To Share Or Not To Share

[MEGALITHIC]

There's reality and there's nonsense. Let's deal with the nonsense first:

Ninety percent of the guys coming on this site claim that they're in the perfect relationship with a Thai woman and money is never an issue.

Now the reality:

A relationship with an educated, financially self supporting, high income earning (by Thai standards) Thai lady = costs and living expenses can be shared.

A relationship with a lady with a limited education level from a poor background = you pay for just about everything.

Don't come on here and try and convince me that it's not so, because it aint.

That is kinda it, but if the girl was poor id make sure she had some kind of better income.

But anyway its not really about this was more a swipe at the some kind of relationship. We all know the kind i mean. I dont mean everyone that lives together where the wife does not pay a thing.

From what I've read of your posts I'm fairly certain that you wouldn't make the mistake of getting involved with someone who couldn't contribute in the first place. Unless of course it was a paid live in arrangement (p-ssy for rent) and we all know where that leads to. I've made that kind of mistake twice and it will never happen again. And I'm not just talking about the obvious such as a bimbo out of a gogo bar either. I've met a few girls off dating websites who, for all intents and purposes, were good girls with normal office type jobs. The problem was, with all of them, they were still poor. After a couple of dates I'd start hearing about their need to make more money and their resposibility to their families ie; wanting to build a house etc. At the point I would terminate any further contact. Now it may just be that they were genuinely decent gals but unfortunately I'm not interested in providing for anyone else's future except my own.

[snoother]

So, according to thai culture, if both partners earn the same income, the man should take care of rent, bills, education and so on while the lady spews her salary into shoes and spa? I don't understand, isn't it a major case of losing face?

[MEGALITHIC]

So, according to thai culture, if both partners earn the same income, the man should take care of rent, bills, education and so on while the lady spews her salary into shoes and spa? I don't understand, isn't it a major case of losing face?

In a word, yes. That's why one of the "cultures" of Thailand is money. The higher up the ladder you go, the more you need to gain face.

[Moonrakers]

Culture my ass

Some people just want an easy ride and there's plenty of people willing to give them that. It works for both sexes as well, all across the world.

[MEGALITHIC]

Culture my ass

Some people just want an easy ride and there's plenty of people willing to give them that. It works for both sexes as well, all across the world.

No doubt.

[Misterwolf]

So, according to thai culture, if both partners earn the same income, the man should take care of rent, bills, education and so on while the lady spews her salary into shoes and spa? I don't understand, isn't it a major case of losing face?

In a word, yes. That's why one of the "cultures" of Thailand is money. The higher up the ladder you go, the more you need to gain face.

There is no culture of money in the west and somehow its exclusive to Thailand?

You have got to be kidding.

[MEGALITHIC]

So, according to thai culture, if both partners earn the same income, the man should take care of rent, bills, education and so on while the lady spews her salary into shoes and spa? I don't understand, isn't it a major case of losing face?

In a word, yes. That's why one of the "cultures" of Thailand is money. The higher up the ladder you go, the more you need to gain face.

There is no culture of money in the west and somehow its exclusive to Thailand?

You have got to be kidding.

And you're not very bright are you.

Read what I've written before getting your knickers in a twist. I wrote "one of the cultures." And, yes, the western world is a money culture. It's just that we don't pretend that it isn't like other "cultural" places in asia.

[Misterwolf]

So, according to thai culture, if both partners earn the same income, the man should take care of rent, bills, education and so on while the lady spews her salary into shoes and spa? I don't understand, isn't it a major case of losing face?

In a word, yes. That's why one of the "cultures" of Thailand is money. The higher up the ladder you go, the more you need to gain face.

There is no culture of money in the west and somehow its exclusive to Thailand?

You have got to be kidding.

And you're not very bright are you.

Read what I've written before getting your knickers in a twist. I wrote "one of the cultures." And, yes, the western world is a money culture. It's just that we don't pretend that it isn't like other "cultural" places in asia.

And you base your opinion on what exactly oh Mr. Wise One?

[robblok]

There's reality and there's nonsense. Let's deal with the nonsense first:

Ninety percent of the guys coming on this site claim that they're in the perfect relationship with a Thai woman and money is never an issue.

Now the reality:

A relationship with an educated, financially self supporting, high income earning (by Thai standards) Thai lady = costs and living expenses can be shared.

A relationship with a lady with a limited education level from a poor background = you pay for just about everything.

Don't come on here and try and convince me that it's not so, because it aint.

That is kinda it, but if the girl was poor id make sure she had some kind of better income.

But anyway its not really about this was more a swipe at the some kind of relationship. We all know the kind i mean. I dont mean everyone that lives together where the wife does not pay a thing.

From what I've read of your posts I'm fairly certain that you wouldn't make the mistake of getting involved with someone who couldn't contribute in the first place. Unless of course it was a paid live in arrangement (p-ssy for rent) and we all know where that leads to. I've made that kind of mistake twice and it will never happen again. And I'm not just talking about the obvious such as a bimbo out of a gogo bar either. I've met a few girls off dating websites who, for all intents and purposes, were good girls with normal office type jobs. The problem was, with all of them, they were still poor. After a couple of dates I'd start hearing about their need to make more money and their resposibility to their families ie; wanting to build a house etc. At the point I would terminate any further contact. Now it may just be that they were genuinely decent gals but unfortunately I'm not interested in providing for anyone else's future except my own.

I would provide for a girl if she contributed. It all depends how genuine the relationship is. But i would not provide for the whole attached family.

Anyway i would just steer clear of girls who expect me to pay for them. Many guys don't because it means they have to work harder to get a girl and maybe have one that is a lil less attractive.

I make enough money but if the girl is not willing to share part of her money its not going to work.

Like the mod said in Thailand things go 50% / 50% if you get a divorce (based on income and expenses during the marriage not what you had b4). So even the law here factors in the income of the female. That kinda contradicts what some posters say here that the man has to provide and so on. The law is of course based on culture and what is considered normal.

That kinda blows Kerry's culture argument out of the water.

Ok off for a day of fishing.

[rick75]

We now live in Australia and play by Australian rules, we both contribute our wages to the household whether it be food or the mortgage, we are in an even relationship, I understand she sends home a little money to support Her parents and the rest is split, I think She takes pride in the fact She contributes to our expenses. She loves the fact She can go to work for 1 day here and earn as much as she did in a month in Thailand.

For those that think you are married to a Thai and should play by there rules, does that mean I have to turn into alcoholic womaniser, slutting around gogo bars every other weekend.

I think my wife is happy to have Me, money or no money.

[Forethat]

The key point here is that the Thai female will keep our children if/when we divorce.

The way this is written sounds like this some sort of rule. It isn't.

[kerryk]

I have an open honest relation she actually read these posts of you. But its not fear that makes her stay with me. (who was that again about personal attacks your making them too and hiding them in remarks, im Dutch we are blunt and attack in the open).

I would move on for sure if a girl would not share in the cost of a household. That means she is not committed and would only live on me. As i said before if i were a pensioner and not working then i would not find it strange if he paid her to stay home too. Same with kids.

You don't seem to grasp that a should is a unity where both contribute. You seem convinced you just have to pay it alone. For me in a household you share money, good times, bad times. If you dont even share money there is a good chance she will be gone the moment you cant pay for something anymore.

So many of these things come down to semantics. You said share, I said she is paying you.

The reason I said she is paying you, is in most traditional Thai households the male pays for the expenses.

The reason you said share is your Western indoctrination, and that in the West since WWII both husband and wife have worked to keep the same lifestyle that grandpa had.

You are basing your reasoning on your belief that Thai women are the same as women in the West.

I don't find that to be the case.

I believe I am correct in stating that you think my lady will leave if I stop paying 100% of the household expenses and I am saying your lady will leave when she finds someone who will pay 100% of the expenses.

You believe your spouse is demonstrating her commitment by sharing expenses. I would not interpret it that way. I think she is sharing expenses because you are young and handsome and she is afraid you will leave her if she does not share expenses and you have told her as much.

[rick75]

Kerry I think its You that has been indoctrinated, you have spent time around to many woman who are with you for money, like another poster above has said, His Mother said She wished she had worked, it gives the Lady a sense of independence, She does not have to come cap in hand every week for Her allowance/ housekeeping money.

My Wife has independence and I am happy for Her to work, the fact that it helps Us out financially is a bonus, some guys may not feel happy with there partner having choices in life, I think its great. We never have to have those awkward conversations about "can I have some money to send to my parents".

If we were in Thailand I am not sure I would be happy for my wife to work for 10,000 bht a month but Here in Australia She can earn that in a day.

[meom]

All things considered, it is right and proper that your wives should always pay at least 50% of expenses.

My wife dont work, should I consider a divorce ?

Love is priceless

If you have to worry about petty things like sharing expenses you're better off getting divorced.

[PattayaParent]

When my missus worked the money she earned was for herself but it could in no way be described as a decent salary.

If she earned a decent salary she would contribute to the expenses because I would stop work.

[kerryk]

Kerry I think its You that has been indoctrinated, you have spent time around to many woman who are with you for money, like another poster above has said, His Mother said She wished she had worked, it gives the Lady a sense of independence, She does not have to come cap in hand every week for Her allowance/ housekeeping money.

My Wife has independence and I am happy for Her to work, the fact that it helps Us out financially is a bonus, some guys may not feel happy with there partner having choices in life, I think its great. We never have to have those awkward conversations about "can I have some money to send to my parents".

If we were in Thailand I am not sure I would be happy for my wife to work for 10,000 bht a month but Here in Australia She can earn that in a day.

I don't know what you are on about. It would be easier if you quoted something I wrote.

[andrewbkk]

Love is priceless

Wrong. Love here in Thailand has a value. And there is a big difference between value and price.

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A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

Oscar Wilde

Edited September 28, 2011 by andrewbkk

[Kananga]

Love is priceless

Wrong. Love here in Thailand has a value. And there is a big difference between value and price.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

Oscar Wilde

It's a shame you have that opinion. It certainly isn't the case in my relationship. From what I have read on this forum I understand your wife left you and it was a painful experience. While that is indeed a sad thing to see it doesn't give you the right or make you correct when you generalise an entire nation.

[Misterwolf]

So i should make my mates aware here in Sydney married to falang women that dont work that they are in fact living the 'Thai culture' life and being un australian.

They should change yeah?

[thaihome]

I think this thread has pointed out more about people’s difference in what they think a marriage is all about. Many seem to hold the opinion that when married there is still a mine and yours as far as income and assets. To me that shows a selfishness that I don’t think helps towards making a successful relationship.

In all three of my marriages , the income, regardless of source, was deposited in a joint bank account and all payments were made from that. Spending, regardless of what or on who, was based on a joint decision dictated by the balance in the joint accounts. The amount contributed [or not] by either party to the partnership was never a factor in any spending discussion. After all, we are in this together.

The only cultural issue I can see coming out of the thread discussion seems to highlight how selfish and narcissistic many people are, particularly in regards to their relationships.

TH

[kerryk]

I think this thread has pointed out more about people’s difference in what they think a marriage is all about. Many seem to hold the opinion that when married there is still a mine and yours as far as income and assets. To me that shows a selfishness that I don’t think helps towards making a successful relationship.

In all three of my marriages , the income, regardless of source, was deposited in a joint bank account and all payments were made from that. Spending, regardless of what or on who, was based on a joint decision dictated by the balance in the joint accounts. The amount contributed [or not] by either party to the partnership was never a factor in any spending discussion. After all, we are in this together.

The only cultural issue I can see coming out of the thread discussion seems to highlight how selfish and narcissistic many people are, particularly in regards to their relationships.

TH

There has been a cultural issue mentioned a number of times but it has either been ignored or denied.

Traditional Thai men with a more than subsistence income pay the household bills.

The joint account is a moot point most times as Thai women normally handle the family finances and are in control of all the accounts.

This behavior has conditioned Thai women to expect to be taken care of when they marry more so that modern Western women.

In Bangkok there are exceptions but they become fewer as one moves outside of town.

Before WWII when the West was more agricultural the same thing applied there. Women didn't work outside the home and the male paid all the bills.

Thailand lags the West in industrial development by 70 years and the values are appropriate the that time line. Nothing magic about it Thai values are more rural because Thai society is more rural.

[F1fanatic]

I think this thread has pointed out more about people's difference in what they think a marriage is all about. Many seem to hold the opinion that when married there is still a mine and yours as far as income and assets. To me that shows a selfishness that I don't think helps towards making a successful relationship.

In all three of my marriages , the income, regardless of source, was deposited in a joint bank account and all payments were made from that. Spending, regardless of what or on who, was based on a joint decision dictated by the balance in the joint accounts. The amount contributed [or not] by either party to the partnership was never a factor in any spending discussion. After all, we are in this together.

The only cultural issue I can see coming out of the thread discussion seems to highlight how selfish and narcissistic many people are, particularly in regards to their relationships.

TH

I've only been married once, but I agree. Either you trust them or you don't....

A joint bank account is the only way to go if the marriage is a genuine 'love match'.

[StreetCowboy]

...Let me ask you a simple question. When was the last time a millionaire took an active interest in your wife.

And no -- I'm not talking about one of these silly "millionaires" here on TV who talk about their expenses.

I'm talking about a genuine ex-pat millionaire who lives in a virtual palace and yet pays zero rent. A millionaire who swans around BKK in a chauffeur-driven Lexus. A millionaire who wined and dined my son's mother at BBK's top restaurants and then marked everything down as a reclaimable expense. A millionaire who was voted Thailand's "Football Coach of the Year".

Thing is ........ she never took a penny. He offered her everything. And that included a new Mazda. But she refused.

I have no qualms about the fact that most posters here on TV are complete and utter losers. But I do wish that people would know their place.

If you want to comment on me and my recent history ............ ask yourselves two simple questions.

1. Would Thailand's highest paid foreigner ever take an interest in your wife?

2. And if he did -- and if he offered her everything -- would she say yes or no? Put another way, is she a good girl or a slut?

You guys can say what you want. But you will NEVER be able to criticize my son's mother. Sure, she made a mistake. But she's a million miles away from the greedy, uneducated Isaan scum that most foreigners pair off with.

I always feel one weakens one's case by being abusive.

It makes us look ignorant and ill-educated, and people often forget that the ignorant and ill-educated may also have valid points to make.

I think it does not behove us to view things in black and white, either. Even in the monochrome world of shades of grey, every man has his price, and presumably, ladies too.

I am not particularly motivated by money, but I will probably be changing jobs because the difference in salary is quite difficult to decline.

... EDIT: Personal information deleted

SC

Edited September 28, 2011 by StreetCowboy

[Kananga]

So how come you guys aren't together anymore?

Call me itchy, but this is the kind of question that really deserves to get the following answer:

- "None of your <deleted> business"

If someone is happy to publish aspects of their personal life on a public web forum it is only to be expected that they get questioned on it. So scratch that ichy man.

[Forethat]

I needed to go to places that the Football Manager had never visited.

I guess you didn't mean Starbucks at All Seasons Place...

[metisdead]

Inflammatory posts as well post containing derogatory comments and bickering posts have been removed.