Pattaya Is The Gayest Place On The Planet

[PattayaOneTeam]

The Globe's Gayest Destination

By James Barnes

Lindsay Lohan. Sex. Star Trek. Conspiracy theory. Britney Spears. Wikipedia. The connection? All these words are included in the most popular Internet searches. Global Googlers united by the disparate. As Pattaya One is available on various online portals, these words will now shine out of the tag clouds and millions of unsuspecting netizens will be delivered, digitally direct to this column. But why? It is not the megalomaniacal fancy of an egotistical hack. Ok. A bit. But there is a message that needs to be so broadcast.

The world lurches from crisis to calamity with the ever-present threat of catastrophe. From slowdown to recession with the risk of depression and the menace of meltdown. Hurricanes and floods, volcanoes and mudslides, snowstorms and droughts intimidate by turn. Despots and crackpots vie for airtime on the rolling news, sensationally soaking the senses of those who view in their masses, safe in the knowledge that they are not suffering from paranoia. Someone or something is out to get them. They just do not know who or what.

Right now, it is 'Pattaya: One Rainbow' that is stalking them. Lured by Lindsay Lohan, Sex, Star Trek, Conspiracy theory, Britney Spears and Wikipedia (double-bubble- yahoo!) through the trusted sieve of search engines, the digital cogs have turned out an unexpected result in inconceivably short nanofractions of time. The news? The good news? The news that will have the news buds quivering with sated fulfilment and fevered satisfaction?

Pattaya is the gayest place on the planet. The globe's gayest destination. It may not be official, but it is patently obvious. To our hordes of new readers (welcome) who may suspect that this is disingenuous, there is but one answer. Get clicking and tapping on the interweb and get your posterior over here- quick smart! Do not dither, dally or dilly. Wherever you are, it cannot, cannot, cannot be gayer than here. Book your flight and Feb will be fab. Ab fab in fact, sweetie. You may find it so fab that you will never want to leave.

In the deserts of Sudan and the gardens of Japan, from Milan to Yucatan, in the wilds of Borneo and the vineyards of Bordeaux, in the dock of Tiger Bay, on the road to Mandalay, from Bombay to Santa Fé you'll find a bit of gay, but in Pattaya , you've got to say, it's in your face, everyday. Yes, more rhythm sticks than you can, well, shake a rhythm stick at. Thanks Mr Drury. Don't you bother with San Francisco, even with those flowers in your hair, come to gay Pattaya, there's gentler people there. Ta muchly, Scott.

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-- Pattaya One 2011-02-11