Letter Of Divorce

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hel_l. Your boss called to tell me that you had

quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home

and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your

favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in

two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving

away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that

you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a

far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown

out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when

you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to

mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say

anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite

meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I

stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you

had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed

that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty

dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of

this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I

discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my

job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you

were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the

filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that

you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born

Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As hel_l and Free!