because you have a very sad opinion about Thai-Foreigner marriage, which is also why you want to live alone for the rest of your life. Marriage is a commitment, partnership and most importantly team-work. Unless these elements are present, every marriage regardless it is inter-cultural or not, will eventually lead to failure. I read some article that says divorce in UK and US are increasing every year and to be honest, the rate of divorce in the West are way way way much higher than anywhere in the world!!

Loving and marrying a person is a personal choice not a chance and definitely not out of lust!!

xoxo

[AndyPooots]

It is quite a simple process that has been mastered here by many of this forums members.

You find yourself a BG then pay for her to leave the bar for good and take her home and clean her up. You then take her out and by her ridiculously looking clothes that look odd, out of place and uncomfortable but in your mind make her look hiso. You then clue her up what to say to your friends and family where you met.

I meet you in restaurant OK?

You went to university OK?

Your family rich and half Chinese OK?

Once you have brain washed her and deluded yourself come back and join in the threads where "countless others" will claim their misses is not a BG but a gift from god that only us less mortals could dream about.

Got as far as this and had to say:

QFT

Will carry on reading now lol

[jdinasia]

It is always interesting to see what people say once disillusionment has set in.

[happyrobert]

Depends on your definition of "normal women?"

Do you speak Thai? Makes all the difference in the world. Or at least in Thailand.

Okay, bad advice from 11 days ago. Forget it. Speaking Thai won't help.

Where: Restaurant in Chiang Mai

When: Last night

Who: Unknown foreigner who spoke pretty good Thai and Thai female who spoke a little English, apparently on their first date.

How did it go?

Something like this (both speaking Thai):

Girl: "Sorry. I itch." (vigorously scratching her forearm)

Guy: "Uh...." (same in English)

Girl: "All the time."

Guy: "Uh...(looking uncomfortable) why do you think?"

Girl: "I don't know, maybe when I'm nervous."

Guy: "Sounds like... (screws up face trying to think of the word in Thai and switches to English) "hives"."

Girl: "What's that?"

Guy: (back to Thai) "Sometimes people have red rash when they have stress. In English, it's called hives."

Girl: "How do you say in Thai?"

Guy: "Uhm, I don't know."

Girl: "How do you spell in English? I can look up when I am home."

Guy: "H-I-V --"

Girl: (speaking both in Thai and English) No, no no, I don't have..."

Guy: (somewhat shocked at the new level of vocalization from quiet girl) "No, no! H-I-V ---"

Girl: "No, no, not HIV. You are very rude man."

Everyone looking. She turns red. He turns red. He tries to talk to her in Thai. She leaves quickly. He sits with face in hands. Food comes. Entertainment portion of the evening over, I eat alone. So does he.

[AndyPooots]

Depends on your definition of "normal women?"

Do you speak Thai? Makes all the difference in the world. Or at least in Thailand.

Okay, bad advice from 11 days ago. Forget it. Speaking Thai won't help.

Where: Restaurant in Chiang Mai

When: Last night

Who: Unknown foreigner who spoke pretty good Thai and Thai female who spoke a little English, apparently on their first date.

How did it go?

Something like this (both speaking Thai):

Girl: "Sorry. I itch." (vigorously scratching her forearm)

Guy: "Uh...." (same in English)

Girl: "All the time."

Guy: "Uh...(looking uncomfortable) why do you think?"

Girl: "I don't know, maybe when I'm nervous."

Guy: "Sounds like... (screws up face trying to think of the word in Thai and switches to English) "hives"."

Girl: "What's that?"

Guy: (back to Thai) "Sometimes people have red rash when they have stress. In English, it's called hives."

Girl: "How do you say in Thai?"

Guy: "Uhm, I don't know."

Girl: "How do you spell in English? I can look up when I am home."

Guy: "H-I-V --"

Girl: (speaking both in Thai and English) No, no no, I don't have..."

Guy: (somewhat shocked at the new level of vocalization from quiet girl) "No, no! H-I-V ---"

Girl: "No, no, not HIV. You are very rude man."

Everyone looking. She turns red. He turns red. He tries to talk to her in Thai. She leaves quickly. He sits with face in hands. Food comes. Entertainment portion of the evening over, I eat alone. So does he.

LOL brilliant

[jfchandler]

Believe it or not, there are mixed couples here who manage to have reasonably normal domestic relationships, remarkably similar to what one would find if they were living back in their home country...

Except, we're living here in Thailand, her native language is Thai, mine is English, and she believes in ghosts but I don't... Other than that, pretty much same same as elsewhere. :jap: