Thai Funerals, Bizzarre !

[rebbu]

I've never encountered these wake style funerals outside of the North and Isan - puts a whole new spin on the term 'Rice-Paddy' (the parallels are astounding : I'm currently teaching in an Isan school to while away the flooding and its like being in an Oriental version of Father Ted).

Sorry for pointing out the obvious but the vibe and events that occur during the funeral depend on the hosts and the guests who attend.

I personally think that they're a bloody good idea.

What paralells might that be?

[tutsiwarrior]

when my wife's grandmother died there were a load of folks camped out at the function area at the wat in front of the coffin for the wake for three days and played cards and had a party until the cremation, loadsa food prepared in the attached kitchen...I went to pay my respects and was introduced to a local tesseban official who was a family friend and there were some beers going...I had missed the monks chanting but at that point they don't pay too much attention to falangs anyway...if there was an expense involved I don't remember it as being a significant one; the old lady got a good sending off celebration and I hope that I get the same...

[terryq]

When the wife's mother died, quite a few years ago now, a sala at the local wat was used for the coffin on show for 7 days, that rules out any problems with "visitors" to your house. Wife was there for the whole 7 days twenty four hours a day, meeting and greeting friends and family making sure food and drink, soft drinks and a little beer, were available. The beer was mainly for me and another Brit. She also made sure that the donation envelopes were collected and recorded.

9 monks did the prayer chanting morning and evening plus food was provided for them each day in the morning.

Some cards were played, police would not bust card players at a funeral (don't know it its the same now). Music and tv on but muted by Thai standards, no rowdyism.

Not altogether downbeat, because if the person was considered to have lead a good life then her reincarnation would be higher up the scale, of course if bad lower.

As an aside that's why politicians don't stamp on cockroaches, it might be a former colleague.

On the day of cremation more sombre and quite moving.

As far as cost, yes we paid but actually made a small profit from the donation envelopes, which was donated to the wat.

Have attended several other funerals over the years, Thai and Foreigner, never seen such over the top behaviour as in the OP, but as pointed out previously depends on the guests and host, not specifically which part of the country or so-called class they come from.

Edited November 23, 2011 by terryq

[jackinbkk]

so they needed money ( yeah from my wife and me ) for bus fares and food etc, i couldnt begrudge my wife from giving them this money after all what she had been through and didnt want to give her any more grief but if i had my way i would of told them to p*** off !!

They love this. Asking the Thai wife for some of the farangs money. My girlfriends friends try this crap all the time. That or can they borrow some money. It'll be paid back. It never is.

I find with Isaan people, any excuse for drinking is a valid one. Gambling is a national affliction.

Edited November 25, 2011 by jackinbkk

[Finlaco]

I find with Isaan people, any excuse for drinking is a valid one. Gambling is a national affliction.

As in any country it depends on the education. More accurate to say 'I find with poor,poorly educated Isaan' as opposed to 'Isaan people'. Sounds like u married a 'quality' girl.

[Mosha]

The police grant a temporary license if you apply from what I can make out. A local policeman's mother died recently. He didn't want gambling and that wake was very poorly attended. His colleagues said he was a fool. There again it's them that run the entertainment here.

[ludditeman]

If you had found an excuse to not come to Thailand for the funeral (boss won't give you time off)

The scroungers wouldn't have seen you as an easy mark.

Sadly some family gatherings for Thais plus foreigner are a disaster.

Usually due to the greed of some of the attending Thais.

Edited November 26, 2011 by ludditeman

[villagefarang]

The OP was giving an example of what could happen not necessarily what will happen. Our village seems to be funeral central at times. We had six in as many weeks recently.

As a foreigner, unless you are into drinking, gambling or helping with the cooking, cleaning up or killing of animals there really isn’t much reason to attend anything aside from the nightly monk chanting, the procession and the cremation.

I have witnessed the passing of all four grandparents, the father, the younger brother, aunts and uncles. Except for making a respectful appearance if circumstances require it, my wife would never expect or allow me to be inconvenienced by these multi day events.

[Tomissan]

So sorry for the OP's inconvenience. Not a mention of his wife's father...you appear to be a very selfish person, "my t.v, dvd, money, etc." Take your own advise and stay living where you are since Thai culture doesn't suit you at all.

The father of my wife died last year and the funeral lasted seven days. On the last day there was a parade to the Wat where he was cremated.

At the funeral there was alcohol and tons of people, family & friends, all helping with cooking, etc. There were loud speakers & live music (Mualam) with no one getting out of hand at any time...I knew my father-in-law for more than twenty years and he rarely spoke. He worked hard everyday in and around the rice fields and he will be missed by many..

[onionluke]

I like the big gongs .

[davyboy]

You're not finished yet OP, there's the 100 day ceremony and celebration party still to come! to Thailand!

[scorpio]

So sorry for the OP's inconvenience. Not a mention of his wife's father...you appear to be a very selfish person, "my t.v, dvd, money, etc." Take your own advise and stay living where you are since Thai culture doesn't suit you at all.

The father of my wife died last year and the funeral lasted seven days. On the last day there was a parade to the Wat where he was cremated.

At the funeral there was alcohol and tons of people, family & friends, all helping with cooking, etc. There were loud speakers & live music (Mualam) with no one getting out of hand at any time...I knew my father-in-law for more than twenty years and he rarely spoke. He worked hard everyday in and around the rice fields and he will be missed by many..

[scorpio]

So sorry for the OP's inconvenience. Not a mention of his wife's father...you appear to be a very selfish person, "my t.v, dvd, money, etc." Take your own advise and stay living where you are since Thai culture doesn't suit you at all.

The father of my wife died last year and the funeral lasted seven days. On the last day there was a parade to the Wat where he was cremated.

At the funeral there was alcohol and tons of people, family & friends, all helping with cooking, etc. There were loud speakers & live music (Mualam) with no one getting out of hand at any time...I knew my father-in-law for more than twenty years and he rarely spoke. He worked hard everyday in and around the rice fields and he will be missed by many..

q

What are you on? I'm a very selfish person? Maybe I'm just not a bufallo!!! Don't have a clue what your on about ' my TV, DVD, money etc ' please explain yourself since you know so much about isaan culture, I'm waiting.

[Tomissan]

So sorry for the OP's inconvenience. Not a mention of his wife's father...you appear to be a very selfish person, "my t.v, dvd, money, etc." Take your own advise and stay living where you are since Thai culture doesn't suit you at all.

The father of my wife died last year and the funeral lasted seven days. On the last day there was a parade to the Wat where he was cremated.

At the funeral there was alcohol and tons of people, family & friends, all helping with cooking, etc. There were loud speakers & live music (Mualam) with no one getting out of hand at any time...I knew my father-in-law for more than twenty years and he rarely spoke. He worked hard everyday in and around the rice fields and he will be missed by many..

q

What are you on? I'm a very selfish person? Maybe I'm just not a bufallo!!! Don't have a clue what your on about ' my TV, DVD, money etc ' please explain yourself since you know so much about isaan culture, I'm waiting.

Explain myself to someone who "doesn't have a clue" ? This forum is getting worse by the day with "clueless", selfish and insensitive people. oh, forgot to include 'crybabies' with hair triggers. It appears you're incapable of any basic understandings of Thai culture so 'keep waiting' and complaining. You come on to a world wide forum and cry about a couple days of inconvenience and a few quid to "inform others"

[tartempion]

Funeral traditions vary from region to region and can vary fairly widely, so lets not use that catchall phrase "Thailand".

What the OP describes happens every week here in the village 40 klicks east from Udon Thani, I guess not just in this village

Expensive funerals and free partying for the village inhabitants.

It's called "culture"

I often wonder "who pays the bill", most villagers don't have any cash on hand, but funeral/marriage/monk party "must have".

Every week I hear about someone who lost a sensible amount by gambling.

Just were offered to buy 1 rai of land in the village, family needing cash money.

Yep, "culture" as usual.

Edited November 27, 2011 by tartempion

[drdaveperry]

Everyone knows the old adage: If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck and you expect it to moo like a cow then you will be greatly disappointed. Expect certain Social, Educational and Economic factors to play a major part in any human behavior.

[prakhonchai nick]

Funeral traditions vary from region to region and can vary fairly widely, so lets not use that catchall phrase "Thailand".

What the OP describes happens every week here in the village 40 klicks east from Udon Thani, I guess not just in this village

Expensive funerals and free partying for the village inhabitants.

It's called "culture"

I often wonder "who pays the bill", most villagers don't have any cash on hand, but funeral/marriage/monk party "must have".

Every week I hear about someone who lost a sensible amount by gambling.

Just were offered to buy 1 rai of land in the village, family needing cash money.

Yep, "culture" as usual.

If it's culture, as you suggest, then let them bloody pay for it!

[ti125097]

SCorpio Tx for sharing. I love your story . I think you did pretty good. You are a hero in the family :jap: . The world needs hero's . Where in live or the world would you get such an experience? . I think you can smile about the whole thing looking back at this.

Have fun

[cardholder]

So sorry for the OP's inconvenience. Not a mention of his wife's father...you appear to be a very selfish person, "my t.v, dvd, money, etc." Take your own advise and stay living where you are since Thai culture doesn't suit you at all.

The father of my wife died last year and the funeral lasted seven days. On the last day there was a parade to the Wat where he was cremated.

At the funeral there was alcohol and tons of people, family & friends, all helping with cooking, etc. There were loud speakers & live music (Mualam) with no one getting out of hand at any time...I knew my father-in-law for more than twenty years and he rarely spoke. He worked hard everyday in and around the rice fields and he will be missed by many..

Yet another contradiction of this wonderful Thai culture.

i understood that alcohol was no longer permitted in the wats at funerals.

Seems like the drunken bums in your neck of the woods have found a way round their 'culture'.

[MEGALITHIC]

so they needed money ( yeah from my wife and me ) for bus fares and food etc, i couldnt begrudge my wife from giving them this money after all what she had been through and didnt want to give her any more grief but if i had my way i would of told them to p*** off !!

They love this. Asking the Thai wife for some of the farangs money. My girlfriends friends try this crap all the time. That or can they borrow some money. It'll be paid back. It never is.

I find with Isaan people, any excuse for drinking is a valid one. Gambling is a national affliction.

Something about the nail on the head?

One would wonder how much partying/wasting money may have been done if the white walking ATM hadn't shown up?

I'd like to thank the OP though for sharing this experience with us. It just reinforces the idea that I'll never, as long as my two feet are planted on this planet, have a relationship/get married to some poor village girl from the North East of Thailand. Aside from the fact that they seem to have a completely different take on the concepts of integrity and honesty, than the average farang - and let's call a spade a spade here, why didn't his wife mention their needs for travelling expenses/food money prior to the OP leaving his home country? Answer is obvious, yes? - they also seem completely focused on satisfying their own selfish needs/desires at the expense of others.

I was out on walking street last night and it's never been more obvious. Farangs who are lonely, desperate, sex starved, delusional, walking around holding hands with some little dark skinned, diminutive girl from the North East, with looks on their faces as though they've found the love of their lives. I suppose beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but the only thing I see in the eyes of those girls is lies and deception. Sorry, but that's what it is. They're all looking for someone to foot the bill; to provide for them, and their families back in the village, so they can carry on with their own selfish agendas.

[prakhonchai nick]

so they needed money ( yeah from my wife and me ) for bus fares and food etc, i couldnt begrudge my wife from giving them this money after all what she had been through and didnt want to give her any more grief but if i had my way i would of told them to p*** off !!

They love this. Asking the Thai wife for some of the farangs money. My girlfriends friends try this crap all the time. That or can they borrow some money. It'll be paid back. It never is.

I find with Isaan people, any excuse for drinking is a valid one. Gambling is a national affliction.

Something about the nail on the head?

One would wonder how much partying/wasting money may have been done if the white walking ATM hadn't shown up?

I'd like to thank the OP though for sharing this experience with us. It just reinforces the idea that I'll never, as long as my two feet are planted on this planet, have a relationship/get married to some poor village girl from the North East of Thailand. Aside from the fact that they seem to have a completely different take on the concepts of integrity and honesty, than the average farang - and let's call a spade a spade here, why didn't his wife mention their needs for travelling expenses/food money prior to the OP leaving his home country? Answer is obvious, yes? - they also seem completely focused on satisfying their own selfish needs/desires at the expense of others.

I was out on walking street last night and it's never been more obvious. Farangs who are lonely, desperate, sex starved, delusional, walking around holding hands with some little dark skinned, diminutive girl from the North East, with looks on their faces as though they've found the love of their lives. I suppose beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but the only thing I see in the eyes of those girls is lies and deception. Sorry, but that's what it is. They're all looking for someone to foot the bill; to provide for them, and their families back in the village, so they can carry on with their own selfish agendas.

Thankfully, there are exceptions!

[cardholder]

so they needed money ( yeah from my wife and me ) for bus fares and food etc, i couldnt begrudge my wife from giving them this money after all what she had been through and didnt want to give her any more grief but if i had my way i would of told them to p*** off !!

They love this. Asking the Thai wife for some of the farangs money. My girlfriends friends try this crap all the time. That or can they borrow some money. It'll be paid back. It never is.

I find with Isaan people, any excuse for drinking is a valid one. Gambling is a national affliction.

Something about the nail on the head?

One would wonder how much partying/wasting money may have been done if the white walking ATM hadn't shown up?

I'd like to thank the OP though for sharing this experience with us. It just reinforces the idea that I'll never, as long as my two feet are planted on this planet, have a relationship/get married to some poor village girl from the North East of Thailand. Aside from the fact that they seem to have a completely different take on the concepts of integrity and honesty, than the average farang - and let's call a spade a spade here, why didn't his wife mention their needs for travelling expenses/food money prior to the OP leaving his home country? Answer is obvious, yes? - they also seem completely focused on satisfying their own selfish needs/desires at the expense of others.

I was out on walking street last night and it's never been more obvious. Farangs who are lonely, desperate, sex starved, delusional, walking around holding hands with some little dark skinned, diminutive girl from the North East, with looks on their faces as though they've found the love of their lives. I suppose beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but the only thing I see in the eyes of those girls is lies and deception. Sorry, but that's what it is. They're all looking for someone to foot the bill; to provide for them, and their families back in the village, so they can carry on with their own selfish agendas.

Indeed - and in my case it is costing me a fraction of what it cost me in the UK. Actually, i am no longer sex-starved and delusional - I am enjoying the best sex of my life and my money is going further than it ever did

[Garry]

My sympathies Scorpio.

Same here with the village fund. We had five die at various times in the past three weeks. So the household (7 persons) had to pay up everytime. We have insurance as well. Hopefully it'll be long time before it's required.

Well it's a Thai funeral, hardly going to be like a western one. Having such things as film screens or singers/dancers is a Thai thing.

I have attended many funerals of family and friends over the past 20 years and have never experienced such huge amounts of bad behaviour - sure there are drunks at times; haven't you ever had someone getting pissed at a western funeral? And my house has never been invaded by unruly kids or adults, whether funerals, weddings or whatever.

When money was loaned for expenses it was always paid back - funeral costs not covered by the village savings fund or insurance were shared by family.

[tartempion]

One would wonder how much partying/wasting money may have been done if the white walking ATM hadn't shown up?

I'd like to thank the OP though for sharing this experience with us. It just reinforces the idea that I'll never, as long as my two feet are planted on this planet, have a relationship/get married to some poor village girl from the North East of Thailand.

<other blablabla snipped

As I mentioned earlier I see these parties every week.

I am the only farang in the village, I don't attend these parties neither.

A few times/year my wife needs to attend, thus I know "the stories"

Thus no farang to pay for the parties here, the family organizing does take responsibility.

Yep, better marry the rich general's daughter

[scorpio]

So sorry for the OP's inconvenience. Not a mention of his wife's father...you appear to be a very selfish person, "my t.v, dvd, money, etc." Take your own advise and stay living where you are since Thai culture doesn't suit you at all.

The father of my wife died last year and the funeral lasted seven days. On the last day there was a parade to the Wat where he was cremated.

At the funeral there was alcohol and tons of people, family & friends, all helping with cooking, etc. There were loud speakers & live music (Mualam) with no one getting out of hand at any time...I knew my father-in-law for more than twenty years and he rarely spoke. He worked hard everyday in and around the rice fields and he will be missed by many..

q

What are you on? I'm a very selfish person? Maybe I'm just not a bufallo!!! Don't have a clue what your on about ' my TV, DVD, money etc ' please explain yourself since you know so much about isaan culture, I'm waiting.

Explain myself to someone who "doesn't have a clue" ? This forum is getting worse by the day with "clueless", selfish and insensitive people. oh, forgot to include 'crybabies' with hair triggers. It appears you're incapable of any basic understandings of Thai culture so 'keep waiting' and complaining. You come on to a world wide forum and cry about a couple days of inconvenience and a few quid to "inform others"

[scorpio]

Tomisaan, the post was to give people an understanding of what its like to go through this, just my expirience, I'm not saying for one minute all Thai funerals are like this, its you who is spitting the dummy, some negitive are****les on here, you sem to be angry with life, go take your anger out in the ring like I do and be a man instead of slagging people off behind a computer screen :-)

[billd766]

I live in the central region 65 km southwest of Khampaeng Phet and we seem to be a bit luckier over this side as less people seem to die or perhaps the population is less, I have no idea.

I suppose that I have been to about 3 funerals this year and put money in the envelope to help defray the expenses.

My wife has been to more as she knows more people and is also in demand as she is a good cook.

It is the Thai way of life (death) to carry on this way but I haven't seen anybody gambling at the wat though during the nights previous at the house it certainly went on. i generally ask my wife how much to put in the envelope and it depends on how well we know the family.

When I die I hope to go out the same way and my wife tells me that I will but if I am dead I will never know. my usual response is that my body may be dead but my spirit won't be far away and if I see you getting remarried quickly I will visit you in the wee small hours of the morning.

I have also told our 7 year old son that when Daddy dies, only his fat old body is cremated but Daddies spirit will always be with you and watching over you.

In the west you may have a funeral service in a church you have never been to, read by a priest who has never met you then back to the house for a nice ham salad tea and the telling of a story or two then everybody goes home until the next one.

I will go out the Thai way thank you very much.

[prakhonchai nick]

I live in the central region 65 km southwest of Khampaeng Phet and we seem to be a bit luckier over this side as less people seem to die or perhaps the population is less, I have no idea.

I suppose that I have been to about 3 funerals this year and put money in the envelope to help defray the expenses.

My wife has been to more as she knows more people and is also in demand as she is a good cook.

It is the Thai way of life (death) to carry on this way but I haven't seen anybody gambling at the wat though during the nights previous at the house it certainly went on. i generally ask my wife how much to put in the envelope and it depends on how well we know the family.

When I die I hope to go out the same way and my wife tells me that I will but if I am dead I will never know. my usual response is that my body may be dead but my spirit won't be far away and if I see you getting remarried quickly I will visit you in the wee small hours of the morning.

I have also told our 7 year old son that when Daddy dies, only his fat old body is cremated but Daddies spirit will always be with you and watching over you.

In the west you may have a funeral service in a church you have never been to, read by a priest who has never met you then back to the house for a nice ham salad tea and the telling of a story or two then everybody goes home until the next one.

I will go out the Thai way thank you very much.

Dead is dead.

I'd rather enjoy the music, the beer the food and the dancing girls before I pass on!

And I doubt the monks that are ordered in for a Thai cremation, (often from far afield "for show") will have ever met the deceased either. And as for the "mourners' (read those who only come for the free food and alcohol i.e balloon chasers!), how many of those will have actually spoken with the deceased during the last 10 years?

[AbeSurd]

Thanks for posting, I for one had no idea that funerals could degenerate to the extent that you said. If you have educated no one else you have educated me. I'll be making a point of asking the question re insurance, once again I had no idea about how that works here in Thailand.

Yes, thanks to the OP from me too. Very interesting description of the funeral.

It would be great if the OP could confirm where in Thailand the funeral was held.

[Banzai99]

You know when there's a load of old people on a Forum, they have an obsession with death and funerals.